


Complete and Utter Ignorance - by theChaplinfangirl

by SissolxJeffC4ever



Category: 19th Century CE RPFs, Actors RPFs, Classical Music Composers RPFs
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-05-28 07:51:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 105
Words: 108,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15044195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SissolxJeffC4ever/pseuds/SissolxJeffC4ever
Summary: Get actor Stephen Fry, novelist Oscar Wilde, screenwriter Gracey Sissol aka theChaplinfangirl, and composer Richard Wagner in one century and wacky hijinks ensue. Read if you want your brain cells to decline a bit ^^ because this is going to get HILARIOUS.





	1. Wagner and Me(Stephen Fry/Gracey Sissol Collaboration)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I swear, this was written because I was bored and had no idea what to draw for my Fry and Davies comic.

[Gracey Sissol’s place in Norwich, Norfolk, UK. Stephen is visiting, for some reason, and somehow small-talk began to go into a music appreciation line.] 

Stephen: So tell me, you have any favorite music composers? 

Me: Wha? 

Me: You may or may not like them as well. Ummm… ask Jeffrey and Jonathan, or maybe Sissol McGivers. 

Stephen(not giving up): I’m asking you. 

Me: Fine — Dimitri Shostakovich and Igor Stravinsky. There you have it! 

[Richard Wagner appears out of thin air.] 

Richard: And me? 

Me: You have Stephen. 

Stephen(seeing Richard): <3 <3 <3 

Richard: Urgh, Jewish people. 

Stephen: Now that’s not nice. :,-( 

Me: That’s why. 

Richard: Wha? 

Me: Not to you. 

Me(to Stephen): That’s one of the reasons he never really rubbed it into me. Another reason is that his music is WAY too passionate! 

Stephen(shouting): PASSION IS AWESOME! 

Richard(to me): I may change my mind… who knows? 

o-o-o 

[Noon.] 

Me(half mock-whining): Please, someone make luuuunnnch… 

Stephen: Oh for Judah’s sake you’re annoying, Darla. 

Me: It’s ‘Gracey' to you! 

Richard(to Stephen): You’re too right. 

Stephen(to me): How ‘bout you make lunch? 

Me: Of course, Jeeves. 

Richard: Says the one who only sees him as Peter Kingdom. 

Me: Rich! 

[Stephen and Richard cackles as I go to the kitchen to see if I can whip something up for us.] 

[Meanwhile, while I’m gone…] 

Richard: Hey, you know what, I’ve heard she has a small theatre in here as well. 

Stephen: Awesome! 

Richard: We have to go and see. 

[They leave the study, where they were pondering and chatting over music as enthusiastically as possible.] 

[Theatre of Gracey Sissol’s mansion.] 

Richard(stunned): Wow… 

Stephen: She’s been watchin’ Wagner and Me often so she designed it in a similar way. Thanks to me. :-) 

Richard: You made a film about me? That’s creepy. 

Stephen: Nooooo, that’s called ‘fan-appreciation’. 

Richard: That’s called ‘creepy fan-appreciation which I may or may not approve. 

Stephen: Oh of course you do. 

Richard(glaring at him by this point): Oh no I do not. 

[Back in the kitchen.] 

Me: OK, let’s see if they actually like puttanesca… 

o.O.o 

End first chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here you have it! This is what I write if I haven’t got a proper inspiration yet.


	2. Literature(or, A Bit of Wilde and Wodehouse)(Stephen Fry/Gracey Sissol friendship)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SETTING: 2010!AU, July

Me(to no one in particular): Is Norfolk always this hot I ask you? 

[Stephen Fry and Oscar Wilde appear out of nowhere. Stephen is visiting because he and Gracey are freakin’ neighbors without them knowing.] 

Stephen(delighted): NO WAY! 

Oscar: Possibly. 

Me: Hi, both of you. 

Stephen: WHAT HO, GRACEY! 

Oscar: Top o’ the mornin’, Miss… uh… 

Me: Sissol. 

Oscar: Your surname is Sissol McGivers’s first name? 

Stephen(to Oscar): THAT’S WHY IT’S HILARIOUS! 

Oscar(to Stephen): You, Mr. Fry, need to calm down. 

Stephen: SUMMER’S THE SEASON TO BE JOYFULLLLL!!! 

Oscar(to me): I have no idea why he’s so hyper today. 

Me: Awww. 

[After everyone went inside.] 

Stephen(shouting): WHO’S WAITIN’ TO MAKE A CAKE FOR HUGH’S PARTAAAAAY? 

Oscar(to me): It’s July, need I remind him again? 

Me: Very possibly. 

[Some shuffling] 

Richard(irritated): Stephen, you’re being extremely out of character today, are you alright? 

Oscar: He’s obviously not. 

Stephen: I FEEL GREAT! SO, SO, SOOOOO GREAT. 

Me: You so, so, sooooo need help. 

[Oscar and Richard cracks up.] 

Stephen(running upstairs): COME CHASE ME, GRACEY! 

Me: Seems like I have to deal with this myself after all. No one’s helping. 

o-o-o 

[Two days later…] 

Stephen: Gracey, I was wondering about your favorite literature figures. 

Me(still bleary from sleep): Uh… really? 

Stephen: Yup. 

Me: I’m honestly not sure. I do like Oscar’s works but sometimes they’re too slash-y for me. 

Oscar(entering the kitchen, where Stephen and I were washing dishes and chatting): Slash is great. 

Stephen: I love you, Oscar. 

Me: Awww 

Oscar(to me): Don’t you get any ideas. 

Me: Oh, of course. 

[Pause; after Oscar left us alone again.] 

Stephen: Do you know that Hugh loves Wodehouse? 

Me: Way too obvious. 

Stephen: How ‘bout me? 

Me: ???? 

Stephen: I adore Wodehouse as well. 

Me: And that’s why you and Hugh took the job as Jeeves and Wooster, two of his most popular characters. Right, of course. 

Stephen(not even listening to me): And I love Oscar Wilde as well. 

Stephen(continuing): So much that I became the successor of Peter Finch and Robert Morley. 

Me: Sure. 

Stephen(beaming at me): Otherwise why would I say I was born to be Wilde? 

[Hugs himself.] 

Me: Right, of course. Need I remind you what happened two days ago? 

Me(to pretend audience): You do remember when he went hyper for some reason and needed both Richard and Oscar to look after him in order for him to not do anything stupid? 

[Flashback. Two days earlier.] 

Oscar: Now I know what he meant when he said that he was born to be me. 

Stephen: WAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me(facepalm): Oh, god… 

Richard: So how long is this going to take? 

Stephen(gleamy and happy, and completely out of character): FOR-FREAKIN’-EVERRRRR! 

Oscar(to me): Sometimes his manic phases scare the heck outta people. No offense, though, because I don’t want to be reminded what happened when he hollered for the world to hear that he was homo. 

Me: That was awful. And yes, I’d better stop here. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: These are more like vignettes, but it gets into plot soon enough. :-)


	3. Technology(Stephen Fry/Richard Sissol friendship)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Stephen and Richard talk about technology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is where it gets weird, and RichardSxx is a guest star! Congrats.

(RICHARD POV) 

Me: FINALLY SHE’S AWAY! 

Stephen: Sure enough. 

Me: She’s my cousin, despite our identical surnames. So, lets get on with Dork Talk! 

[Oscar comes in the living room.] 

Oscar: Richard, you have to know that Stephen here can not live without tech. 

Stephen: Sorry to break it to you, Oscar, but technology is life. 

Me: I love technology too, but more like reading about them. 

Stephen: He’s the 10 percent of the kind commentators. 

Oscar: And Gracey? 

Stephen: Also the ten percent. 

Oscar: *rolls eyes* 

Oscar: Something you should remember is ‘always ignore those of whom gives you bad commentary.’

Me(grinning, to Oscar): Unfortunately, he never does. 

Stephen(upset): Now I’ve changed my mind! 

Me: Aww please don’t. 

[Pause] 

Me: Now let’s continue with Dork Talk! 

Me: Oscar, how ‘bout you film us? Stephen, please do a video for the fans? 

Stephen: Fine, whatevs. 

Me: YAY! 

[Stephen elbows me.] 

Me: *starts commentary*. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, I’m bad at script writing. This is Richard, BTW. I’m taking a break from the Dork Talk video because Stephen’s restricting my speaking time. 
> 
> A/N 2: See you next time, and yes, tomorrow he and my cousin, Gracey, or rather, theChaplinfangirl, are going to have a really epic argument because they have different philosophies when coming to writing with natural light, or without.


	4. Stephen and Gracey’s Writing Philosophies(or, The Full House)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m back, since yesterday I was way busy over at SissolxJeffC4ever’s place over at downtown London and couldn’t update. Strange that Norfolk has WiFi. Don’t tell Stephen I said that ;-)

[In the study of my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Me: Ah, curtains open and no one interrupting me re-writing My Chemical Romance because it’s about to get turned into an actual novel! 

Me: This is the exact life I’d like to have. 

[Stephen Fry comes in.] 

Me(to pretend audience): And I have someone to be with me without even requesting it! How cool’s that? 

Stephen: It’d be cool if you’d close the curtains because I have to write this new short story. 

Me: No, way, Stephen. The curtains stay open because it’s my house and I like natural light when I write. 

Stephen: Sorry to break it to you, Gracey, but no, I don’t like natural light when I’m writing. 

Me(getting irritated, as usual): Then go join Elliott! 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to myself): Better get this over with. 

[Stephen decides to be a prick and closes the curtains. I open them again. And that goes on until —] 

Stephen(completely fed up with my antics): I. Want. Them. Closed, Darla. 

[*A/N: He normally calls me ‘Gracey’, except when we are fighting, because a Virgo and a Sagittarius never mix — they’re like oil and water, I think.*] 

Me(sarcastically): OK, fine, whatever. 

[Opens them. He closes them again and repeats his sentence.] 

Me: No, way. This is my house and I make the rules. I want them open. 

Stephen(as irritated as I): CLOSED, DARLA! 

Me(voice rising as well): OPEN! 

Stephen: CLOSED! 

Me: OPEN! 

Stephen: CURTAINS DRAWN, DARLA! 

Me: NO, WAY — CURTAINS OPEN BECAUSE OF THE DAYLIGHT! 

Stephen: DRAWN! 

Me: OPEN! 

Stephen: CLOSED! 

Me: OPEN! 

Stephen: CLOSED! 

Me: CLOSED! 

Stephen: OPEN! 

Me(triumphantly): I told you so. 

[Stephen leaves me in a huff, slamming the door as I behave as self-satisfied as heck.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And if you’re on Amelison, you’ll know exactly what I mean by My Chemical Romance. It’s an original work with the same name as the punk-rock band. 
> 
> A/N 2: I think if Stephen and I really have to work together on something, the above argument is bound to happen, because I read something on his blogs about writing when he mentioned that he likes the curtains closed, while I like them open; because the natural light gives me more inspiration for the weather, location, and stuff. 
> 
> A/N 3: Another thing — I think I'D be the one losing the argument if it’s in real life. XD


	5. Museum Visiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have to go visit some exhibition with some(?) very irritating people, so I’m dragging Stefan Mickisch and Stephen Fry along with me. This one is better than the second chapter, so don’t worry. 
> 
> A/N 2: I adore Stephen too much to actually mock him of depression, which is really a serious topic and definitely shouldn’t be something fun.

[In my house.] 

Me: I have an announcement. OK, so today we’re going to a museum. It’s some exhibit I’m not that familiar with, but some of you may be interested in it. 

[Stephen and Stefan look up from their breakfasts.] 

Both: Oh? 

Me: A museum visit! 

[Stephen and Stefan look at each other.] 

Stefan: Brilliant. 

Me(beaming): I know right?! 

Stefan(exasperated with me already): Am I the only one who thinks she cannot understand sarcasm? 

Stephen: You’re definitely not the only one. She can’t. 

Me: OK, we’ll be going when you're ready, because since I’m writing this, I can control everyone. 

Stephen and Stefan(sarcastically): Brilliant. 

Me: Well, you have to join in, because I say so. 

Stephen and Stefan: Awww… 

[After hours of complaining and persuasion, we are off.] 

[On the subway, or rather, as Stephen claimed, the Tube…] 

Stephen: So how long are we arriving? 

Me: Really? 

Stefan(smirking): Sooooo someone haven’t taken the Deutsche Bahn before? 

Me: The what-a? 

Stephen: Oh yes of course, Stefan, mighty sorry to break it to you! 

Me: … 

[After some more hours of arguing and whatnot, we finally arrived at our station.] 

o-o-o 

[At the Forbidden City…] 

Me: OK! I want both of you on your very best behaviors here, because! 

Stephen and Stefan(mock-innocent): Aren’t we always? 

Stefan: No YOU’RE not. 

Stephen: Oh yes I am. 

Me: PEOPLE! 

[They finally quieten down and I make an announcement before leading us into the exhibition of jewelry, as I mentioned when we were back at my house.] 

[*You can guess how well said exhibition went. In a very cracked way.* And I’m way too lazy to write them here.] 

[After we finally get back to my house.] 

Richard: So how’s the exhibit? 

Me: *half-sleepwalking* Eh? 

Richard: I can guess it went… badly? 

Stefan: NO! She loved most of the exhibits! 

Stephen: I guess we’re way too soaked by the rain. 

Me: Right, soaked to the bone. 

[Twenty minutes later. Stephen and Stefan are arguing about a bath.] 

Stephen: No, way, we’re not showering together! Gracey advised us to take a bath like they do in Jeeves and Wooster! 

Stefan: Fine, but DEFINITELY NOT together! 

Stephen: DEFINITELY YES TOGETHER! 

Me(interrupting them): You’d better come to an agreement soon because Richard and Oscar and I are making some ginger tea for everyone; also, I have to take a shower as well. 

Stephen: No, way, Stefan, she’s not joining us. No way no sir. 

Stefan: OF COURSE NOT, MISTER! 

[I leave them arguing and then I make tea, before eventually going to sleep.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened. I got way too soaked with rain and just wanted to sleep. But still, stay tuned! I may take Stephen et al to somewhere more fun next time. 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, this is way more cracked than I originally intended, so… uh… yes.


	6. Something Totally Unexpected(or, WHAT?!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was inspired by Erika’s Partners’ inexplicable need to bring me(!!!!) along to their My Chemical Romance(my original story, not the band)-approved journey to somewhere totally winter. Unbelievable, them! 
> 
> A/N 2: OK, so this chapter is totally random, and I’m running out of ideas to what to write, so… yeah.

[At my place in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My cousin, Richard Sissol, is staying with me and he and Stephen Fry are arguing about what music to listen to from my music-player. Richard wants to listen to Stravinsky, and Stephen wants to listen to Wagner.] 

Richard(snappish): No, way, Stravinsky all around! 

Me(entering the living room from the study): Are you two done? 

Both: NO! 

Stephen: Wagner all along. 

Richard: No, I told you. Never mind, Gracey is the boss here. *turns to me* So what would you like to listen to? 

Me: I’m not involved with your arguing. 

Both: PLEASE! 

Me: Fine, uh… I guess I’d just choose something else. Also, what prompted you to listen to music, both of you? 

Richard: THE DOCUMENTARY! 

Stephen: Your cousin requested it. 

Me(realization kicks in): No way, Rich, you didn’t. 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard W: Someone called me? 

Richard S, Stephen, me: NO! 

Richard W: Oh? 

Richard S: Now this is comedy. *brings out popcorn and watches Stephen, me, and his namesake argue* 

Richard W: So someone called ‘Rich!’ and I arrived. :-) 

Me: I was talking to my cousin here. *nods towards Richard S, who is munching on popcorn* 

Richard W: ok. 

[Disappears.] 

Me: Now that’s messed up. OK! For my preference of music… how ‘bout Shostakovich instead? We need some modernity. 

Stephen: NO WAY GRACEY NO WAY NO WAY… *proceeds to say that phrase over and over* 

Richard: YAAY! 

[Way later that day…] 

Me: Guess what, people? I have an announcement. 

Stefan: ?? 

Stephen: Just be reminded that anything she announces are either bonkers or completely random. 

Me(ignoring them): I’m afraid we’re going to the museum again, because. 

Stefan, Stephen: REALLY?/*Groan* 

Me: I understand, but I can’t help it. 

Stefan: Fine, but this time, PLEASE no more rain! 

Stephen: And no more endless walking — though it can be relaxing sometimes. 

Me(leaving): Urgh… 

o.O.o 

End chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And yes, prepare for more museum visits. One of Erika’s partners is just that lame, how can I help THAT?


	7. Museum Visits prt 2(or, A Bit of Treasures and Indiana Jones)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for not updating this thing — I was, and still is, incredibly busy. Keep an eye out for regular updates because I’m going on a My Chemical Romance(my original story, that is, not the band)-approved journey to some other place with Erika’s partners! I’m dragging Stephen and Mark Carwardine along, since you haven’t heard from the latter for some time already. Without further ado, enjoy this random chapter!

[In my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK…] 

[Morning] 

Me: *to pretend audience* OK, for today’s episode, we’re going on another museum visit. With me, Stephen, Stefan, and Mark. 

Mark(from dinner table): YAHOOOOOO! 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: … 

Me(smiling): Great, hope y’all’ll enjoy this journey! 

[When we are on the way to the museum…] 

Me: OK, we’re taking the subway again. 

Stephen: How many times do I have to tell you it’s called the Tube? 

Mark and Stefan: *ROFL* 

Me: Endless times. OK! Yes, as mentioned, we’re taking the Tube, or, the Subway, if you’re more familiar with that one. 

Mark(to Stephen): Remember, she’s the cousin of Richard, and Richard is completely like her. 

Stephen(QI-voice): Why am I not surprised? 

Me: Quiet now, you two! Here the subway comes! 

[After way endless stops on the subway, we arrive. But first, we have to take some photos. Mark is over-enthusiastic, as usual.] 

Mark: THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! 

Me: I know right? 

Mark: Take photos, please! Take photos take photos take photos! 

Stephen: I think you, Mr. Carwardine, should calm down. 

Me(smiling): Right, and that is easier said than done. 

Mark(suffering from subway high): WOOOOO 

[We take photos and go to the museum to see the rest of the artworks, or rather, jewellery.] 

[As usual, Stephen’s fans keep bugging him, and Mark and I oblivious. Soon, fans stop bugging and we keep our eyes glued to the exhibit.] 

Stephen: Oscar’ll be impressed. 

Mark: Why am I not surprised? 

Stefan(to me): They should be married instead of Stephen and Elliott, right? 

Me: Sure. 

Stefan: Listen, I ship it. 

[Meanwhile, Stephen and Mark already moved on to the next one.] 

Mark: Awww, this is too cute. 

Stephen: Indeed. 

Mark: Sir. 

Stephen: ? 

Mark: *grins and cracks up* 

Stephen: Now where are Stefan and Gracey when I need them? 

[After looking past Stefan, I see Mark and Stephen bickering then the latter cracking up, shaking with suppressed giggles.] 

[I go up to them, along with Stefan.] 

Me: Are you two done? 

Stefan: He shouldn’t’ve ate the last cupcake, though. But Hyatt snacks are awesome. 

Stephen(agreeing): Sure they are. 

Me(exasperated): Really? 

Stefan, Stephen: Yes! 

Me: Sssssshhhh! 

Stefan, Stephen: Awwww 

Mark(turning to me after his laughing fit): WHERE’D YOU POP OUT FROM?! 

Me(frustrated): Ssssshhhhh! 

[After finally finishing the exhibit, with the trio bickering amongst themselves about Hyatt snacks, I better tell you what happened prior to our visit to the museum, while we leave them to their pastries debate.] 

o-o-o 

[Some hours ago…] 

[On the subway…] 

Me: So we’d better have lunch before we pay the visit. 

Mark: No one’s ill! 

Stefan, Stephen: *facepalm* 

Me: We’d better have lunch before we go to the museum. So, any suggestions? 

Stefan(pleadingly): How ‘bout that place where you can get those oh-so-long udon? 

Mark: OOOOOOH I LOOOOOOOOVE UDON! 

[They high-five.] 

[*A/N: I’m not sure whether Mark Carwardine really likes udon noodles, so please don’t try to find a way to ask him. I made him like those because of the plot.*] 

Stephen: How ‘bout Hyatt? 

Me: You mean the hotel? 

Stephen: Mm-hmm. 

Me: Listen, their snacks and sandwiches are awesome. 

Stefan and Mark: HURRAY FOR AWESOME SANDWICHES! 

Stephen(to Mark and Stefan): People, really? 

Me: I’m having a headache already even before our museum visit. 

Stefan: So are we going there? 

Stephen, me: Where? 

Stefan, Mark: HYATT!! 

Me: UNLESS YOU TWO BEHAVE! 

[Half of the subway goers stare at us.] 

Me(ignoring them): Unless everyone behaves, we’re not going to Hyatt. 

All: Awwwww, Graaaacey! 

Me: No way. 

Stefan, Mark, Stephen: YES WAY! 

Me: Unless you guys behave and act like adults because you’re acting way out of character. 

[They behave.] 

[We go to Hyatt and order sandwiches and some cupcakes.] 

[After lunch…] 

Mark: THIS IS BRILLIANT! 

Me(to Stefan): This is what I call ‘sugar rush’. Trust Charlie Chaplin to re-make it into the ‘gold rush’. 

Stefan: *snigger* 

Me: *smile* 

Stephen: WOOOO-HOOOO~ 

Me(to pretend audience): Remind me to never ever take those two to Hyatt anymore! 

o.O.o 

End chapter 6


	8. Wildlife Reserve(or, Fun and Wildlife)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is something that was inspired by the trip tomorrow, and soon, I’m afraid this is going to be in more than 2 parts. 
> 
> A/N 2: Enjoy this chapter, because it’s my only second chapter in one day, I’m afraid!

(Mark Carwardine POV) 

[In Gracey Sissol’s house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Gracey’s room.] 

Me: Hey, Gracey, what do you say to going to a wildlife reserve like in Last Chance to See? That was a documentary of what Douglas and I did for the environment and it was glorious. 

Gracey(half-sleeping because she hardly even sleeps in the evening): Bllrrr-huh? 

Me: Mm-hmm? 

Gracey: *allowing the message to sink in…* 

Gracey(bolting out of bed): SAY WHAT? 

Me(smiles): We’re going to this wildlife reserve, remember?

Gracey: Oh, god… 

[After many hours of complaining and preparation, we find out it was raining, not hard, but drizzling.] 

Me: So it’s raining… 

Gracey: Oh come on… 

The Stephens: *Moan* 

Me: Please, where’s the enthusiasm? 

Stefan: No enthusiasm ‘cause of raining. 

Stephen: Same here. 

Gracey: Seems like we have to do some more preparation, also, I’ll have to take my friendship ring with me. 

All: RING? 

Stephen: Am I the only one who thinks this is like that Wagner musical? 

Stefan: Am I the only one who’s thinking of that horror movie? 

Gracey(to me): Let them continue bickering and I’m going. 

[She goes and packs up some more stuff.] 

[Oscar Wilde and Richard Wagner appear out of thin air.] 

Richard: Guten morgen everyone. 

Me: What? 

Stephen: Guten morgen to you too. 

Oscar: TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YA!!! 

Me(to pretend audience): Am I supposed to deal with all this? 

Richard, Oscar: YES! 

[Rodney Cadogan and Richard Sissol appear.] 

Rodney: Hello all. 

Me: You mean *Stephen QI voice * ‘hallo all’. 

Stephen: MARK! 

Stefan: *cracks up* 

Rodney: OK, so we’re joining you on your alpine adventure. 

Me: YAHOOOOO 

Stephen(to pretend audience): Says the one who just “humiliated” me. 

Rodney: Awww 

Stefan: Why don’t you go help Gracey? 

Richard S: She’s waaaay too slow. 

Stefan: Almost like James? 

Stephen: STEFAN! 

Richard S: Oh, I almost forgot, he’s joining in as well. Also, just so you know, Stefan, they’re cousins. 

Rodney: Because this is also somehow in the Cousin!verse done by my personal cousin, Jeffery Cadogan. 

Richard S: Who couldn’t really stand Stephen here. 

Rodney: You know why. 

o-o-o 

[After some more hours, we’re on our way.] 

Me: Welcome everyone to our first ever alpine adventure to a wildlife reserve! 

Everyone: YAHHOOOO/*Groan*/Awesome. 

James(to Stephen): Whatever possessed you to join in Mark Carwardine again is beyond me. 

Richard S: *LOL* 

Rodney: Cool, so we’re taking a train, remember! 

Gracey: Don’t tell me we’re taking the Subway again, or rather, the Tube. 

Rodney: CERTAINLY WE ARE! 

Richard S: HURRAYY! 

Everyone: *Groan* 

[While we’re on the Tube, or rather, the Subway…] 

Richard: So we’re taking the train all the way there? 

Rodney: Certainly! And it’ll be loads of fun. 

Stephen: I’d rather go back to writing tech blogs while on the train, you two. 

Richard: AWESOME! 

[PAUSE] 

Richard: You should know I loooooooove reading those! 

Stephen: It’s way too obvious. 

Richard: Obviousness FTW! 

Gracey(closing her eyes): Richard, give me a break, please. 

Rodney: You’re giving her a headache, mister. 

Richard: BRILLIANT! 

Gracey: Really? 

Richard(to her): Heh, just kiddin’, cuz. 

[After some more hours, we arrive at the station where the train station is located.] 

[At the train station…] 

Gracey: Now we have to get the tickets. 

Everyone: AWESOME! 

Richard: Then we get snacks! 

Gracey: Fine, but please behave, everyone, especially Richard! 

Richard(mock-whine): Aww why? 

Me: Because you should. 

Stefan and Stephen: *ROFL* 

[After some minutes of arguing and bickering, everyone gives Gracey their ID cards for her to get the tickets.] 

[Meanwhile when she’s gone…] 

Me: Can’t wait! 

Stefan: HELL YEAH! 

Stephen: You’re lucky Mark didn’t make you go bungee jumping. 

Me: *LOL* 

Me: Don’t mention it; it was glorious. 

Stephen(dangerously): Mark… 

Me: Awww, don’t fret, all of us were freaked out. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: Is she ever coming back? 

Stephen: I’m not superstitious but I’m tempted to say that some ghost caught her. *glares at me* 

Me(mock-innocent): WHAT? 

Richard(to everyone): OK! Announcement time! How ‘bout lets get some Wonton when she comes back, also, some Paris Baguette? 

Everyone: HELL YES! 

[As if on cue, Gracey comes back.] 

Gracey: Here’re your tickets and lets go now! 

[We are finally on our way.] 

o-o-o 

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[By some paradox, we pass by Paris Baguette when we are going to the ticket check dock.] 

[Everyone stops walking.] 

Richard: Gracey, can we please get some pastries? 

Rodney: Puh-leeeeeaaase? 

Everyone: YEAH? 

Me: Why and how? *glares at Mark, Stefan, and Stephen*. 

Stephen, Stefan, Mark: WHY US? 

Me: Is this some kind of manipulation done by you three? 

Them: Why us? 

Richard(enthusiastic): Let’s get some cake rolls! 

Stephen, Mark: NO WAY — CUPCAKES LIKE THAT TIME WHEN WE WERE OVER AT HYATT!! 

Stefan: I’d love to have some milk tea… 

Me(to Stefan): Awwww 

[We go to the bakery and everyone is like hungry fish.] 

[We buy loads of cupcakes, pies, milk tea, coffee, oolong, you name it.] 

[We finally leave.] 

Me: You guys are raiding the entire place. 

Everyone: We HAVE to! 

Me: WHAT? 

Rodney: Uh… we mean… we have to have some snacks on the train. It’s a rule. 

Me(to pretend audience): Now this is what I deal with. 

[After loads of lines, security checks, etc, we finally get on the train to our seats.] 

[Stephen, Mark, and I are together, with me in the middle; Stefan and Richard are together, with Rodney in the middle, in front of us.] 

Richard(gleeful): WE’RE FINALLY ON OUR WAY! 

Everyone else, except for Rodney and Mark(with little to no enthusiasm): Hurray. 

Richard: C’MON people! 

Me: No one interrupt me, please! I have to sleep. 

Stefan: *slumps on Richard and closes eyes* 

Me: *lies back and closes eyes as well* 

[Meanwhile, while we were resting…] 

[Richard, Rodney, and Stephen are playing Apples to Apples, as well as card games.] 

Richard: …economy! 

Rodney: Hmmm. Y, eh? Yosemite! 

Stephen: Evolution! 

Richard(to Rodney): He’s good at this. N… November! 

Richard: Rainbow! 

Stephen: Why? 

Rodney: YAAAAY — Yorkshire! 

Richard: WHAT? Emotion! 

Rodney: Oh yeah? Norfolk! 

Richard, Stephen: Kelp! 

Rodney: You’re good at this, both of you! — Palace! 

[We’ll leave them shouting above each other, and go back to the others — Gracey, Stefan, and Mark, who are playing cards. Soon, Gracey is exhausted with everything and Richard and company’s shouting.] 

Me(above everyone’s screaming): Can we please take a break? 

Richard(over-enthusiastic): SURE! SNACK TIME! 

Everyone: YAHOOOOO~ 

Me: Oh, god… 

[We have snacks.] 

[Stephen, Richard, and Rodney are having chips and the rest are having eggs and stuff.] 

Me(chomping on a carrot): Please be quiet while eating, alright? I’m having a headache from everyone’s screaming. 

[Stephen and Mark spies my glass bottle of milk tea.] 

Mark(sneakily): Maybe we should just have a sip… 

[Drinks the entire bottle.] 

Mark(with dawning realization): THIS. IS. AWESOME! 

Me(covering my face with my arms): Urgh 

Mark, Stephen(after drinking their teas in one gulp): WOOOOOOO TEA RUSH! 

Stefan(opens his eyes): Are they done? 

Me: Nope. 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: THAT’S WHY I LOOOOOVE OOLONG. 

Me: We know! 

Richard: Now this is entertainment. 

James(at Stephen and Mark): SILENCE, BOTH OF YOU!!! 

[They quiet down.] 

Richard: Thanks. 

James: You’re welcome. 

Me(to no one in particular): This is going to be a long ride… 

o-o-o 

[When we finally arrive…] 

[In the hotel…] 

Me: Three threes, OK? 

Richard: HELL YEAH! 

Stefan: *hugs him* 

Richard: *hugs back* 

Rodney: James and Stephen are supposed to be together because my cousin said so. 

James: NO WAY, RODNEY! 

Rodney: YES WAY, BECAUSE YOU’RE COUSINS! 

James(to Stephen): Wonderful, he knows, as well as his own cousin. 

Me: Fine, fine. How ‘bout this: Stephen and James and Rodney? 

Stephen: … 

James: Am I the only one who feels like we’re in her fanfic of Reminiscence? 

Stephen: No. 

Rodney: AWESOME! 

[They go in one room, slamming the door.] 

[I turn to Mark, Stefan, and Richard.] 

[PAUSE] 

Mark: Fours! 

Stefan: No way. 

Mark: YES WAY! 

Stefan: NO WAY! 

Mark: YES! 

Stefan: NO! 

Mark: YES! 

Stefan: NO! 

Mark: NO! 

Me: OK! YOU TWO GET ALONG OR ELSE YOU’RE NOT WITH RICHARD! 

[They quit arguing, only for a second.] 

Me: Fine, Rich, we’re together, and those two are together. 

Richard: AWESOME! BRILLIANT IDEA!! 

Mark, Stefan: NO WAY, GRACEY!!! 

Richard: Pleeeeeaaase? I’ll visit. 

[Both glomp him.] 

o-o-o 

[The next day.] 

[Today we’re going to half a wildlife reserve, and half a botany garden. As usual, everyone is in order.] 

[During breakfast…] 

Mark(shouting): TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YA, GRACEY! 

Stephen: TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YA, GRACEY! 

James(to Rodney): Try dealing with a cousin like that. 

Stephen: Awwwwwww 

James: You’re older than me, Steve, need I remind you? 

Stephen: Awwwwww 

James: Fine, keep acting all cracked! I think I can deal with your childishness, but not your Wagner obsession! 

Stephen: What’s wrong with Richard?! Herr Wagner, that is, not Herr Sissol. 

Me(still half-asleep): Morning, everyone. 

James(looking up and smiling at last): Morning, Gracey. 

Stephen(over-enthusiastically): GUTEN MORGEN, FRAULEINE SISSOL! 

James: Can you please stop flaunting your German abilities? 

[The cousins bicker as we all have breakfast, before going to the wildlife reserve.] 

[At the reserve…] 

Mark: This is like how the wildlife reserve was like in Last Chance to See! 

Richard, Rodney(Stephen-ishly): Awwwwww 

James: NOT YOU TWO AS WELL! 

Richard, Rodney, Stephen: Awwwww 

Me(to Stefan): They need medical help. 

Stefan: Too true. 

[We go to a place to get tickets, then go into the reserve.] 

[At the reserve. It is a really deserted place, with plants and whatnot scattered everywhere. It kind of reminds me of the place where Alan Wang took me and some of our other friends.] 

Me: This place looks familiar… 

Mark: AWESOME! 

Stephen, James: Oh? 

Me: This place looks like the reserve Alan Wang took me and some of our friends. 

Stephen: Alanywalanywalany? 

Me: No way. 

James: For Judah’s SAKE, cousin! 

Richard, Rodney: *ROFLMHO* 

Stephen(in Yiddish): As if Judah’s going to help you. 

[*A/N: All italics between James May and Stephen Fry are Yiddish, the language of the Jewish people. :-)*] 

James: As if you care. 

Stephen: So what? 

Me: People, I cannot understand Yiddish, sorry. 

James(to Stephen): Then unfortunately she can never understand the Vulcan salute Leonard Nimoy did. :-) 

[They look superior at each other.] 

Me: *rolls eyes* 

[We go and spread out to see the reserve. The groups are the usual ones.] 

[*I am way too lazy to write down everything that happened, and you can imagine what happened — something extremely random.*] 

[After we go back.] 

[Dinner is buffet.] 

Everyone, except for me(again): HURRAY! 

Me: Fine, but please get enough that you can finish! 

Richard(beaming): We will! 

o.O.o 

End chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Actually, I used two days to write this — blame Erika’s partners! 
> 
> A/N 3: Most of this chapter actually happened, and no, we didn’t go to a wildlife reserve, unfortunately. Instead, it’s for their Confucius fan-celebration! 
> 
> A/N 4: The next chapter is going to be similar to what happened over at the Confucius place, so stay tuned! Soon, we’ll be going to another reserve, and mountain climbing! No spoilers allowed, sorry.


	9. The Temple of the Sun(or, Peruvians!AU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I was way too exhausted yesterday, so this chapter is way too late. Also, as usual, blame everything to Erika’s partners — they love exhausting people! 
> 
> A/N 2: I have chapter 10 and 11 already ready, but because of all those crazy, Mark Carwardine approved alpine adventures, I may or may not update this thing as soon as you’d like — just wanting you to understand. :-) Still, enjoy this chapter of randomness!

[During breakfast in the hotel.] 

Me: Today, we’re going to a Peruvian Sun temple, or rather, the Temple of the sun, which is similar to how the Incas used. 

Mark: HURRAY! 

Stefan: *smiles* 

Stephen: *smiles* 

Me: Sooooo… 

[My cousin, Richard Sissol, aka RJeevesxD, arrives, along with a friend of mine, AnysCake.] 

Richard and Any: Hallo people! 

Any: Today, you’re having company from us. 

Stephen(nearly chokes on his oolong): No, way, Gracey. No way no way no way. 

Any: YES WAY! 

Stephen: NO WAY! 

Any: YES! 

Stephen: NO! 

Me: ENOUGH! 

[They quiet down, glaring at each other.] 

[After breakfast, we go back to our hotel rooms in order to pack our stuff.] 

Mark: Stephen and I never got to go to the Peruvian temple when we went to Brazil. Instead… *cracks up and has to cling onto Stefan for support* 

Me: Am I the only one who thinks this is kinda…uh…mean? 

Stephen(glaring at Mark): Yes. 

Me(groaning, to myself): Not again… 

Mark(glaring back at Stephen): No. 

Stephen(upset): YES! 

Mark(irritated already): NO! 

Stephen: YES! 

Mark: NO! 

Stephen: YES! 

Mark: NO! 

[That continues until Any asks them about packing did they finally stop arguing.] 

Me: Thanks… 

Any: *:-D* 

[*This is really getting cliché, so lets get to the part where we finally go to the temple.] 

o-o-o 

[We go over to the temple.] 

[Carts pulled by horses pass us as we continue hiking.] 

Mark: LOOK AT THAT — HORSES! 

Stephen: *smirks* 

Mark: *superior look* 

Me: Please, don’t start. 

[They grin conspiratorially when I’m not looking.] 

[At the temple…] 

Random tourist: Ooooh… 

Any: Really? 

Mark: *XD* 

Me: Please… 

[*OK, you can guess what happened over at the temple — extremely random stuff. Since I’m too lazy to write down everything, let’s get to the part where we are almost done with this tour.] 

Richard: OK, before we go over to some more mansions, I’d like some ice cream, PLEASE, Gracey? 

Me: *facepalm* 

Everyone else, except for Any: YES, PLEEEEASE? 

Me: Unless you guys behave! 

Mark and Stefan: Don’t we always? 

Stephen: No way. 

Mark, Stefan: Yes way. 

Stephen: NO WAY! 

Mark and Stefan: YES WAY! YES TOO WAY. 

Me(yelling above them): THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN! 

[Both parties smile smugly at each other.] 

Me(to Richard and Any): OK, I’m only getting you guys ice cream. 

Richard and Any: HURRAY! *they hug each other* 

[I go buy ice cream for them.] 

[While I’m gone…] 

Any: They are unbelievable. *nods towards Stefan, Mark, and Stephen, who are still arguing over something trivial* 

Richard: *brings out popcorn and watches them* 

Any: *joins in* 

[I come back. I hand Any and Richard their ice creams and the Bickering Trio advance on me.] 

Stephen, Stefan, and Mark: Whyyyy? 

Me: Because they’re the only ones who’re behaving. 

Any and Richard: *grins triumphantly and waves their ice creams* 

Me: Oh come on… 

Any: Awwww 

Me: I’m already having a headache from everything. 

Stefan and Stephen: HURRAY! 

Me: WHAT? 

Stephen: Oops. 

Stefan: Oops is correct. 

Me: Urgh… 

[We go to see the mansions and huts.] 

[Everyone has ice cream right now, and Stephen suggests me get another one.] 

Me(finally giving in because of Stephen’s irritatingness): Fine! 

[I get a ice lolly while the others either get more ice cream or ice water.] 

o-o-o 

[Way hours later…] 

Me: Ok, I really shouldn’t’ve given in — I can hardly even finish an ice lolly. 

Richard: AWESOME! 

Everyone else: *SAY WHAT?!* 

Richard(ignoring everyone else): Well, it’s true. 

Me: Fine, I’m dumping this in the trash. 

[I dump the unfinished lolly in the trash and follow the others back.] 

[*As usual, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, but I can assure you that it is even more nuts than the trip.*] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Again, so sorry for the late update! The above mentioned alpine adventure happened yesterday, and it only ended today; plus we had to wake up über-early because we(re: Erika’s Partners) wanted to catch the early sunrise. And again, I was way too exhausted and I just got back to Amelison. Still, stay tuned for the next adventure of part 2 of the Wildlife and Reserves adventure with Stephen et al!


	10. Fun and Wildlife PRT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, this is more like a stand-alone chapter. I usually don’t do this, but this is just hilarious. 
> 
> A/N 2: It’s beyond me how come Stephen wasn’t that freaked out after bungee jumping with Mark Carwardine(maybe he just didn’t want to show it..), so this is what happens when he and Mark comes in MY fanfic instead of Jeffrey’s! And yes, I’m not merciful at all — especially to my favourite people!

[At wildlife reserve.] 

Me(takes out iPhone and taking some pictures): Now this is like in Norwich… 

Stefan(giddy with excitement): I know right? 

Stephen(smugly): Told ya. 

Me: Yeah, right, and what is that, I ask you? *points to something behind him* It’s not bungee jumping because it doesn’t look like it. 

Mark: *cracks up* 

Me, Stephen, Stefan: ??? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Ohhhh… *smirks* Oh, my god, Mark, now that’s just evil and mean… 

Mark: *tries to breath but couldn’t, because he’s laughing too hard* 

Mark(after finally getting his breath back): You and I have to do that one as well. Just like last time at the reserve! 

Stephen(horrified): NO WAY 

Mark(cracking up again): YES WAY 

Stefan(to me): Bring the popcorn, Gracey, this is way too entertaining. 

[Brings out popcorn and we watch them bickering like a married couple. Stephen is worried because he doesn't want to get hurt like last time he went on a wild adventure with Mark, that costed both an arm and his bravery. xD] 

[*A/N: The bungee jumping and the arm thing can be seen in Last Chance to See. Right — last chance to see some QI-approved stuff, aka Mark humiliating Stephen, which will be, and is, really, really entertaining. Also, mind you, this is coming from someone who adores Stephen too much, so it won’t be that bad!*] 

Stephen: I’m no longer going on wild adventures with you, Mark — last time… 

Mark(grinning impishly now): You scared? Now THAT’S something for the tabloids! 

[Stefan and I goes to inspect the thingy when they are arguing.] 

Stefan: Now this is like a roller-coaster, but similar to bungee jumping? What the…? 

Me(grinning evilly at Stephen and Mark, who were still yelling at each other, the latter about to collapse from laughing too much and the former about to cry; rubs my hands together): This is gonna be FUN! 

Stefan(shuddering a little bit): Sometimes I wonder why you became a screenwriter instead of an actress, or maybe even an alpine guide like Mark over there. You’re way too adventurous. 

[After some more times of coaxing and persuading, Mark and Stephen are finally with Stefan and me. Stefan and I couldn’t be more excited to go on this thingy.] 

Stephen(already jittery): No, way, Mark, you be with… uh… 

Stefan(brisk): Right, you and Gracey can be together, and Mark and I can be together. *waves suddenly* Oh, HIIIII~, Richard and Rodney!!! 

[My cousin Richard Sissol and his best friend, Rodney Cadogan, runs up to us, holding cotton candy for everyone.] 

Rodney: Cotton candy for everyone! *hands one to Stephen, Stefan, Mark, and me — not necessarily in that order* We’re joining you, so no worries. 

Richard: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! 

[They get in.] 

Stefan: OK, so fine, Mark with me and Stephen, you with Gracey. 

Me: Actually, the cashier said this time it’s free, so we can go however many times we want! 

Stefan, Rodney, Richard, Mark: YAHOOOOOO~ 

Cashier: I’ll be starting soon, so get in! 

[We get in. Stephen with me, Mark with Stefan, and Richard with Rodney.] 

[Ride starts.] 

Stefan(nervous): OK, here goes. 

Rodney(to me): You know what, Gracey, if we have this kind of ride at my place, my depression will definitely be cured because HERE IT COMES! 

[Ride does a reeeeeeaaaaaalllly steep drop.] 

Stefan: WOOOOOOOOO! 

Stephen: !!!!! 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): I’M FLYING! 

Me and Stephen: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH~ 

Richard, Rodney: WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO! 

[We go upside down.] 

Me: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! 

Stefan: THIS. IS. AWESOME! 

Mark, Stefan(shouting): WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO~ 

[After some time, ride ends.] 

Stefan(still suffering from roller-coaster high): THAT WAS AWESOME! SEE, I SAY IT AGAIN! 

Stephen(after throwing up his organs and cotton candy in some bucket): We know. 

Stefan: WE HAVE TO GO AGAIN! 

Me(after throwing up my own organs and cotton candy as well): Fine, but I’m definitely not joining in anymore! *launches myself back in front of the bucket and throws up again* 

[Me and Stephen watches them as they go again, and again, and again.] 

[Final time. Stefan with Richard and Mark with Rodney. Ride goes up and goes down a really steep drop.] 

Stefan: AAAAAAAWWWWESOOOOOOOOMEE! 

Rodney(delighted): THIS CURES DEPRESSION, GRACEY, YOU KNOW THAT? WAHOOO~ 

[After some loops and turns. The ride goes up the last time, which is a really, really, steep angle.] 

Mark: Everyone ready to flyyy? 

Stefan: HELL YES! 

Me(to Stephen): Uh-oh. 

[Ride drops.] 

Everyone: ! 

Stefan: WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO! 

Richard(clinging to Stefan for dear life): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~ 

Rodney and Mark: I’M FLYYYYYYYYYING!!! 

o-o-o 

[Way hours later.] 

[Everyone is spread out, again.] 

[Stefan’s group is talking about the ride, as usual, because they can never concentrate on anything else.] 

Stefan: That was awesome and we should definitely do it again. 

Richard: HELL YES! 

Rodney: Never knew that Stephen and Gracey were way too freaked out to say anything. 

Richard: Stephen has a reason — watch Last Chance to See to understand. Gracey… I have zero idea why. Me… I’m kind of afraid of heights, especially something as high as that. *points to another ride in the distance* 

Me: Really? 

Everyone: HELL YES! 

[*As usual, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened when we got there. Still, the ride was way crazy and way too exhausting.*] 

[After the ride, we go see some plants and vegetation, and we go see some animals.] 

Me(taking out my iPhone again): I have to send these to Alan and company. 

Richard: YES! 

[Meanwhile, the others are exchanging QI facts.] 

Mark: Stefan, you should definitely go on QI! 

Stefan: HELL NO! 

Mark: HELL YES! 

Stephen(to Rodney): And the swan… 

Rodney: ????? 

[PAUSE] 

Rodney(to Richard): You answer that one. 

Richard: … 

[*OK, again, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so I’ll just stop this boring stuff here.*] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: I’m so sorry for not updating this again! I still have some original works that I have to finish, so please bear with me. Next time, I’m taking them on the alpine adventure I promised! So stay tuned!


	11. Alpine Adventure(or, Mighty Mount Extreme)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, the title is way lame. I have no idea what Mount Taishan is called in English, so bear with me, please!

[In the hotel Gracey and company are staying, they’re having tea, as usual.] 

Me: Today, we’re having an alpine adventure! 

Everyone: HURRAY/AW MAN/*Groan* 

Mark: Where’s the enthusiasm, people! 

Stephen(glaring at him): There’s no enthusiasm. 

Mark(still beaming): THERE IS! 

Stephen(irritated, again): THERE ISN’T! 

Mark(also getting irritated): IS TOO! 

Stephen: IS NOT! 

Mark: IS TOO! 

Me: ARE YOU TWO DONE? 

Both(glaring knives at me): NO!!! 

Me: Fine. 

[They continue their argument as if it is relevant.] 

[Way way way hours later, thanks to Stephen and Mark, we are finally on our way.] 

[Thankfully, everyone packed light and had enough burgers.] 

[We arrive to the bottom of the mountain.] 

Me: So we’re climbing up all the way to the top, and we’re staying there. 

Everyone else: WHAT?! 

Stephen, Stefan: Tell me, Gracey, you’re kidding. 

Mark: She’s not! We’re having a real alpine adventure, people! 

Me: Right, and the plan is, we’re seeing the sunrise and going down tomorrow via cable cars! 

Everyone: I LOVE CABLE CARS! 

[We finally get on with our plan on climbing to the top of the mountain.] 

o-o-o 

[Some hours later.] 

Stephen and Any: So how long is it going to be? 

Any: We’re getting exhausted. 

Mark: Already? You’re kidding us, Any. 

Me: Right, and have some water. *gives them some water* 

[*As usual, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so let’s just skip to the part when we are resting again.] 

[Any was humming something and everyone joins in. Apparently it was Message In a Bottle from the Police.] 

Any(singing out loud now): Message in a bottle! Message… 

Me: Urgh 

[*OK, another skip. This time we’re finally close to our destination.*] 

Mark(full of energy): OK, TROOPS, WE’RE ALMOST THERE! 

Stephen, Me(in relief): Finally. ???? 

Any: Don’t really believe in him — sometimes it’s just for encouraging you to keep going. 

Stephen and Me: *Groan* 

Mark: You people are wimps. 

Stephen(upset): Says the one who nearly mated with a parrot. 

Stefan: TMI, Stephen. 

Mark(not even listening): Oh, and says the one who nearly got killed while going bungee jumpin’. 

[Stephen is ready to tackle him, but before he can do that, I am interferring, again.] 

Me: Ever heard of conserve your energy? 

Stephen(still arguing with Mark): Yeah? 

Mark: Oh, so you’re now following Gracey’s orders, huh? 

Any(to me): Let’s just leave them bickering. 

[Me and Any leave.] 

[Meanwhile…] 

Rodney: Are they ever joinin’ us? 

Richard: I’ll be sleeping my life away after this — an exaggeration, of course! 

[*OK, I’m stopping here, and we’ll just skip to the part where me and the others are finally in our hotel rooms.*] 

[After finally entering our hotel rooms. As usual, it is Stefan with Rodney and Any, and Stephen, Mark, Richard, and me.] 

[Stephen and Mark are watching the World Cup finals.] 

Richard: Would they rest for once? 

Me: *half-dead already* 

[PAUSE] 

Richard: Now I’m just talking to myself. 

[After way hours, almost, we are finally going to sleep, because we want to catch the sunrise tomorrow!] 

[Richard is sandwiched between Stephen and me, while Stephen and Richard are sandwiched between Mark and I.] 

Me: *almost totally asleep* OK, no one peep. 

Mark: Peep. 

Stephen and Richard: Peep. 

Mark: Peep. 

Me(irritated): ENOUGH! 

[PAUSE] 

[After a silence…] 

Stephen: Gute Nacht, everyone. 

Richard: Gute Nacht, Stephen. Gute Nacht, Gracey. 

Me: Gute Nacht, Richard. 

Stephen: Gute Nacht, Mark. 

Mark: Gute Nacht, Stephen. Gute Nacht, Richard. 

Richard: Gute Nacht, Mark. 

Mark: Gute Nacht, Gracey. 

Me: Gute Nacht, Mark. 

[We sleep, with Richard snuggled against Stephen and my arm around him. Mark has his arm around Stephen.] 

[Six hours later…] 

Door: THUD THUD THUD! 

[Everyone bolt from their sleeping forms. After some time, I flop back on my pillows.] 

Me(half-asleep): Oh c’mon… 

Mark(as if not even needing to sleep): GUTEN MORGEN, RICHARD, GRACEY, STEPHEN!! 

Stephen, Richard(both half-asleep and also flopped on their pillows): Guten morgen… 

[After plenty of coaxing and yawning and complaining, we are on our way to see the sunrise.] 

[On the top of the mountain. We are wearing coats and jackets because it’s freezing.] 

Me: *still half-dead, mostly asleep, and a quarter awake* Do we have to? 

Mark(full of energy): HELL YES! 

[After way too long, the sun finally peek between the clouds, turning them purple.] 

Stephen: This is beautiful. 

Richard: It is. :-) 

[We watch the sunrise.] 

[PAUSE] 

[The sun’s first rays touch the clouds, and everything is waking up.] 

Me: This is marking a wonderful partnership. 

Stephen: ****! 

Stefan(elbowing him): Mind your language, Mister. 

Mark, Any, Richard: *ROFLMHO!* 

o-o-o 

[When it is finally almost noon, we go back to our hotel in the city to fetch our stuff in order to go back to where we came from.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write down the cable car ride here, but trust me, you missed nothing — everyone was basically asleep, except for me and Richard.*] 

[At the Executive Lounge…] 

Mark and Stephen(chomping on cookies and drinking coffee): This is the life! 

Richard: OK, I’m going to sleep all the way till we actually get to our destination. 

Both: Good luck with that. 

Stefan: Which means that they’ll be high on coffee and sugar. 

Me(sipping on a glass of rose water): Right, because remember what happened when we went to Hyatt? 

[After way more hours, we have lunch.] 

[*As usual, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened on the train ride back. Just be assured, you did not miss anything crazy — because it’s basically a repetition of the train ride in ch. 7.*] 

[When we finally arrive back at my place in Norwich, Norfolk, UK…] 

Me(flopping on the couch): I. Am. Beat, again. 

[Richard Wagner and Oscar Wilde appear.] 

Oscar: So how was the trip? 

Stephen(literally slumping on top of me, half-asleep): Exhausting… 

Me: Thanks to you and Mark shouting at each other because of sugar rush. 

Richard S: THEY HAD COOKIES! AND COFFEE! 

o.O.o 

End chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: SO INCREDIBLY SORRY for the delay of this chapter! I seriously had to finish the latest chapter of my original work, and later, start a spin-off of this story. But still, this chapter is a reward for waiting for so long :-) 
> 
> A/N 3: This actually happened when me and Erika’s Partners went to Mount TaiShan. I was way too exhausted afterwards and just slept — almost. Then some guy woke us way too early in order to see the sunrise and some cloud formations, which happened to be really beautiful. :-) 
> 
> A/N 4: Now that all the travel craze are over, what else are in for the group? Stay tuned and you’ll find out.


	12. Another Day of Randomness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hallo and welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This chapter is purely on randomness so… yeah. 
> 
> A/N 2: I hardly did anything the day before yesterday, so this chapter is going to be really… well… you know… weird.

[In my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[In the study of my house.] 

Me(to myself): OK, I really have to finish this thing, ever since going on that crazy trip with those people. 

[Oscar Wilde enters.] 

Oscar: Gracey. 

Me(looking up): What? 

Oscar: It’s quiet here because the others are in the theatre, for some reason. ??? 

Me(looking back down): Oh, um, they’re helping two of my friends with their Wagner musical. 

Oscar(intrigued): So they’re doing the Master-singers, eh? 

Me(closing my eyes): Oh…no. 

[I rush out of the place, calling to Oscar that he’s holding the fort.] 

[In my theatre.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(singing): OH OH AH AH OH OH AH AH AH OOOOOOH OOOOOOOH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH AH AH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH~ 

KayEUndercover(singing): AAAAAAND SHOULD I EVERRRRR TRUUUUUUST HIM AGAAAAAAAAIIIIN?!! 

Everyone else: 0_o 

Richard(yelling above their singing volume): SO WHICH MUSICAL ARE THEY DOING? 

Stephen: I GUESS TRISTAN AND ISOLDE? 

KayEUndercover(finally stopping her screeching): Ah, Mr. Fry! You’re here. And… Richard Wagner as well? 

Richard: Thanks for slaughtering this musical because I kinda liked it. 

Stephen: Awww, they’re not professionals, Rich, and you know Mathilde loves you. 

[Mathilde Wesendock appears.] 

Mathilde(gushing): AWWWWW RICHARD YOU DID A MUSICAL FOR ME? <3 <3 <3 

Richard: Ummm… kind of. 

Mathilde: That’s too sweet of you. But good luck with your relationship with Franz. 

Richard: I love Franz as well, and that’s how come he’s Melot. You’re Isolde, and I’m Tristan, and Franz is Melot — it’s a love triangle, Mathilde! 

Me(finally making my presence known): OK, so you’re watching them practicing for their Wagner festival this year? 

Richard: MY festival? 

Stephen and Mathilde: HELL YES! 

Me: I’m asking you a question, Rich and Stephen. 

Them: HELL YES! 

Me: *sigh* 

[After watching KayEUndercover and Tristan_Isolde_Melot ‘slaughter’ the musical, we go back to the house.] 

[In my living room.] 

Me: OK, I think I owe you an apology, and an explaination — my friends KayEUndercover, aka Hina Villegram, and another friend, Tristan_Isolde_Melot, aka Hansen Langnen, are volunteering for the Richard Wagner Musicals Festivals this August 23rd, right before the Horror Film Festival, which takes place Aug 24th. So yes, they’re practicing, and their voices are breaking because of how high the notes are — seriously, Rich? 

Richard: That musical is kind of what happens if Mathilde and I establish our relationship, which thankfully we didn’t — because we don’t want to be killed by Franz. 

Mathilde: No way, Rich, Melot didn’t kill Tristan — he wounded him way too badly, and not even Isolde could save him, unfortunately. 

Stephen: Too true. 

Stefan: Also, didn’t I mention that all Richard’s fans can get a chance? 

Richard: *sigh* 

[PAUSE] 

Richard: My fans can never be normal — one is overzealous, another a warlord, and this one… way stalker-ish because of the documentary! *glares at Stephen* 

Stephen(innocent): WHY ME? 

Richard(shouting): YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DID WAGNER AND ME, MISTER! 

Me(also shouting): ENOUGH, PEOPLE! 

[*Time skip, it is now night time.] 

[Elliott Spencer is joining us tonight:-).] 

Mark(seeing Elliot while making his daily cocktail): AW I thought we were married, Stephen? 

Stefan(to me): I told you I ship them, like FedEx. 

Me: Stop reading Any’s fanfics, please. 

Stefan: *smiles smugly at me* 

Elliot: No, way, we’re married. 

Stephen(coming out of the kitchen): GUTEN ABEND, ELLIOT AND COMPANAAAAAAAAY! 

Me: *closes my eyes* 

[PAUSE] 

Me: I’m definitely not dealing with this. 

Elliot(to me): Fortunately you and him are not married in reality, because imagine dealing with this 24/7. 

Me: I’d killed myself right then and there. 

Elliot: Oh no you’re not. 

Stephen(grabbing Elliot and hugging him close): I’M SO, SO, SOOOOOOO GLAD TO SEE YA! 

Stefan(to me): He so, so, sooooo need help, again. 

Me: *leaves them shouting as if high on crack* 

o.O.o 

End chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again, sorry for not updating as quickly — I’m already trying my best, but I’m way too busy and still writing my unfinished Community fanfic, as well as my original work of My Chemical Romance!


	13. Pool Party PRT 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! Today, I’m taking everyone swimming, because that’s just what I did the day before yesterday. 
> 
> A/N 2: And yes, there is going to be craziness, because this is Complete and Utter Ignorance, as Stephen would’ve claimed, and I have to admit, he’d be right.

[In my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. We’re having tea, Chinese style, this time. Why? Don’t ask, because I can never remember why.] 

Me: OK, I have another announcement! 

Everyone: *moan* 

Me: OK, so I’m taking everyone swimming today. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): HURRAY! 

Everyone else: *OMG…* 

Mark: HAVE SOME ENTHUSIASM, PEOPLE! 

Me: Thanks, I’m already having a headache even before we’re leaving. 

[After way hours of complaining and whatnot, we are on our way. This time, via car because Hugh Laurie is driving us. And yes, he’s a guest star:-)] 

Hugh: So you’re going swimming? 

Mark: HELL YES. 

Stephen and I: *sleeping* 

[Mark kicks us.] 

Me: MARK! 

Stephen: WTH? 

Hugh: *eyes smile at our bickering in the mirror* I have to say, Stephen m’coll, you shouldn’t’ve married Elliot — you and Mark are perfect! 

Stephen: Just you wait, Hugh, just you wait. 

Stefan: I KNOW RIGHT 

Hugh: Certainly! 

[After some more time, I make another announcement.] 

Me: Ok, another thing: my cousin and his friends are also joining in, so it’s going to be crazy. 

Stephen: As if it’s not crazy enough. 

Stefan: OF COURSE NOT! 

Stephen: WHAT?! 

Stefan: Oops. 

Mark: RICHARD AND COMPANY ARE JOINING? THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN I THOUGHT! 

Hugh(to me): Good luck dealing with all this, and Stephen can be way emotional sometimes, though it’s understandable usually. 

Stephen: *mock-puppy-eyes to Hugh* 

Mark: I KNEW IT! 

Stephen, Hugh: No way. 

Hugh: Sorry to break it to you, but I’m with Robert and Pip, the latter ever since the last season of Jeeves. 

Mark(to Stephen and Stefan): We should form a threesome as well, whad’you say? 

Stephen: I say ‘no way’. 

Stefan: I say ‘yes way’. 

Stephen: No way. 

Stefan: Yes way. 

Stephen(raising his voice now): NO WAY! 

Stefan: YES WAY 

Stephen: NO WAY, STEFAN, NO WAY. 

Stefan: YES WAY, YES TOO WAY! 

Hugh(to me, above both the car noises and their screaming): Are they always like this? 

Me: Always, and never quiet. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, we’ll skip to the part of the pool party.] 

[Via Hugh’s car, we arrive at the hotel where we will go for our swimming.] 

Hugh: We’re here! Have fun, everyone! 

Everyone: HELL YEAH! 

[We say good-bye to Hugh and go to the hotel. Hugh isn’t joining this time because he has errands to run. :-(] 

[When we get to the pool.] 

[Females with females and males with males.] 

[Sue Perkins and Mel Gierodyc are with us as well, for some reason. AnysCake and SissolxJeffC4ever are all with us.] 

[We change quickly and go to the pool.] 

o-o-o 

[*OK, I’m making another skip here, now we’re in the pool, and feeling cool instead of cold.] 

[Stefan and I are talking near the banks, while Stephen and Mark play water polo.] 

Stephen: MARK, THAT’S CHEATING! 

Mark: NO WAY, STEPHEN! 

Stephen: YES WAY! 

Mark: NO WAY! 

[That continues for endless hours, almost.] 

[*OK, I’m making another skip. Now everyone’s basically acting childish and splashing each other water.] 

[Stefan and I are talking when Stephen accidentally(read: purposely) splashes me water and nearly drenches me.] 

Me(grinning evilly, despite being half-drowned): Oh, yeah? 

Me: *creates a giant tidal wave and crashes it at Stephen* 

[We do this multiple times until we get tired.] 

Me: OK, I’m really swimming this time. 

Stephen, Mark: NO WAY, GRACEY! 

[Meanwhile.] 

Richard(sipping on some iced 7-Up): Now this is a show. 

Sue: I’m joining in. Girls power time! 

[She joins in and tackles Stephen until both are underwater.] 

[*OK, I’m ending this because things go even more out of character afterwards. Let’s skip to the part where we are finally back at my place.] 

Stephen and Mark(one half-dead and another still full of energy): THE PARTY WAS AWESOME! 

Me: *half-dead as well* 

Mark: COM AWN, PEOPLE! 

Me: I’m going to go to sleep. No one disturb me, SERIOUSLY. 

[I leave them celebrating as if someone just had their birthday party right then and there.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened around 3 days ago, and yes, I didn’t have any time to write this! And it’s June 25 now. All thanks to J, aka Erika’s anti-writing CCT Partner, as well as Coco, her other Partner. 
> 
> A/N 4: No worries, I’m combining two Random chapters together, in order to save time! And chapter 14 is going to be the activities we will be doing on June 25!


	14. Days of Randomness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: YAAAAY! A new chapter in Complete and Utter Ignorance! This time, everyone’s favorite QI co-host is making an appearance! All hail, Alan Davies!

[In my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Jonathan Creek actor and screenwriter, Alan Davies, is discussing about screenwriting with me.] 

Alan: …so you have to find the right characteristics. 

Me: You sound like you were one of the writers for Jonathan Creek. 

Alan: Unfortunately, no. 

[Ravenevermore, aka Jonathan O’Flanagan, walks in my study, where Alan and I were discussing stuff.] 

Jonathan: Ah, so you’re here, Alan! 

Alan: Yes, helping Gracey with her screenwriting because the others are not helping. 

[Jonathan hands us glasses of 7-Up.] 

Jonathan: Made by Mark. 

Alan: He’s still with Mark Carwardine? 

Jonathan: Ironically, yes. 

Me: They’re in my theatre, listening to Hina and Hansen shriek-sing Tristan and Isolde. 

[In my theatre.] 

[KayEUndercover and Tristan_Isolde_Melot are singing on top of their voices in half-out-of-tune singing.] 

Richard: I regret coming here. 

Stephen: *ROFLMHO!!* 

Mark(hands him a glass of 7-Up and Fanta mixed mocktail): Have some 7-Up. 

Richard: I’m afraid, Herr Carwardine, you’re addicted. 

Mark: *DUH Richard* 

[*Time skip to when it is finally evening.] 

Me: So how was the performance? 

Richard: Terrible. 

Alan: Awwwww 

Stephen: *glomps him* 

Alan: Eep! 

Richard: *smirks at me* 

Me: I’m watching Wagner and Me — NO ONE INTERRUPT ME! 

All: AWWWWW 

[I go to my room and watches said documentary.] 

[Meanwhile outside…] 

Alan: She should watch QI, no, everyone? 

Mark: TOTALLY! THAT’D BE EPICALLY EPIC! 

Stephen(languidly): Since when did you learn that word? 

Mark: Not telling. 

Stefan(to Alan): Uh-oh. 

Stephen: YES TELLING! 

Mark: NO WAY! 

Stephen: YES WAY! 

[I get out of my room.] 

Me: ARE YOU TWO DONE? 

Both: HELL NO! 

Me: Urgh! OK, I’m sleeping. 

[Goes back to my room and sleeps.] 

o-o-o 

[Twenty minutes later.] 

Mark(entering my room without my consent, as usual): We have to go out and take a walk, Gracey — Stefan and company are also coming. 

Me(still half-asleep): Go away. 

Mark(grinning now): No way, Gracey. You haven’t been outside since yesterday. 

Me: We had breakfast at RADA today, remember? *groan* 

Mark(yanking me up): Yes, but we have to go out again! 

Me: *Moan* 

[Evening.] 

[Outside is warmish and comfy, and we had Stefan, Alan, and RichardSxx with us.] 

Stefan: Stephen and Alan had a really epic argument when you were sleeping, Gracey, and it was glorious. 

Me(still irritated by Mark’s antics): Cool, tell me about it. 

[Stefan proceeds to tell me everything, from beginning to end, without even understanding sarcasm.] 

Me: *sleep-walking, thanks to Stefan* 

[*OK, this is getting really boring. Let’s skip to the part where we went shopping.*] 

Richard(pleading): Can we pleeeeeeeaaaase have some soft ice cream and some eggie cookies? 

Me: Water, please. 

[We go in to buy those stuff. I get Richard some ice cream, and some for myself.] 

Mark, Stefan, Alan: AAWWWWW WHERE’S OURS?! 

Richard: *hands Alan a milkshake* 

Mark, Stefan: WHERE’S OURS? 

Me: You really have to lay off the sugar intake. 

Mark(mustering his best puppy-eyes): PLEEEEASE? 

Me: No way, consider this a punishment for dragging me out of bed. 

Stefan: But you’ve been sleeping all day, only waking to write your story. 

Me: That’s what I’m supposed to do, Stefan. 

Mark: That’s not healthy. 

Me: That’s perfectly healthy. 

Mark: Not. 

Me: Yes. 

Mark: No. 

[We continue our argument, with Richard, Stefan, and Alan bringing out popcorn and watching us; as if we were even more entertaining than the World Cup Finals.] 

[After some more amounts of walking…] 

Stefan(to me): If you want to go into Musical Theatre, you have to sing all the time. 

Me(half-listening): Yeah, sure. 

Stefan: I mean really. 

[By some paradox, the others start singing.] 

Mark(singing): Do re mi fa so, so fa so mi… 

Richard(singing): Do re mi fa so, so re fa mi… 

Alan(singing): Do re mi fa so, so re mi fa… 

Mark(singing): Say can you hear… the daylight chimes? 

Alan(singing): Do re mi fa so, so re mi fa… say can you see… the city lights? 

Stefan(nodding to them): That’s exactly what I mean. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(singing along): Do re mi fa so, so re so mi — say can you hear… the daylight chimes? 

Me(singing along): Say can you see… the city lights? 

Mark(singing): Do re mi fa so, so re so mi — say can you see… the people on the streets? 

Everyone(singing): Say can you hear… the music of the night? Say can you see… the people on the streets? 

Richard(singing): Do re mi fa so, so re so mi — say can you hear… the church bells chime? 

Mark(singing): Say can you see… the people on the streets? (yes) 

Alan(singing): Say can you hear… the daylight chimes? (yes) 

Everyone(singing): Say can you hear… the daylight chimes? (yes) Do re mi fa so, so fa fa mi — say can you see… the city lights? (yes) Say can you hear… the people on the streets? Oh… 

Alan(singing): Say can you hear… 

Me(singing): Say can you see… 

Mark(singing): Say can you hear… 

Stefan(singing): Say can you hear… 

Everyone(singing): Say can you hear… say can you see… say can you, hear… the early day chimes…? 

[We go back to my house, still with Say Can You Hear ringing in our ears.] 

Me(still slightly stunned): I’m done with you guys. 

Everyone: *ignores me as if hypnotized* 

o.O.o 

End chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Yay! My second chapter today! This actually happened last night, me and Erika’s partner singing some songs, but not really the song depicted here; instead — the Beatles, which is kind of old-fashioned but still catchy :-) 
> 
> A/N 3: The song, Say Can You Hear, belongs to JC14, not me! And yes, this is borrowed from what he wrote in his story about Alan, Stephen, and I having epically cracked adventures!


	15. Pool Party PRT 2?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is a weird chapter, and possibly my last chapter for today, because I just got back from this one. See? Three chapters for you in one day :-D

[My house. Norwich, Norfolk, UK. Morning.] 

[I am still sleeping, when Mark Carwardine decides to disturb me by yanking open the curtains.] 

Me(wakes up immediately): HEY! 

[I flop back on my pillows, exasperated at him.] 

Mark: Rise and shine, Gracey! Guess what, we’re going on another pool party today! You promised, remember?! 

Me(half-asleep): Huh? 

Mark: You promised us another pool party. 

Me(finally sitting up again): Fine. 

[We go and have breakfast in the dining room, where Stefan Mickisch is telling Stephen Fry everything that happened last night.] 

[Both look up when Mark and I arrive.] 

Both: GUTEN MORGEN, GRACEY!! 

Me: Right, guten Morgen to you too. Also, Dankeschön for the early morning headache. 

Both: Awwwww 

[*Time skip, we’re finally on our way.] 

[But first, we had to take the Tube, or rather, the subway, to the World Trade Center in Central Norwich.] 

Me: OK, so we’re taking the subway, or, the Tube, again, to the World Trade Center because Rodney has to get some medicine for his depression. 

Rodney: True, otherwise I may do stupid things. 

Me: So while we wait, we may go to Starbucks. 

Mark, Stephen, Stefan: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR STARBUCKS! 

Rodney: What? 

[PAUSE] 

Rodney: Actually, you’re not going alone there — Richard is taking care of you guys. 

Stephen, Stefan, Mark: Awwwwww 

Rodney: *smirk* 

[Subway arrives and we go on.] 

[*Trust me, you missed nothing — the ride is just like the ride depicted in chapter 5, only more dramatic that I’m way too tired and lazy to write it down here; so basically, you missed nothing.] 

[When we finally arrive at the World Trade Center.] 

[Said center is really cool inside, in a emotive way, not a physical way. Because of the AirCon.] 

[Rodney says good-bye to us and we go on our separate ways.] 

[Meanwhile, when they think I’m not listening…] 

Stefan: We should definitely let Gracey try on some new clothes. 

Stephen, Mark: HELL YEAH! 

Stephen: She’s not that keen on fashion, just so you understand. She’s kind of like Hugh when coming to that. 

Mark: Let’s go see some Alpine gear! 

Stephen, Stefan: No, way. We’ve had enough alpine adventures. 

Mark: PUH-LEEEEEEAAASE? 

Both: No way. 

Mark: YES WAY! 

Stephen, Stefan: NO WAY! 

Mark: YES WAY, YES TOO WAY, BECAUSE I WANT TO, THAT’S WHY! 

[I finally turn back to them.] 

Me: No one is looking for alpine gear, and no one is shoving me into new clothes — I’m comfortable wearing what I’m wearing right now. 

Stephen and Stefan: Awwwwww 

Mark: *sulking* But I want to, Gracey! 

Me: I may change my mind if you three behave at Starbucks. 

Stefan(sings): Ba da ba da ba ba baaaaaa — I’m lovin’ it! 

Me: Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not the Starbucks theme. 

Stephen, Mark: *ROFLMFHO!!!* 

[After almost hours of that, we arrive at Starbucks.] 

[RichardSxx is waiting for us, with a chocolate muffin.] 

Mark, Stephen, Stefan: AAAAAWWWW WE WANT SOME CHOCOLATE MUFFINS, GRACEY, PUH-LEASE?! 

Richard(looking up from his place): You three are acting way out of character today, why? 

Them: Because we didn’t have choco muffins. 

Richard: *rolls eyes* 

[PAUSE] 

[I leave them to Richard while going to buy some ice choco to drink, because it is way too hot outside; but freezing cold inside.] 

[Meanwhile…] 

Richard: So how’s being with Gracey these days? 

Stefan: She’s like, always restricting us from tasting some of the cocktails Mark made. 

Mark: I tell you, Richard, if I didn’t become an alpine guide, I may become a chemist. 

Stephen: Oh really? 

Mark(triumphant): For SURE! *so much win!* 

[*OK, I’m making a skip here, because I’m lazy.*] 

[We are now going to a restaurant, but no one is really THAT hungry.] 

Stephen(after slurping some of his Green Tea Frappuccino): You know you could’ve made it up when you got the chance, Gracey? 

Me: Urgh. 

[Elliot appears.] 

Elliott: Try dealing with this 24/7. 

Me: I’d rather die than deal with this endlessly. 

Elliott: Good luck to you, then. 

Stephen(to Elliott): WHYYYYY? 

Elliot: Why not? 

Me: OK! People, we’ve arrived. 

[Elliot disappears and we go in to our restaurant.] 

[We order some food, not much, since Richard had his muffin.] 

[I am looking at orders, while the others are bugging Rich about his muffin — them.] 

Richard: …and for the last time — it’s for a make-up of my breakfast. I had to escort Rodney. 

Stephen: WHAT? 

Me(looking up): The word today is, as usual: quiet. Use your quiet voices today. 

Them: Awwwww 

Me: Nothing’s going to convince me otherwise. 

Richard(to Stephen and company): So you shouldn’t envy me. 

Stephen and Co: But we DO! 

[Some time after we start eating…] 

[Mark and Stephen just got back from the bathroom.] 

Mark(to me): Don’t think of a stuffed blue elephant. 

Me(looking up from my soup): Are you playing mind games? 

Stephen(absolutely delighted and beaming): GRACEY, YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT — WE SAW SOME BLUE STUFFED ELEPHANTS AND MARK DECIDED TO PLAY THE MIND GAME! 

Me(hissing, because some people are looking at us): Have I mentioned to use your indoor voice, mister? 

Stephen(still shouting): HELL YES! 

Mark: *rolls eyes* 

Me: *ignores them and continues to eat my soup* 

[*OK, time skip. Rodney is joining us again and it was just revealed that we’re not going swimming after all.] 

[I nearly choke on my frap.] 

Me: So we’re not going? 

Rodney: ‘m ‘fraid not. 

Everyone: HURRAY!!/*Groan*/Awesome. 

Mark(to Rodney): But you owe us one! 

[I leave them arguing.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re back at my place, not really drenched in rain, fortunately.] 

[Richard Wagner appears, with Oscar Wilde following behind.] 

[They are about to speak when I interrupt, half-asleep, because of Stephen and company’s sugar rush — I didn’t know there were sugar inside their fraps, that’s the problem, because the barista lied.] 

Me: No, nothing went well. I’m going to sleep, and no one interrupt. 

[I go into my room, closes the door, and proceeds to go to sleep.] 

[Meanwhile outside…] 

Mark(shouting): 7-UP TIME! 

Everyone else, except for Richard W, Richard S, and Oscar: AWESOME! 

[They start partying because they’re under the influence of sugar.] 

[*Short time skip] 

[After chugging eight of my 7-Up drinks and Fantas, as well as five Pepsis.] 

Mark(suffering from sugar high): WOOOOO 

Richard S(coming out of my study): What’s going ON here?! 

Stephen(under the influence of sugar from the 7-Ups and totally out of character): THIS IS AWESOME; SO, SO, SOOOOOOOO AWESOME. 

Richard S: You guys are going to get in big trouble with Gracey. 

[The party goes on until around 11, when I’m finally awake because of the loud noises.] 

[I open my door and dodge a can of soda that smashed upon my door.] 

Me(completely stunned speechless): What the… looks like some twister whooshed in here. 

Everyone, except for Richard S and I: YAHOOOOO! JOIN IN THE PARTAY, GRACEY! 

Me(marching towards them): OK, YOU GUYS ARE GROUNDED! *drags them all to my basement and locks them in, making my pet chameleon, Moldy, look after them* 

o.O.o 

End chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for finishing it only now. But this actually happened yesterday — I had some choco frap and wasn’t hungry for the whole day.   
>  Another thing that happened, was that I did find a really adorable stuffed blue elephant, as well as a Sue Perkins doppelgänger, in the restaurant I went with Erika’s partner. 
> 
> A/N: And the ending… that didn’t happen, fortunately!


	16. The Life and Death of Julius Caesar(or, Caesar Screening)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hah, I’m starting this chapter today(June 26) and possibly finishing it tomorrow, I don’t know. But still, hope you’ll enjoy this — I’m writing this in a restaurant, though.

[My house, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Me: People, I have another announcement — today we’re seeing Julius Caesar, the Shakespeare play. Or rather, a screening of it. 

Everyone: HURRAY!/BRILLIANT!/SERIOUSLY, GRACEY, THAT’S WAY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! 

Me(smiling): Of course it’s true, and I’m afraid this is going to be a shorter chapter than the usual ones. 

Everyone: AWWWWWW 

Me: Sorry, but it can’t be helped. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Also, we’re having special guests here joining us today! All hail — Tristan and Company! 

[In a flourish, Tristan and Company, from the Wagner musical of Tristan and Isolde, appear, one by one.] 

[After they all introduced themselves.] 

Stephen(stunned): OK, Gracey, I’m actually considering whether I’d really like to be with you if this happens in reality. 

Me: Aww, but don’t shatter the illusion and NO BREAKING THE 4TH WALL! 

Tristan and Company: HULLO EVERYONE! WE’RE MARK, ISOLDE, TRISTAN AND MELOT! 

Tristan: So we’re joining you on this adventure, and if you want to know more about our adventures with Gracey here, please go read her recent spin-off story of The Adventures of Tristan and Isolde and Company! 

Me(exasperated already): Thanks a lot, Tristan, for the advertising. 

Tristan(beaming at me): You’re welcome. 

Isolde(to me): You have to excuse him — he can never understand sarcastic — you remember the scene in the first act, eh? 

[I nod, while Richard Wagner appear.] 

Richard(irritated at me transporting his characters around): Explanation, NOW, Gracey. 

Me: Just some fun playing around with them. 

Richard: Sorry to break it to you, but they’re not toys. 

Me: Awww 

[After way hours, we are, again, on our way, with my cousin RichardSxx joining in, as usual.] 

[This time, we’re in The Square.] 

[Shopping center.] 

Isolde: Oooh, look at all the clothes! 

Tristan(to Melot): Think yourself fortunate you didn’t engage with her — she’s been like this ever since we’re together. 

Me: I’m kind of feeling that I’d like some milkshake. 

Mark C, Stephen, Stefan: PLEASE SOME FOR US AS WELL? 

Me: No way. 

Them: Yes way. 

Me: NO WAY, Mark, you really have to watch your sugar intake. 

Mark C: *pitiful puppy eyes* 

Me: Urgh. 

[I buy Richard S and I some milkshake, a vanilla one and a vanilla-red-velvet one, then get back to Stephen and the others.] 

Stephen(to Mark): I think she means what she just said, about not buying you milkshake. 

Stefan: Only that means something way more intimate. 

Tristan: TMI, Stefan. 

Melot: *LOL* You remember when they were talking about your intimate scene with Isolde, don’t ya? 

[Isolde elbows him with him laughing really hard.] 

Isolde: Sorry to break it to you but we were… uh… actually chatting, because there were way too much noise in the living room. 

Melot(grinning impishly): Suuuuuuuure. 

[*Time skip. Now we are about to ride the bus to go to the theatre, where the screening takes place.] 

[At the bus stop.] 

Me(to myself): I can hardly even finish this thing, and now I regret buying it. 

Mark C(ears perking up): AWESOME! 

Stephen and Stefan and the others: ??? 

[Mark C grabs my half-finished milkshake when I’m not looking and chugs the whole thing.] 

Mark C(shouting from sugar high): WOOOOOOO~ 

Me: *facepalm* 

[*Time skip, now we’re on the bus.] 

[We pass by McDonald’s.] 

Me(pointing behind Stephen): And that, is McDonald’s. 

Isolde(sings): Ba da ba ba ba — I’m lovin’ it! 

Mark C(not even getting her meaning): SAME HERE, FRIEND! 

Tristan(to me): Thanks for that. 

Me: Right, and you’re so welcome. 

[*Time Skip again, now we’ve got our tickets and are waiting for the show to start.] 

Me: OK, another announcement — everyone, a simple rule here… please, and I really mean please… use your indoor voice here, because. 

Stephen, Tristan and Company: BUT WE’RE ACTORS! 

Me(hissing): I said: Use. Your. Indoor. Voices, especially you guys. 

[*Another time skip, now we’re watching SkyArts commercials.] 

[*Sorry, I haven’t explained the seats orders! So it’s like this: Stephen — Me — Richard — Mark C — Stefan — Tristan — Melot — Isolde — Mark. I made Stephen, Mark C, and Stefan separate because they are way too loud together… in a headache-inducing way. See previous chapters if you don’t know what I mean.*] 

Richard(yelling above the volume of the commercials): HEY STEFAN! I WISH I WOULD’VE DONE GRAPHIC DESIGNS BECAUSE THIS LOOKS BEYOND COOL! 

Stefan: *smile* 

Stephen: *blows mock-kiss to Stefan* 

Me(shaking my head and to myself): They will never finish their antics. 

Stefan: *does rude gesture to Stephen* 

Me(to Stefan, with my teeth half-closed): Think. Of. Richard’s. Age, Mister. 

[Wagner and Me Forum flashes up and everyone becomes nuts.] 

Me: AH I SHOULD’VE SEEN THAT! 

Everyone else(Frank Spencer style): OOOOOOOOH 

[Finally after almost hours of commercials, the show starts, first with some rock music playing.] 

Richard(shouting, again above the volume): THIS IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT! 

Mark C: I KNOW RIGHT! I SHOULD’VE JOINED IN THE WAGNER FORUM AS WELL! WE WOULD’VE BEEN ON TV! 

Richard: THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT AS I’VE MENTIONED BEFORE!!! 

[Again, almost way hours, the show starts, unfortunately for Mark C and Richard, who really enjoyed the rock music.] 

[*Again, the show was awesome, but I’m way too lazy to write about it full here, so let’s just skip to the part where we decide to go have some very simple dinner.*] 

o-o-o 

[After the show…] 

Me: OK, let’s get some really simple dinner and go back to my place. I’m literally half-asleep. 

Mark C(hugging Richard S): Right, and still standing upright. 

Everyone else: *ROFLMHO!* 

[We go out of the theatre and into the hot air again.] 

[We head towards The Square.] 

[At The Square…] 

Isolde: This place is really multi-colored. 

Mark: Too true. 

Richard: OK, Gracey, how ‘bout this: let’s get some green tea ice cream? *smiles hopefully at me* 

[The others are still gawking amongst themselves, so I turn to him and agree.] 

[While we are gone…] 

Isolde: So where’s Gracey and Richard? 

Stephen: I have zero idea. 

Melot(to Isolde): They’re buying green tea ice creams, can we have some as well? 

Tristan, Mark: Yeeeeaaaaah? 

Isolde: Seriously, you three? 

[And that is exactly what Richard and I come back to.] 

Me: OK, I think ice cream should just be our dinner. 

Richard: HELL YES! 

Stefan and company: WHERE’S OURS? 

Mark C: How ‘bout let’s go to Hyatt again? 

Stephen, Stefan: HELL YES! 

Me: HELL NO! 

Them: YES! 

Me: NO! 

[*Time skip. Eventually we didn’t go to Hyatt, but they made me promise them to take them there some time later.] 

[*I am way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so I’ll end this chapter right here, quietly, since everyone’s already asleep.*] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 16


	17. Caesar Screening Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is what happened today(June 27), so please bear with me if it’s incredibly random — I haven’t really got a really good inspiration yet. Also, Tristan and Isolde and their friends are still to come again! So stay tuned… :-D 
> 
> A/N 2: Also, some bad news — I’ll be working on two of my original stories today, so don’t really expect this one to finish any time soon.

[In my house. Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Mark Carwardine(barging into my room again, while I am sleeping): GUTEN MORGEN, GRACEY! How ‘bout let’s have breakfast at RADA again? Please, someone has to take my side, because Stefan just watched the entire World Cup Final on TV and didn’t sleep last night. Stephen’s way too persuasive and he wants to go to Cambridge. 

Me(half-asleep): How ‘bout you take separate directions? 

Mark: You know he’s in his needy phase again! 

Me(sitting up): Urgh. 

Mark(grinning now): ‘Urgh’ is right. 

[I put on my dressing gown and go to the bathroom; later drinking some water and sees Stephen talking with my cousin, RJeevesxS (RichardSxx).] 

Richard: Sorry, but I’m holding the fort. 

Stephen: Pleeeease? 

Richard: How ‘bout you call Rodney and ask him? 

Stephen: He’s busy with… Jeffrey. 

Richard(to pretend audience): I told you I almost forgot that Jeff and Stephen are not in good terms, for some reason. 

[Finally, I interrupt them.] 

Me: I think RADA is fine. 

Stephen: NO WAY! CAMBRIDGE FTW. 

Me: Oh… no 

Mark: NO WAY — RADA IS THE BEST IN THE UK! 

Stephen: CAMBRIDGE, BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER THIS UNIVERSITY STUDENT WITH THAT BACKPACK?! 

Mark: OF COURSE NOT! 

Me: SILENCE! 

[They finally quiet down, glaring at each other, again.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re in RADA, eating our breakfasts. We’ve promised Stephen that we’ll be going to Cambridge for a Kingdom-approved boat ride later.] 

Me: I’d rather stay here. 

Stephen: Puh-lease? 

Mark(still irritated by Stephen’s previous antics): ‘Puh-lease’ yourself. 

Stephen: Oh yeah? 

Me(interrupting them): Don’t start. 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re in Cambridge, at the canal.] 

Stephen: BOATING TIIIIIIIME! 

Mark: Hurray. 

[We rent boats and go boating.] 

[*OK, I’m too lazy to write about what happens then, so let’s get back to my place first.] 

[After our boating trip in the canal, we are back in Norwich, thankfully.] 

o-o-o 

[Later that same day. Isolde and Company are back with us again! :-D] 

[Because of some anomaly, Stephen, Mark, Melot, and Tristan are puking their organs out because they ate something bad the previous evening. Strange that it happened so late.] 

Isolde: Sometimes I cannot understand men. 

Me: Join the club, sister. 

Isolde: Sure. 

[After some rounds of throwing up into the bucket Isolde gave him and Tristan…] 

Mark(calling out faintly): Gracey, there has to be some ginger ale? 

[Isolde and I go to the bathroom they are all huddled in.] 

Me: Mark, I told you and Stephen to stop ordering those sticky rice balls, didn’t I? 

Melot(pausing from puking his organs out): But sometimes they taste good. *leans over Stephen cautiously and throws up on the rug* 

Me: *screaming* 

Isolde(above my screaming): OMGodPEOPLE. 

[*OK, this is getting cruel of me. Let’s just skip to the part where everyone is OK at last and we’re arguing about what to do.] 

[Afternoon.] 

[Living room. I’m sleeping on the couch and the others are discussing about what to watch for the time being.] 

Melot: How about let’s see QI? 

Tristan: Seriously. 

Mark: He loves that, for reasons unknown. 

Melot: No way. 

Tristan: Fine, but we’re not watching the movie depiction of us. 

Isolde: Definitely not! 

[PAUSE] 

Mark C: LET’S WATCH LAST CHANCE TO SEE! 

Stephen: You just want to humiliate me. 

Stefan: Awwwww 

Mark C: PLEEEEEAAAASE? 

[By their screaming, I finally wake up, irritated, as usual.] 

Me: How about let’s watch… hmmm… My Life? 

Isolde(gushing again): AAAWWWW I LOOOOOVE Stephen Kourteney! 

Mark: Only it was his wife who played Mathilde. 

Melot: And don’t mention it that his brother-in-law played Franz Liszt. 

Tristan: I thought everyone thought that movie was ‘eh’? 

Me: I haven’t watched it, but I’ve heard it’s quite funny. 

Stephen: ? 

Me: Yes, and there ARE some German actors playing those people. Just like you were the successor to Peter Finch and Company. 

[Mentioned people appear, in Oscar Wilde gear.] 

Peter: No way, he’s not our successor. 

Robert Morley: No way, no sir. 

[They do a flourish.] 

Me: I’m really getting a headache. 

Stephen: Well you’re not faithful fans either! 

Peter and Robert: Oh like we care. 

Me: PEOPLE! 

[After hours, they finally settle on Jeeves and Wooster, and later, a switch to Kingdom.] 

Isolde(gushing): Awww Karl is too cute! 

Me: *smile* 

Tristan: I ship it. 

Stephen: NO YOU DON’T! 

Tristan: OH YES OF COURSE I DO! 

Stephen: DON’T! 

Tristan: DO! 

Me and Isolde: ARE YOU TWO DONE?/ENOUGH! 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen(giving both of us the side-eye; to Tristan): Women. 

Isolde(giving him an absolute filthy look in return; to me): Men. *we beam at each other and clink our glasses of 7-Up* 

[*OK, whatever happens later, I’m way too lazy to write about it right now, so I’ll… uh… just stop here. :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 17


	18. Tech Savvy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for not updating this thing until today, but yesterday, I really want to finish my original works, so this got pushed to today. Still, enjoy yesterday’s randomness!

[Norwich, Norfolk, UK. My house.] 

[Living room.] 

[Actor/Tech fan Stephen Fry and my cousin, RichardSxx, are both in front of a camera. They are filming something while the others are inside my theatre, listening to some really off-key singing that only we can bear xD.] 

Richard(to pretend audience): Welcome to today’s episode of Dork Talk! 

[Sounds of clapping sound, from Richard’s cell phone, because he timed it.] 

Richard: So now we’ll talk about all sorts of tech! 

Stephen(to Richard): You have heard that Apple is promoting its new cell phone, didn’t ya! 

Richard(beaming and playing along): SURE DID! AND GET EXCITED, PEOPLE! *does flourish to pretend audience* 

Stephen: … 

Richard: So let us start! 

[They start the Dork Talk.] 

[After some minutes of them arguing, I interrupt them, because I’m busy writing my stuff(re: original works).] 

Me: Can you two tune it down? 

Both: NO! 

Me: ?! 

Richard(grinning evilly, while Stephen tries to hold him down because they’ve been wrestling): I BET 100 BUCKS TO YOU IF STEPHEN — *he dodges a swing at the head* — DOESN’T BUY THE LATEST IPHONE 8X!!! 

[I leave them fighting.] 

o-o-o 

(RICHARD POV)

[*Time skip. It is again, evening.] 

Me: OK, since Stefan and Gracey are out of the house, we can continue Dork Talk! 

[Mark enters, mixing a cocktail again.] 

Me(deadpan): Sorry to break it to you, Mark, but this is not A Bit of Fry and Sissol. 

Stephen: … 

Mark: … 

Me: Sorry, though. 

[*Another time skip, now Gracey and Stefan are back.] 

Gracey: I’m sleeping now, so no one interrupt me! We have to go shopping tomorrow, so get ready. 

Stephen(to her): Since when did you get fashion savvy? 

Gracey: ?? 

Stephen: *smile* 

Gracey: *rolls eyes* Since never. It is inevitable, because Jeffrey wants me to join in his and Rodney’s shopping spree, and I can’t just refuse. 

Stephen(upset): Of course you can! 

Gracey: Of course not! They’re my friends, sorry to break it to you. 

Stephen: Aaawwwwwww 

Gracey(smiling): Well, you guys can join. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): HURRAY! *hurries to go and open some 7-Up to celebrate* 

[PAUSE] 

Gracey: A reminder: remember to sleep early, because we may be leaving early and we’re having lunch outside. 

Me, Mark: YAHOO! 

[Gracey leaves us shouting and cheering as if we were at the sight of the World Cup finals.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: SO THIS IS THE RANDOM ADVENTURE WE HAD!!! This is Richard by the way, and yes, Gracey is sleeping now. Mark and Stephen and I may or may not crash together, so bear with me — and don’t tell Gracey, OK? ;-D


	19. Shopping and Crazy Stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! This is Mark Carwardine writing the Author’s Notes, because apparently Gracey asked for it. And yes, yesterday(June 29) was the shopping spree with Jeffery and Rodney, who you may remember from our alpine adventure! So without further ado, enjoy this random chapter. :-)

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[My house, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: Morning, people. Listen, I have an announcement — we’re going shopping and eating out today. The latter for lunch. 

Everyone: HURRAY!/Holy what?! 

Me: Soooo… yeah. 

[*Time skip. We are now in London, and inside the shopping mall of the Plaza.]

[We’ve spread out because the others want to see some other stuff after discussing it in the subway and the train — yes, we have to travel via train.] 

Richard: This is too hilarious *nods towards a shirt that looks like it was designed for the brand of Moschino* 

Me: Right. 

[Meanwhile, Mark and the Stephens are in Lane Crawford.] 

Stefan: Lane Crawford used to be Any Kulash’s brand. 

Mark, Stephen: WHAT? 

Stefan: Not literally. If you have favorite brands, you may know what I mean. 

Stephen: Now I get it. 

Mark(teasing): Someone’s slow today, eh? 

Stefan: Can you two stop bickering? We have to join Gracey and Richard soon. 

Stephen: Did I mention Richard’s parents are Wagner fans? 

Mark, Stefan(exasperated): WE KNOW! 

[They go around the place until Richard and I join them. The conversation above is what we came back to.] 

Richard: Dude my parents are only KIND OF Wagner fans. They’re way less obsessed with him than Jeffrey. 

[*OK, this is getting boring. Let’s jump to the part where we’re having lunch.] 

[This time, we’re having Stefan and Mark’s favourite cuisine — udon noodles.] 

Mark(after we’ve ordered): OH my god I love you so much Gracey oh my god oh my god *proceeds to repeat that “endlessly”* 

[We start eating.] 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: So when’re we joining Jeffrey and Rodney? 

Richard(high on some sweet sauce): SOON! IT’LL BE AHHHHH-MAZIN’! 

Stephen(deadpan): You’re behaving like those people from QI. 

Richard: HURRAY FOR QI! HEY GRACEY, WE’RE HAVIN’ GUESTS TOMORROW, RIGHT? 

Me(after sipping some soup): True. And you really have to behave then. 

[Mark, Stephen, and Stefan smirk at each other.] 

Me(turning to them): Don’t you guys start. 

Them: Awww what? 

Me: *ignores their fake innocent looks* 

o-o-o 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re in another mall, named ParkView. Rodney and Jeffrey Cadogan, aka JC14(the latter) and RodneyMcKaySG (rodneymckaySG)(the former) are waiting for us.] 

Jeffrey(smiling): You’re late! 

Rodney: Sure you are. 

Me: I have to deal with those guys *points to Stephen, Stefan, Mark, and Richard, who are bickering amongst themselves because I’m having rose honey tea* bickering because I didn’t buy them tea. 

Jeffrey: That’s way out of character for Peter Kingdom… 

Richard(turning to him): Don’t start, Jeff, please. 

[*OK, I’d better explain why was I drinking rose tea.] 

[Some minutes ago, before we left the Plaza.] 

[We finish our lunch.] 

Me(to myself): I now regret not drinking anything. 

[Goes to Red Cuppa to buy some drink(s).] 

[Meanwhile, behind me…] 

Stefan: She likes Red Cuppa now. 

Mark: WHAT? 

[Runs up to me.] 

Mark: What about us? *waves his arm towards Stefan, Stephen, and Richard, with Richard grinning* 

Me: No way, you’ve had way too much liquid. 

Stephen: Water’s good for you! 

Mark(Hugh Laurie voice): But too much is bad for you. 

Stefan(playing along): Too much of anything is bad for you! 

[They crack up at their attempt of the Fry and Laurie sketch.] 

[I roll my eyes.] 

Me: No way, people. 

Them: YES WAY, GRACEY! 

[Flashback to present.] 

[*OK, because I’m lazy, I’ll tell you how good the spree went — über-crazily, because they wouldn’t stop bickering.] 

o-o-o 

[After way hours, almost, we’re back to my house.] 

[Richard Wagner and KayEUndercover are discussing about singing.] 

Me(sneaking and slumping past them): Guten Abend, Rich. 

Richard W(beaming at me): Guten Abend, Gracey! You’ll never guess this, but Hina here is going into more musical theatre! 

Richard S: Just make sure no more screeching. 

KayEUndercover: More like off-key. 

Stephen and Richard W: Way off key. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Listen, I’m going to shower and sleep, in order to wake up to our guests tomorrow. 

Richard W(looking at me suspiciously): Don’t tell me you’re allowing Lohengrin and company here along with Tristan and Isolde. 

Me: No more them. Not this time. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Hi, this is Stephen Fry for your daily dose of Author’s Note. Because the others are arguing like it’s the end of the world, I am the one who’s writing this A/N and telling you this, dear reader(s) — tomorrow, we’re having actors Michael Crawford and Steve Barton coming over to visit! So that’s the reason for Gracey’s unwillingness to join in our conversation that does sound like a round table during a news broadcast if you really think hard about it. I’ll stop rambling now, and stay tuned to this eccentric story :-) xxxS


	20. The Visitors(or, A Bit of Barton and Crawford)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m back now, and yes, I’m never allowing Stephen and Mark near my computer anymore — just in case they find my fanfics of them being a couple. They’d like it if they’re not high on sugar, though, I think and hope. :-) 
> 
> A/N 2: I have to give you this, and it’s happening RIGHT NOW! So this is almost like a broadcast xD. And yes, as Stephen had spoiled the surprise for you — Steve Barton and Michael Crawford are coming over to visit us! :-) 
> 
> A/N 3: And yes, this is in an AU where Steve never perished in 2001.

[In my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My house, living room.] 

Me: OK, people, we’re having visitors today. 

Everyone: HURRAY! 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard: Please don’t tell me it’s Tristan and Isolde, as well as Lohengrin and Company. 

Me: Relax, it’s not. 

Richard: Dankeschön, Gracey, then. 

Me: *smile* 

[He disappears.] 

[Oscar Wilde appears.] 

Oscar: And please, ever since you allowed Richard’s characters here, I’m feeling suspicious of you bringing Algernon and Co. 

Everyone else: *looking at us and munching on popcorn, because this is too entertaining* 

Me(ignoring them): I may do that, so don’t give me ideas. 

Oscar: You’re not Sissol McGivers, Gracey. 

Everyone else: *LOL* 

[I make Oscar disappear.] 

[*Time skip. Now it’s finally noon, and everyone is preparing for the visit.] 

Stephen(announcing): So since not everyone reads Author’s Notes, I’m telling everyone — it’s Michael Crawford and Steve Barton! From this musical about a ghost. 

Everyone: 0_o 

[PAUSE] 

Me: No, it’s not ‘some musical about a ghost’. It’s more like an urban legend. 

Everyone: Oooh, creeepy. 

Me: True. 

[*Time skip. Michael Crawford and Steve Barton are with us at last.] 

[In my living room.] 

Me(after opening my door for them): Welcome to my parlour, gentlemen. 

Steve: Thank you :-) 

Michael: Good to see you too, and thanks :-) 

[I lead them in.] 

Me: OK, I think I owe you an apology. Stephen and Michael, I don’t know why I thought you were the same person since the beginning, and now, I understand. 

Michael: 0_o 

Stephen: *WHAT* 

[PAUSE] 

Steve: You shouldn’t’ve said that. 

Me: Oops. 

[Both Oscar Wilde and Richard Wagner appear.] 

Richard: So I think we owe you an apology as well, Gracey. 

Oscar: Yup. 

Richard: We thought you’d use our characters again, without asking us, so… uh… sorry for the misunderstanding. 

Oscar: Yup — sorry for the misunderstanding :-) 

Me: … 

Everyone else: ? 

[PAUSE] 

[After they finally disappeared…] 

Michael: So you’ve got Oscar Wilde here as well, eh, Gracey? Actually, thought you were Hina before. 

Steve: Awkward. 

Me: Sorry to break it to you, Mikey, but he *I nod towards Stephen, who is telling the urban legend with his own words* is now James May. 

Stephen(pauses his story-telling and glares at me): I AM NOT JAMES MAY, GRACEY, AND YOU KNOW IT! 

Me: Chill! 

[James May appears.] 

James: No way, we’re not the same person. 

Stephen: OF COURSE NOT, GRACEY! 

[James disappears.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about what happens next, so you can imagine it. Now since they are supposed to be leaving, Mark has a realization right then and there. Why that moment, I have no idea and I don’t want to ask.] 

Mark: And don’t forget to change history to the better! Maybe make Stephen here and Richard Wagner really become a couple? 

[He dodges a swing from Stephen.] 

Michael: Awww 

Steve: I KNOW RIGHT 

Stefan: I ship them as well. 

Stephen(to Mark): Yes, they are from Making History, so what? 

[AWKWARD PAUSE] 

Michael: Wut 

Steve: Wut 

Stefan: … 

[Another awkward silence, before Michael finally broke it.] 

Michael: AH, I KNOW! He means the Quantum Leap rip-off novella. Similar to Quantum Travel. 

Everyone else: … 

Me(finally breaking the unwanted tension): OK, whatever! Get going, you two! See you on Halloween! 

[Everyone defrosts at that one.] 

Stephen, Stefan, Mark: THEY’RE JOINING US FOR HALLOWEEN? 

Stefan(sings): This is Halloween, this is Halloween — Halloween, Halloween… 

[At that one, I leave.]   
[*Time skip. Later that same day, Stephen and Mark are watching Quantum Leap and Stefan and I were discussing about our Halloween plans.] 

[In my study.] 

Me: We will be having a really cool party with almost everyone! 

Stefan: Brilliant. With Rodney and Richard, as well as some others? 

Me: Also Any and Sissol I think. 

[From the living room…] 

Mark(shouting): CAN WE JOIN AS WELL, GRACEY, ALL THE WAY TILL YULETIDE, OR RATHER, AS STEPHEN’D LIKE TO CALL IT, HANUKKAH? 

Me(to Stefan): I’m not sure about Yuletide, but sure, if you want to join, please do! I’ll be having my birthday in December. 

Stefan: AWESOME! 

[Mark barges in because he’s impatient. ALL THE TIME.] 

Mark(absolutely delighted): CAN WE STAY TILL THEN, PLEASE, GRACEY? 

Me: Aren’t you watching Quantum Leap? 

Mark: Can we stay? 

Me(sighing): Fine. 

[Mark and Stefan hug each other.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: OK, I only finished it today — July 1. Yay! A chapter for the first day of a new month! 
> 
> A/N 5: And yes, this actually happened, only not as dramatic. The visitor IRL is also Dorian from my most recent original work of The Experiment, because his mother perished via car accident. 
> 
> A/N 6: Something else! Yes, I’m continuing this until maybe Halloween, so it’ll be ongoing!


	21. Randomness and Watching Television

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This just happened yesterday and is hilarious, so this is what will happen to them in this story as well — yes, I’m merciless.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.]

[Study.] 

[I am writing a new original work when Oscar Wilde and Richard Wagner appear.] 

[As usual, I look up.] 

Me: What is it again? 

Richard(exasperated): Tell them to stop doing it. 

Me: ? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Stop doing what? 

Richard: The musical! 

Oscar: He’s feelin’ restless, so… yeah. 

Me: Fine, you can stay with me, at least it’s quieter here. 

Both: Thank you. 

[Meanwhile, in my theater.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot: Well, you have to know that I’m the first choice for Tristan. 

TrilotEyes: Oh, of course. 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot: So back off, Lorne. 

[Wagnerianeyes appear.] 

Wagnerianeyes: Shut up, both of you, please! 

KayEUndercover: I’ve been trying to shut them up since we got started. 

[The others(read: Mark Carwardine and Alan Davies, the latter who came to see egg-zactly what’s going on here in my house(read: my theater) are literally asleep, except for the Stephens, as Mark got to calling them.] 

[As the cast bickered…] 

Stefan(munching on popcorn): This is even more entertaining than their scream-singing. 

Stephen(grinning impishly, as usual): Like this? 

Stephen(sings): OH OH AH AH OOOOOOOHHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH OOOOH AAAH AH AH OOOOOOOOOOHHHH-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!? 

[Onstage, they keep bickering.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(furiously nodding towards Stephen): I TOLD YOU SO! EVEN SOME AUDIENCE MEMBER KNOWS THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THIS! 

KayEUndercover: NO WAY, HANSEN LANGNEN, NO WAY. ALSO, WEREN’T YOU S’POSED TO BE DOING SOME COMEDY WITH SISSOL? 

[Back to Stephen and Stefan.] 

Stefan(covering his ears): Kind of. 

[Back onstage.] 

KayEUndercover: Fine, you two do it! Anyways, you guys’ll just make it into some tragic-comedy again. 

TrilotEyes: HEY! We like comedy! 

Everyone else: *mega-facepalm* 

o-o-o

[*Time skip because this is getting boring, as well as cliché. We’re now inside my house again, and we have my cousin, RJeevesxS, with us again.] 

[Way later in the afternoon.] 

[I am sleeping while the others are either filming Dork Talk with Stephen and Richard, or watching Frankenstein’s Dog, a goosebumps movie that is really, REALLY weird.] 

[I am sleeping on the couch while Stefan and Mark watched the movie, while munching on popcorn and drinking Sprite with lemon. Soon, everything became about their commentary that is really eccentric as well.] 

Mark: You know how this can be inside Richard and Stephen’s Dork Talk venue? 

Stefan: We can do a convention! How awesome is that? 

Mark: Brilliant. Hey, how ‘bout let’s watch Re-animator now? Seems like everyone’s in the Halloween spirit! 

Both(sings): THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN; HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN ~ 

[I wake up because they’ve been repeating the same verse over and over like they’re possessed.] 

Me: ARE YOU TWO DONE? 

Them: NO! 

Me: *sigh* 

[*Things go pretty much like that all the way till evening, when I finally decided to sleep in my room.] 

[*Short time skip. Now it’s evening.] 

[My room.] 

[I am sleeping peacefully when Mark decides to barge in again, withOUT my consent.] 

Mark: RISE AND SHINE, GRACEY! Let’s go take another walk outside! This time without the others! 

Me: Would you PLEASE let me sleep first? *groan* 

Mark(beaming): NO WAY! *drags me out of bed again and into the living room* 

[Living room. Elliot and Stephen are chatting, and Richard and Stefan are sipping on 7-Ups and watching them.] 

Mark(shouting and alerting them): ACHTUNG, PEOPLE! WE’RE GOIN’ OUT! WE’RE GOIN’ OUT! 

Me(covering my ears): Really? 

Mark: YES! 

[*Time skip. Now we’re outside, walking and having ice cream, again, a la chapter 14.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about the walk outside this time, so please refer to chapter 14 if you’re confused.] 

[We’re drinking some coconut milk out of a container.] 

Me(to Richard): So I don’t owe you this anymore — see, there’s some coconut pieces in this drink! 

Richard: *beams at me* 

Mark: WOOOOOO I LOVE COCONUT DRINKS! *grabs the thing from us and chugs the whole thing* 

Me, Richard(after glaring at Mark for some time): *sigh* RIP coconut drink. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Again, sorry for the late update if you’ve been waiting! I was just too busy and kind of out of ideas. 
> 
> A/N 3: And again, this actually happened yesterday evening. Erika’s partner and I shared a bottle of coconut drink and I had another small cup of ice cream :-) But this time, fortunately no more singing Beatles, so I didn’t make Stephen and Company sing Say Can You Hear anymore either.


	22. Swim Party and Snack Party(or, Parties Everywhere)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, so here’s the recent update! I’m writing this first part in the actual German bakery house, so it’ll be kind of like a broadcast. :-) 
> 
> A/N 2: Also, this is the first ever chapter that starts in the afternoon, after the argument between… no more info, because spoilers!

[While I am sleeping in my room in my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My study. Mark and Stephen are arguing, because of the latter’s irrational writing schedule that is similar to mine IRL.] 

Mark: …and have I mentioned that you and Gracey are becoming way too alike? 

Stephen(slightly upset): Now what? 

Mark: Just get outdoors and enjoy the fresh air! 

Stephen: This is perfect, thanks. 

Mark: You know that’s what James said as well. 

Stephen(fully upset now): How the hell DID you know about James?! 

Mark(also getting upset): Now are you two even cousins? 

Stephen: Why should you believe in everything Jeffrey Cadogan writes about us? 

Mark: BECAUSE IT’S WHAT SHOULD’VE HAPPENED, THAT’S WHY! 

Stephen: THAT’S NOT WHAT’S S’POSED TO HAPPEN, MARK, YOU AND HIM HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT MY FAMILY! 

Mark(fuming now): SO WHAT? LIKE. I. CARE. *a door slams* 

[After some seconds, my door swings open and a very, very irritated Mark marches in, slamming my door as well.] 

[I sit up, slightly alarmed.] 

Me: What’s going on? 

Mark: He’s been writing for the whole day, Gracey, the whole. Freakin’. Day, and he doesn’t even give credit to Jeffery for making him and James May cousins! 

Me: That’s because they’re not cousins in reality, unfortunately, but still! Let’s get back to our current reality. Here, they are cousins. 

Mark: True, and he doesn’t even credit that! 

Me: OK, OK, I think I have something that might cheer you guys up: a swim party today! 

Mark: *smiles* 

[Meanwhile, outside of my room.] 

Stefan: You don;t want to ruin Gracey’s emotions because she has plans for us. 

Stephen: You follow her, I’m not. 

Stefan(imitates my voice); Awww, how could you? 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: Also, you and Mark are best of friends, you don’t want that to crush, eh? 

[Mark and I sneak out of my room and spies on them. Stefan is consoling Stephen and Mark is ecstatic about that.] 

Mark: I told you I ship them. 

Me: You, Mr. Carwardine, should stop reading Any’s fanfics as well. 

[*OK, this is really getting boring. We’d better skip to the part where we are going to the pool, but first, some shopping for Rodney, aka RodneyMcKaySG (rodneymckaySG).] 

[Again, we ride the Tube. Refer to chapters 5, 7, and 8, because I’m way too lazy to write about what happened. It’s basically the same thing, which means a repetition of above mentioned chapters.] 

[When we finally arrive at the shopping center.] 

Me: OK, first, Rodney, you go find the markers. 

Rodney: AWESOME! HOLD THE FORT, GUYS, AND BEHAVE! 

Mark, Stephen, Stefan, Richard: Don’t we always? 

Me: Except for Stefan and Richard, yes. 

Mark and Stephen: And us? 

Me: Nope. I literally HEARD you arguing while I was sleeping. 

Mark(half-mock-snapping): I told you, Stephen, do not wake Gracey while screaming. 

Stephen: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED IT, MISTER! 

Me: ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU! 

[They finally behave.] 

o-o-o 

[We are finally on our way to the Southern German Bakery house, because we needed some energy for swimming and having fun.] 

[We spot a crowd around something at the start of the small street.] 

Rodney: What are they looking at. 

[After spotting it.] 

Rodney: Aaww, look at that, an innocent puppy! 

Everyone: AAAWWWWWW~ 

Me(feeling faint): I’m dying. 

Mark: RIP, Gracey. 

[Meanwhile Stephen and Rodney are still gawking at the cute thing.] 

Both: *almost dies of adorableness overload* 

Me: OK, we’d better get going, because Rodney still wants his pastry party. 

[After approximately hours, I coax them away. Actually, it was two youngsters who took the puppy that coaxed them away.] 

[As expected, both are disappointed.] 

Me: OK, we’re getting pastries soon, also maybe some sausage platters. 

All: WE LOVE SAUSAGE PLATTERS!! 

Rodney: If only we stayed in Bayreuth longer… 

Stephen(fascinated): YOU’VE BEEN THERE?! 

Rodney: Sure, around the Wagner and Me era. 

Me: You two are way too lucky. 

Rodney: But don’t forget our headquarters is mostly over at Leipzig. 

[We go inside as they bickered.] 

[Our orders are simple. Stephen and Rodney ordered some ring cake, I ordered some apricot cake, Stefan some blueberry yogurt cake, and Mark some apple pie.] 

[While eating our pastries very delicious…] 

Rodney: Bayreuth was awesome. Stefan, we almost went to the Haus Wanfried. 

Stefan(almost chokes on his lemonade): You’re kiddin’, Rodney. 

Rodney(delighted): ABSOLUTELY NOT! 

[OK, as they chat about Bayreuth and music and whatnot, I’d better tell you the seating order. It’s like this: Stephen — Rodney, Me — Stefan — Mark. We actually put two tables together, despite its shape and seat orders.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about what happened while they had some sausages, since that’s what we’re about to have, as usual.] 

[*Another thing, this — having sausages and whatnot, actually happened after we had the pool party. So I’ll just tell you how the party went as they are arguing over Wagner, Mendelssohn, Liszt, and Meyerbeer — two of the latter Rodney’s favourite(I’m not sure exactly, but bear with me, please) — as we’re waiting for our food.] 

o-o-o 

[An hour ago.] 

[My personally designed swim pool paradise that consisted a small beach, a swim pool(of course), a diving board, and a small bar area, and a DJ area, and a lounge area that is really close to the swim pool — all of this is outdoors. Think Workplace Chronicles and its afterparty location and you’ll get a mental image of the paradise :-).] 

Me: An apology to all. I can’t really join you guys today, but Jonathan is! 

Everyone: *Groan*/Awesome/No more fun, great 

[Before they can grow more pessimistic, I make Jonathan O’Flanagan Smalls, aka Ravenevermore, appear.] 

Jonathan: GUTEN ABEND, EVERYONE! 

[OK, a description of him: Jonathan is wearing swim trunks, flippers, goggles, snorkel snout, and he also has a swim ring. He looks like someone who’s about to swim in a pool in Hawaii instead.] 

Everyone: 0_o 

Jonathan(ignoring them): NOW LET’S PARTAY! 

[Party starts.] 

[Soon, they are tackling each other in the pool. Mark and Stephen are playing water polo, again; and Jonathan, Stefan, and Rodney are pretending to be scuba divers.] 

[*OK, I’m seriously too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so let’s just go back to the present time, when we’re having sausages and whatnot.] 

[Present time.] 

Rodney: …and you should’ve joined, Gracey, the scuba diving was awesome! 

Stefan: Only you nearly drowned, and it’d be something hard for me to explain to Jeff. 

Me(to Rodney): Cool. I may’ve joined if Stephen didn’t soak me with water and a bump on the head with his ball. *glares at Stephen* 

Stephen: It was ACCIDENTALLY, Gracey. 

Me(mock-angry): Oh of course. 

Mark: Are you two done? 

Stefan: *giggle* 

Me(to pretend audience): This is also the last time I’m taking them here. 

Stefan: AAWWWWW, please again? 

Me: Fine, but only you and Rodney. 

[Stefan and Rodney high-five.] 

The others: AND US? 

Me: This is the first and last time for you two. 

Them: Then it’s also the last time for Stefan and Rodney! 

Rodney, Stefan: NO WAY! 

Me: Here we go again. 

[Things pretty much continues like this all the way till we get back to my house, so I’m not writing it here.] 

[After we finally go back to my house.] 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard(smirking): So you’ve been having German cuisine? 

Me(stunned): Who the heck told you? 

Richard: Guessed. 

Me(under my breath): Then good guess, though. 

The others, except for Rodney, who is half-dead already: SURE WE DID! ALSO WE HAD PASTRIES! 

Me: OK, that’s enough! 

[A short time skip. We’re now all watching the World Cup finals again. Mark is sipping on a 7-Up, and the others are sipping on water.] 

Me: *falls asleep because of zero goals since we started watching* 

[Mark and Stephen are yelping because of all the close counters.] 

[Stefan accidentally(read: purposely) kicks me in the forehead.] 

Me: EEP! 

Everyone else: *gigglesnort* 

Me(furious): STEFAN! 

Stefan: Oops. 

Me: I’M LEAVING, AND YES, STOP YELPING FROM TIME TO TIME, STEPHEN AND MARK! 

Them(with their eyes still glued to TV): Oooooh… oh yes, yes, yes… ooh, AAAAAAHHHHH, SO close! 

[I leave those two yelping like puppies and Stefan and Rodney literally sprawled on each other, both half-asleep.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Sorry if it’s a late update! Still, this is from yesterday(July 2), and yes, it actually happened. Erika’s partner and I both had an argument over… you guessed it, writing; and yes, we both had pastries and some sausage at the actual bakery house that is of Southern German origin. 
> 
> A/N 4: And yes, she, the partner, that is, ACTUALLY kicked me in the forehead, so that’s what happened in reality as well xD


	23. Randomness Again and Watching Movies, A La Mystery Science Theatre 3000

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is what happened today(Jul 3), so it’s ongoing. And yes, there may or may not be outside activities — it’s all up to Erika’s partner(s), unfortunately!

[Morning in my house. Again, same location in the UK as always mentioned.] 

[People are talking animatedly outside. And yes, Alan Davies and Hugh Laurie are with us; why? I don’t know and I don’t really want to know.] 

RJeevesxS: And you are way too lucky — that place is wonderful. 

Rodney: SURE ENOUGH! AND WE SAW AN ADORABLE PUPPY! 

Everyone: *melts like ice in the sun for too long* 

[*OK, I’m making a time skip. Now it’s afternoon, and people are bickering about what to watch and what to not watch… for some reason.] 

Richard: I’d rather them not watch My Life. 

Me: The Wagner biopic, eh? 

Richard: True. 

Stephen(shouting): THAT’S IT! 

Stefan, Mark, Richard, Me: ? 

Stephen: The biopic of my fave composer. *hugs Richard* thanks too much… 

Richard: *help-me eyes* 

[They watch the movie while Rich and I go to my theater to see Tristan and Isolde, portrayed by either Tristan_Isolde_Melot or TrilotEyes with KayEUndercover.] 

[In my theatre.] 

KayEUndercover(singing): Say can you hear… Say can you see… Say can you hear… Say can you see… 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(singing): SAY CAN YOU HEAR… THE DAYLIGHT CHIMES?! 

KayEUndercover(singing): SAY CAN YOU SEE… THE CITY LIGHTS?!? 

[At that, I leave them singing their lungs out and go back to my house.] 

[My house, or rather, my living room, is in similar disarray, but much quieter.] 

[Stefan and Rodney are asleep while Stephen and Mark are watching the biopic.] 

Mark: Not understandable why Richard’s such a fan of this movie. 

Stephen: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: Anyways, what did Gracey mean when she said she had to go over to her ophthalmologist tomorrow? 

Mark(hardly even listening to him): She has to get her eyeballs checked, understand? Seems like you’re slow today… 

Stephen: NO WAY! 

Mark: YES WAY! 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so I’ll just stop here. :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I just got back from the Ophthalmologist(s) today, so bear with me. And yes, it is what will happen in the next chapter — a minor spoiler.


	24. House MD Realities(or, Doctor Visits; or, The Ophthalmologist Visit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! This is Mark Carwardine for your new broadcast of Compowntwgueo8urun — Complete and Utter Ignorance, I mean! That was Stephen, so blame him :-D. 
> 
> A/N 2: I am the one writing this A/N because Gracey just got back from the ophthalmologist visit she had to go today, so… she couldn’t write anything for now — because she has drops in her eyes, which are used to make eyes biggish and roundish, according to her. OK, without any further ado, enjoy this random chapter! ALSO, before Stephen starts bugging me again — entertaining stuff is coming VERY soon, so don’t log out of this story… yet!

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: I have an announcement, everyone! I may not be here for the entire day with you, because I have to go see my ophthalmologist for some eye check-ups. 

Everyone: Ooooh. 

Me: Really? OK, don’t even think about watching Some Mothers when I’m gone. 

Stefan: But we love that show. 

Mark: That show’s lame-o. 

Stephen(to me): They’ve been like this since über-early mornin’. 

Me: Fair enough. SO! *They finally turn their attentions to me again* Can I trust you all not to destroy my house. 

Stefan, Mark: YES! 

Stephen: For some reason I don’t trust you two. 

[Mark slaps Stephen’s arm.] 

Stephen: HEY! 

Mark: *grins impishly* 

Me(to Stephen): OK, now I get you. 

[After way hours of bickering and whatnot, I am finally prepared to go.] 

Me: Don’t destroy this place, PLEASE, you three! 

Stephen, Stefan: US AS WELL? 

Me: You two make sure Mark doesn’t make Sirocco spread feathers everywhere. 

Them: AWESOME! 

[I leave them.] 

[*OK, I think I have to explain this. When I’m going to the Ophthalmologist’s office, I’m having two very important guest stars with me — singer Andrea Bocelli and violinist Jascha Heifetz! YAYY!] 

[Andrea Bocelli and Jascha Heifetz appear.] 

Me: Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Andrea and Jascha! 

Andrea(gently touching my face): Thank you! 

Jascha: THE PLEASURE’S ALLLLLLL OURS, INNIT, AN? 

Andrea: True. 

[*Time skip, now we’re at the hospital.] 

Me: OK, I’ll have to get the receipt, so… yes, STAY HERE! 

Andrea and Jascha: Wouldn’t we? 

Me(to myself): Not them too. 

Jascha(beaming): Who else d’you have? 

Me: You wouldn’t want to know. 

[I leave.] 

[Meanwhile when I’m gone.] 

Jascha: She’s wearing some sportswear, if you’re interested. 

Andrea: Sure. 

Jascha: :-) 

[*Another time skip, now I’m about to go to the children’s section to go for the check-up, only it isn’t able to register.] 

[I go back to Jascha and Andrea very defeated.] 

Me(almost tearful): Now I’m no longer able to see that Zubin Mehta look-alike! 

Andrea and Jascha: Zubin Mehta? 

Jascha: ZUBIN MEHTA IS AWESOME, ISN’T HE, GRACEY? YOU’D BE SOOOOOOOOO AMAZIN’ TOGETHER! 

Andrea: Can you, Mister Heifetz, please lower your speaking volume? 

Me: *smile* 

Jascha: *smirk* 

[*Another time skip. Now I’m taking some tests, at the adult area.] 

Eye doctor: So the children side rejected you because you’re now 19? 

Me: Pish posh. 

[*Another time skip. Now I have to do some other tests, but first, I need drops.] 

[After getting drops.] 

Andrea: Now you can’t see either. 

Me: Don’t remind me. 

Andrea: Whatevs. 

Jascha: Now you can only try to follow my voice! Great, I have to be the eyes of two people. 

Andrea(slightly upset): Congrats. 

Jascha(not even sensing sarcasm): I KNOW RIGHT 

[*A short time skip. Now since I’ve got more than 4 times of drops.] 

Me: If I close my eyes for longer, I’m going to sleep. 

Andrea: Sleep then. 

[I slump on Jascha and sleeps.] 

o-o-o 

[Some hours later, I have to go do more tests, and yes, Andrea and Jascha are holding the fort at some seats.] 

[Meanwhile, when I’m doing those tests.] 

Andrea: Do you think she’d fare well if I told her that there’s going to be some musical theater experience? 

Jascha: She’d be delighted. Hey, you know Hina and some others are doing this Wagner musical? 

Andrea: Oh? 

Jascha(getting way animated): YEAH! AND GUESS WHAT EEEEELSE? THEY’RE JOINING IN AS WELL! HOW AWESOME IS THAT, I ASK YOU?! 

[And this is what I came to when I finished some of my tests.] 

[Both stand up when I arrive.] 

Andrea: I hope it went well? 

Me: OK, but some are kinda creepy. Like the one which had this creepy machinary spraying something into your eyes. Uh… no offense though. 

Andrea: *cringe* 

Jascha: THAT SOUNDS BEYOND COOL IF IT WASN’T MACHINERY, GRACEY, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, IT IS MACHINERY. 

Andrea(turning to Jascha): Can you please lower your voice, because I sense everyone looking at us. 

[Jascha finally quiet down.] 

[*Another time skip, now I’ve got bad news for my writing and we’re pondering on where the heck should we go for lunch.] 

Jascha: How ‘bout Leann’s? 

Me: Really? 

Andrea: Maybe? 

Me: OK, I don’t mean to veto, but ironically, that’s Richard’s favourite place. Richard’s my cousin, though. 

[After arguing and complaining and whatnot, the usual with those people, we settle down on The Kitchen.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about what we did during lunch, so I’ll just write about what happened after I got back to my house.] 

[Entering my house…] 

Me: I’M HOME N— 

[I dodge an empty soda bottle which smashed against the wall, right behind Andrea and me.] 

Stefan: SHE’S BAAAACK! EVERYONE: FREEZE! 

[Everyone(re: Stephen, KayEUndercover, who I sent to look after them, and Mark) all freezes.] 

Me(tries to step across a crushed soda can, but later realizes it is beer): Looks like a twister just got in here. 

Mark: I KNOW RIGHT 

Me: *mega-facepalm* 

[*ok, I’m way too lazy to write more about today, so I’m stopping right here :-). See you next time xxG] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Hi! This is Stefan Mickisch for your third Author’s note! According to Gracey, this actually happened, but not as fun as described here. That’s all I know for now, so… see ya :-)


	25. Randomness and Unexpected Messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Buongiorno, everyone! This is Andrea Bocelli for your Author’s Note! Gracey was way too Lazy to write this yesterday, so it got dragged to today XD. This is what happened when Jascha Heifetz and I broke the news of the musical theater to her and some of her friends(read: Hina, aka KayEUndercover). And yes, I can type because of my enhanced senses, Grazie very much! 
> 
> A/N 2: Hi, this is Gracey now, and yes, that was Andrea. So, he and Jascha are going to be recurring characters in this story, so… yeah, bear with me because of more craziness.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[I am sleeping when I am interrupted, again, as usual, by Jascha Heifetz, ironically enough; and not Mark Carwardine.] 

Jascha: GRACEY, WAKE UP! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS THIS, BUT ANDREA AND I HAVE BIG NEWS! 

[I sit bolt upright and throw my pillow at him, then flop back down.] 

Me: Not interested right now. 

Jascha: Please, Andrea wants me to tell you this! 

Me: For some reason, I highly doubt that. 

[We go to my living room, where Andrea and the others(read: Mark and Stefan) were having breakfast. Stephen is in my theater, as usual, because he’s interested in all things Wagner.] 

Mark, Stefan: Buongiorno/Guten Morgen, Gracey! 

Andrea(sarcastically): Thanks. 

Me: Thanks, you two. 

Mark: You’ll never guess this, but Stephen’s not with us today because he wants to see Hina and her friends humiliate themselves with their off-key singing again. 

Me: Urgh. 

Mark: ‘Urgh' is right. 

[*Time skip, now it’s afternoon.] 

[Stephen and I are watching a movie on Wagner, and Mark, Stefan, and our new guests are discussing about the musical theatre experience, along with KayEUndercover and her companions.] 

Andrea(finally announcing now): And apparently it’s not for people your age, Hina and Gracey. 

Hina, aka KayEUndercover: Now I’m depressed. 

Me: Same here. 

Stephen(with dawning realization): THEY’RE STARRING IN A MUSICAL THEATER PRODUCTION?! 

Andrea: Not really. 

Stephen: Aww why? 

Andrea: Because they’ve passed the age limit, unfortunately, heh. 

[*Another time skip, now it’s evening, and everyone is upset because NO MORE WORLD CUP FINALS TIL THE NEXT DAY, as well as my second Ophthalmologist visit.] 

Me: Fine, while they’re *I nod towards Mark and Stephen* moping, I’m all eyes and ears to you two, Andrea and Jascha :-) Ummm… no offense though. 

Andrea: None taken. But seriously though… again? 

Jascha: And more tests? 

Me: Maybe, but we have to wait till tomorrow. 

Both: AWWWWW 

Me: Sorry, and of course, that brings us to the next chapter; so I think I’ll stop here, just in case I spoil everything right then and there. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: HI! This is Jascha Heifetz for your third A/N! Because of eyesight issues, Andrea is restricting Gracey’s writing — illogical, right?! So see you till the next chapter! :-D


	26. Ophthalmologist Visit PRT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this happened today — Jul 6, because of the musical theater age restriction that caused some fight between Jascha and Hina, which is kind of humorous, if you think about it :-). Still, enjoy this random chapter, which is written mostly in the Japanese restaurant I’ll be taking Jascha and Andrea to. xD

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My room.] 

[This time, Stefan enters, softly and draws the curtain.] 

Me(blindly): Mark, stop that or I’m making Stephen take care of Sirocco! 

Stefan: ? 

[I sit up and sees Stefan.] 

Me: Oh, it’s you. Thought it was Mark because. 

Stefan: He’s busy with Stephen and some of your other friends. 

Me: They’re not my FRIENDS, bro, they’re more like recurring characters in this story, if you’re talking about Andrea and Jascha. 

[Andrea Bocelli and Jascha Heifetz appear out of thin air.] 

Andrea, Jascha: BUUUUOOOOONGIORNOOOOO~ Graceyyyy! 

Me(to myself): Not again… 

[*Time skip. Today is CUI of the Musical Committee driving us! YAYYY!] 

CUI: All aboard, gang! 

[We get in the vehicle and we’re on our way.] 

[While we’re driving..] 

Andrea: Gracey, I thought José’s gonna make an appearance? 

[My cousin, RJeevesxS (RichardSxx) appears next to CUI.] 

Richard: José Carreras, you mean?! THAT’S AWESOME! 

Andrea: *smirk* 

Richard: YOOOOOOO~ 

CUI(to me): You should visit us sometime as well :-) 

Me: Aww. 

Andrea, Richard, Jascha: AAAWWWWWW~ 

Me: NO WAY, IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKIN’! 

Them: What are we thinkin’? 

Me: This is going to be a long ride, again. *sigh* 

o-o-o 

[After almost hours, we arrive.] 

[*Time skip, now we’re in the hospital.] 

Jascha(reading all the signs): Cryptology, Oncology, Pediatrics, etc… etc… ah-ha! Gracey, found it *points to Ophthalmology floor* Ophthalmology… 3rd floor! *he hugs himself very self satisfied* 

Me: Fine, we know, now let’s go! 

[*Another time skip, now I’m taking some tests, while Andrea and Jascha wait outside.] 

[While I’m gone…] 

Andrea: Sometimes I worry about her eyesight. 

Jascha: I KNEW IT! 

Andrea: IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT! 

Jascha: Oh yes? 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha: Just as a reminder, she’s not exactly your die-hard fangirl… Erika Villegram, or, as you may know her better as Erynerys, is; as well as KayEUndercover, aka Hina. 

Andrea: Hina’s creepy. 

Jascha: *LOL* 

Andrea: Please calm down because everyone’s looking at us. 

Jascha: Now that’s just creepy because. 

Andrea: Do I have to remind you every single time that I can SENSE them, even though I may not SEE them? 

Jascha: Fine, fine, you’re superhuman. 

Andrea: *DUH* 

[And that’s what I come back to.] 

Me: Done with your bickering? 

[Note: I’m wearing the demo glasses they make you wear when you’re ready to change glasses, just so you know and follow my drift :-).] 

Jascha(looks up at me): HOLY — 

Andrea: I have a feeling you’re going to say something totally out of the blue. 

Jascha(ignoring him and with dawning realization): YOU SHOULD BE IN A SCI-FI MOVIE, GRACEY! 

Andrea(to pretend audience): And that’s exactly it. 

Me: No way, it’s something they make you wear when you’re about to change glasses. 

Jascha: THAT’S SICK, GRACEY! 

Me: No way. 

Andrea: Are you alright, Jascha? You kind of sound like Stephen when he’s talking about Wagner. 

Jascha: That’s because she’s wearing über-cool mechanical glasses, bro! 

Andrea(to me): Try dealing with this. 

Me: I deal with even worse stuff sometimes, so yeah, join the club. 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened next, so let’s just time skip to the time when we’re deciding where to have lunch.] 

[Now we’re in a hotel that looks like the Mariinsky.] 

Jascha: Am I the only one who thinks this place looks like the Marinsky? 

Me: No way. Also, let’s go see if Red Wall is open, because Stephen, Mark, and Stefan, as well as Richard, had been pestering me to taking them there. 

[We go towards that place] 

[While we’re walking, me being Andrea’s eyes…] 

Jascha: OOOOOOHH RED WALL, GRACEY? THAT PLACE WITH GLORIOUS PASTAS AND STUFF?! 

Me(smiling): Kind of. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to Andrea): You Italians can have everything. 

Andrea(extremely self-satisfied): Because we’re awesome. 

Jascha: NO WAY, ANDREA, WE RUSSIANS ARE THE BEST, AREN’T WE, GRACEY?? 

Me: Are you two really about to argue because you’re from different places? 

Them: YES!/Possibly. 

[*Another time skip. Now we’ve settled to Japanese cuisine.] 

Both: AAAWWWWWW 

Me: Sorry to break it to you, but Red Wall is closed. I may take you two some time later. 

[They high-five.] 

Me: But don’t tell Mark and the others. 

Andrea: Wouldn’t even dream of it. 

Jascha: If I tell, you have permission to blow my eyes out. No offense to An, though. 

Me: Seriously, Jascha? 

[*OK, I’m too lazy to write about what happens when we have lunch, so let’s just skip to the part when I’m finally home.] 

[Back in my house.] 

Me: I’m home! 

Stefan: Yayy. 

Mark: So where’ve you been, ehhhh? 

Me(cringing): We almost went to Red Wall, but it was closed. So we decided — 

Everyone(with dawning realization): YOU WENT TO RED WALL WITH JASCHA AND ANDREA?!!? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Oops. 

[*OK, ummm… I think that’s it for now…? :-) See you next time, then xxG] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This pretty much happened that day when I had the second ophthalmologist visit. :-) For some reason, the second time, they were way more game than the first time… and sorry for the late update — had to do some other fics and now I couldn’t update this thing!


	27. The Awesome Sing-Along(or, Beatles and Phantom of the Opera, With A Side Serving of Tristan and Isolde)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HALLO, HALLO, THIS IS MARK CARWARDINE FOR YOUR AAAAA/NNNNNN — Hi, this is Mark, and yes, as you can see, I’m still thinking about Stefan, Stephen, and Gracey singing songs from West Side Story, while me and Hina were singing songs from Phantom of the Opera — remember the urban legend about a deformed spirit haunting the Paris Opera House? *shudder* 
> 
> A/N 2: And yes, this is nuts, so read at your own risk. I’ll be going now, since Gracey is on her way back to the study — just in case she notices me at her computer xDxD

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK. Noon.] 

Me: OK, someone congratulate Andrea and Jascha for bearing with Hina and her friends’ awful singing. 

[The others, who are watching The Three(or, The Fantastic Threesome, as they called themselves during the time I’m writing about them)’s infamous concert in Caracalla and ignoring my monologue.] 

Me(to pretend audience): And guess what? I have zero audience members for my monologue. 

[I march over to them and glare at them.] 

Them: AAWWWW GRACEY! 

Me: Don’t ‘aaww GRACEY!’ me, people! Where’s the enthusiasm for my commentary of Hina and Hansen’s singing skills? 

Stephen: They’re… umm… 

Stefan: No comment. 

Mark: Eh. 

Me: ? 

[VERY AWKWARD PAUSE] 

Stephen(looking up at last): Can you PLEASE get out of the way, because they’re about to sing Nessun Dorma, which is what Andrea did way years ago? 

[That successfully distracted the others.] 

Stefan(fanboying out): REALLY? *major heart-eyes* 

Me: *rolls eyes* 

Mark(delighted): HOW ‘BOUT LET’S WATCH HIS AND LUCIANO’S DUET? IT’D BE AWESOME! 

Everyone: YAAAAAAYYYYY! 

[They switch channels until they find the Luciano Pavarotti/Andrea Bocelli duet.] 

Me: *exasperated sigh* 

[PAUSE] 

Me: OK, I’m checking how Andrea is doing. And please, I implore you three — DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT watch Live Like Horses, PLEASE! 

[Again, they are way too distracted by the chemistry between Luciano and Andrea to comment.] 

[I leave. And while I’m gone…] 

Stephen: They’re way too good together. 

Stefan, Mark: AAAAWWWWWWW~ 

Stephen: I mean BROMANCE, not… you know. 

Stefan: I don’t really think they’d want you to know what will happen when they fumble in the dark after the — 

[Mark slaps Stefan’s arm.] 

Stefan: OW! 

Mark: TMI, Stefan, as usual. 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: Am I the only one who ships them? 

Stefan: NO WAY! OF COURSE NOT! 

Mark: LISTEN TO THIS, PEOPLE! ACCORDIN’ TO GRACEY, HER GUILTY PLEASURE IS WRITING ANDREA/LUCIANO SLASH! 

Stephen, Stefan: TMI, Mark, really. 

[Meanwhile, in my theater…] 

Andrea(being Hina’s singing instructor): NO, NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT WAY, HINA, THE OTHER WAY! 

Hina, aka KayEUndercover: Chill! 

Jascha: You’re not the only one who wants him to chill. 

Andrea: Not funny, Jascha. Not. Funny. 

Jascha: Awwww 

[I finally decide to stop hiding in the shadows.] 

[I approach Jascha and Andrea carefully, in case of scaring them as if it is already Halloween.] 

Andrea(before I can even alert him, Jascha, and Hina): Can you come here later, Gracey, por favore? 

Jascha: *snigger* 

Hina: *smile* 

[As expected, they smile evilly at each other.] 

Me(tearing my attention away from Andrea): OK, and don’t YOU TWO decide to conspire against us! 

Andrea: They wouldn’t. 

Jascha(innocently): Would we really? 

Me: Stop faking, Jascha, seriously. 

Jascha(Stephen Fry-style): AAWWW WHYYYY? 

Andrea(irritated): For some reason, Jascha, you’re being annoying. Maybe it’s Gracey’s effect on you? 

Jascha: NO WAY, AND DON’T YOU DARE SAY YES WAY! 

Andrea: *smirk* 

Jascha: DUH, ANDS! 

[*And that’s what happened all the way till way late afternoon.] 

[Time skip. Now it’s almost evening, again.] 

[As usual, I’m in my room sleeping when Andrea enters.] 

[I sit bolt upright, as usual.] 

Me(shouting really angry): IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS I’M SO KEEPING SIRROCCO FROM YOU, MARK, I’M DEAD SERIOUS THIS TIME!!! 

Andrea(overwhelmed by his enhanced senses and slightly panicky): Gracey, lower your voice, PLEASE! 

Me(finally seeing him instead of Mark): Oh, it’s you, thought it was Mark. 

Andrea: Who is watching my duet with Luciano. 

[Luciano appears.] 

Luciano: Buuuuuoooooona Seeeeerraaaaaaa, Andrea and Gracey!! 

Me(to myself): Would they ever give me a break? 

Luciano(to Andrea): OUR duet? 

Andrea: Yeah, Mark Carwardine and his companions are watching that thing. I’m glad I’m not able to because it’s just embarrassing. 

Luciano: Awwww 

Me(holding my head): Please, guys, don’t start here. I’m already having a headache. 

[We finally get out of my room without any scream-singing.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re outside. AGAIN. But this time, we had to fetch something for my cousin.] 

[Unfortunately, Andrea and Luciano decides to hold the fort, so Stefan, Stephen, Mark, Hina, and I had to go.] 

[For some reason, Stefan wants us to sing again.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about it here, so you can imagine how it went — badly, because Hina and Stephen wouldn’t stop laughing whenever they try to reach the higher notes.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: And yes, this actually happened yesterday. Hina and her Partner kept singing Think of Me and Memory that those two songs are the only thing I’ve been thinking about — since yesterday evening. Thanks no thanks to them! 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, Andrea Bocelli isn’t really Hina’s singing instructor, unfortunately. But we can fantasize, can’t we?


	28. The Great Tannhäuser Moment(or, Singing Competition, A La Tannhäuser De Richard Wagner)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hah, this is kind of what happened yesterday, and yes, this features our favorite two recurring characters :-) 
> 
> A/N 2: This is another of my chapters that takes place mostly during the afternoon and evening, so yes…. bear with me, please.

[Afternoon. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

[Stephen and Stefan are playing the grand piano that I just got not long ago.] 

Stefan(enthusiastically): And as mentioned, this is the part where Tristan and Isolde were interrupted by Melot. 

[Plays sequence.] 

[KayEUndercover appears.] 

KayEUndercover(sings): OOOOOOOOHHHH CAAAAAAN IT BEEEEEEE~ 

[Tristan_Isolde_Melot appears.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(sings): AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~ 

[Stefan keeps playing and Kay and Tristan continues singing, until everyone was interrupted by an abrupt entrance by theMusicEnthusiast (the_music_enthusiast), playing along as Melot.] 

theMusicEnthusiast (the_music_enthusiast)(shouting): SAVE YOURSELF, TRIIIIIIISTAAAAAAAN!!!! 

Everyone: 0_o 

[AWKWARD PAUSE] 

Stefan: This is what happens when there’s people actually rehearsing the part. 

Everyone else: … 

[*Time skip, now everyone is in the living room. Andrea Bocelli is hosting a Tanhauser approved singing competition that is really weird, so… yeah.] 

Me: You can’t be serious. 

Andrea: I am! 

Jascha: SO! PREPARE YOURSELVES, PEOPLE!! 

[The Fantastic Threesome appears.] 

[*NOTE: In this AU, Luciano Pavarotti did not perish either!] 

Three Tenors: WE’RE JOININ’ YA! 

Me: Oh give me a break. 

[*Another time skip. Now Hina’s on.] 

[Music plays and she starts. She is singing Think of Me, a song from Phantom of the Opera, the urban legend turned musical about… well, I’m sure Mark already told you.] 

KayEUndercover(sings): Think of me, think of me fondly, when we’ve said goodbye… 

Jascha(to Andrea): Aaawwww 

[She continues all the way till it was finally Andrea’s turn.] 

[Andrea, since he knows exactly how Grecia from Stars In Her Eyes feels about not being able to see anything, sings the theme song.] 

Andrea(sings): Enhanced senses, strange occurences, bearing in you…. 

Everyone else: *fangirling or fanboying out* 

Andrea and Hina(sings): Can you sense, or can you see, the stars in her eyes? Can you sense… or can you feel… the stars in her eyes? I can tell, or I can know, but can’t you feeeeeeeeel? 

[*OK, things are basically like that. And fortunately, it did not continue until we went out to have another walk — this time with Stephen and Mark holding the fort.] 

[Andrea, Jascha, the Three, and I are outside. Yes, Hina is also holding the fort.] 

Jascha: Unfortunately they didn’t sing Say Can You Hear, which is also from Tristan and Isolde! Modern version!   
The Tenors(sings): DO RE MI FA SO… SO FA SO MI…. DO RE MI FA SO… SO RE SO MI… SAAAAY CAN YOU HEAR, THE DAY-LIGHT CHIMES?! 

Jascha(to me): Should’ve known they’d take me seriously. 

Me: True. 

Andrea(joins in their singing): SAAAAY CAN YOU HEEEEEAAAARRRRR… THE PEOPLE ON THE STREEEEEEETS??!! 

[*Because I’m lazy, I’m now writing about what happens when I take them to get some ice cream and water.] 

Everyone: LOOOOOOOOOVE ICE CREAM!! 

[We tour around the small shop and I get them ice cream, as well as myself some of that. :-)] 

[*OK, whatever happened next, I’m way too lazy to write anymore, but you can kind of imagine it. And yes, we did more singing.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened yesterday, and yes, Hina did sing Think of Me, and unfortunately I didn’t get to do mine. :-( Still, it’s her whose the actual singing person in Amelison, and the rest of us are basically unknown… except for maybe WagnerianEyes and her besties.


	29. Shopping Sequence, Rain, and More Unfortunate Events(or, A Bit of the Three and Sissol, As Well As Fry, Carwardine, and Mickisch)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m currently writing this episode in a shopping mall, and may or may not finish this thing today, so… please bear with me.

[Morning. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Mark: I’m telling you, Stefan, Gracey and Stephen wouldn’t stand for it if you kept making all those music notes and books scattered around the place! 

Stefan: Oh, right, as if you’re actually following Gracey’s orders. 

Mark: LOOK WHAT ANDREA ENDED UP! 

[Yes, Stefan and Mark are arguing über-early in the morning, and what Mark meant was something that happened yesterday.] 

[FLASHBACK] 

[Last night.] 

Andrea(to Mark): I’ll just see how they thought about those songs. 

Mark: Please be careful. 

Andrea: Will do :-) 

Mark: :-) 

[Unfortunately, Andrea accidentally released a bunch of books from Stefan’s music book collection as it thundered down and buried them both.] 

Me: Now what — 

[PAUSE] 

Me(after seeing Andrea and Mark buried in piles of large books, small books, leaflets, and pamphlets): 0_o 

Mark(shouting): THIS IS THE LAST STRAW, STEFAN, OR ELSE! 

Andrea(to Mark): I think you, Signor Carwardine, has to calm down your senses and think clearly. 

[FLASHBACK to present] 

[*Time skip. Since we had to buy some stuff — our food storage is running low — we are joined by The Three and of course, my cousin, RJeevesxS (RichardSxx).] 

[This time it’s…. *drumroll please* James May driving us! Top Gear style! YAYYY~] 

[While we’re driving. The Three are holding the fort, along with Mark, because the latter is grounded so he is supposed to help me with our unexpected and not-quite-invited-yet guests.] 

James: This is a LOT of people you got here, Gracey, since our adventure to the temple. 

Jascha: YOU WENT TO A TEMPLE, GRACEY? FREAKIN’ SICK, THAT IS! 

Me: That’s what I have to deal with, James; I’d rather deal with your cousin and his friends. 

Stephen(turning to me from talking to Stefan): We are not cousins in real life, just so you know. 

Me: But in THIS universe you and James are cousins! 

Stephen: *rolls eyes at me* 

[Jascha cracks up and had to cling onto Andrea for support.] 

Andrea: Now you’ve used up most of your oxygen, don’t expect me to be your tank, really, Jascha. 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’ve finished shopping and unfortunately, James couldn’t join in on most of our further misadventures so he’s leaving early.] 

Me: Aw. 

Stephen: Bye, then. 

James: Tschüss :-) 

Stephen: *rolls eyes and drags me away* 

Me: HEEEEEEELLLLP! 

Stephen: Can you ever stop being dramatic, Gracey. 

Me: Is that really supposed to be a question?! 

[Stephen ignores me.] 

[We enter in the glasses shop, where Jascha and Andrea are waiting for us.] 

[*I’d better describe the place a bit — über-crowded. Think ShangHai Expo 2010 and a train station during rush hour. Well, more like the latter, according to Andrea’s ultra-cool enhanced senses.] 

Me: I’m claustrophobic. 

Everyone else: … 

Me: OK, so I’ll be going to see to the arrangements, and Jascha, make sure Andrea and Stephen do not fight because they like different music composers. 

[Andrea ignores me and Stephen glares at me.] 

Jascha: YES-SIR-EE, GRACEY! *to them* NOW LISTEN UP! GRACEY IS GOING TO GO RUN SOME ERRANDS AND YOU TWO ARE STRICTLY OFF-LIMITED TO RUN AROUND AND SHOUT LIKE YOU DO IN HER HOUSE! 

Stephen and Andrea(deadpan): How ‘bout you calm down first, since you are the only one who’s shouting? 

[I leave them. While I’m gone…] 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea: She’s finally gone. 

Stephen: HOW THE HECK COULD YOU KNOW??? *mind-blown* 

Andrea(upset): However I know is none of YOUR business! 

Jascha(cutting in before they could get into a fight): Now, now, don’t start. Stephen, Andrea has enhanced senses since he couldn’t see anymore, and yes, our enhanced senses are basically dormant if we could see or hear. That’s kind of insulting, OK? 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m going to describe what happened after we’ve left there.] 

[After we left, with me wearing some old glasses and stuff.] 

Me: OK, any suggestions to where we could have lunch? 

Jascha: NOW? 

Me: Better be prepared. 

Stephen, Andrea(both still angry about their enhanced senses argument): For now, no. 

Jascha(to me): They’ve been like this since you left, and yes, it’s because Andrea could know when and how you left. 

Me: Fine, whatevs. Since they’re still upset… *smiles sneakily* how about I take you to the buns store? 

[Jascha becomes way Mark-ish] 

Jascha: THAT’S WAAAAAAAAAAY TO GOOD TO BE TRUE, GRACEY, AND NO WE’RE NOT TELLING THEM!! *nods towards Stephen and Andrea, who are sulking like kids* 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re there.] 

[*The lunch went fine, and I’m too lazy to write about it here, so let’s just see what happens after we go back to my house.] 

[Back at my place.] 

Me: I’M HOME! 

[From the living room.] 

Mark(after taking one look at Andrea and Stephen’s mutual silence just in case they explode against each other): I KNEW IT! NOW, STEFAN, YOU OWE ME EIGHT QUID BECAUSE! 

The Three: WEEEEEEELCOOOOOME BAAAAAAAAAAACK~ 

Stefan(giving them the side-eye): They’re even worse than Hina and company. 

Me: What is going on here? 

Mark(jumping up before I could even call on anyone else to answer my question): Stefan and I decided to bet on what will happen if Andrea and Stephen are exposed to each other for too long. Seems like it didn’t go well as I predicted. So now Stefan owes me eight quid. 

Stefan(looks up): No way. 

Mark: Yes way, because we betted on them. 

Stephen: YOU BETTED ON US? 

[Jascha brings out popcorn and starts to watch them arguing as they do often.] 

Mark, Stefan: HELL YES/NO! 

Jascha(through mouthfuls of popcorn): Now this is more entertaining than normal. 

[Meanwhile, after escorting the Three and Andrea to my theatre, where Hina and company are practicing, I decide to see whatever Stephen and Andrea were arguing about. And yes, since I’m lazy, I’m not telling you how the Blind Person Experiment went — badly, because of all the half-delighted shouting and whatnot going on in the living room.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Just as expected, I didn’t finish this yesterday(Jul 9). But still, most of this actually happened, and no, I don’t want to upset Andrea as Stephen may do in this story. 
> 
> A/N 3: I’m planning to write a sequel for this story, and may or may not start early. The sequel is planned to start right after the events during Halloween, so things are going even crazier! And yes, Andrea and Jascha would appear as main characters there, so see you till then!


	30. Café Society(or, The Café and ITL Experience; or, My Chemical Romance)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HALLLLLOOOOOOOO~ PEOPLE!!! THIS IS Luciano for your Author’s Note! And yes, Gracey was invited for “joining” her cousin’s swim party, when she found out that unfortunately, she was way past the age limit. It was quite like that time when she was invited for a musical theater experience, HA! 
> 
> A/N 2: Also, something even better. Instead of moping like what José and Plácido would’ve done, she took us all to Kempinski! HURRAY, and we had some pastries like donuts and stuff. OK, I have to stop rambling here, just in case of spoiling everything xDxD Enjoyy~ xxxL

(Gracey POV) 

[Norwich, Norfolk, UK. My house.] 

[Afternoon.] 

[I am sleeping and my so-called guests are in the living room, watching the Luciano Pavarotti/Andrea Bocelli slash duet.] 

Stephen(entering my room): Can never understand why and when did they get infected with Hina’s interests. 

[I ignore him, even though I’m already awake, and it is not because of Stephen, but Mark’s cheering of Nessun Dorma, version Gangnam Style.] 

Stephen(turning to me): Gracey, are you even listening? 

[I try not to crack up at Mark’s poor rapping skills of ‘OP OP OP OP’.] 

[Finally failing, I sit up.] 

Me: Yes. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: If I was Andrea, I would plead to god to give me back my eyes and take my hearing instead. *I nod towards the door, which leads outside, of course!* 

[Outside, Mark and Stefan are watching a Gangnam Style… well, STYLE, of Torandot, or rather, Nessun Dorma, the most famous theme song; sang by Luciano Pavarotti and Andrea Bocelli.] 

Mark(overly delighted and enthusiastic): OP OP OP OP~ 

Stefan: 0_o 

[And that is exactly what I come to when Stephen and I got out my room.] 

[Living room.] 

[As mentioned, Mark and Stefan are watching television. With the latter unimpressed with Andrea and Luciano, but with the former over-enthusiastic since he may or may not be a Psy fan.] 

[Irritated at Mark’s antics, I switch channels and stop until I find the Caracalla performance.] 

Stephen(smiling at me): That’s better than the previous one. 

[I smile back.] 

Mark: AAAWWWWW WHYYYY, GRACEY? 

Stefan: Why not? Seems like you disturbed her sleep, as usual. 

Mark(nods towards Stephen): It was *HE* who went to her room, Stefan, not me, not this time! 

[Before Stephen could ejaculate, I cut in their conversation.] 

Me: Actually, I was already awake. Awake because of your poor rapping skills of ‘OP OP OP OP~’ 

[They crack up.] 

o-o-o 

[*OK, time skip. For some reason, I was called to my theater by the Three, who are staying with me for some time. How long, I have ZERO idea.] 

[In my theater.] 

Plácido: Great, you’re here, Gracey. 

Luciano(Mark style): WEEEEELCOOOOME TO THE THEATER, GRACEY! 

José: Thanks fer joinin’ us :-) 

Me: Right, and I’m glad to be here. People, I don’t have to remind you that this is MY theatre, do I? 

Plácido(to the other two): Right, and remember that, you guys. 

Luciano, José(Stephen and Stefan style): Wouldn’t we? 

Plácido(to me): They’re always like that, absolutely cracked. 

Them: NO WAY! 

Me: Then we’re on the same page. Stephen, Mark, and Stefan are all like that. 

[PAUSE] 

Three Tenors(with dawning realization): STEFAN MICKISCH?? 

José: The German pianist?! 

Plácido: The one who used to be the pianist for the Bayreuth Music Festival?! 

Luciano: The one who was said to be in a relationship with James Levine??? 

All: THAT ‘STEFAN’? 

[AWKWARD PAUSE] 

Me: Err, Stefan Mickisch; why? 

Them: THAT’S HIM! GRACEY, HOW DID YOU…? *mind totally blown* 

Me: Well… it’s hard to explain, though, but yes, he’s here, and he was in this documentary named Wagner and Me. 

Plácido(smirking): Knew it. 

José and Luciano: ? 

Plácido(to them): WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE A MUSICIAN AT THE FESTIVAL, YOU TWO??? 

Me(to myself): One more of this and I’m getting a headache. 

[*Another time skip. Now it’s late afternoon and my cousin, RJeevesxS (RichardSxx), who is also with us, has an announcement.] 

Richard: Announcement time! OK, so Rodney and I, also with Rebecca, are going for some swim party! 

Everyone: HURRAY! 

Richard: But unfortunately, I just got this message from Rodney that there’s an age limit — kind of 15 and under. 

Everyone: AW MAN/*Groan*/AAWWWW WHYYYY~ 

Me(finally standing up): But here’s something else! We can either go to Kempinski or the German bakery house to wait for them, well, possibly eating pastries — BUT I HAVE NO GUARANTEES THAT YOU WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE THEM! 

Everyone: AAAAAAAWWWWWWWW GRAAAAAACEY! 

Me: So when they’re partying, we’re having a small one ourselves. SO BEFORE YOU GET EXCITED, MARK AND COMPANY — 

Mark and company(whining): Graaaaaaceyyyy~ 

[I smile at them, and they glare at me.] 

Me: — we’re going separate. Today, I think I’m taking Luciano and company, and Hina will be with you three. 

[The Stephens look at me with pitiful puppy eyes and I force myself to not give in.] 

Me: Sorry, but Hina’s great as well :-) 

Mark: No she isn’t. 

Me: Is. 

Mark: IS NOT! 

[After almost endless periods of arguing and complaining, we are once again on our way.] 

[We, as usual, are taking the Tube, or rather, the subway, as you may be more familiar. Again, refer to chapters 5, 7, and 8; but try to imagine the Three joining in.] 

[After riding the Tube, we say goodbye to Hina and Company.] 

The Three(over-dramatically): GOOOOOOODBYYYYEE HINAAAAA DON’T DIE WITHOUT US, etc 

[I wave good-bye to them, with the Three still being over-dramatic.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re in the bakery, and we’ve ordered snacks.] 

[As expected, the Three completely forget about Hina and company; and decides to interrogate me more about Stefan.] 

Plácido: So why didn’t you allow James into your story as well? 

Me: If that happens, it’d be way too awkward. And I’m not sure about their relationship news. 

Plácido(Andrea style): Ever heard of ‘inspiration’? 

Me: YES, sorry to break it to you! 

Plácido: Then can he pleeeease be inside? 

Me: Sorry, no. This goes AU only after 2010, which is basically Wagner and Me year. 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard W: What about Stefan? 

Plácido: … 

Me: Nothing. Just talking with the Three, that’s all. 

Richard W: Fine, see you, then, and don’t forget to make Andrea train Hina more! 

[He disappears.] 

[Before I can get this AU in control, Andrea appears.] 

Andrea: What about Hina? 

The Three: Gracey, explanation, NOW. 

Me: I told you this is a story, but still, let’s not break the 4th wall so often, alright? 

The Three: Fine. 

Me(to Andrea): Sorry, had to deal with them. And yes, Richard Wagner just told me that you have to train Hina more, and yes, you’re the only one I trust, at least for now. 

Andrea: … 

[I make him disappear.] 

[*OK, whatever happened afterwards, I’m way too lazy to write about, so let’s just skip to the part where Mark and Luciano wants to take photos at the Päulaner.] 

[We reunite with Hina and company at Pauläner, the German restaurant, with the beautiful canopy and picnic tables, with people drinking beer and enjoying themselves.] 

Mark(beaming): PHOTOS! PHOTOS! PHOTOS! 

Me: … 

Luciano(also beaming): BRILLIANT IDEA! GRACEY, PLEASE PHOTOS! 

Hina: They need therapy. 

Me: They sure do. 

[After hours of coaxing and complaining, we take photos and go back via subway.] 

[*And as usual, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened next, so see you then :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Hola! This is José Carreras for your third Author’s Note! According to Gracey, this actually happened — she ordered pastries, but also had some baguette, which is this French bread shaped like a stick! :-D Unfortunately, she was way too lazy to finish this yesterday, so this got pushed to today — Jul 11! 
> 
> A/N 4: She had another strange adventure, a short one, today, and she refuses to tell us about it, so I won’t be able to spoil it for you, sorry! Till next time, and… adios :-) :-)


	31. Shots and Terrorists(or, Kelinda Undercover Realities; or, Being Israelite)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ciao all! This is, again, Andrea Bocelli for your A/N. Today, some very important guests came to our place when Gracey was getting shots *shudder*, so… yeah. Enjoy this random chapter, though, because of the “horrors” that would come tonight *Halloween voice

(Gracey POV) 

[My house, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Me(almost crying): NOOOOOOOO, I DON’T WANT TO GET SHOTS! 

KayEUndercover(on phone, because she is in London today): Sorry, but my manager said so, and for some reason, she says it’s important. 

[I cry my eyes out.] 

[*Time skip. Now singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli, violinist Jascha Heifetz and I are around Cambridge, because of I had to get shots at the school campus hospital.] 

[Stephen leads us into the hospital and waits for us outside.] 

Me: *crying* 

Jascha(shouting with glee): CAMBRIDGE IS AWESOME! 

Me: Says the one who doesn’t have to get shots. 

Andrea(coaxing me): Oh, Gracey, stop being so dramatic. 

Stephen: OK, I’ll be waiting for ya around the Footlight Revenue! 

Jascha(hugging him): BYYYYYYYYYYE~ 

[*Short time skip. Now we’re inside.] 

[I am shuddery and scared, and Andrea and Jascha have to resist the urge to make fun of me.] 

Andrea(deadpan): Thought you were cool as a cucumber. 

Me: THAT’S WHEN I’M NOT GETTING SHOTS! I HATE SHOTS AND HATE GIVING THEM ALSO! 

Andrea: Do you have to raise your voice, Gracey? 

Me: *sobbing* 

[*Another short time skip. Now it’s my turn to get shots.] 

[I cling onto Andrea for dear life.] 

Me(chanting): I DON’T WANT TO DIE, I DON’T WANT TO DIE, I DON’T WANT TO DIE… etc 

Doctor(deadpan, Andrea style): You’re not gonna die. 

Andrea(also deadpan and totally unhelpful): And stop being dramatic, Gracey, you’re almost like Luciano. 

Me(looking at him with streaming eyes): What’s so bad about Luciano? 

Andrea: … 

[I get shots while we are talking, and I become over-dramatic all over again when it’s over.] 

[I cling onto Andrea and cry my eyes out, burying my face into his neck.] 

Jascha: NOW THAT’S CLOSURE! 

[We jump back.] 

Me: NO WAY, Jascha. 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re ready to go over to the Footlights Revenue to meet Mr, Fry.] 

[My phone rings. Luciano.] 

Me: OK, we’re finished, and we’re just about to go to the Revenue to meet with Stephen. 

Luciano(on phone): AWESOME! Also, I have to tell you this, Gracey, it seems we’ve got some more visitors — Israelites, mind you, and umm… are they safe? 

Me: Oh? 

Luciano: Shlomo Mintz and Gil Shaham. The latter we know. 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me: OK, I think we’d better be back before any more unexpected visitors. 

o-o-o 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re back at my place.] 

Shlomo and Gil: SHALOOOOOM SEN, GRACEY! 

Me: Shalom sen. 

[I allow their presence to sink in.] 

[Now I’m suddenly shuddery and shaky all over again, because they are wearing James Bond approved sunglasses and leather jackets.] 

Me(cringing): Is this Revenge of the Israelites or something? 

Shlomo: Kind of. 

Gil: Because of what happened during WWII. 

Me: You two are way outdated. 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard(to me, irritably): Tell. Those. Israelites. To. Get. The. Hell. Out. Of. Here, because Hina and company have to train here, and it’s a no-Jewish people allowed property. 

Me: That’s just anti-semitic. 

[*OK, I’m making another time skip here, before it gets way controversial.] 

[Shlomo and Gil were actually invited by Andrea to perform the music for Hina because of her Stars In Her Eyes performance, not really for Richard’s musicals.] 

[In my theatre.] 

Me: You’re not really performing Stars In Her Eyes again, are you? 

Hina, aka KayEUndercover: I have to, because of some request. 

Me: OK, I’m outta here. 

Jascha, Andrea, The Israelites: BYYYYEE! 

[I leave my theatre and go back to my house.] 

[My house, living room.] 

[The others are watching television — Three Tenors Performing some rock-’n-roll version of Oh Sole Mio.] 

The others: 0_o 

[Instead of interrupting, I go to my room and sleep.] 

o-o-o 

[*OK, a mega time-skip here. It is now 2 in the morning, and people are watching the World Cup finals. Again. This is told to me via Andrea, who was sleeping with me and Jascha, only J is still asleep, despite the noises outside.] 

[*And yes, he and Andrea are sleeping together — and no, NO slash is present, sorry!] 

Me(to Andrea, and half-asleep): Urgh, I’m definitely not joining in. Let’s sleep some more. 

Andrea: Oh of course you’re joining in, because I can’t, and you have to give me spoilers. 

Me: I’m not giving anyone spoilers. 

Andrea(Stephen Fry style): PLEEEEEEASE? 

Me: *sigh* 

[I leave him and go to the living room, where Mark is having 7-Up so early in the morning, and Stephen, Stefan, and the Three, as well as KayEUndercover, were sipping on lemon water and half-asleep as well.] 

[When I approach…] 

José(complaining): YOU SEE? Andrea and Jascha are way too lucky because they can sleep more. 

Me(to José): You and I are on the same boat here, mister, and yes, this is the first time I envy them. 

Luciano(absolutely beaming): BUT THEY WOULDN’T SEE THE EXCITEMENT! THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO WATCH THE FINALS, GRACEY AND JOSÉ!! 

Stefan(mumbling): Can you please lower your voice, Lu? 

Luciano: HELL NO! 

Stefan(pushing Stephen away): WHAT? 

Luciano: Oh, yes. 

Stefan(glaring at him now): Thank you. 

Luciano(smiling): You’re welcome :-) 

Stefan(rolling eyes): ITs. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, we’ll just stop here, because unfortunately and fortunately, Croatia won, and no, I’m not really telling Andrea unless he interrogate me! :-D So, see you next chapter! xxG] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened today at 2. I was not that enthusiastic, but not exactly terribly disappointed about Croatia’s win — it was expected. 
> 
> A/N 3: And later today, I’m going with Rodney to the infirmary because of his depression medication and check-ups, and yes, I’m taking Stephen, Jascha, and Andrea with me, because I have to, and I don’t trust the Three.


	32. Infirmary Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: GOOOOOOOOOOD morning, good mornin’, good morning! This is Jascha Heifetz with your Author’s notes! We just got back from Rodney Cadogan’s infirmary check-ups, and yes, according to Gracey, this may be a short chapter! So… well, enjoy! xxJ

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[Late morning, my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My room.] 

[Luciano barges in Mark style because of Rodney, aka RodneyMcKaySG (rodneymckaySG) and Jeffrey, aka SirJeffCadogan (JC14)’s arrival at my house.] 

Me(shouting): I’M UP, OK, LUCIANO? WHY IS EVERYONE IMITATING MARK HERE, I ASK YOU??!! 

Luciano(not even listening to me): A question for you as well, Gracey, since you're my fantasy girlfriend: why is Jeff and Rodney here today, instead of the Israelites? 

Me: Because. 

Luciano: Because why? 

Me(rhetorically): Do you really want to know? 

[We go out of my room and to the living room, where everyone is already having breakfast. Omelette with butter, as usual.] 

[Jeffrey and Rodney are also there.] 

Rodney: So I won’t be here for long, because I have to go get some check-ups. 

Stephen(gently): Good luck then. 

Rodney: :-) 

Me: OK, Rodney, I guess I’ll be joining you? 

Rodney, Jeffrey: Perfect, then we’ll meet you at Cambridge. The infirmary, alright?! 

Me: *grin* 

[They disappear.] 

[PAUSE] 

Everyone, maybe except for Stephen and me: THEY’RE GOIN’ TO CAMBRIDGE? 

Me: Yes, because. Well, I got shots there. *shudder* 

Andrea(sipping on coffee): Don’t remind me. 

Jascha(to Andrea): Her drama skills were awesome, you wouldn’t believe it. 

Me: No way. 

Jascha: YES WAY, GRACEY, YES TOO WAY! 

[After almost endless rounds of that, we are on our way.] 

[*Time skip, now we’re at Cambridge.] 

[I’m having actor Stephen Fry, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli, and violinist Jascha Heifetz with me, because I need navigation, as well as companions.] 

Stephen(Wagner and Me style): AAAH, Cambridge, you gotta love it! 

Jascha: TOO TRUE! 

Andrea(to them): Am I the only one who thinks you two should be eternal friends? 

Me(before they could protest): NO! I THINK SO TOO! 

Jascha: We won’t, because we have different occupations, sorry to break it to you. 

Me(before they start bickering): OK, it seems that we have to navigate to the Footlights Revenue and wait for Rodney and Jeffrey there. 

Stephen: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY~ 

Me(to myself): OK, I’m getting a headache again. Brilliant. 

[*After endless “hours” of aimless navigation, because Stephen is busy gushing about how awesome he was when attending the place, we arrive there.] 

[Inside the revenue…] 

Me: This theater is almost similar to mine back in Norwich. 

Jascha(completely gleamy and happy): I KNOW RIGHT 

Andrea(commandingly): And something else, Stephen and Jascha — according to Gracey, the word today is QUIET, as usual, so don’t go shouting like the students here. 

Them: AAAAAAWWWWWW WHYYYY? 

Me: Because you’re no longer students! 

[They start moping, as usual.] 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re doing whatever skits we can think of as we wait for our other friends.] 

[Jascha and Andrea are doing the Too Much of Anything Is Bad For You sketch from A Bit of Fry and Laurie.] 

Jascha(as Stephen): Ever heard of having too much of one thing? 

Andrea(as Hugh): Yes. And you know that too much is bad for you. 

Jascha(as Stephen, even more exasperated than the original): TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS BAD FOR YOU! 

Andrea(as Hugh, but way more deadpan): Oh, really? Then explain why doctors make you drink A LOT of water sometimes? 

Jascha(as Stephen): They want to test out if you have any malfunctioning organs, Hugh, and since you’re about to become a doctor named House… 

[Meanwhile, Stephen and I are way too weirded out.] 

Me: Great, more cracks on the 4th wall than the original. 

[Back onstage.] 

Andrea(finally breaking character): The thing is, Jascha, Hugh isn’t House, YET, during the time when he and his mate were doing their Monty Python parody. 

[I crack up and Stephen elbows me because I have to stand on his side, apparently.] 

Jascha(switches character as Michael Palin): No, way, this parrot isn’t… dead, it’s SLEEPIN’! 

Andrea(switching character as well and as John Cleese): THIS PARROT IS NO MORE! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT! 

[And that, is exactly what Rodney and Jeffrey come to when they finally got to the Footlights Revenue.] 

Jeffrey and Rodney: 0_o 

[I jump up and spot them.] 

Me: Brilliant! Now let’s be on our way! 

[*OK, so after that, we go back to my house. And… yeah, that’s all what’s interesting, so I’m stopping here :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Buongiorno, readers! This is Andrea Bocelli again for your A/N, because Gracey is busy with her original works, xD. According to her, this actually happened — the infirmary visit, that is, and also, that was all that is fun :-( 
> 
> A/N 3: Ah, well, tomorrow there’s going to be some swim party or whatever she’s planned, so stay tuned xxxA


	33. Swim Party PRT 3(or, Water Activities)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HAAAALLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO~ DEEEEEAAAARRR READERS! This is Mark Carwardine for your Author’s note, and no, sorry, I don’t have enhanced senses… yet. OK, so, what’s happening is that we’re going to go have some water activities soon, and yes, you guessed it, swimming. 
> 
> A/N 2: Hi! And this is Stefan Mickisch. Right, so that was Mark just now. And yes, we’re going to go do some water sports soon, since it’s summer. No spoilers, because! 
> 
> A/N 3: OK, I’m back. This is Gracey, by the way. I can never trust Stefan and Mark to write my A/Ns, since they’ll be the ones joining in these activities. And, as they told you, yes, we are going to go swimming, AGAIN, because of the summer XD. So…. well, hope you like this!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. I’m having breakfast with Mark and Stefan, since the others(read: Stephen and the Three) are in my study, looking for every single music book I own. The Three are looking for everything on singing, and Stephen is, of course, looking for the Wagner book Jeffrey sent me.] 

Me(resigned): OK, announcement — we’re having A LOT of activities these days, and the line up is:   
• Swimming for today,   
• Go to 798 modern art centre to see the different modern artworks and technology,   
• Go see a bunch of new Shakespeare screenings — 5 in total,   
• Go see a musical screening, with Hina and her cronies, which is also during the same time as Shakespeare. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(deadpan, Andrea style): And not going to Wimbledon to see the new Andrea Bocelli concert. 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Mark(with dawning realization): ANDREA BOCELLI CONCERT? 

[Third pause] 

Mark(pleadingly): Graaaaceeeyyyyyy, can we go? Please, can we, can we, can we? 

Me: Seriously? Didn’t know you were a fanboy. 

Mark: NO WAY! 

Me: Then why d’you wantta go? 

Mark: The excitement? 

Me: Andrea didn’t notify me, so I’m not sure. 

[Both Mark and Stefan groan in annoyance.] 

Mark: He should’ve notified us! 

Stefan: Too true. 

Mark: Otherwise he shouldn’t be a recurring character in this story! 

[I finally cut in their conversation.] 

Me: OK, OK, it’s no big deal, Mark and Stefan, Andrea has his own thing, and yes, he WILL be a recurring character! 

[At that one, they leave in annoyance of Andrea being a recurring character.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re on our way to the swim pool. This time, we’re taking the Tube. The Three and the rest of us are together.] 

[Again, refer to chapters 5, 7, and 8.] 

[We arrive at my swim pool paradise.] 

The Three(with dawning realization): THIS. IS. AWESOME!!! 

Me(smirking): Thanking me yet? 

Luciano(in Italian): Grazie, Gracey! 

Plácido and José(in Spanish): Muchas gracías, Gracey! 

Me(extremely self-satisfied): YOU’RE WELCOME! OK, and even better, Andrea volunteered to be the DJ today. 

Everyone: HURRAAAAAYYY! 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli appear in DJ gear, complete with headphones and everything.] 

Everyone(starstruck): OOOOOOOOOHHHH~ 

Andrea(beaming): Buongiorno, everyone! 

Me: OK, now let’s start! 

[We go to change and then get in the water.] 

[*OK, before I allow you to witness everything that happens during the water activities, I’m introducing everyone who joined: The Three, Jascha, Stephen and company, KayEUndercover, Erynerys, me, RodneyMcKaySG (rodneymckaySG), and of course, my cousin, RichardSxx.] 

[We start partying and Andrea plays the first song.] 

[As usual, Stephen and Mark continue with their handball-water polo cross-over of a game, but this time, with the Three going scuba diving. Stefan, Richard, Jascha, Rodney, and Hina are swimming themselves and listening to the music, as I am as well.] 

Stefan: Am I the only one who thinks this is getting out of control? *nods towards Stephen and Mark, who are splashing each other with water now* 

Me: Uh-oh… 

[The Three surface when we are bickering.] 

Plácido(after pulling out his snorkel snout, over the music): HEY, GRACEY, JOIN THE SCUBA GANG! 

Me(also over the music): Can’t right now, because. 

Rodney, Hina, Richard, and Erika: WE CAN MANAGE! 

[Before I can react, someone pulled me by my legs and I go underwater.] 

[Underwater, Luciano and I tackle, only to send an entire tidal wave towards Andrea.] 

Andrea(completely soaked): Oh yeah? *he splashes us water* 

[OK, this is kind of getting cliché. Time skip to after Luciano made everyone go against me.] 

[Andrea starts playing another song that is basically Torna A Surriento, but to the tune of Love You More Than I Can Say.] 

Andrea(singing along): AAH, TOOOOOOOOORNAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAH SUUUURIEEENTOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Luciano(after resurfacing and pulling out his own snorkel snout): TOOOOOOOOOOOORNAA AAAAAAH SUUUUUURIEEEENTOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[Both collapse into uncontrollable laughing.] 

Me(to them and mock-frustrated): This is getting out of hand, Luciano and Andrea! *gently spray water on the latter and crash a tidal wave at the former* 

[Luciano splashes me back, so does Andrea.] 

Me(half-drowned and soaked to the bone): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! 

[*Time skip. Andrea plays Zucchero’s song of Miserere.] 

Andrea(singing along): MIIIIIISERERE, MISTERO MEEEEEE! 

Hina, Andrea(chorus): MIIIIIISEREREEEEEE, MISTERO MEEEE, LO SIENTO ÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ~ 

[*Another time skip. Hina and Andrea are basically half-laughing and singing at the same time.] 

[Jascha smiles evilly at me and splashes those two with water, before Andrea’s enhanced senses could warn him.] 

Andrea(singing, later interrupting himself via shrieking): MISEREREEEE MEEEEEEE, LO SIENTO LA — EEEEEEEP! 

Hina: *ROFLMHO!* 

[Andrea creates a tidal wave using an arm and splashes Jascha; but missed and hit Hina instead.] 

Hina(grinning evilly): Oh, yeah? You wanna play, do you? *she splashes him back, nearly drenching him* 

[*OK, another time skip. Now we’re done with our water fight, and wondering where to have lunch.] 

[Unfortunately, Erika has some errands to run so she wouldn’t be joining in. She leaves.] 

[I wave goodbye to her and turn back to the others. The Three, especially Luciano, with Hina and Andrea, are all suffering from extreme euphoria, and Andrea is trying to sing Oh Sole Mio, but kept cracking up.] 

Hina, Andrea(in unison): OOOOOOOOH, SOLE MIOOOOOOO, ME CONTA É, NO SIE — *Andrea cracks up for the fourth time that day* 

Jascha(to me): I have no idea what kind of medicine they took. 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(to Andrea): You, mister Bocelli, should calm down. 

[Andrea tries to speak but collapses into uncontrollable laughing all over again and had to cling onto Jascha for support.] 

Me: OK, a surprise for y’all: I’m taking everyone to Via Roma, how ‘bout that? 

Everyone(except for Andrea and Hina, because they’re still busy laughing their heads off): HURRAY FOR VIA ROMA! 

[We go on our merry way to Via Roma.] 

o-o-o 

[While at Via Roma, Luciano and Andrea, the latter who finally calmed down at least for now, are busy bragging about their cuisine and arts and architecture.] 

[*OK, an explanation on the seats. Luciano — Plácido — José — Jascha — Hina — Andrea — me — Stephen — Mark — Stefan — Rodney — Richard, and back again. Basically it’s round table.] 

[Hina and I are looking at menus while Luciano and Andrea are engaged in some Italian conversation that I have no idea of, until they both collapsed into uncontrollable laughing just like when we were at the swim pool.] 

Me: HUSH, you two! Everyone’s lookin’ at us! 

Andrea(in Italian): Right, Lu, look behind you. There’s a cactus. 

Luciano: NO! 

Both: *ROFL!* 

[I rub my temples because I feel another headache coming.] 

[*Time skip. OK, so we’ve ordered pizzas and pasta, as well as dessert. Tiramisu for Luciano, Hina, me, and several of our better behaved guests, and choco pudding for Andrea and Jascha.] 

Jascha(hollering): HURRAY FOR CHOCO PUDDING! 

Andrea: *ROFLMHO!* 

Me(tapping on Andrea): Are you alright? 

Andrea(trying to get his breath back): Sì… 

Jascha: NO WAY! 

[After some more rounds of this, our food finally arrive, and we start eating. As usual, Luciano and Andrea are not impressed, but the others were in extreme high. For instance, Hina is basically sobbing.] 

[*Whatever else happened when we had lunch is… to put it lightly, cracked, because we had A LOT more language barriers now. And I’m way too lazy to write about it since Andrea had distracted me too much.] 

[*OK, I guess I’ll stop here, and stay tuned to tomorrow! I’ll be taking them to 798, and later on, Shakespeare again. Ciao! xD] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: I just got back not long before, and yes, this actually happened. Only we didn’t go to a swim paradise, and we, fortunately, didn’t sing Oh Sole Mio and Miserere. But we DID have Italian cuisine, and yes, it was amazing :-)


	34. 798(or, Modern Arts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: GOOOOOOOOOD mornin’, good mornin’, good mornin’, good mornin’, dear readers! This is Luciano Pavarotti for your A/N! OK, a message for you: Gracey is taking us all to 798, so GET EXCITED! xxL

(Gracey(theChaplinfangirl) POV) 

[Norwich, Norfolk, UK. My house.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, I have an announcement! Today, we’re going to go to 798, to join the technology festival again. 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): YAHOOOOO! 

Everyone else: o_______o 

[PAUSE] 

Me: So seems like we’re all going, so I need some others here to hold the fort. Well, maybe Hina and her companions aren’t joining? 

Mark: AAAAWWWW WHYYYYYY? 

Me(to myself): For reasons unknown, ‘AAAAWWWW WHYYYYYY?’ is their favourite way of asking questions. 

[I go to my theatre, with Mark Carwardine, Stefan Mickisch, and actor Stephen Fry pondering about technology, which is something Stephen is extremely, and I really DO mean extremely, obsessed about.] 

Mark: The thing is, the tech aren’t all Apple products, Stephen, sorry to break it to you. 

Stephen: :-( 

Stefan: And when’s the screening of Shakespeare? 

Mark: Of course way later. I think it’s about… August 4? 

[*OK, this is getting boring. Let’s see what are Hina and gang doing in my theatre, other than scream-singing.] 

[In my theatre.] 

Andrea Bocelli(singing): SAAAAAY CAN YOU SEEEEEE… THE CITY LIGHTS??! 

[Aside, José, Plácido, and Luciano are watching the show and whispering amongst themselves.] 

José: Am I the only one who thinks Andrea is imitating Zubin? 

Plácido: For some reason I ship them. 

Luciano: That’s just disturbing. 

Plácido: Not as disturbing as when Andrea nearly crashed into him one time when I went to Sugar to visit Zubin, who was asked by his — Andrea’s, that is — agent, to train with him. And yes, it is slashier than Gracey’s fanfics of them together. I mean, what are enhanced senses used for? 

José(elbowing him): Can you please give him some slack? He didn’t sense Zubin, and it’s just a rumor that they’re together. 

Luciano(finally shouting out): I KNEW IT! 

[The music stops and Hina smile at them, along with Tristan_Isolde_Melot and TrilotEyes.] 

Andrea(irritated already, to the Three): Can you PLEASE be quiet, you three?! 

The Three: AAAAAWWWW WHYYYYY? 

Andrea: Otherwise, outta here, please. 

[That was the last straw for Plácido, at least, as they disappear into thin air because I made them to.] 

[I finally come out of the shadows.] 

Me: OK, how’re y’all rehearsin’? 

Hina(half-sarcastically): Brilliantly. 

TrilotEyes: If only one of us — *nods towards Tristan_Isolde_Melot and Andrea* — is Tristan. 

Hina(suddenly over-enthusiastic): HOW ‘BOUT TRISTAN IS PLAYED BY MULTIPLE PEOPLE? 

[Wagnerianeyes appear.] 

Wagnerianeyes: That’d be way too weird. 

Me(finally interrupting their bickering); OK, I’ll be making you guys hold the fort, because some of us have to go… well, SEE… the technology exhibit. 

[I leave before they can protest.] 

[*OK, this is really getting dull. Let’s skip to the part where we are already at 798.] 

[At 798, we’re supposed to go to 797 to see the exhibits.] 

Me(reading the map): OK, troops, we have to go to 797 to see the exhibit, and no, no more Psy this time. 

The Three(sings): OP OP OP OP OP-MA GANGNAM STYLE! 

[Mark and Stefan crack up because they remember the duet between Luciano and Andrea.] 

Mark(whispering to Stefan): You do remember the duet between Andrea and Luciano, no? 

Stefan: Don’t remind me. 

[FLASHBACK] 

[My house. Living room. I am sleeping while Mark and Stefan are outside, watching the Andrea Bocelli/Luciano Pavarotti duet of Nessun Dorma, sang to the tune of Gangnam Style.] 

Luciano and Andrea(onscreen, in unison): OP OP OP OP OP-MA TURANDOT STYLE! 

Mark(over-enthusiastically, offscreen): OP OP OP OP OP-MA TURANDOT STYLE! 

Stefan(deadpan, because he is bored out of his mind as well as irked with Mark’s antics): Are you done? 

[Mark ignores him and keeps singing the Gangnam Style/Nessun Dorma cross-over of a song, whatever that is.] 

The Stephens: 0______o 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

[We are now on our merry way as the Three wouldn’t stop singing Gangnam Style, in very broken Korean.] 

[We arrive at UCCA.] 

Me(to the Three): ENOUGH! 

[They stop singing Gangnam Style.] 

Them: AAAAAAWWWWWW WHYYYYYYYY~ 

Everyone else: *ROFLMHO!* 

[We go to UCCA.] 

[*Time skip. We’re in UCCA, and we go see some modern art exhibits.] 

[The Three decides to play Blind Man’s Buff when we’re viewing the exhibits. Why? Don’t ask.] 

[Stephen and I are staring at a statue. The almost same one from the so-called SCP Foundation.] 

Stephen: Now I know where they got the inspiration. 

Me: And it’s never known if the foundation is real or not. 

Stephen: I hope not. 

Me: Same here. 

[We smile at each other just as someone taps on me.] 

Me(shrieking my lungs out, Hina style when she’s singing a high note): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~ 

[Apparently, the someone is Plácido, actually using a walking stick to seem like he couldn’t see who is in front of him.] 

Me(after giving him a death look in my eyes): DON’T YOU DARE SCARE ME WHEN THIS CREEPY STATUE IS HERE!!! 

[He tries to ejaculate but is laughing way too hard.] 

[I roll my eyes at him and goes with Stephen to another room, which housed another SCP.] 

Me: So this is what the plague doctors are like during the Middle Ages, huh? 

[Hina appears.] 

Hina(hands me a plague doctor plushie): Here’s a plushie, if you want :-) 

Me: *smile* 

[She disappears.] 

[*OK, whatever happens next, I’m way too lazy to write about, so let’s just skip to the part where we go see the tech.] 

[My cousin, RichardSxx, is joining in in this scene :-)] 

[We go in the exhibit hall.] 

Stephen(awestruck and with dawning realization): This should happen IRL… 

Richard(hollering in glee): I KNOW RIGHT 

Me: OK, the word today is quiet, again, understand? 

Richard: OTHERWISE NO ICE CREAM, EH? 

Me: *face-palm* 

[PAUSE] 

Everyone else(with dawning realization): Ice cream? 

[Another pause] 

Everyone: YAHHOOOOOOOO~ 

[*Seriously, this is getting cliché AND overly out of character, even though both are my objectives; so I’ll be making a mega-time-skip and tell you what happened when we were both enthusiastically and forced to watch the World Cup Finals.] 

[My house.] 

[Living room.] 

[Everyone takes their places and the watch of the World Cup finals start.] 

[*OK, an explanation: Hina and my cousin, as well as Jeffrey and Rodney, are all here; so are the Three and our main characters. I’m lying with Stefan on the couch, while the others are sprawled on each other on the other side.] 

José(to me): Lucky Jascha and Andrea because they don’t really have to see this. 

Me: Kinda true, but they wouldn’t be able to enjoy the excitement. 

Luciano and Mark(in unison, because both are sipping on 7-Up): EXCITEMENT FTW! 

Me(turning to them): Can you guys concentrate? 

[They concentrate and we continue watching.] 

[*Another time skip. It’s nearly half-time.] 

Stefan(to me): If only we can join Andrea’s concert… 

Me: *smile* 

[*OK, this is getting boring again, so since I’m getting lazy again, I’ll just stop here and keep the suspense… xx] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Hallo again. Yes, this is Gracey, and yes, the Partners have finally finished their bickering that was way loud. OK, since this all happened yesterday, it didn’t all happen in real life — unfortunately, we didn’t go to 798, but we did see the World Cup finals again :-)


	35. Fights and Disagreements(or, Randomness and More Randomness)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi all! This is Plácido Domingo with your A/N for today. You might’ve guessed this, but Gracey was kind of in the middle of a fight, and… well, whether the two sides will make peace… it’s kinda up to you :-) Enjoy. xx

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

[For some reason, Mark Carwardine and Andrea Bocelli are yelling on top of their voices at each other, and no, it wasn’t something to be fighting about.] 

Me(half-asleep): Are they ever done? 

[Stephen Fry, one of the most popular actors these days, enters.] 

Stephen: Mornin’, Gracey. They are arguing because Andrea may or may not accidentally throw away a fruit-peeler of yours, and for now, I’m trying to make sure they do not insult each other… if you get my drift. 

Me(after sitting up): OK, cool, and yes, they sound like they’re on the brink of insulting each other. 

[We go to the living room. Mark is looking out of my window at my balcony with Stefan. Of course, he is complaining to him.] 

Mark(irritated): … know that Gracey still needs it, and I have no idea HOW Virgos can be so OCD — Stephen has a condition, I can understand that, but Andrea? WHO CARES about enhanced senses when coming to kitchenware? 

Stefan(deadpan): I think you and him are on the brink of insulting each other. 

Mark: And guess what else? Gracey recently just got into him and ever since her ophthalmologist visit, she made him a recurring character — WHO DOES THAT, I ASK YOU??? 

[Andrea appears all of a sudden.] 

Andrea(just as irritated): AT LEAST YOU’RE A MAIN CHARACTER! 

Mark: I’M RECURRING, AND YOU’RE JUST SUPPOSED TO BE GUEST STARRING! GAWD, ITALIANS ARE JUST… *he leaves in a huff* 

[PAUSE] 

Me: OK, what is going on? 

Stefan: It seems that both were trying to slice some fruit for Stephen and I, but one of them accidentally, or rather, as Mark said, purposely, threw away a peeler of yours. That was when Andrea accused Mark, and Mark accused Andrea back. 

Me: … 

Andrea: And I’m not expecting her to take sides, Stefan. 

Stefan: Fine, fine. 

[Mark reappears.] 

Stefan: Oh…no 

Mark(shouting): OK, care to explain about Hina’s training? 

Andrea(also shouting): THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! 

Mark: OH, TOO BAD I’M WITH HER FOR ALMOST 24/7, AND YOU’RE NOT! 

Andrea: THAT, I TELL YOU, IS COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT! 

Mark: AND WHAT IS? 

Me(finally interrupting them): OK, both of you! You’ve a tie, alright? 

Andrea(ignoring me and continues arguing with Mark): ALSO, YOU’D BETTER MAKE A GOOD ENVIRONMENT AROUND HERE BECAUSE IT’S GRACEY’S PLACE! 

Mark: AND HOW COME I’M NOT? I’M WITH GRACEY WAAAAY LONGER THAN YOU ARE, FOR YOUR INFORMATION!! 

Me(finally shouting above them): We’re getting off topic! 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(still irritated): Fine, and just so YOU know, it’s all the disorganization that’s been disturbing my senses! 

Mark(before I can cut in): So awesome, we know about enhanced senses, OK? No need to remind us every single time! 

Me(finally cutting in before they started fighting): ALRIGHT! We’re only talking with numbers, so that can be more convincing. And Mark, I’ve known you since Last Chance to See, and Andrea, since the ophthalmologist visit. You should just accept each other, alright, and please no more of these fighting! 

Andrea(turning to me): He and Stephen got into an argument some weeks ago and — 

Mark: WHADYA KNOW ABOUT US? 

Me: OK! Andrea and Mark, if you’re really insisting on everything, I don’t think it hurts to just have a look-see. 

[I leave them and go with the Stephens to the cupboards and everything to see if they have their stuff organized, or rather, most of their stuff hidden or whatever.] 

[In my bathrooms.] 

Stefan: I told you Andrea wants more freedom of speech here, even when he’s a recurring character. 

Me: Well, this is way too messed up so I can’t say who’s stuff is more. 

Stefan: I guess 50-50? 

Me: Right. 

o-o-o 

[Later that day, I have to have some siesta because of MORE World Cup finals.] 

[While sleeping…] 

[Andrea and Jascha are, well… ONE of them is observing me, the other is in a conversation with Hina.] 

Jascha: Gracey, wake up, it’s almost time for the finals. 

[I sit up blindly and squint towards Andrea, who is in some wild conversation with Hina.] 

Me: For whatever reason, don’t tell me they’re talking about more singing. 

Jascha: That’s VERY possible. 

Me: Oh give me a break… 

[*Short time skip. Now, since I have to go run some errands, Jascha and Andrea, along with Stephen and company(who are in my theatre, for some reason) are holding the fort.] 

Me: Fine, I’m going now, and see ya. 

Jascha(over-enthusiastically): SEE YA! CIAO! ADIOS! TSCHÜSS! BRAVDA! 

[I leave.] 

(Jascha Heifetz POV) 

[Gracey finally leaves.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me: FINALLY she’s gone! 

Hina(turning her attention away from Andrea): So… yay. 

Me: OK, you two continue chatting, I’ll go see how the others are doing, and maybe notify them on Gracey’s leave. 

[They both ignore me.] 

[I leave and go to the theater.] 

[In the theater…] 

The Three: …and that’s how come we’re glad you’re our audience. 

Stefan: *sleeping* 

The other two: 0_________o 

Me(finally interrupting the Three’s monologue of broken English): Are you done? Gracey’s gone. Well, she’s out to run errands, maybe with her cousin, who knows? 

[Everyone turn to me.] 

Plácido: Awesome. NOW WE CAN WATCH LAST CHANCE TO SEE! 

Mark(also over-enthusiastic): YAHOOOOOOO~ 

Stephen(upset): You all just want to be like the comic actors on QI. 

[PAUSE] 

José: Thought QI already ended? 

Luciano: Nope. 

Plácido: OF COURSE NOT! QI IS IN SEASON N! 

Luciano: NO! Season… um… P! 

[As soon as that started, they get out of the theater in order to see the latest episode.] 

o-o-o 

(Gracey POV) 

[*Time skip. After finally running enough errands and buying some coconut milk to drink…] 

Me(to myself, at last): OK, now let’s go back. 

[I walk back and on my way, I see Jascha and Andrea coming to get me.] 

Jascha(before I can register): WHAT HO, GRACEY! WE’RE COMIN’ TA FETCH YA! 

Andrea: Can you keep your eyes on the street, I ask you? 

Jascha(still over-enthusiastic): YES-SIR-EE, ANDREA! 

Andrea(turning to him): Now I have no idea why you like to say ‘yes-sir-ee'. 

[Jascha cracks up, as expected.] 

[*A short time skip. Now we’re all walking together. There is silence, before Jascha broke it first.] 

Jascha(to me): You see, most fangirls have no idea how frustrating it is to be someone ELSE’s eyes, not only your own. 

Me: True. 

[A couple of Andrea Bocelli fangirls appear.] 

Andrea fangirls: NOT true! 

Fangirl #1: If we’re allowed, we’ll definitely love to be his eyes. 

Fangirl #2: Sure enough! 

Me: Now that’s just the infatuation talking. 

Andrea fangirls(disagreeing): NO WAY! 

Jascha(to me): I’m ‘fraid it’s time to say ‘YES WAY!’. 

[I make the fangirls disappear before they tackle Andrea.] 

[After more minutes, we are approaching the town hall.] 

Jascha: This is the town hall! 

Me(smiling): I may take you guys here someday, but nothing’s certain. 

[Some time later, we arrive, and that’s when they spot my coconut drink.] 

Both: Can I PLEEEEEAAAASE HAVE SOME COCONUT MILK, GRACEY! 

Me: … 

[I give Jascha some and they start arguing because.] 

Me(to them): Just try not to finish it because I have to drink this. 

Both: AAAAWWWWW WHYYYYY~? 

Me: … 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re watching the World Cup, and Jascha and Andrea are being the guards, just in case everyone gets way high. But I’d better tell you what happened prior to that.] 

[After dinner, I am working on my stories with Oscar Wilde, and Mark and Andrea start their morning argument again, but without any insults and screaming.] 

Andrea: …AND you’ll be discovered by Gracey if you continue the disarray! 

Mark: Oh no, I won’t bet on THAT. 

Andrea(literally giddy with almost fake glee): Oooooh you want ta? 

[That is what is going on in the living room, as well as my room. I’m in my study with Oscar.] 

Me: Great, they’re bickering like a married couple again. 

Oscar: That’s just… wow. 

Me: Sure, because they should be married by then. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(with dawning realization): HEY! HOW ‘BOUT I WRITE SOMETHING ON THE ANDREA BOCELLI/MARK CARWARDINE CRACK-PAIR? 

Oscar(deadpan): I have a feeling Mr. Bocelli’s influence is growing on you, Gracey. 

[SissolxJeffC4ever appears.] 

Sissol: Now what. 

Oscar: Two of Gracey’s guests are behaving like children. 

Me(looking up and towards the door, which is ajar): Andrea’s way out of character today. 

Sissol(beaming): HURRAY FOR OOC! 

Oscar(to me): I think you infected her as well. 

Me(whining): Nooooooo… 

[*OK, about us watching the finals. We are watching while the closing ceremony has everyone delighted as heck.] 

Jascha and Andrea(in unison and beaming): I THINK I’M ENJOYIN’ ALL THIS! 

Me: :-) 

[The ceremony is way too short as the game starts.] 

[*An explanation of the team supporters: Andrea, Jascha, the Three — most are Croatia supporters. Actually, almost everyone supports that place.] 

[We watch the game, or rather, some of us watch it and some of us just listen to spoilers.] 

Luciano and Mark: Oh, oh… very close… good, good… yes, yes, yes… *onscreen, one of the players nearly kicks the ball into the goal in one try* AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH SO CLOSE! 

Me(announcing): I’m taking a shower, and STOP YELPING LIKE PUPPIES, MARK AND LUCIANO! 

Andrea and Jascha: *ROFL — again* 

[I leave to take shower.] 

[Meanwhile, after I left.] 

Stephen(after Mark collapsed onto him in frustration): What did Gracey tell you? 

Mark: She didn’t tell ME, she told EVERYONE, mister. 

[Jascha brings out popcorn again and munches on that, watching their bickering.] 

Jascha(to Andrea): Good luck being with Mark, because I think he’s already off the market. 

[Andrea elbows him and he collapses into laughing.] 

[PAUSE] 

[Onscreen, ball goes into goal and the commentary goes crazy. Offscreen, Mark, Stephen, and Luciano goes crazy as well.] 

Stephen, Mark, Luciano(in unison): YAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO~ 

Jascha: YAY! 

The rest of the trio: *beaming* 

[And that’s what I came back to.] 

Me: So is it Croatia or France? 

Mark(over-enthusiastic and absolutely gleamy and happy): CROATIA! WOOOOOOO~ 

[Most of us continue watching.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write more about this, because Croatia lost, unfortunately, so I’m still kinda depressed. Well, I think I’ll be taking everyone to the Norwich Town Hall later today, with Stephen being our guide, so… yeah, see ya till then! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Yes, and if you’ve guessed, this actually happened. This morning, Erika’s two partners were arguing, of course, and it continued later on. Even worse, Croatia didn’t win the World cup :-(


	36. Norfolk Town Hall and Niagara Falls(or, A Bit of Touring and More Rain)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! Just got back from everything — the rain, that is! So… yeah, here’s our adventure that Gracey decided to write WAAAAAAY later than normal xD ~Jascha

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[Late morning, around 11; well, -ish.]

Me: I’ve an announcement for all! We’re going to the Norwich Town Hall because Stephen requested it. 

[Everyone looks up at me.] 

Mark Carwardine: Without the guest characters and recurring characters, correct? 

Me: Kind of, because they still have to recover from the match earlier today. 

Stefan Mickisch(with slightly fake concern): Awwww 

Stephen Fry: ‘Aawwwww’ indeed. 

Mark: Sir. 

Stephen: ? 

Stefan(understanding the originality of their bickering): Seriously? 

Mark: Yup, because Phill isn’t here. 

Stefan: I told you you should stop watching QI. 

Mark(starting to get enthusiastic now): Well, I made sure our recurring characters also follow that thing! 

[Up to this point, I finally interrupt them.] 

Me: Am I allowed to continue with my announcement? 

Stephen(deadpan): Yes. 

Mark(to Stephen): No, because. 

Stephen(to me and ignoring Mark): Yes, you may continue. 

Me: As I was saying, I’m taking y’all to the town hall today. Just us, no other people… well, maybe my cousin will join, but mostly us. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(hugs Stefan): FINALLY! FINALLY NO MORE RECURRING CHARACTERS! 

Me(smiling): I won’t count on it, though. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re at the Town Hall.] 

[Stefan and Mark and I are behind Stephen, while he — Stephen that is — is way in front of us, giddy as can be, and slightly annoying, of course xD] 

Stefan(to me): I told you you shouldn’t keep watching Kingdom, that really lame show Stephen did here. 

Me: I don’t think Jeffrey would agree. 

Stefan: He likes the atmosphere and the feeling the show gives one after one watches it, Gracey, don’t tell me you didn’t know. 

Me: Chill, I do. 

[As we bickered, we decide to go in and follow Stephen, before he gets back in reality and tries to find us.] 

[Inside the town hall.] 

Me: OK, I really regret writing it so realistically. 

Stefan, Mark: ? 

Me: A fanfic. 

Mark(to Stefan): It’s her Community story about some dark cult. 

Stefan: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: And you’re interested? 

Mark: Just tellin’ ya. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’ll just say the visit was… enlightening. And let’s time skip to the time when everyone is waking from their siestas.] 

o-o-o 

[Living room in my house.] 

[Violinist Jascha Heifetz and singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli appear. Jascha is in normal gear and Andrea is also in normal gear, save for his Enhancing Senses aviators that may seem creepy if it was in darkness.] 

Jascha(over-enthusiastic): HEY GRACEY! HOW ‘BOUT LET’S GO OUT AND STROLL AROUND, HEH? 

Andrea(to him): You have to calm down because soon enough, everyone’ll look at you. 

[As usual, Jascha ignores him, because he thinks Andrea’s enhanced senses is unsettling.] 

Me(rolling over and burying my face into my Jeeves and Wooster cushion): Just let me become a couch potato, OK? *whine* 

[Both Jascha and Andrea crack up.] 

Andrea: No way! 

Me: Yes way! 

[Unhelpfully, they drag me off the couch and make me go out with them, which I decide to comply since it may be cool.] 

[Outside.] 

[We are strolling and Jascha is oooh-ing over some plants and snails and stuff.] 

[I am being Andrea’s eyes because of that. We are arm-in-arm while Jascha is jumping around like a child, excited about his after-the-rain experience.] 

Me: Really, Jascha? 

Jascha(beaming): OF COURSE, GRACEY, WHAT’DYA THINK? 

Me: … 

[*Time skip. Now we’re touring around a canal.] 

Me(finally breaking the silence): So how was Hina’s training? 

Jascha, Andrea(in unison): AWESOME!/OK…? 

Me: Fair enough. 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(to me): Wanna experience that? 

Me: No way, just in case you and Jascha become like before we went to Via Roma. 

Jascha(shouting): VIA ROMA IS AWESOME, GRACEY, WE SHOULD GO AGAIN! 

Me(turning to him): We may go again if you be quiet. 

Andrea: *snigger* 

Me: *smile* 

Jascha(to Andrea): Fine, you laugh now, and I’ll show you who’ll laugh to the end. 

Me: For some reason, I think you two should make peace. 

Jascha: NOPE! 

Andrea: Aw whyy? 

[*As usual, things go like this until we go to a shop. We are about to enter when Andrea warns us about oncoming rain.] 

Jascha(to me): Screw his enhanced senses, I didn’t even realize there’ll be MORE rain. 

[Andrea smile very smug at him, and he returns a smug look right back, forgetting the fact that Andrea wouldn’t be able to catch that because.] 

[*A time skip. Now we’re all huddling under an umbrella and trying not to slip and fall.] \

Me: This is so like that time when Stephen, Mark, Stefan, and I went to the jewelry exhibit. 

Jascha(not even disturbed by the rain splattering on us): YOU WENT TO AN EXHIBIT ON JEWELRY? THAT’S SICK, GRACEY!! 

Me: O…K 

[We try to get on the bridge, but our umbrella turns inside out for some time because of the wind, then goes back to its original shape, making both Andrea and I wet.] 

[Jascha looks like he is about to roll on the floor laughing his head off if the ground isn’t so muddy and wet.] 

Andrea(clinging onto me because of fear of slipping and in a dangerous tone): Jascha… 

Jascha(trying to get his breath back): That… was… freakin’ HILARIOUS! 

[I smile at him and Andrea elbows me, as if knowing that I was smiling at J.] 

Andrea(to me): Why do I have a feeling you’re on his side? 

[Jascha collapses into laughing all over again.] 

Me(trying my best to be as deadpan as possible, because Jascha’s giggling is medically dangerously contagious): No way I’m not. 

Jascha: YES WAY YOU ARE! 

[*OK, time skip. Now since we’re close to the town hall, the rain is slightly more drizzling than pouring.] 

Me: Good luck staying awake, people. 

Andrea, Jascha: ? 

Me: Never mind. 

[Things go smoothly for some time before the umbrella turns inside out again.] 

Me(in frustration): AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! 

Jascha: *ROFLMHO~* 

Me(still trying to get the umbrella back to its original shape): Oh C’MON! 

[After a lot of effort with my two companions totally unhelpful — one clinging to me(well, in Andrea’s case it’s understandable), and another laughing his head off, the umbrella finally goes back to its original shape.] 

Me(still frustrated): THANK you. 

Andrea, Jascha: 0_______o 

[*OK, again, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened next, so let’s just see what happens after we go back.] 

[Andrea and Jascha are complaining about their gelato intake, because they are suffering from withdrawal.] 

Andrea(hopefully): Then you owe us one! 

Jascha(over-enthusiastically): YES-SIR-EE, GRACEY, YOU OWE US ONE! 

Me(slightly rubbing my temples because I feel a massive headache coming): Fine! 

[They high-five.] 

[Inside my house.] 

Stephen(beaming at me): WELCOME BACK, Gracey. :-D 

[I smile back.] 

Me(to everyone): OK! Now, since it’s kinda late, we’re having fruits, cashews, and cookies for dinner. 

Everyone: HURRAY! 

[*Short time skip. Now Andrea, Jascha, and I are having our interesting dinner.] 

Andrea(breaking the silence): Didn’t know you make cookies. 

Jascha: *face-palm* 

Me: Actually… no, I bought them, at Ikea. 

Jascha(exasperated): It’s so OBVIOUS, Andrea! 

Andrea: Oh really. 

Jascha: Da. 

Andrea: ? 

Jascha: YES. 

[We eat our dinner with them bickering.] 

[*OK, so I think that’s kinda it, so see you next time! I’m still not sure about where to take them next… maybe more shopping for some supplies? If you want me to take someone, do tell! :D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Sorry, it’s a late update! It did rain yesterday and the umbrella did do some of the things I wrote here, and yes, it was hilarious. :-D 
> 
> A/N 3: Also, that was the only event that actually happened yesterday, and the Norwich Town hall didn’t happen in reality, unfortunately. Still, an update! So hope you enjoy and stay tuned!


	37. Shopping, More Rain, and Sing-Alongs(or, Tannhäuser and Shopping Incidents)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Buongiorno, readers! This is Andrea Bocelli again for your Author’s Note! This didn’t really happen to Gracey yesterday, but it seems fun. No spoilers for you, sorry, because Gracey is coming back from the living room TO the study, after bickering with Mark Carwardine xDxD Enjoy! xxA

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[Noon. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK. It’s now slightly after lunchtime, but everyone is still at the dining table, chatting their heads off.]

[We are talking about Luka whats-his-name-again, because.] 

Mark(over-enthusiastically): You know this movie that has this theme song on ‘Good-bye Friend(s)’? Heard it was Croatian, and since we’re all Croatia fans… 

Me(to myself): Not again… 

Stephen Fry(speechlessly): Mark, honestly, stop doing this. It’s getting way QI. 

Jascha Heifetz(shouting): QI FTW! 

Andrea Bocelli: Really, Jascha? 

Jascha(beaming): SÌ! 

Andrea: … 

[*Time skip. They decide to play the song, and do a sing-along, AGAIN.] 

Me(moaning): Pleeeeeaaase don’t do iiiiiit? 

Jascha, Mark(delighted out of their minds): WHY NOT? 

Me: I don’t want to. 

Andrea(pretending to care): Aaawww 

Me(glaring at him): You should stand at my side because I’m currently your eyes, remember? 

Jascha: WHAT? 

Me: Not literally. 

[Jascha smiles at me then turn back to Mark.] 

Jascha(to Mark): If it was literally, that’d be eerie. 

Stefan Mickisch(also delighted out of his mind): THAT’D BE SOOOOOO HALLOWEEN! 

Me(already sensing what will happen): Now don’t start singing that theme song. 

[As usual, they ignore me.] 

Mark, Stefan, Jascha(sings): THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN — HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN~ 

Me(irritated out of my mind): SILENCE, ALL OF YOU! 

[They quiet down.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re watching and singing the Goodbye Friend(s) song.] 

Andrea(sings): Ooooooh good-bye friend(s), good-byyyye, good-byyyyye, GOOD-BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEE! 

[I rub my temples because I feel another headache coming.] 

Me: Seriously, Andrea, that’s enough. 

[As usual, Andrea ignores me and continues his singing, when Hina changed the channel and started singing her own songs.] 

[This time, it is, again, Stars In Her Eyes, until Jascha changed it into Time Will Crawl, by David Bowie.] 

Andrea, Hina(after the change): Time will crawl… TILL THE 21ST CENTURY LOOOOOOOOOOSE! 

[*OK, let’s skip to the part where CUI from the Musical Committee is driving us again, because Andrea is getting irritating.] 

[While driving.] 

Andrea(upset): You should’ve let me finish! 

Me: I’m getting a headache here, OK? 

Andrea: Not ok. 

Me: YES OK. 

Andrea: NO WAY! 

Me: YES WAY! 

CUI: Guys… 

[Jascha cracks up because he’s enjoying himself way too much.] 

Jascha(to CUI): They should bicker more, shouldn’t they? 

CUI: I say they shouldn’t, because they’re distracting me. 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re going shopping in a very bored way, at least I am.] 

[Andrea and Jascha are in the middle of arguing about enhanced senses, as usual.] 

Me(to Hina): I’m glad I left Stephen and Mark back at my house. 

Hina: They’d be worse. 

Me: WAY worse. 

[Mark and Stephen appear out of thin air.] 

Mark(announcing): WE’RE HERE! 

Me: Nooooooo~ 

Stephen: We’re here because I think, Gracey, someone’s missin’ us. 

[This successfully dragged Andrea and Jascha away from their argument.] 

Andrea: Back off, she’s with Jascha and me this time. 

Me: Please, Stephen and Mark, I don’t need you here. 

Andrea: You see? 

Jascha(to me): Or rather, you sense? 

[I have to fight back the urge to smile at that one.] 

[I make them disappear.] 

[*This is seriously getting boring, so let’s skip to the part where we’re soaked with water again, with almost no CUI with us.] 

Andrea, Jascha(complaining again, as usual): MORE rain? 

Me: Sure. Isn’t it awesome? 

Andrea: Of course. 

[And with that, we actually took the Tube back, and you can guess what happened later — random stuff that’s way too boring to write about, so I’ll kind of leave you here, with a very random chapter. See ya! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This mostly happened yesterday, and yes, we were chatting about the Croatian team captain when it got to listening and watching some movie. 
> 
> A/N 3: And no, I didn’t join in the Partners’ shopping spree, because just in case I get them wet. XD


	38. SPECIAL EDITION: A Day With Jascha Heifetz and Gracey Sissol(or, A Bit of Heifetz and Sissol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Afternoon! This is kind of a special chapter, and not exactly a chapter, because there’s no one but Jascha Heifetz and me, playing around. Well, whatever happens, it’s still nuts enough, so… enjoy then xx

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My theatre.] 

[Hina is trying to convince Jascha and me about not singing and joining in musical theatre again.] 

Jascha Heifetz: Remember Andrea? What about him, and of course, you know your manager would like you to stop writing since you’re not exactly a novelist anyways. 

Hina, aka KayEUndercover: Andrea is professional, and I’m not. Actually, I don’t even think I’d LIKE to be! 

Jascha: Fine then! 

[We go back to the headquarters of my house, some distance away from the theatre.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: So today, it’s only you and I, J. 

Jascha(throwing his arms in the air): HURRAY! 

Me(smiling): So, since Hina isn’t convinced, we’d better convince her? 

Jascha: Maybe not. Anyways, why don’t we see if our enhanced senses are activated or not? 

[I get the shakies after hearing that, as usual, because I normally hate walking with my eyes closed or whatever. Out-of-topic trivia: Hina LOATHES that, so expect her to perish rather than not be able to see. Rather, think of it this way — Hina’s in a car crash, and she has two options: Alive but blind, or dead but maybe able to see. She’d definitely choose the latter.] 

Me: Fine, and you just want to show Andrea how everyone has those things even when they’re able to see. 

[We start in different rooms.] 

[Now since I have my eyes closed, I have to feel everything.] 

Me(to myself): OK… let’s see how I take this challenge. 

[I walk very carefully around the place before I hear a crash, and Jascha cursing in Russian.] 

[I smile to myself.] 

Jascha(from another room): ***** this! 

Me(opening my eyes): Jascha, mind your language, OK? 

Jascha(upset): NOT OK! I NEARLY CRASHED INTO THE TABLE. 

[I smile at this.] 

[*OK, time skip. We’ve been playing this for almost the entire noon, only stopping for lunch, then continuing.] 

Me(to Jascha): The thing is, they don’t stop, no matter what. So however they eat is beyond me. 

Jascha: Don’t remind me. 

Me: *smile* 

[Well, yes, that’s kind of the conversation until we were interrupted.] 

[I am feeling my way around the place when singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli just appeared… well… in front of me, which I found out after crashing into him.] 

[I crash into him.] 

Andrea, Me: EEEEK! 

[I open my eyes quickly.] 

Me: Sorry! 

Andrea(with mirth): Whatever are you doing walking with your arms stretched out? Playing Zombie? *giggle* 

[I smile as well because I’m glad that An didn’t take any offense.] 

Me: Uhhhh… 

Jascha(from the other room): HUUURRRAAAAAY! I DID IT! I DID IT! GRACEY, I THINK MINE’S ACTIVA — *he crashes into the wall* — AAAAAH! DARN. IT! 

[I finally crack up.] 

[Apparently Jascha isn’t giving up. He feels his way out but later accidentally hit his hand on the music-player — Andrea and I are in the living room, just so you know :-)] 

Jascha(after opening his eyes in shock): OW! 

Andrea(slightly exasperated): Egg-zactly WHAT are you two playing about at? 

Me: Uh… 

Jascha(smugly): Just so we could show you that you’re not the only one with enhanced senses. 

Andrea: Well, by the sounds of it, yours are still dormant. 

[Jascha rolls his eyes at him, as if he could see that.] 

o-o-o 

[*OK, a time skip again. Now since it’s afternoon, and my cousin, RJeevesxS, is visiting, he’s making me help him fetch stuff again.] 

[Andrea, Jascha, and I are lounging on the couch when he appears.] 

Richard: Hi all! 

Us: Hi, Richard. 

Richard: OK, I have a favour, Gracey, can you PLEASE help me fetch my latest Order from the Net? 

[Jascha and I exchange a glance.] 

Me: Why me? 

Richard(smug): You’re my cousin, that’s why. 

Me: That’s not a good reason! 

Richard: But that IS a reason, so chop chop! 

[I groan in annoyance and decide to make Andrea go with me, since I need companions.] 

[*Short time skip. Now we’re outside, again, arm-in-arm — nothing major — I HAVE TO BE HIS EYES, PEOPLE, NOT ONLY MY OWN!] 

Me: Sometimes I hate myself for having a cousin like that. 

Andrea: And Jeffrey? 

[We slow down our walking.] 

Me(mind-blown and shouting): HOW THE HECK DID YOU KNOW ABOUT JEFFREY AS WELL AS HIS COUSIN??? 

Andrea(overwhelmed): No need to yell — I knew via… um… that time when we went swimming at your swim pool. 

Me: O…K… but no, Jeffrey wasn’t present because he and Stephen… I think they’ve had some kind of disagreement, so yeah, they couldn’t stand each other. 

[*A short time skip. Now we’re at the place to fetch stuff. And after we’ve fetched the stuff…] 

Me: Since you’ve joined, let’s get some yogurt and don’t you even think about telling the others. 

[Andrea hugs me in the pushy Italian way.] 

Me(hugging back and trying my best to not roll my eyes as well as smile): OK, OK, yes, you’re welcome, and don’t you hug me like that, because. 

Andrea: Aaaawwww whyyyyy? 

[I ignore him and we get yogurt.] 

[*Time skip. We are walking in the back garden.] 

Me: OK, so if you don’t realize it yet, this is kind of where Jascha was delighted about the snails. 

Andrea(clinging onto me again, as usual): Don’t remind me. 

Me(smirking): Right, and I do think I have to arrange a date for him and Rich. 

Andrea: Rich? 

Me: Richard, my cousin. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(suddenly brisk): Right, and you and someone else has to help out. 

Andrea(impersonating me before we went out): Why me? 

[I ignore him.] 

Me: And no, it’s not with Luciano or anyone in the Fantastic Threesome. 

Andrea(sighing in relief): Thought you’d say they’d join in. 

Me: You don’t like them? 

Andrea: Spaniards are annoying. 

Me: Erika’d agree. 

[Another pause.] 

Me: OK, so it’s kind of like this — you’re partnering with Stefan Mickisch and…(I’m not sure about Mark Carwardine, so he’s out, for now) uh… I think your Birthday Partner. IF she’s available. 

Andrea: ? 

Me(exasperated): Sue Perkins. You may or may not know her, but you WILL. 

[*OK, since I’m way too lazy, I’m stopping here — you can imagine how well my sharing yogurt with Andrea went. See ya! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Hi and welcome back to the story! Yes, this actually happened yesterday — the walk outside, that is! And yes, I did try the Blind Man Experiment yesterday as well, and failed miserably XD 
> 
> A/N 3: Seems like I still need practice, but no, I’m definitely hating it when I can’t see anything — glad that Andrea and Stevie has their faithful entourage and SOs supporting them! xx 
> 
> A/N 4: And another message — unfortunately, I didn’t go out with Andrea Bocelli, but we could dream, eh?


	39. Ophthalmology and Swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HIIIIIII~ This is Jascha Heifetz for your A/N, since Gracey doesn’t trust Andrea for not spoiling everything we did today! Since I’m more able to control my enhanced senses, I’m going to let you read this first! Enjoy~ xJ

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room, as usual.] 

Me: OK, I have an announcement! We’ll have to go over to the Ophthalmology Clinic, or rather, the glasses shop, again today, in order to fetch my glasses. Then, we’ll have lunch, and of course, we’ll be having some water activities. 

[My recurring guests, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Jascha Heifetz, are near over-enthusiastic for the second one.] 

Andrea(languidly): I always thought you decided the clinic was claustrophobic. 

Me: I mean I FEEL claustrophobic when I’m there, mister. 

Jascha: *snigger* 

Andrea(to him): Now that’s kind. 

[Jascha rolls his eyes at him, as if he could see that.] 

Me: OK, so most of today is you two with me, so it’ll be way better than when I’m with Stephen, Mark, and Stefan. Rather, Stefan’s with us as well! 

[I make pianist Stefan Mickisch appear next to Andrea.] 

Jascha: Oooooh, that’s beyond cool. 

Stefan(smiling at me): Thanks for havin’ me! 

Andrea: That’s EXACTLY how the Americans say when they’re on broadcast, ironically enough. 

Jascha(before I could cut in): You mean that’s exactly WHAT the Americans and the Brits say when they’re on broadcast — ever listened to BBC? 

Stefan(to them both): Just so you know, you’re fortunate you didn’t see the inner workings. I got my eyes poisoned after Stephen was overly enthusiastic about me being in the UK. 

Andrea(smirking): Awwww 

Stefan(to him): No way, we’re not like that. Stop listening to Any’s fanfics, please. 

[Again, before I could interrupt, Jascha got hooked, as expected.] 

Jascha: You don’t say she has a podcast of her stories about you and Stephen? 

Andrea(to him): Fortunately they’re not like what she described IRL — Stephen’s beyond irritating. 

Jascha: Too true. Brits are like that. 

Stefan: Except for James. James Levine, that is. 

[Here, both Andrea and Jascha smile knowingly, finally giving me time to cut in their conversation.] 

Me: Well, I think you’re getting off topic. 

Andrea(to me): As if that’s surprising. 

Jascha(to Stefan): Actually, you don’t have to be too upset. Andrea here dumped Luciano for an American boyfriend. 

[Before Andrea could shoot back some comment, I intervened.] 

Me: Jascha, that’s what Hina wrote in her fan fictions, and I seriously don’t think that’s true. 

Jascha: But it HAS to be! 

Me: Only a BROMANCE, OK? Italians are famous for that. 

Andrea(to me): And that’s another stereotype of us! 

Stefan(to all of us): Now I am the one to make peace amongst you. 

Me: Fair enough. 

Jascha(still arguing with Andrea): THEN WHAT’S WITH THE DAVID FOSTER RELATIONSHIP? 

Andrea: WE’RE ONLY BEST FRIENDS, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU! 

[*OK, this is seriously getting out of hand. Let’s just see what happens when Jeremy Clarkson drives us Top Gear style to the glasses shop that was described in chapter 29.] 

[While we’re driving.] 

Jeremy(to me): Didn’t know you invited more characters. 

Me: I did, but somehow, they have minds of their own now, for example when Jascha knew about the David Foster/Andrea Bocelli relationship. 

Jeremy(deadpan): Didn’t Andrea dump David for Luciano? 

[Meanwhile, that’s exactly what Jascha and Andrea were arguing about, well, since the former started the arguement.] 

Jascha(beaming): I KNOW RIGHT 

Jeremy: If that’s so they should’ve stayed together, but still, that may be impossible since Andrea also has Andrea Griminelli. 

Everyone, except for Andrea and me: AAAAAAWWWWWWWW~ 

Jascha: And not only Grinnelli, also Carmelio, an OC of Hina’s. 

Andrea, me: DIDN’T I TELL YOU HINA’S BEYOND CREEPY/TO STOP READING HINA’S FANFICS? 

[After almost hours of that, we finally arrive, and we say good-bye to Jeremy.] 

[We enter in the shop, which was crowded again, without surprises.] 

[OK, a description of us. I am wearing a black t-shirt and some sweatpants, Jascha is in some Ralph Lauren styled dress-up, so is Stefan. Andrea is in similar attire to Jascha, only with his signature aviators.] 

Andrea: It’s no surprise that this place is crowded again, almost like another train station. 

Stefan: *smile* 

[PAUSE] 

Me: OK, you guys behave and stay here, I’m fetching the stuff. 

Them: Wouldn’t we behave? 

Me: No way, not Jascha. 

Jascha(mock-whining): Whyyy meee? 

Andrea(upset): It was you who started the thing about David and me. 

Jascha: BUT IT’S THE TRUTH! 

Andrea: NO WAY, Jascha, that’s Hina’s fantasy. 

Jascha: Cool, Gracey likes writing about you and Luciano, and Hina likes writing about you and David. 

[At that one, I leave them bickering and goes to fetch stuff.] 

[Meanwhile when I’m gone…] 

Stefan: It’s actually not a bad thing that we’ve all been in some kind of relationship, and luckily we’re open to new ones. 

[Andrea hugs him in the way he hugged me in the previous chapter.] 

Stefan: Oof! 

Andrea(smugly, to Jascha): I told you I’ll eventually get Stefan on my side, didn’t I?! 

[Jascha shoots a smug look right back, as if Andrea would see that.] 

[And that’s exactly what I came back to.] 

Me: I’ve walked around for some minutes and finally, Stefan, you’re truly the peacemaker. 

[Stefan blushes at that one, causing both Andrea and Jascha to grin with way too much mirth.] 

Stefan, me: IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT! 

Them(still too knowingly): What’re we thinking about? 

[Again, I ignore them and take them outside to wait for Jeremy to pick us up and send us over to my paradise.] 

[While walking along the place, this time with Andrea clutching onto Stefan…] 

Me: OK, so we may have lunch over at Lufthansa, or rather, somewhere around that place. And yes, we’re going to my paradise again. 

Andrea(pleadingly): CAN I PLEEEEEASE CONTINUE WITH THE MUSIC PLAYING, GRACEY? 

[Stefan and Jascha sniggers behind their hands at us, but I ignore them. Andrea is painfully oblivious to them.] 

Me(exasperated): Fine. 

[Andrea glomps me.] 

Me: AAAAH! CAN YOU STOP THAT. 

[By this time, Stefan and Jascha are clutching their stomachs and ready to roll on the ground laughing their heads off.] 

[It was almost hours after did I spy Jeremy’s car coming to get us.] 

[After we get on the vehicle and we start driving off to Lufthansa.] 

Stefan(gently whispering in my ear): Uh… I’m sorry if I asked, also it’s fine if you disagree, but can we please go to Via Roma again? *blush* 

[I smile at him and check my phone in order to see the time.] 

Me: Well, if we get there in time. 

[Again, that gets Jascha’s attention.] 

Jascha: Whaaaaaaaaat? 

[Andrea cracks up and holds onto me for support.] 

Me: Stefan was just asking me a question, no big deal. 

Jascha: Awwwww 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha: Thought we’d go to Via Roma again. 

Me: If we get there in time. 

Andrea(finally finishing his laughing fit): Via Roma again? 

Me: Blame them, and blame Jascha’s super-hearing. 

Jascha(delighted): THAT’S MY ENHANCED SENSE! WOOOOOOOOO~ 

o-o-o 

 

[*Ok, I have to do a time skip here. Now we’re near Via Roma, and we’re debating on who should go ask if they still have food.] 

Jascha(shouting): SINCE YOU AND ANDREA ARE SO KEEN ON ITALIAN CUISINE, HOW ‘BOUT YOU GUYS GO!? 

Me: No need to shout. 

[Andrea cracks up again.] 

Me(elbowing him): — and you, mister. No need to crack up as if high on sugar. 

[Andrea ignores me.] 

[*Another time skip. Now since I volunteered to ask, we’re here, and kind of surrounded by Italian stuff.] 

Jascha: Is this normal? 

Me: Yes, and it gives you a better vibe about the place. 

[We choose our place and start ordering.] 

[*Now our orders are basically the same.] 

[After ordering, I go to the bathroom to wash my hands, and while I’m gone…] 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: D’you realize no one else knows about this, Andrea and Jascha? Not Stephen or his best friends, nor the Three. We’re the only ones, how awesome is that? 

Andrea(throwing his arms in the air, typical Italian fashion): AWESOME! WOOOOOOO~ 

Stefan(to Jascha): Someone’s enhanced senses decided to give up on him today, I think. 

Jascha(slightly upset about Andrea being able to be so confident): Too true it hurts. 

[And that’s exactly what I come back to.] 

Me: You guys done with your conversation? 

Stefan: No. 

Andrea: YES! 

Stefan: NO! 

Jascha: Please, don’t be like Stephen Fry and company, alright? I don’t think she’d stand it. And Andrea, you’re way out of character today. 

[Again, Andrea ignores that.] 

[Almost after hours of that, our food comes, and we eat.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to tell you exactly what happened, so I’ll just tell you how did dessert go.] 

Me(after eating some more pasta): I don’t want to eat pasta anymore for a thousand years. 

Andrea: You’re kidding, no, Gracey? 

Me: No kidding. 

Andrea: Awwww 

[Dessert comes, and everyone becomes like hungry fish all over again.] 

Andrea(after eating a large spoonful of ice cream): AAAAH ICE CREAM! 

Jascha: *snigger* 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(to me): It’s beyond me when someone doesn’t even get brain freeze. Also with aviators being a bonus. 

Me: I wear aviators sometimes as well. 

Jascha: Now that’s just disturbing. 

Stefan: Aviators enhance people’s senses, otherwise why would pilots wear them? 

[They both crack up at that, and Andrea joins in, because of the sugar.] 

[*OK, because I’m lazy, I’m telling you what happened when my cousin, RichardSxx, came to us when we were fighting over our cakes. Andrea and I each have a red velvet cupcake, and Jascha and Stefan each have a soft choco cake with a delicious liquid center.] 

[Richard appears.] 

Andrea(after gulping water): WHERE’D YOU SPRING FROM, RICHARD??? 

Jascha(exasperated): One more of that kind of exclamation, you’ll be sending Richard to the hills, because. 

[Again, Andrea ignores him.] 

Richard: Hiya, Andrea and Jascha. And yes, I’m joining in your shopping spree, because you guys have to digest your food first, then go swimming. 

Andrea(throwing his arms in the air again): YAHOOOOOOOOO~ 

[*OK, that’s kind of what happened before we went on our shopping spree, and yes, some people are models for us.] 

[During shopping spree.] 

[I transform Andrea’s outfit to his signature royal blue Leonard Cohen approved outfit, complete with aviators and all; then transform everyone else’s outfits.] 

Me: Now you’re ready for modeling! 

[*OK, this is just getting plain weird, and no, Andrea couldn’t do modeling without actually crashing into stuff, so don’t even think about it — he wouldn’t crash into stuff if he’s not having a sugar rush, mind you. So I’ll just tell you what happened over at my swim party.] 

[We’ve all changed to swimwear and got out to the pool, where *drumroll please*… Stevie Wonder(!!!) and Andrea are both being DJs, because.] 

Stevie(shouting): Y’ALL READY TA PARTAAAAY? 

Jascha(shouting back): TOO READY! 

[Now, Andrea and Stevie are both wearing DJ gear, with headphones and everything, and yes, both still wearing their signature aviators.] 

[Stevie and Andrea play the first song of It’s A Wonderful Life, by Zucchero.] 

Me: Seems like Andrea is a Zucchero fan. 

Jascha: YES-SIR-REE, GRACEY! 

[Party starts.] 

[*OK, for the party, everyone else is with us. Our main characters: actor Stephen Fry, conservationist Mark Carwardine, etc, are with us as well, also Richard and KayEUndercover, so you can bet it was crazy.] 

Andrea(singing along): IT’S A WONDERFUL LIIIIIIIIIIFE! NOTHIN’ TO SPEAK OR CRY FOR, ‘CAUSE IT’S A WONDERFUL LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE~ 

Hina, aka KayEUndercover(singing along as well): IT’S A WONDERFUL LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! 

[*Time skip. Everyone is getting crazy again, and Stephen thinks it’s funny to dunk me underwater.] 

Me: EEEEEE — *goes underwater* — BLURBBLURB! 

[At the DJ booth, Stevie and Andrea are ready to wet themselves laughing at me.] 

Me(after resurfacing): NOW WHO’S LAUGHING? *I crash a tidal wave at them* 

Jascha: THAT. WAS. EPICALLY EPIC, GRACEY! WOOOOOO~ 

[We both splash water on them.] 

[Andrea splashes water back at us, still laughing his head off.] 

[*Another time skip. Now Andrea is playing David Bowie’s Fashion.] 

Stevie, Andrea(singing): FASHION! WE’RE THE GOON SQUAD AN’ WE’RE COMIN’ TO TOWN — BEEP BEEP! 

[PAUSE] 

Stevie, Andrea, Hina(chorus): FASHION, TURN RIGHT! FASHION, TURN LEFT! WE’RE THE GOON SQUAD AN’ WE’RE COMIN’ TO TOWN — BEEP BEEP! 

[I’m kind of getting sick of this so I change the song.] 

[Now it’s New Killer Star.] 

Andrea(as David Bowie and singing): AAAAAALL THE COOOORNERS OF THE BUILDINGS! WHO BUT WE REMEMBER THESE: THE SIDEWALKS AND TREES? I’M THINKIN’ NOW… 

Hina, Stevie, Stephen, Andrea(chorus): (I GOTTA BETTER WAY!) STARS IN HER EYES, (I GOTTA BETTER WAY!), READY, SET, GO! 

[As soon as the lyrics of ‘stars in her eyes’ comes, Andrea changes the song to Stars In Her Eyes by Hina.] 

Andrea(sings): ENHANCED SENSES, STRAAAAANGE OCCURENCES, BEARING IN YOOOOOOOUUUUUU~ 

Hina(beaming): STRANGE SENSATIONS, EVERYTHING AROUND YOU, BEARING IN MEMORIIIIIIIIIIEEEES… 

Both(pre-chorus): ‘CAUSE I KNOW DARKNESS, I KNOW BRIGHTNESS, EVERYTHING AROUND YOOOOOOOOOUUUU! I KNOW LIGHTNESS AND I KNOW DAYLIGHT, WHAT ARE THE OOOOOOOODDS??? ‘CAUSE SAY CAN YOU SEEEE, OR SAAAAY CAN YOU FEEEEEEL, THE STARS IN HER EEEEEEYES?! SAY CAN YOU FEEL, AND SAY CAN YOU KNOW, THE STARS IN HER EYES!!! 

[*Time skip. Because I’m lazy, I’m skipping again, so this is kind of short. Anyways, this is kind of all what we did, so see ya xD.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Bon pomeriggio, dear readers! This is Andrea Bocelli for your second A/N :-) According to Gracey, this is actually what she did yesterday, and yes, apologies because it got pushed till today lol. Still, hope you liked the random chapter and see you next time xA


	40. A Randome Day Filled With Trivia and Singing and Whatnot(or, A Bit of Bocelli and Sissol, and Villegram)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! This is again, A — Thank you, A. OK, this is Gracey for your first A/N, and that was Andrea. I decided to make this first one because A is prone to giving spoilers — for some reason, enhanced senses mean more spoilers, and no, you wouldn’t like that. Still, hope you enjoy this random chapter that’s WAY too full of trivia xDxD 
> 
> A/N 2: Ciao, readers, this is Andrea Bocelli with your second A/N, because Gracey interrupted me for the first! Still, today is a really weird day, and no, you’re going to read it for yourself because Gracey is instructing me what to write, so I’m stopping here before telling you everything directly :-) ~A

(Gracey Sissol POV) 

[Noon, -ish, at my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[I am in my study writing my latest works when Richard Wagner appeared, in a really irritated manner.] 

[I look up from my computer.] 

Me: So what is it? 

Richard: Is it an Andrea Bo — what’s-his-name-again fest t’day? 

Me(looking down again): No, why? 

Richard: OK, your latest friend is parading in aviator sunglasses and singing on top of his voice after a record. Tell me that’s normal. 

[I realize it because Mark has been playing an Andrea Bocelli song for some unknown reason; and Andrea was in the living room, possibly self-satisfied as heck.] 

Me: Oh, right, I have Andrea here today, but no Jascha. Well, he needs aviators because he couldn’t see anymore, and apparently it enhances their senses. How? I have no idea, and I don’t really want to know, because it’s too sensitive a topic. 

[Richard rolls his eyes Jascha-style at me and I make him disappear, before going out and seeing the scene myself.] 

[Outside my study and in the living room.] 

[Mark is playing the song named… ummm… something Sera or whatever(I couldn’t remember).] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli is singing along as well, holding a roll of paper as a microphone.] 

Andrea(sings): É TU LA SEEEEEERAAAAAAAA, OOOOOH, LO SOMEI — 

Me: 0___o 

[PAUSE] 

Me(smirking): So since when did you become a fanboy, Mark? 

Mark: Just thought I heard this before, and then realized it was Andrea’s. 

Me: Have I mentioned he was popular for a REASON? 

Mark: Right, of course. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Anyways, I still think Luciano is better. 

Mark: Right, and the reasons are like this:   
• Voice range: 1 point to Luciano,   
• Character: Uhmm… both?   
• Dedication to the art: Andrea of course,   
• Popularity: Luciano, (come at me, Bocelli fangirls!)   
• Personality: Andrea,   
• Acting: 0 points to both parties, because both are worse than Keanu Reeves and Stephen Fry combined in acting. 

Me: Right, that’s about it, and I’m definitely on Luciano’s side, except for the Dedication part. Remember, Andrea isn’t famous for ditching encores. 

Mark: Fair enough. And the acting part? 

Me: Both are awful. 

[Mark throws his head back and laughs out loud at that one.] 

Me: Actually, both aren’t movie material, so don’t even expect them to be in one. Saying they’re awful in acting is saying nothing, in fact. Watch this: *I close the music and makes Mark watch the Puccini version of Macbeth* 

[Andrea finally stops singing his head off.] 

Andrea: ? 

Me: Just showing Mark something, and no, we decided to watch some movie. 

[After watching for some time.] 

[Both Mark and I are sleeping when Richard Wagner finds us.] 

Richard: ??? 

Me(opening my eyes at last): Is it over yet? 

Richard: That;s just a parody of Shakespeare. 

Me: And fortunately, that’s Andrea’s first and last acting job. 

[Both Richard and Mark laugh their heads off.] 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’re in my theatre, and for some reason, Andrea wants Hina, aka KayEUndercover, to sing Think of Me again, rather than listen to the records.] 

Hina: No way. 

Andrea(over-enthusiastic): YES WAY, YES WAY, YES WAY! 

Mark(to me): One more of this and he needs therapy. 

Me: Too true. 

[They start. Hina is singing Christine’s part in the most sugary way ever.] 

Mark, Andrea, me: 0_o 

Hina(singing): THINK OF ME, THINK OF ME FONDLY WHEN WE’VE SAAAID GOOOOOD-BYE! REMEMBER ME, ONCE IN A WHILE, PROMISE ME YOU’LL TRRRRRRYYYYYY~ 

[For some reason, Andrea is making her sing this over and over, so Mark and I finally go back to the headquarters.] 

[Living room again.] 

Me: So that’s kinda it. 

Mark: And despite his disabilities, you’ll never know how much of a risk taker Andrea is: *shows me some of his interviews* 

Me: … 

Mark: *Andrea Bocelli approved smirk* 

Me: Fair enough. 

[*Because I’m lazy, I’m not showing you exactly what happens afterwards, but what happened in the evening, way almost after curfew.] 

[Stephen has to go for some more check-ups — remember his cancer diagnosis scare? — and both he and Mark leave me in the house — alone, with my cousin RichardSxx for company.] 

Me: Brilliant. Now we’re alone. 

Richard(beaming): NOT REALLY! I brought two of our current favorite footballers here with me, and yes, their names are Luka Mordric and my OC, Eden Morsk. 

[Mentioned people arrive at the wave of his hand.] 

Me: Since when did you have control over MY story, Rich? 

Richard(smirking now): Since now. 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to Luka and Eden): Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Luka and Eden. I am Gracey, and I’m the author of this story. 

Luka, Eden: Thanks for havin’ me. 

Richard: I made them get used to speaking like guests on broadcasts, so… yeah, and for more info, please read my 2018 World Cup Aftermath fan fictions. 

Eden: He made sure Luka and I are a pair, and not Luka and Ivan, whom should be a pair. 

Luka: No way, Ivan and I are friends! Friends only. 

Richard: Suuuuuuuure 

Me(to Richard): Listen, I’m not getting involved in this, so it’s your choice, either to make sure you do not have control of MY story. 

Luka: He should — he’s your cousin. 

Eden: NO WAY! 

Luka: YES WAY! 

Richard, Me: SILENCE! 

[They stop bickering.] 

Me: OK, I’ve thought of this over. We’re going to be having a great midnight party with everyone, and for now, you two are staying. 

[Luka and Eden smile at each other.] 

[*Time skip. Now since it’s way after curfew, we have to turn in the night.] 

Luka(to me): Don’t you have plans for tomorrow already? 

Me: Not… really? 

Luka: Heard Richard say that you’re taking some of your main characters to either the science museum or the geographic museum tomorrow. 

[I glare at Richard, with him smiling innocently at me. His smile isn’t even supposed to be innocent, that’s the thing.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me: In fact… kind of, because Mark Carwardine asked for it. 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Luka(softly): Mark Carwardine? 

Eden(turning away from Richard and his conversation in half-Croatian half-English): The British conservationist? 

Both: THAT MARK CARWARDINE? 

Me: Ummm… kind of. 

Richard(before I could stop him): YES, IT IS HIM! GRACEY HAS HIM, BUT HE’S OUT WITH STEPHEN NOW! 

Luka, Eden: OK, Rich, you’d have to explain to us who the heck is Stephen later on. 

[After almost endless rounds of that, I make sure I give them some sleeping place. OK, so it’s like this — Luka, Eden, and Richard are in one room, beside Andrea, Jascha, and my room; or rather, almost everyone is crammed in my room because the Three takes up way too much space of my house xD.] 

[I go to my room after saying good night to Luka and company.] 

Me: Good night, trio. 

Luka: ‘Night :-) 

Eden: Night, Gracey. 

Richard: Night, Gracey. 

[I leave them.] 

[In my room.] 

Jascha Heifetz(waking up abruptly and beaming): HEY, GRACEY, WHO’RE THE FANCY GUESTS YOU HAVE NOOOOOOOOOW? 

[Still half-asleep, Andrea Bocelli kicks him, and he kicks back.] 

Andrea(mumbling): Shush, Jascha, please. 

[As usual, Jascha ignores him.] 

Me: No one major, just some people Richard invited. 

Jascha(slumping on Andrea): Aaawwww~ 

[Andrea shoves him off just as I decide to get into bed.] 

[Jascha and I crash against each other.] 

Us: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 

Andrea(way overwhelmed and covering his ears): STOP, GRACEY AND JASCHA, PLEASE! 

[We finally quiet down.] 

Me: Aww, sorry about our screeching. I’m serious, An, not joking. 

Jascha: Awww 

[We ignore him and hug each other, and that’s how come I am later humiliated by Mark, after it is daytime.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: HA! A cliff-hanger! Exactly what happened after that night, get ready for part 2! :-D :-D 
> 
> A/N 4: So this actually happened last night — I was really left alone after the Partners went out to the clinic again in the night, and it was… strange, to say the least, and no, last night was nowhere as fun as described, so don’t even think about Luka and the OC joining me.


	41. Geographic Museums and More Strange Stuff(or, A Day With Mark, Stephen, and Gracey)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Gooooooooood afternoon, good afternoon, good afternoon, good afternoon, dear readers! This is Mark Carwardine for your A/N, and yes, everything actually happened in what will later be the story, so read on! 
> 
> A/N 2: This kind of continues after the previous chapter, so… yeah :-D

(Gracey Sissol, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[I am sleeping when I am awakened by Mark Carwardine, the popular conservationist.] 

[The curtains are yanked open.] 

[Violinist Jascha Heifetz and singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli are still asleep and painfully oblivious until I screeched again.] 

Me(screaming my head off): DO YOU HAVE TO, MARK? ALRIGHT, I’M UP! 

[At the same time, my roommates wake up as well.] 

Andrea(half-asleep): And ‘buongiorno’ to you too, Gracey. 

Jascha(beaming and squinting at me through the light): TOP O’ THE MORNIN’, GRACEY! 

Andrea: It’s way passed St. Patricks Day, sorry to break it to you, Jascha. 

Jascha(flopping back on the pillows): Aaawwwww 

[I make them disappear before they realized it; then went outside to the living room, with Mark.] 

Mark: You remember you have to take me and Stephen to the geographic museum, no? 

Me: If last night Richard didn’t make Luka What’s-his-name and his best friend come here, then… maybe. 

[Actor Stephen Fry is already making coffee and sipping them, watching us bicker. Kind of Andrea style if said person could see.] 

Me: OK, so we’re actually having breakfast at RADA again, alright? 

Stephen: O…K 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): HURRAY! 

[We leave my house.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re having breakfast at RADA.] 

Mark: And I didn’t know you and Andrea were each other’s personal plushie. 

Me: No, way, Mark. No, way. 

Mark(Jascha style): You were holding each other — not literally, of course! 

Stephen: For some reason, Hina is the one who should collaborate with him. 

Mark: Right, but Gracey? 

Stephen: Maybe some time as well? 

Me: Dream on, people. 

[*OK, time skip. Now since Stephen isn’t that interested in geography, he’s leaving me with Mark, while we make him go to the Plaza to fix our stuff for us.] 

Mark(smirking): Your punishment. 

[Stephen rolls his eyes at him.] 

[As usual, we’re taking the Tube. Re-read chapters 5,7, and 8 to get the picture.] 

[*Another time skip. Now Mark and I are at the geographic museum.] 

[We go in after fetching tickets.] 

[Mark is jumping up and down in glee.] 

Mark(delighted): WE’RE HERE! WE’RE HERE! WE’RE HERE! 

Me: Sure, and we’re together, without Stephen. 

Mark: But please make Stefan join? 

Me: Fine. 

[I make Stefan Mickisch appear.] 

Stefan: Nice of you to invite us. :-) 

Mark(hugging himself): HURRAY! NOW LET’S EXPLOOOOOOOORE! 

[He bounds in the first gallery, with Stefan and I following him.] 

[The first gallery is about Earth and its movement.] 

Mark: THIS IS HOW EARTHQUAKES HAPPEN, STEFAN AND GRACEY, AND IT’S BEYOND AWESOME! 

Me(to Stefan): This is the first time I’ve met an earthquake enthusiast. 

Stefan: Hope it’s the last. 

Me: Sure. 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to describe everything that happened in the museum, so you can imagine it — just make your imaginations even more wild and out of character.] 

[Since we’re meeting Stephen over at Southgate for lunch, Mark and I are taking the Tube again.] 

[In the Tube…] 

Mark(clinging onto me Andrea Bocelli style): Aaawww, we didn’t get to try all the experiments, Gracey~ 

Me: Maybe next time. 

Mark: Sometimes I hate Stephen so much. 

[I smile at that.] 

Me: Of course you don’t. 

Mark: OH YES I DO! 

[Things basically go this way throughout the whole Tube trip.] 

[We finally arrive at the Plaza.] 

[We go to Southgate.] 

[At Southgate.] 

Stephen(beaming at us): WELCOME TO SOUTHGATE! 

Me(to myself): Please don’t let me deal with this again… 

Mark: AND HALLO TO YOU TOO! 

[We sit together and order food.] 

[I’m way too full because of the bacon, sausages, and omelettes I had over at RADA.] 

Me: I swear I’m not eating lunch ever again if we go to RADA for breakfast again. 

Mark(beaming): AWESOME! 

Me: Seriously? 

Stephen: What happened over at the geographic museum? 

[Mark butts in the conversation before I can answer.] 

Mark(still high as a kite because of the museum visit): LOTS AND LOTS OF AWESOME STUFF, THAT’S WHAT! 

Me: Can you please lower your voice because everyone’s looking at us now? 

Mark: Awww whyyyy? 

Stephen(deadpan, Andrea Bocelli style): Because she just told you the reason, and yes, people are lookin’ at us. 

[Mark waves at them as I rub my temples because of a headache.] 

[*OK, another time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’m leaving you to your own imaginations on what happened during that. So… yeah, see ya:-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: OK, so this actually happened yesterday. Me and Erika’s male Partner went to the geographic museum, and yes, it was… well… interesting. 
> 
> A/N 4: Because I adore Stephen too much, I decided to not make him suffer from coughs and all that — well, Erika’s female Partner did, and was coughing her lungs out when we were taking the Tube.


	42. A Walk Outside(or, More Sing-Alongs and Random Stuff)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: HALLO, DEAR READERS! This is Jascha Heifetz for your A/N, and yes, this happened on Jul 22, afternoon, to be precise :-D. 
> 
> A/N 2: What is delightful is that we had… well, no spoilers, so read on!

(Gracey POV) 

[Afternoon in my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Master bedroom — yes, I do have one, even though hardly anyone lives there!] 

[My cousin, RJeevesxS(RichardSxx), and I are playing with the plague doctor plush doll Hina Villegram(aka KayEUndercover) gave to me in chapter 34.]

Me: For some reason, this is never realistic enough. 

Richard: Aw, thought you loved this thing. 

Me: Yes, if it’s not so disturbing, because plague doctors are second rate medical doctors during the Black Plague in Medieval Europe, and Hina is interested in this. 

Richard: … 

[We decide to stop playing with the plush and go outside to the theatre instead.] 

[In my theatre.] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Jascha Heifetz are competing with actor Hugh Laurie on piano skills. Rather, Andrea is the one competing with him.] 

[After finishing a Beethoven piece.] 

Hugh, Andrea(in unison): I WIN! 

Jascha: Never knew you’re competing. 

Hugh: We have to. 

Andrea: He’s so AMATEURISH, Jascha, and he just wanted to convince me! 

[Until this, I interrupted.] 

Me: Andrea, Jascha, thought you were training Hina? 

Jascha: According to An, she’s off-duty for today. 

Me: *WTH* 

Hugh(still arguing with Andrea and ignoring Jascha and me): Well at least I can still — 

[Before he can continue, I interrupt him as well.] 

Me: Hugh, I have to remind you you’re treading thin ice here. 

Hugh: ? 

Me(going up to him and whispering in his ear): Andrea couldn’t see anymore and now it’s a really sensitive subject. 

Jascha(with his super-hearing and beaming and yelling): THINK OF IT THIIIIIIIIIIS WAY: YOU COULDN’T SEE ANYMORE AND SOMEONE ASKS YOU OR REMINDS YOU OF THAT AND YOU’LL FEEL AWFUL ABOUT YOURSELF. :-( 

Hugh: … :-(( 

[*OK, time skip because I’m lazy. Andrea, Jascha, and I are strolling outside.] 

[Outside.] 

Me: That was a close one. 

Jascha(beaming): I KNOW RIGHT 

[*A word about the development: As usual, Andrea is clutching onto me and Jascha is skipping really delighted in front of us.] 

[Andrea and Jascha are ignoring each other because of the accidental blindness discussion.] 

Andrea(upset): You literally TOLD him, Jascha. 

Jascha: And if not, you two would’ve insulted each other, and we don’t want that, Mister. 

Andrea: YOU SHOULDN’T’VE TOLD HIM, JASCHA, NOW THIS STORY IS — 

[Again, I interrupt their argument.] 

Me: Please, no breaking the 4th wall, because I really want this to be true. Still, you remember about An saying about singing? 

[Jascha becomes over-enthusiastic again.] 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air): YES-SIR-REE, GRACEY, NEVER FORGOTTEN! SOME PEOPLE JUST WISH TO BE LIVIN’ IN A MUSICAL. 

Andrea(to me): That’s what I’d prefer if I can control the universe; but… nope. 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea: You and Jascha should impersonate Hina. 

Jascha, Me: 0____o 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Jascha: I’m a violinist, not a singer, Andrea, sorry to break it to you. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re singing and walking along, kind of like merry folk in movies.] 

[Andrea and Jascha are singing Torna A Surriento.] 

Andrea(sings): TOOOOOOORNA AAAAAH SURRIEEEENTOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: 0_____________o 

[At that one, Jascha changes the song to Oh Sole Mio.] 

Jascha(in broken Italian): OOOOOOOH SOLE MIIIIIIIOOOOOO, ME COUNTA ÉÉÉ: IL SOLE, OOOOOOOOH SOOOLE MIOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha, Me(sings): OOOOOOOOH SOLE MIIIIIOOO, ME COUNTA É: IL SOLE, OOOOH SOLE MIIIIIIOOOOOOOOO, etc 

[*OK, another time skip. Now we’re inside the shop that we were supposed to go into in chapter 36.] 

[Again, we’re separate, because Jascha wants me to be Andrea’s eyes.] 

[Andrea is humming Time to Say Goodbye.] 

Me(sings): ‘Caause it’s time to saaaay gooodbyyyyyyyye, you and meeeeeeee~ 

[Jascha smirks at us too knowingly.] 

Andrea(as if seeing that): IT’S NOT LIKE THAT, JASCHA! 

Jascha: Since when could you see me smirking at you and Gracey? 

Andrea: I can sense it, OK? 

Jascha(sarcastically): Ooooh, so your senses are so enhanced now? 

[Before they can bicker further, I intervene.] 

Me: Jascha, Andrea, don’t start, especially here, alright? Everyone’s doing some shopping and they don’t want to know the subject of your argument. 

Them: Aaaawwww Graaaaaceeeyyyyy~ 

[I ignore them both.] 

[We pick some fruits and some drinks — yogurt for Andrea and me, and water for Jascha. Then we go pay.] 

[At the cashier.] 

Jascha(spying a random shopper buying some ice cream lollies): AW GRACEY CAN WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE? 

Me: ? 

Andrea: I think he means the ice cream lollies. 

[Again, Jascha is mind-blown by Andrea’s sentence.] 

Me(before either of them could start bickering): Fine, you guys can have some if you behave. 

[They behave, shooting superior looks to each other.] 

o-o-o 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re on our way back. Andrea is clinging onto Jascha and both are sucking at their ice cream lollies very delicious.] 

[I’m eating a cup of Baxi ice cream, rum raisin flavor.] 

[Andrea accidentally swallows too much ice cream.] 

Andrea(suffering from brain freeze): Aaaah! 

[Jascha sniggers behind his free hand.] 

[Andrea elbows him.] 

Jascha: Now THAT’S nice! *elbows back* 

Me(finally interfering): Are you two done with elbowing each other? 

Andrea, Jascha(in unison): YES!/NO WAY, GRACEY! 

[This happens all the way back. And since I’m lazy, I’m letting you imagine what happened after we went back. :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened yesterday. KayEUndercover and her Partner was singing on top of their voices when they went out for a stroll, me being with them. And no, we all got ice cream lollies, pineapple flavour. 
> 
> A/N 4: And it’s true that Andrea never talks about how come he couldn’t see anymore, and I don’t really think that asking or mentioning it is nice, because think of it this way — you couldn’t see, and someone asks you about it. It feels and is ignorant in the worst way. :-( Also, Andrea is infamous for walking out of interviews whenever the subject surfaces, so… yeah, blame the interviewer first, then blame Andrea. 
> 
> A/N 5: I think for that, we have to minus one point for Andrea in Character and Personality — because I don’t really think Luciano walked out of interviews before… ?


	43. Cuisine D'Italiano and Swimming Surprises(or, Randomness and Craziness Revisited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don’t really think I should be doing this, because I’ve written this twice. Well, I enjoyed writing them, so… yeah, here’s more! :-D

[Morning. My study. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[I am writing my original works when Oscar Wilde appears.] 

Me: Top o’ the mornin’, Oscar. 

Oscar: Top o’ the mornin’, Gracey. Care to explain why are singer Andrea Bocelli and KayEUndercover in your living room, reading some kind of book? 

[I look up.] 

Me: It’s beyond me how can Andrea read stuff. 

Oscar: He can’t? How come, because he HAS to at least read the lyrics, otherwise how can he prepare his concerts?! 

Me: Ummmm, well, he had some kind of accident when he was younger, and now he couldn’t see anymore. It’s kind of a sensitive subject, so be cautious when asking him. 

Oscar: And how can he recite the lyrics? Beyond me as well, that. 

[I agree with him.] 

[Outside, in the living room.] 

Andrea Bocelli(singing teacher voice; or, Franco Corelli impersonation): So when you’re singing the higher notes, make sure your lungs are full. 

KayEUndercover(slightly blushy): Heh, so that’s why I kept having asthma attacks whenever I finish singing. 

Andrea: ? 

KayEUndercover: … 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(deadpan): That’s kinda dangerous. 

KayEUndercover(sarcastically): Thanks, Dr. Bocelli. 

[And that, is what I came out to.] 

[Both look up when I approach.] 

Me: You two done? Oscar’s been wonderin’ about you guys. 

Andrea: Oscar Wilde? 

KayEUndercover: The novelist/poet/self-proclaimed “genius”/Alfred Douglas’s boyfriend/first ever LGBT Community leader? 

Both: *THAT* OSCAR? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: What, you expected Puccini and Verdi? 

Andrea: I’m speechless. 

KayEUndercover: Same here. 

[*Time skip. Today, I have some special guests for the swimming party and Italian cuisine party. And they are… pianist Rafal Blechaś and singer Plácido Domingo of The Three fame!] 

[Mentioned people appear.] 

Me: Rafal, welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance. Plácido, welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance :-D 

Rafal, Plácido: Thanks for havin’ me :-) 

Me: OK, so you two are going to be my guests for today’s party. 

Rafal: AWESOME! 

Plácido: I KNOW RIGHT 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to Andrea and KayEUndercover, aka Hina): I regret inviting them now. 

[They crack up at me.] 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Andrea: So I’m not joinin’? 

Me: Aaaww, you have to, because I need company. 

[Again, Andrea glomps me in that pushy Italian way, making Hina smirk with way too much mirth.] 

o-o-o 

[*Time skip. Now we’re on our way to my swimming paradise.] 

[Andrea couldn’t stop singing David Bowie songs.] 

[David appears, in full Ziggy Stardust make-up.] 

David(smirking): Oh yeah? 

[They sing Starman.] 

David, Andrea(sings): THERE’S A STAAAAAARMAAAAN WAITIN’ IN THE SKYY, HE’D LIKE TO COME AND MEEET US BUT HE THINKS HE’D BLOW OUR MIINDS! etc. 

Me: Ummmm, David, you’re not supposed to be here now, actually. 

David(stops singing): Oooh, jealous? 

Me: NO WAY! 

[Before he can intervene, I make him disappear.] 

Andrea: AAAWWWWWW~ 

Plácido: Never knew you’re a David Bowie fan. 

Andrea: … 

[*Time skip. So we’re taking the tube and the bus to the place, and no, I’m way too lazy to write about the ride(s), so I’ll just tell you how the swimming fun was like.] 

[We change and go to the swim pool, where there’s a wave pool.] 

Rafal(delighted): AAAhh, a wave pool! 

Andrea(shouting): I LOOOOOOOOVE WAVE POOLS! 

Me: You’re being the DJ again because I want you to be. Well, along with David, of course, and yes, he’s a guest star, even when he arrived WAY too early. 

[David appears in full extra-terrestrial cosplay.] 

Plácido, Rafal(Frank Spencer style): OOOOOooooooooohhh~ 

David Bowie(announcing): Thanks for havin’ me! And party on, people! 

[Another thing: David is wearing an eye-patch as well, since that’s his full Ziggy costume, with red boots and sparkles and A LOT of bling.] 

Plácido(to me): My eyes… 

Rafal: YAY! PARTY! 

[Andrea appears in swim trunks, flippers, swim ring, snorkel snout, shark tooth necklace, a surfboard, and a coconut with a straw sticking out of it. And above all else, he’s still wearing his signature aviators.] 

Andrea(beaming): TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, PEOPLE! 

Me: 0_______o 

Plácido(grinning): Oooooooh 

Me: Fine, Andrea, destroy my story! You’re not supposed to be surfing TODAY! Maybe next time. 

[Still, he ignores me and jumps into the wave pool.] 

[*Short time skip and party starts, because I’m getting bored.] 

[Yes, Andrea is DJ, along with David. And soon everyone is splashing around and causing a loud racket.] 

[Andrea plays a rock-’n-roll version of Oh Sole Mio.] 

Me: Oh give me a break… 

[Andrea and David start singing, again.] 

Andrea, David(sings): OOOOOOOOOOH SOLE MIOOOOOOO, ME COUNTA ÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ — OH SOLE… OH SOLE MIOOOO, SE CONTE IAVO… 

[All of a sudden, without any warning, Rafal missed Plácido and splashed me water.] 

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! 

[I splash him back, but missed and splashed Andrea and David instead.] 

[Rafal is having trouble not laughing.] 

Andrea: EEP! *he splashes me back* 

[So does David.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is kind of what happened. To see more, refer to chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39.] 

[Now we’re outside and pondering on where to have lunch.] 

Me(to myself): I hope Via Roma is open today… 

[Plácido’s ears perks up.] 

Plácido: Via Roma? 

Me: I didn’t say anything. 

Plácido: Oh yes you did. 

Me: Since when did YOU have super-hearing? 

Plácido(self-satisfied): Since now. :-) 

[*Another time skip. Now Andrea is making me go and see if there’s any seats, so I’m now at Via.] 

[Apparently there are still seats and service.] 

[I take a seat at the window and wait for them.] 

Me(to myself and looking out of the window): This is what the so-called Italian Life is like, isn’t it? 

o-o-o 

[Meanwhile, after I leave.] 

Rafal: Am I the only one who thinks you two are fumbl — 

Plácido(shouting): TMI, RAFAL! 

[PAUSE] 

Plácido(still shouting): JUST SO YOU KNOW, I CANNOT STAND HIM, ALRIGHT? NOW PLEASE GO ACCOMPANY GRACEY! 

Rafal: I’m right, ain’t I? 

[The two sneaks finally comes out.] 

[Plácido is having trouble not glaring at him, flushing at his implications.] 

Plácido: Really, Rafal, way too much information. You’re starting to sound like Stefan Mickisch. 

Rafal: Oh? 

Andrea: Stefan Mickisch is the one who was in Wagner and Me, mister. 

Plácido(to Rafal): And however he knew, is beyond me. 

Andrea(upset): HEY! 

[That is what happened after I left them — which means I cannot leave them even for a moment.] 

[In Via Roma.] 

Rafal(to Plácido): There’s a reason why they call Italians the experts on romance and all that cheesy stuff. 

Andrea(smugly): And we ARE romantic! 

[Rafal rolls his eyes at him, not even realizing that Andrea wouldn’t be able to catch that because.] 

[The seating order is like this: Plácido is with me, and Rafal and Andrea are together, which means that Plácido and Andrea are separate, so they wouldn’t fight like children — you know how Italians are like when high on sugar, don’t you, or high on anything based on food, right?] 

Me(to both Andrea and Plácido): OK, now that you two are separate, no more fighting, alright? 

Andrea, Plácido(in unison): YES!/NO! 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(smugly): Well, you know that Hina started adoring me after hearing just one song — Time to Say Goodbye? 

Plácido(also smugly): You realize that Hina is mine, José’s, and especially Luciano’s fan for LIFE? Beat that, if you would! 

Andrea: The last time I checked, she’s mostly Luciano’s fan, so back off. 

Plácido: Right, and explain why José, Luciano, and I are her guilty pleasure(s)? Mostly we’re her Karaoke material, and VERY occasionally YOU are. 

Me(finally looking up from the menu): Are you two done arguing like lawyers? 

[At that one, Plácido shoots another superior look at Andrea, with both me and him puzzled.] 

[I finally understand.] 

Me: No offense though, Andrea. Really. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re having lunch. I’m having some really delicious lasagna and of course, the others are having their own orders.] 

Me(after taking another gulp of food): It’s actually a miracle they didn’t give us left-over breads. 

Rafal: ? 

Me: It’s some kind of tradition, or more specifically, a behaviour, that they give you fresh bread here, and since no one’s making breads when I turned around to see… 

Andrea: I thought you knew they make the breads INSIDE the kitchen, which is also right behind you? 

Me: Right. 

Rafal(continuing): Dankeschön. 

Me: … 

[*This really is getting cliché, so I’m leaving you with this. See ya next time :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sorry for not updating this until today(Jul 25). This actually happened, just the day before yesterday. And yes, Erika’s Partner and I almost had the same food like we had last time, but I changed it into lasagna at the last minute XD. 
> 
> A/N: Tomorrow’s stuff will be coming soon, and if it wasn’t of Hina’s Andrea Bocelli obsession phase, this would be quicker in updating, so blame her on her Andrea and You Storage Dump xDxD


	44. Strolling, Strolling, With Gil Shaham and Luciano Pavarotti(or, A Stroll and Early Karaoke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: BUUUUUUUOOOON GIORNO, dear readers! This is Luciano Pavarotti with your Author’s Note! This happened yesterday(Jul 24), so… yeah, and read on if you want to know what happened! See ya for now :-D :-D

(Gracey, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Hina Villegram, aka KayEUndercover, and TrilotEyes are duet-ing in my living room, so everyone else is either in my study, my room, or the master bedroom.] 

[TrilotEyes is impersonating the Three.] 

TrilotEyes(outside, as Andrea Bocelli, literally): ‘CAAAAUSE IT’S TIME TO SAY GOOOOOOOODBYYYYYYE, YOU AND MEEEEEEEEEEE~ 

[Inside my study, I’m trying to concentrate on my original works and trying to ignore his way-too-on-point impersonation.] 

[Mark Carwardine and I are both in my study, while the others are in the other rooms.] 

Me: I don’t even think Andrea himself could act himself as good. 

Mark: You have to admit, he’s AWESOME, Gracey. 

Me: Right, and straight to the point. 

[Mark hugs himself very self-satisfied as I roll my eyes.] 

Me: The thing is, Hina isn’t even in the mood of karaoke-ing, so don’t even expect any enthusiasm from her side. 

[*OK, I regret writing about the boring morning yesterday. So let’s just skip to the part where it’s finally afternoon, and I am sleeping while the others are talking.] 

[In the master bedroom.] 

Stephen Fry: So it’s a close one because if she really wants to do singing for eternity, she’d better get ready for extreme dullness of practice. 

Stefan Mickisch(continuing): Which is nightmare-ish to her. She loves singing when she’s not exhausted, and same thing for Gracey as well. Both of them weren’t in a joking mood all day. 

Mark: Awesome, and guess what else? I think Gracey is no longer inviting Bocelli and Company here. 

Stefan(in extreme relief): FINALLY. 

Stephen: But you two know that she’ll have the Three as her main characters as soon as October ends, don’t you? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(finally shouting out): STEPHEN, WHAT DID GRACEY TELL YOU ABOUT SPOILERS? I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE HERE JUST YET, MISTER! 

[I finally wake up.] 

Me(rubbing my temples because of a massive headache): Stop all the screeching, please, because of Hina, the Three, and Andrea. 

Mark, Stephen, Stefan: ? 

Me: They’ve been screech-singing for hours, and I don’t think I can take it anymore. 

Mark: Then make us stay until Winter-holiday! 

Me: Oh… no. 

Stephen, Stefan(sings): ’TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLYYYY: FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA! 

Me(to myself): Consider yourself lucky it isn’t that Halloween song they sing all the time. 

[*Time skip. Living room. My guest star, violinist Gil Shaham, wants to take a stroll outside.] 

[At the same time, Luciano Pavarotti is also here, so all hail the guest stars! :-D] 

Me: Urgh… 

Gil: Please, Gracey? Maybe just us? 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard(glaring at Gil): NO WAY, I worry about her safety, if you know what I mean. Luciano, accompany her, would you? It’s kinda nice outside. :-) 

Luciano: Perfect. 

[Richard sends another dangerous look at Gil and disappears.] 

Me: And I’m making up my mind for this: Richard is also out after Halloween, because I may have Gil and some others here. Itzhak may also be here. 

Luciano(beaming): IT’LL BE AN AWESOME PARTAY WITH EVERYONE, GRACEY, AND YES, WE ALL COULDN’T WAIT! 

Me(to Gil): I’m getting a headache even before we leave. 

[Gil smiles at me and we go out.] 

[Outside.] 

[It is warmish and slightly humid because of the rain.] 

Luciano(to me): So what did Richard mean by me being your bodyguard? 

Me: You’re not. He’s just anti-semitic, because of that event. 

[I proceed to explain the events in chapter 31.] 

[FLASHBACK] 

[My house. I just got back from the shots and we’ve met Gil and Shlomo. They, as mentioned in chapter 31, are wearing leather jackets and Andrea Bocelli approved sunglasses. Also, they’re chewing bubble gum.] 

Me: Are they safe? 

Andrea Bocelli: Yes. In fact, I invited them for Hina’s singing practice. 

[I sigh in relief.] 

Me: Please, Andrea, next time, warn me first before you invite any guest characters, alright? 

Andrea(delighted): Righto. 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

[Present time.] 

Luciano: Right, Andrea invited them. Almost forgot. 

Gil(to me): You mean last time? 

Me: *smile* 

Gil: It was for this really strange song of Stars In Her Eyes. About blindness if you ask me. 

Luciano: And you don’t have to remind me how Halloween that is. 

Me: OK, and it’s fortunate we don’t have Mark and his friends here, otherwise they’d start singing the Nightmare Before Christmas theme song. 

[*Time skip. We’re listening to some Ravel and Shostakovich.] 

Luciano(with dawning realization): HOW ‘BOUT YOU INVITE DIMITRI SHOSTAKOVICH AND MAURICE RAVEL TO THE STORY SOME DAY???? 

Me: Right! No need to shout. 

Gil: Never trust those singers, Gracey, shouting is literally how they speak, because. 

Me: I understand, and it’s beyond me how can ANYONE listen to them without later getting a massive migraine. 

[Gil cracks up.] 

Me(to Luciano): I may someday, but this story is for Richard Wagner and Oscar Wilde. 

[PAUSE] 

Luciano(again, with dawning realization): YOU HAVE FREAKIN’ OSCAR WILDE HERE WITH YOU? 

Me: KIND of. 

Gil(also stunned): That author for Picture of Dorian Gray? 

Luciano: The self-proclaimed “genius”? 

Gil: The 19th Century Gay Rights activist? 

Luciano: The boyfriend of Alfred “Bosie” Douglas??? 

Both: THAT Oscar Wilde? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Kind of, and no need to sound like how Plácido sounded like when I mentioned Stefan Mickisch. 

Gil(smirking): Aaawwww. 

Gil: You mean the rumored Significant Other of James Levine? 

Me(closing my eyes): Not again. 

Luciano(beaming all over again): I KNOW RIGHT! FOR SOME REASON I JUST SHIP THEM SO HARD. 

Me: You really need therapy if that’s so, because it’s not true… or maybe it’s not true. 

Luciano(to Gil): If only it’s true. 

[*Time skip again. We’re now inside a store, trying to buy some water and some drinks.] 

[Gil and I are together because Luciano said so.] 

Me: So I may get a small yoghurt? 

Gil: The trouble is you didn’t finish your most recent one yet. 

Me: Aww, a small one then. 

[We go on our way to Luciano.] 

[Gil spots an Aloe Vera drink.] 

Gil(Mark Carwardine impersonation): PLEASE can I have that one? 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Thought you’d say you want the Lemon Slice-y one. Fine, let’s get this instead. 

[We get the Aloe Vera drink and go check out.] 

[After checking out.] 

Me(to both Luciano and Gil): OK, according to Hina, this is how she thinks of singing — allows the soul to feel free and as if the individual is flying over oceans. That’s quite poetic, you have to admit. 

Luciano: Then she’d better prepare endless hours of warming up and whatnot. 

Me: Sure. Hope she’d pull through. 

[For some reason, we start chatting about music as we go on our way back.] 

Luciano: Also, seems like she’s a Heifetz fan. 

Me: I think that’s her manager. 

Gil: Right, Jascha is great in his crafts. 

[This is kind of what happened when we’re on our way back. So… yeah, another random episode for yesterday. And also, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened after we went back, so… yeah, see you till the next story!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Yay, I finished this one today(Jul 25). And yes, if you’d noticed, this actually happened yesterday. Hina, aka KayEUndercover, did say that singing makes the soul feel free and floaty. Quite poetic, if you ask me.


	45. A Day Outside(or, Strolling Near the Great Lakes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! This is Shlomo Mintz telling you about what happened yesterday in an A/N :-) : Now we went to the — 
> 
> A/N 2: Hi, this is Jascha Heifetz, and that was Shlomo. Since he has no idea how to not give spoilers, I’m telling you, the events in this chapter actually happened, and yesterday. And if you want to know exactly, read on!

(Gracey POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My study. Stefan Mickisch, Stephen Fry, and I are inside, while Israeli violinist Shlomo Mintz and Russian violinist Jascha Heifetz are arguing about whether they should go swimming, boating, to Cambridge, or go somewhere else. They are outside in the living room.] 

Me(looking up from my original works): They’re driving me crazy. 

Stefan(smirks to Stephen): What did I tell you? 

Stephen(ignoring him and to me): Other than them, no more recurring characters, correct? 

Me: I won’t count on it, since I’m kinda sure Andrea would love to join in something Jascha and Shlomo are talking about. 

[The Stephens groan in exasperation.] 

Stefan: He’s always here! 

Stephen: And it’s getting irritating. 

Stefan: He’s supposed to be a guest star, Gracey, in case you forgot. 

[I’m way too inside my works to hear their bickering.] 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’re around Chinatown, which is around center London.] 

[Shlomo, Jascha, Andrea, Stefan, Mark, and Stephen are all with me, the first group of people leaping like grasshoppers in front of the second group.] 

Me: They’ve never been here, so they’ve no idea how crazy this place can be. 

Mark(delighted): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! FULL OF COLOURS AND COOL STUFF AND ADORABLE CHINESE FIGURINES! 

[We arrive at a small shop with said figurines.] 

Mark(gushily): AREN’T THEY AH-DO-RA-BLE? 

Stephen: This is really cute. 

Mark: YOU MEAN ADORABLE! 

Stefan: Are you two really arguing because of this? They are cute, to say the least. 

Stephen, Mark: AAAAAAAWWWWWWW~ 

Me: Fine, you three stay here, I have to go find the others. 

Stephen: OK, but please be back before Mark decides to pass out. 

[Stefan cracks up at this and Mark shoves him. He shoves back.] 

Stephen(to them): STOP SHOVING EACH OTHER OR ELSE! 

Stefan, Mark: Sometimes I think you shouldn’t hang out with Gracey for too long. 

[As they bicker, I leave to go look for the others.] 

[*Short time skip. I find them at the Chinese Pudding Shop.] 

Me(to myself): *sigh* Should’ve known this earlier. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(shouting): WE GOTTA GO TO THE OTHERS NOW, PEOPLE! 

Andrea, Shlomo, Jascha(in unison): AAAAAWWWW GRACEYYYYYY~ 

[I ignore them and take them back to the others, with them still eating the puddings.] 

[Because of that, another argument starts. I’m way too lazy to write about that argument, since it’s way too out of character, I’m describing what happened after we went way north to Scotland.] 

[*Time skip. We’re now on the train to Scotland.] 

Mark(over-excited and high on sugar because I gave Stephen, Stefan, him, and myself some of the pudding as well): ARE WE STAYIN’ THERE, GRACEY, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO? 

Me: Sorry to break it to you but we’re not. 

Mark: AAAAWWWWW~ 

Andrea(to me): I think he’s forgetting the urban legend. 

Mark: Sorry to break it to you but there’s no monster… maybe. 

Stefan(to Andrea, smugly): I TOLD you the Brits have way more urban legends than the rest of us, didn’t I! 

Jascha: TOO CORRECT! 

Shlomo: At least in Israel it’s safe :-) 

[They hug.] 

[Meanwhile, Andrea and Stefan keeps bickering.] 

Andrea: You know that the French has the most urban legends — you know the opera house haunting? 

[As usual, that gets everyone’s attention, even mine.] 

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH~ 

Stephen(to me): Am I the only one who thinks Michael Crawford and Steve Barton should be here? 

[I smile at that.] 

Jascha(hollering): YOU KNOW THAT ANDREA HERE SANG ONE OF THE SONGS? IT WAS SPOOOOOOKY, TO SAY THE LEAST. 

Shlomo: AW 

Stefan(to me): GRACEY, IF ANDREA’S SO AWESOME IN SINGING HALLOWEEN SONGS, HE SHOULD BE HERE DURING HALLOWEEN, SHOULDN’T HE! 

Mark: PLEASE LET HIM? 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m already having a headache from everyone’s screaming): NOW you want him to be here all the time. 

Mark: NOT ALL THE TIME, JUST HALLOWEEN, PLEEEEEEAAAAASE, GRACEY? 

Me(frustrated): FINE! 

[*Time skip. Everyone is telling ghost stories while I try my best to ignore them and just admire the view outside the window. The light is getting dimmer since it’s almost late afternoon.] 

Me(looking away from the window): You guys should take a break from ghost stories, OK? 

Andrea: BUT I’M NOT FINISHED YET! SO! It’s said to be haunted around the islands around Venice, because of the Middle Ages. 

Stephen(nudging me): You remember the plague doctor statue, eh? 

Me(covering my ears): Don’t remind me. 

Andrea(beaming): YES! THE PLAGUE DOCTORS! *to Stephen* my brother’s obsessed with them. 

[They hug and I roll my eyes at their antics — NOT because I’m jealous, which I’m definitely not.] 

[After hugging, Andrea continues the story about plague doctors. And since I’m lazy, I’ll tell you how seeing the Loch Ness went.] 

[*Time skip. We’re now at the Loch Ness.] 

Mark(looking through his binoculars): No monster. YET, people. Anyways, Stephen, this place looks like Lawson’s Creek, doesn’t it, in YiChang province in China? 

Stephen: Course. 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha: THEY’VE BEEN TO LAWSON’S CREEK? 

Shlomo: Seems like it. 

Andrea(smirking): Isn’t Lawson’s Creek haunted as well? 

[Jascha elbows him in the ribs because he’s getting scared.] 

Jascha: No more spooky stories, Andrea, you’ve already told too many. 

Andrea(teasing): You scared? 

Jascha(indignant): NO WAY! 

Andrea: YES WAY! 

[I think you can imagine how long that went on.] 

[After some time of aimless searching for the monster, I make H.P.Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe appear.] 

[They appear.] 

Howard and Edgar(before I can even introduce them to the group): Welcome to Loch ness, group. 

Stephen(after nearly ramming into Andrea): SINCE WHEN DID THEY APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR? 

Jascha(screaming): GRACEY, ONE MORE OF THIS AND I’LL SWEAR YOU’RE IN LEAGUE WITH ANDREA! 

[PAUSE] 

Me: They’re on edge because. 

Edgar: At least they never knew that Saints-Saëns has some scary music to make the atmosphere even better. :-) 

Jascha: Oh of course we know. 

Stephen: Danse Macabre, the theme tune to Jonathan Creek. 

Me(to them): Enough. What’s that? *I point to the horizon* 

[And that’s kind of what we did at Loch ness.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll tell you how the adventure in a shopping mall went. And yes, we’re not having dinner until we’re back at my place.] 

[*Again, we take the train back. Read the just-written train ride to get an image of what happened.] 

[*Time skip. At the shopping mall.] 

[Jascha is clutching onto Shlomo for dear life because of Andrea’s scary stories.] 

Shlomo: Most of his stories were literally from Oscar Wilde, Edgar Allan Poe, H.P.Lovecraft, Stephen King, and just plain Italian urban legends. 

Andrea(smugly): And don’t forget most may or may not be true. 

Jascha(glaring at him): I’m blaming you if I get nightmares, Andrea, just a warning. 

[Another thing. Since Jascha is clutching onto Shlomo, Andrea is clutching onto me, because I have to be his eyes again. Stephen and Mark are led by Stefan, whom I trust more.] 

Me: Fine, so Stephen and Andrea are going to be the story-tellers. 

Andrea(throwing only one of his arms in the air, because he’s clutching onto me with the other one): HURRAY! 

[Shlomo and Jascha roll their eyeballs at him, with him not even noticing because.] 

[We pass the poultry side of the supermarket.] 

Me: How ‘bout let’s have some roast chicken tonight? 

Jascha: Oooooh. 

Shlomo(pleadingly): CAN WE PLEEEEEEEAASE ONE DAY GO TO PARADOX, YOU KNOW THE FRENCH RESTAURANT, BECAUSE THEIR ROAST CHICKEN IS AWESOME? 

Andrea: I think someone’s making everyone hungry. 

Jascha(absolutely beaming and forgetting everything scary): YES! GRACEY, PLEEEEEEASE DO? LOVE THAT PLACE! 

[He and Andrea high-five.] 

Me: I have NO idea. 

All three: PLEEEEEEASE WITH ICE CREAM/GELATO/PISTACHIO NUTS ON TOP? CAN WE GO THERE? 

[I rub my temples again because of my massive migraine, from both the adventure and their shouting.] 

Me(commandingly): IF YOU THREE BEHAVE. 

Andrea(also commandingly): Yes, Jascha, behave. 

Jascha(shouting): YOU behave! 

Shlomo: Guys… 

[I sigh in exasperation and post-pone their so-called trip to Paradox, just because I suggested we have roast chicken.] 

[*Fine, since I’m lazy, I’m leaving you with this, and kind of spare you from Andrea and Shlomo’s way too slash-y cuddling — NO questions, please, because they were singing in a half-asleep way after we went back. And since they’re asleep already, I don’t want to bother them. See ya :-) :-) :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: And yes, this is what happened yesterday. We went back to Amelison WAY late and yes, didn’t have dinner until it was almost nine xD. 
> 
> A/N 4: Plus, no, we didn’t go to the Loch ness, but I sure hope we did. Still, it was crazy enough. Stay tuned and don’t forget to come back for the next chapter of Complete and Utter Ignorance!


	46. Cafés, Italian Delight, and Crazy Masterclasses(or, GoodFishes Revisited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi and welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This chapter is something that I wouldn’t stop thinking about, and yes, it’s just strange. Also, this has another guest star! :-D

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: Since I can’t join in their age-limited swim party that is being held today, we’re just going to hang out in cafés and possibly Via Roma again. 

[My so-called guests(read: actor Stephen Fry, conservationist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch) all cheer.] 

Stefan, Mark, Stephen: YAHOO! 

Me(smiling): Plus, today may or may not get guest stars, I’m not sure yet. 

Mark(beaming): FINALLY NO MORE ANDREA, JASCHA, THE THREE, ETC! 

Stefan: Hurray. 

Mark: THAT MEANS TODAY IS AAAALLLLLLL OURS! 

Me: True, so… I’ll be taking you to Kempinski today and Via… the latter is MAYBE. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re on the bus to Lufthansa.] 

Stefan(to Mark): There has to be a reason why there’s no recurring characters today. 

Stephen: Because she’s feelin’ generous, Stefan. 

Mark: I have to agree to that one. 

Stefan: ? 

Mark: She’s bin generous. 

[Before I could cut in, Stephen intervenes again.] 

Stephen(to Mark): What did I say about imitating me again? 

Stefan: Sorry, Mark, but you’re not Alan Davies. 

Mark: Oh, right, and Hugh can also imitate him. 

[Both Mark and Stefan crack up.] 

Me: People, we’re almost arriving, so I suggest you to stop bickering. For now, alright? 

Stephen(to Mark and Stefan): Right, Gracey said to stop bickering, people. 

Mark(still trying to get his breath back): YOU STOP BICKERIN’ WITH GRACEY, ALRIGHT. 

Stefan(to me): They’re getting off topic. 

Stephen(dangerously): Mark… 

Mark: Since when did you become Gracey’s partner-in-crime, mister? 

Me(cutting in at last): NO WAY, MARK, WE’RE NOT! 

[This is severely getting cliché, so I’ll just see how we fare after going to the café.] 

[At the café.] 

[I spy singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Jascha Heifetz having coffee together.] 

[I stomp up to them.] 

Me(irritated by both their unexpected appearance and Stephen et al’s antics): Since when, I ask you both, did you two have control of my story? 

Jascha(looking up): We thought we’d wait and hold a place for you until you arrived, then we’d go over to Richard’s party. 

Andrea(languidly): Yeah. 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea: That was suggested by Shlomo last night. 

Jascha(grinning): When you two SLEPT together? 

[Stefan appears lightning-fast next to me.] 

Stefan(also grinning with mirth): AFTER you two fumbled in the — 

[Andrea and I interrupt their implications.] 

Andrea: NO WAY, STEFAN! 

Me: WAY TMI, Stefan! 

[This happened before we got our tiramisu cakes. After getting our desserts, Andrea and Jascha disappear.] 

Me: TMI, Stefan, as usual. 

Mark(ignoring me and to Stephen): Sometimes Andrea and Shlomo are soooooooooo QI. 

Stephen: Since when did QI become a slash substitute? 

Mark, Stefan: SINCE NOW! 

Me(interrupting them because I’m getting another headache): Please, just have your desserts. Richard and Company may join us for lunch. Better yet, we don’t have dessert. 

Them: AAAAAWWWWWW GRACEYYYYYY 

[We have dessert.] 

[*Time skip because I’m too lazy to tell you what happened when we’re having cake. Now, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli, violinist Jascha Heifetz, RJeevesxS(RichardSxx), and definitely two of the Three — José and Luciano, are with us.] 

[RichardSxx(my cousin Richard)’s entourage are all high because of swimming and partying, and my entourage are high because of their sugar intake, which is A LOT.] 

Richard: OK, so we ARE going to Via. 

Everyone: HURRAY!/AWESOME!/YAHOOO 

Me(to Richard); Thanks for spoiling the surprise. 

[We go to Via.] 

[This time, we take the seat near the place where they bake pizza and stuff.] 

[Again, it’s round table: Richard - Stephen - Me - Stefan - Andrea - Jascha - Mark - José - Luciano.] 

[I’m getting bored reading the menu when José and Luciano are whispering amongst each other.] 

José(whispering): Don’t look now, but I think I spy Giuseppe Di Stefano right behind Andrea. 

[*OK, a reminder: I made Giuseppe Di Stefano and Franco Corelli appear because we need some more Italian-esque atmosphere.] 

[Right behind Andrea, Giuseppe is sipping on Pellegrino and having trouble not laughing his head off at whatever Franco is telling him.] 

Luciano: … 

José: I told you, din’t I?! 

Me(finally looking up from the menu): Guys, you’re getting distracted. 

Luciano: WE SAW GIUSEPPE AND FRANCO! 

[I make Franco and Giuseppe disappear immediately before they notice us.] 

Andrea: Sorry to break it to you, Lu, but she’s the author, so she can get anyone here. 

Luciano: Aaawwww 

José(glaring at Andrea): Thanks for the reminder, mister. 

Richard: OK, OK, now stop bickering, because we have breads! 

[The waiter(s) serve us breads. Some of us eat and some of us keep yelling at each other.] 

José: DON’T ACT SO HIGH AND MIGHTY JUST BECAUSE GRACEY MADE YOU A — 

Mark(kind of standing up to Andrea): THEN YOU BECOME THE STORY-TELLER FOR HALLOWEEN, MISTER! 

Me: Are we really arguing about this, people? 

Andrea, José(in unison): YES!/NO! 

[PAUSE] 

José: Since when did you become so close to him? 

Mark: Since when did you become so like Plácido? 

Luciano(to Mark): I think you should know that Spaniards are like that. 

Andrea: True 

[He and Luciano clink their glasses of lemonade and take a deep swig, typical Italian style. A la The Godfather.] 

[*OK, the lunch was great, as usual, but I’m way too full because of the tiramisu, so… I’ll just tell you what happened later that evening :-)] 

o-o-o 

[*Time skip. Now it’s evening, and yes, violinist Maurizio Sciarretta is training KayEUndercover, aka Hina Villegram, on her voice adjustment(s).] 

Me(interrupting them): I thought you were going to my theatre, Hina? Also, welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Maurizio, also, hi again. 

Maurizio: Hallo again, Gracey, and yes, we’re training here. 

Hina: According to him, he doesn’t really want to deal with Andrea again. 

Maurizio: Not really a fan of him, me. 

Me: … 

[*Time skip. I’ve finally moved them to the theatre, and now violinists Shlomo Mintz and Jascha Heifetz are debating on the set menus in Via and how much cash we should pay.] 

Shlomo: You know they want you to feel the Italian lifestyle, and yes, they’re famous for not writing the menus clearer. And remember, profit is what they want. 

Jascha: Something else. Gracey didn’t even notice — they should’ve given us tea EVERY SINGLE TIME when we ordered sets! 

Me(cutting in their conversation): OK, we get the picture. That’s why Via is just adding fuel to the stereotypes. 

Shlomo: Also, you shouldn’t trust them like old friends. 

Me: Why do I think we’re getting off topic? 

[They both ignore me.] 

Jascha: Is that another Israelite saying? 

[By this point, I stop listening. And yes, this is kind of everything that happened, so… yeah, see ya next time :-)] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. We didn’t get plain tea at Via, but we got milk tea instead, and it was… good, if only I didn’t put too much sugar lol. Also, yesterday evening, Erika’s Partners argued long about the prices on the set menus, and afterwards, the female partner and Hina listened to the 2014 masterclasses. Nuts, they are. 
> 
> A/N 3: Still, hope you liked this, and stay tuned to the next chapter!


	47. A Bit of Bocelli and Sissol(or, Andrea and Me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I swear, Andrea Bocelli fangirls, THIS IS NOT A SELF-INSERT FOR THE ANDREA AND YOU SERIES OF KayEUndercover! The chapter title is actually a parody of the series, so… 
> 
> A/N 2: And yes, this chapter is even weirder than chapter 38, so bear with me, please, and no, it’s not exclusively Andrea and me, we’re also with actor Stephen Fry, so… :-D Hope you enjoy this random chapter which is another merge of two random chapters xD

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. Opera music is blaring from my music player, later tuned out; soon it’s blaring again. And repeat.] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and actor Stephen Fry are trying to get some random person to fix it, because they’ve been complaining and I am reluctant to fix it because I’m lazy to change the format of the story, so they took matters to their own hands. And yes, there IS an Andrea Bocelli/Stephen Fry alliance here!] 

[I wake up to blaring Torna A Surriento by Luciano Pavarotti, which sounds great, by the way — IF it’s played quiet and I can hear it clearly — NOT blaring like a stereo!] 

Me(screaming above the… I’m not using this word lightly… noise): STEPHEN, ARE YOU DONE WITH MESSING MY MUSIC PLAYER? 

Stephen Fry(hollering back): YOU HAVE TO GET THIS FIXED, GRACEY, OTHERWISE NO ONE’D BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO WAGNER ANYMORE. 

Me: And by ‘no one’, I presume you mean you. 

[OK, scenery change. I’m now in the living room, with everything in my storage shelves almost empty, thanks to Stephen and Andrea.]   
[PAUSE] 

Me: Also, do you have to play Torna A Surriento in different intervals? 

Stephen: It’s for testing. 

Andrea: Never’ve heard of that kind of testing. 

Stephen: You will. 

[*OK, time skip. Stephen wants to watch The Godfather and Sopranos while Andrea and I want to… well, “see” old photos(quote marks ‘see’ because only one of them is ‘seeing’ or ‘viewing’ the photos, and the other one is listening to spoilers.] 

Stephen(superior): And that’s exactly what reminded me when Andrea mentioned his newest album — movie scene from something by Martin Scorsese. 

Me: I have to admit that’s kind of true. 

Andrea: Actually, sorry to break it to you, Wagner and Me is literally fan-fiction RPF version. 

Stephen: At least it didn’t stereotype Germans. 

[PAUSE]

Me: OK, I think we’re getting off-topic again. 

[Again, both ignore me.] 

Andrea: And don’t forget something dark about him. 

Stephen: I KNOW, alright? 

Andrea: Then it’s illogical that you adore Richard. 

[Richard Wagner appears before I can get this thing in control.] 

Richard(smugly): Sorry to break it to you but we’re literally a couple if I CAN be one with Jeffery and Stephen. 

Andrea(also smugly): Sorry to break it to you but that’s called a Threesome. 

[As he says that, the CD changes and it becomes the Caracalla performance one.] 

The Three(from the CD, sings): OOOOOH SOLE MIIO, ME COUNTA ÉÉÉ: IL SOLE, OOH SOLE MIIO: CON SE IAVO E LA TORA COOOMÉÉÉÉÉ SII IIIIIIA-VOOO! 

Richard(to both Andrea and Stephen): Never knew you two are fans of the Three. 

Stephen: NO. WAY, Richard. 

Richard: YES WAY! 

Andrea(just as deadpan): He wanted to play this since Gracey’s not fixing the music player. Now it’s fine. :-) 

[Richard disappears in frustration.] 

[*Another time skip. Now I’m explaining photos to Andrea while Stephen is watching movies, with Andrea’s latest album of Cinema — don’t ask me why it’s called that, I don’t know; also, you should ask Andrea instead — playing in the background, thankfully not in different intervals.] 

Me(staring at one of the photos): Ok, so this is literally pre-Complete and Utter Ignorance. 

Andrea: ? 

Me: Before I decided to write it. 

Stephen(getting distracted, as usual): Stop breaking the 4th wall, please. 

Andrea(teasing): A la A Bit of Fry and Laurie. 

[Stephen ignores him.] 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: Also, never knew you have something from your pre-Wagner and Me phase :-D 

Me: Kind of. 

[I show them the photos I took in Italy — Milan, Cremone, and Venice, to be precise.] 

Stephen: AAAAAAHHHHH MILAN! MILAN IS AWESOME, GRACEY! LOVE THAT PLACE. 

Me: For some reason Italy always has that effect on people. See KayEUndercover. 

Andrea(smugly to Stephen): Because we’re awesome. 

Stephen(shoots an equally smug look right back): Sorry to break it to you but she’s livin’ in Norwich now, and Norwich is literally where I lived when I was younger. Beat THAT, will ya? 

Andrea: At least Hina is based in Milan. 

[They shoot superior looks at each other, both refusing to back away.] 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(smugly): Also, we have the best language ever! 

Stephen(languidly): Sorry to break it to you but English, either American or British, is UNIVERSAL. Beat that, ‘kay? 

[Before Andrea could think of something else, I interrupt them.] 

Me: Are you really arguing about this? 

Them: YES! 

Me: Trust me, you’re worse than Stefan and Mark combined. 

Andrea(in Italian): Marco? 

Stephen(in German): Stefan? 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

 

Me: Don’t tell me you forgot about Mark already? 

Stephen(smirking): I think she means Mark Carwardine. 

Andrea: KNOW that, Signore. 

Me(irritated already): Andrea… 

[Andrea ignores me, as usual.] 

[*OK, another time skip. Now it’s evening.] 

[Stephen is watching Godfather in my living room, and Andrea and I are singing some stuff together in the theatre.] 

[We’ve been doing warm-ups since the beginning of the afternoon.] 

Me(after the ten thousandth time): DO RE MI FA SOOOOOOOO… 

Andrea(sings): SAAAY CAN YOU HEAR — 

[I interrupt before he could continue.] 

Me: Really, that one? 

[PAUSE] 

Me(sings): … tiiiime after tiiiime, you refuse to e-ven listen — ‘cause day after day… you won’t see me! 

Us(sings): Yooooou won’t see meeee, you won’t see me! 

[I change a song again.] 

[This time, it’s Time to Say Goodbye.] 

Me(sings): When I’m a-lone I think of the horizons ~ 

Both: …’cause it’s tiiiiime to saaaay goodbyyyyye, you and meeeee~ 

[Hina, aka KayEUndercover, appears.] 

Hina(sings): TIIIIIIIMEE TO SAAAAAY GOOOODBYYYYYYYYYE YOOOU AND MEEE~ 

[*Another time skip because I’m lazy. Since Andrea is bugging Stephen about travel, I decide to do an announcement.] 

Me: OK, so I think we’re about to go to the seaside, around… maybe… southern UK? 

Andrea(jumping up and punching air): HURRAY FOR SEASIDE! 

Me: Great. So you and Mark would be great together. 

[Andrea beams at Stephen and I. Stephen rolls his eyes at him, not even realizing that Andrea couldn’t catch that virtually.] 

Stephen: Well beat this — I went with Mark to continue Last Chance to See. 

Andrea: Which is supposed to be him with his best friend. 

Stephen, Me: ? 

Andrea: You don’t know? 

[PAUSE] 

Me(finally having a lightbulb coming up): Ooooh, Douglas Adams, eh? 

[Andrea and Stephen exchange another smug look.] 

Andrea(smugly): Welp. She’s the only one who knows. 

Stephen: I know too. 

Andrea: Someone’s otherworldly intelligence decided to leave him and return too late. 

[Again, I finally interrupt them.] 

Me: That’s way too Mark. 

Andrea: And don’t forget Phill. 

Stephen: And how did you know him? 

Andrea: SIMPLE — David told me. 

[*This is way too boring. Now let’s just see how things go the next day.] 

o-o-o 

[The next day.] 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My study.] 

[Oscar Wilde and Richard Wagner appear.] 

Oscar: So you and Andrea are a duo now? 

Me(looking up at last): Not really. 

Richard(smirking): THEIR SINGIN’ OF TIME TO SAY GOODBYE IS SOOOOOOOO ROMANTIC… 

Oscar(grinning as well): Aawwww… 

Me: It’s definitely not what you’re thinking about, and I have an announcement for everyone today. Even though I did it already for Andrea and Stephen. 

[I go out to my living room, where everyone’s having breakfast of omelettes and butter again.] 

Me: OK, everyone! Announcement. 

Everyone(read: actor Stephen Fry, conservationist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch): HURRAY/Thanks for warning us/*Ergh* 

Me: So tomorrow we’re going to the seaside, around…. southern UK. Or rather, Britain. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): YAHOO FOR SEASIDE, GRACEY! WOULD WE BE SEEIN’ AQUARIUMS AND SCHOOLS OF FISH, OR WOULD WE BE ABLE TO EAT SEAFOOD FOR EIGHT DAYS STRAIGHT? MAYBE EVEN BETTER, WE GET TO SURF THE WAVES! 

Stefan(deadpan): Thought you were keen on alpine adventures. 

Mark(shouting, Andrea Bocelli style): THE SEASIDE IS EVEN BETTER! YOU’LL SEE. 

Stephen(languidly): Am I the only one who thinks you and Andrea Bocelli should be in an alliance? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(finally over with his small dance): Thanks for destroying my good mood, Stephen. 

Me(interrupting before Stephen could reply): So… yeah, since Andrea is also quite excited about the seaside adventure, he and Jascha, as well as my cousin Richard and his friends Rodney and Jeffery, may join in. 

Mark: JEFFERY, RODNEY, AND RICHARD? WOOOOOOOOO~ 

Stephen(to me): Do you HAVE to make Jeffery appear all the time? 

Stefan: Unless you want the Israelites joining us. 

[Again, before I could interrupt, Mark cuts in the conversation.] 

Mark: LOOOOOOOOOVE TO MAKE SHLOMO AND GANG JOIN! 

Me: Fine, Stephen. Anyways, Jeffrey may not even want to join. So yes, I’ll be sending out requests, and yes, there’s at least going to be 4+ people going. 

[At that one, Mark jumps up and punches air again.] 

[*Time skip. Now it’s afternoon. -Ish.] 

[Violinist Maurizio Sciarretta is here again, so… yeah, bear with me, please.] 

Maurizio: So you’re going to the seaside soon? 

Me: Tomorrow. 

Maurizio: Awww. 

Me: With Andrea Bocelli, Shlomo Mintz, Jascha Heifetz, my cousin, said cousin’s friend, and Mark and company. 

[PAUSE] 

Maurizio: That’s 9 people, if you include yourself. So the room arrangements? 

Me: Haven’t thought of it. YET. I just have to make sure everyone who’s going isn’t going to be as loud as they were when we went to Scotland. 

[Maurizio stares at me wide-eyed — Italians will ALWAYS do that when they’re stunned or mind-blown.] 

Maurizio(with dawning realization): YOU PEOPLE WENT TO SCOTLAND? 

Me: … 

[*Another time skip. Now I’m with Jascha Heifetz, shopping for some drinks and stuff. Andrea Bocelli and the others are away, so…] 

[In the shopping store.] 

Jascha: THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! 

Me: To me it’s… um… soso. 

[Jascha starts skipping in front of me.] 

Jascha: So what’s it you and KayEUndercover, or rather, Hina, wanted? 

Me: Menton. 

Jascha: ? 

[I lead him to the drinks aisle and picks the drink, then made sure I had some secret biscuits for that day, as well as later.] 

Jascha: You’re having that today? 

Me: Yes, because Mark ransacked everything for him, Stefan, and Stephen. 

Jascha: In Russia they’re called ‘the Stephens’. 

Me(rolling my eyes at the Star Trek reference): Know that. 

[We go to the cashier and buys those stuff, then we go back.] 

[On the way back, we’re having some of the biscuits.] 

Jascha: Why do I think you’ll be in so much trouble later? 

Me: I’d better get in trouble with my characters than real life. 

Jascha(Stephen Fry voice): Do you have to break the 4th wall again, Gracey? 

Me: Do you have to keep impersonating everyone? 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(grinning): The thing is, I haven’t impersonated everyone because of TrilotEyes. 

Me: Cool. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is exactly what happened when I was outside with Jascha.] 

[Back in my house.] 

Me: I’M HOME! 

[Stephen and Mark are trying to test their weight gain and whatever, AND complaining about them.] 

Me: Now what? 

Jascha: Stuff about weight gain. Whatevs, we have to leave them to their own stuff. 

[He leaves and goes into my room.] 

Me: Gaining weight is actually essential if you keep ransacking my fast food storage. 

Mark(Andrea Bocelli style): AAAAAAWWWWWW~ 

Stephen: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: Just try not to destroy your self-esteem. 

Me(finally interrupting them): OK, guys, I’m going to my room to see if Jascha is good, so… yeah, WARN ME WHEN ANDREA IS BACK WITH MAURIZIO! 

Mark: Maurizio? 

Stephen: As in, Sciarretta? 

Mark: For the master-classes 2014? 

Both: THAT Maurizio??? 

Me(sighing in exasperation): YES! 

[Before they could celebrate, I go to my room.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re having simple dinner. Andrea and Maurizio have bought me some ring cake, as well as some mini oreos.] 

Jascha(after seeing the mini oreos): Aaaw they’re too cute. 

Maurizio: I bought them because we had to get another bag. Well… yeah. 

Me: Nice. 

Andrea(to Maurizio): And you know what, she bought Menton. 

Maurizio(to me): It’s beyond me how he knew. 

Me(ignoring Maurizio): True. 

[*OK, since it’s already the 31st of Jul, this is all. And… see ya next chapter! I’m taking them to the seaside soon, and maybe Maurizio is joining in — I’m still not sure yet!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: OK, this is kind of all that happened during the two days when I didn’t write this thing. 
> 
> A/N 4: Yes, the next chapter will be exciting! So… wish us luck on our adventure to Southern Britain! :-D


	48. Preparations and Seaside Viewing(or, Adventures Again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: BUUUUOONGIORNO, DEAR READERS! This is Andrea Bocelli for your first A/N! And yes, today is when we go to the seaside — yayy! Hope you’ll enjoy the pre-seaside adventure and read on :-) :-) x, Andrea

(Gracey POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Mark Carwardine is listening to songs of the Three when I go to the living room after waking up to blaring music.] 

Me(half-smiling): Morning to you too, Mark. 

Mark(beaming): TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YA, GRACEY M’FRIEND! 

Me: Listening to the Three? 

Mark: YES-SIR-REE, GRACEY! 

[Breakfast is some leftover ring cake, as Mark start playing La Traviata, a favourite song of Hina(KayEUndercover)’s.] 

Me(to myself): And say hello to ear-worms. 

Mark: AWESOME! 

Me: Really? 

Mark: At least the Three is great. 

Me: I think you’d better credit Luciano for that. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re about to be on our way.] 

Andrea Bocelli: CAN’T WAIT 

Mark: I KNOW RIGHT 

Me: I have to keep packing up, and MARK, STOP MESSING WITH MY MUSIC PLAYER, PLEASE! 

[Andrea is having trouble not cracking up again.] 

[*OK, time skip again. Now we’re on the way of our road trip. My android, YUKI, is driving us.] 

Me: OK, so this is YUKI, my android driver. It doesn’t really have to stop to rest, but in order to save electricity, we allow it to. 

Everyone: OOOOOHHH~ 

Me: And yes, it is kind of Detroit: Become Human, only this android doesn’t need to eat or do any human stuff. 

[*Time skip. We’re driving and doing karaoke.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about what we actually did, so let’s just skip to the part where we stopped for some re-fueling — for OUR energy, that is, not YUKI’s.] 

Me: OK, so everyone, enjoy your break time of being cramped. 

Andrea(mumbling): Then let’s sleep some more later. 

Mark: Nooooo~ 

[They very reluctantly get out of the vehicle and we eat some food.] 

o-o-o 

[*OK, since I’m waaay too lazy to write about what happened afterwards — all we did was karaoke, until we finally arrived.] 

[After we arrived.] 

RodneyMcKaySG (rodneymckaySG): HURRAY! WE’RE HERE! 

[Andrea and Mark wake up violently.] 

Andrea, Mark: DO YOU HAVE TO SHOUT? 

Me: NOW you know how I feel about when you barge in my room. 

Them: *Groan* 

[We go check in and after another short time skip, we’re on our floor.] 

Me: OK, so most of us are on the 20th floor, for some reason. 

Mark: OOooohh… 

Shlomo: You know that 20 is somewhat of a bad omen if you look at it in a Jewish way? 

Stephen: No way. 

Shlomo: Do I have to remind you, Mister, that you’re not Orthodox? 

Stephen: ??? 

[At this, I finally interrupt them.] 

Me: OK, OK, we’ll talk about this later! Now just go to your rooms and… yeah, relax until I say so. 

[And with that, I orb them away. A reminder: Andrea Bocelli, Jascha Heifetz, and Shlomo Mintz are together; Stephen Fry, Mark Carwardine, and Stefan Mickisch are together, and I am with Rodney and Richard.] 

[After Andrea, Shlomo, and Jascha arrive at their room — Rm. 2018.] 

Jascha(with dawning realization): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! SHLOMO AND ANDREA, YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT — LOOK, LOOK, LOOK! *he nods towards the view of the sea* 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha: THOSE ITALIANS ARE SO RIGHT WHEN COMIN’ TO LIVIN’ NEAR THE SEA!! 

Andrea(irritated): Do you have to keep shouting, Jascha? 

Jascha(smug): Not my fault you couldn’t enjoy this th — 

Shlomo(finally interrupting them): OK, that’s enough. Before you insult each other, just enjoy everything. 

[*OK, an explanation why Jascha and Andrea are fighting like children again: it all branched from a conversation Jascha had with me, about opera and the modern version of it, as well as classics. Soon, it became a debate about who is a real operatic singer and who isn’t; and that was when Andrea defended himself when I mentioned that most people(read: opera fans) don’t see him as operatic. From that, it became a misunderstanding between Jascha and Andrea, and here they are.] 

Jascha: Well, Shlomo, you know that the Three and the Golden Agers are the only ACTUAL operatic people, and no, Andrea, I’m arguing this to the end! 

Andrea: YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE INNER WORKINGS, JASCHA, NOR DOES GRACEY! 

Jascha: WHO THE HELL CARES? 

Shlomo: PLEASE, Andrea and Jascha! 

[*OK, so that’s what they were on about. Now about Stephen and company…] 

[In room 1921.] 

Mark: OK, there’s something interesting about our room numbers. 

Stephen: Right, Charlie Chaplin movie. 

Mark: ? 

Stefan: As in the year a movie is promoted, or premiered. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark: Ach so. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you what happened after we went for a walk over at the banks of the seaside.] 

[At the seaside.] 

Me: OK, enjoy the seaside. 

Everyone: YAYYYY! 

Me: … 

[We go on our walk.] 

Me: Seems like there’s lots of spiders spinning their webs… hope you’re not all arachnophobic? 

Andrea, Mark: NOPE! 

Mark: Spiders are arachnids and animals of nature, so unless you’re not a nature guy… 

Andrea: Nice. 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(to me): Have I mentioned that Mark Carwardine is a nature guide? 

Me: Too obvious it hurts. 

Jascha(to Andrea): Can you tell us something we don’t know? 

Andrea: ? 

Jascha: Never mind. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is kind of all we did. So… don’t forget to tune in to the next chapter! We may go swimming in the sea, soooooooo… ;-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: And yes, this actually happened. The CCT Partners and I went on the walk, and did some more karaoke. Since the latter is way too random and cliché, I didn’t write all. Hope you liked this random chapter and see you next time! ~Gracey


	49. Touring the Seaside(or, A Lot of Randomness In One Day)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mornin’, people! Guess what, this is José Carreras of the Three doing this A/N, since Luciano Pavarotti, Plácido Domingo, and I were on satellite connected to Gracey’s cell phone. That means whatever happens to her, we’ll know firsthand. :-D 
> 
> A/N 2: HOLA, HOLA, dear readers, this is Plácido, and yes, we’ll be the narrators for the chapter, just as a reminder, so enjoy!

(NO ONE POV) 

[Southern Britain, seaside resort.] 

[Rm 2019.] 

[Phone rings.] 

Gracey, aka theChaplinfangirl(answering phone): WHO THE HELL IS IT? 

Mark Carwardine(on phone): Me. Morning, Gracey. Remember you promised the outdoors breakfast? 

[Phone gets snatched by Stefan Mickisch.] 

Stefan: NOOOOOOOOO, YOU PROMISED ME, GRACEY, REMEMBER???? 

Mark: NO WAY, SHE PROMISED ME AND GIVE ME THE PHONE! 

Gracey: Are you done arguing? Whadabout Stephen? 

Mark: Stephen’s spying on Shlomo. Seems like they’re not yet awake. 

Stefan: You should go check on them. 

[As if on cue, another line starts beeping.] 

Gracey(after checking): Right, I think I should put you on hold for now. 

[She puts Mark and Stefan on hold and takes the other line.] 

Andrea Bocelli(half-asleep): Tell me, Gracey, why’re we bein’ spied on? 

Background: REALLY, MISTER? 

Gracey: What is going on? 

[At that time, RichardSxx and RodneyMcKaySG (rodneymckaySG) awakes.] 

Richard: AWESOME! GRACEY, WHO IS IT? 

Andrea: Richard is awake? 

Gracey(still on phone): Yes. *to Richard* it’s Andrea. 

Richard: AWESOME! 

Rodney: FREAKIN’ ANDREA BOCELLI, GRACEY? 

Gracey(cupping the phone and to Rodney): I’m afraid yes. I have to deal with something. 

[*Time skip. Now Gracey is in Andrea’s room, 2018, which is basically next door to her.] 

Gracey: Explanation, please. Why are you here, Stephen, and weren’t you three asleep since we got back? 

Jascha(grinning): That’s what we’re supposed to do, but thanks to Stephen here, now we’re awake. Or rather, half-asleep, if you see Shlomo and Andrea. 

Gracey: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: I have to make sure Mark and Stefan are never correct. They said you’re awake, but… well… 

[Jascha smirks at Gracey.] 

Shlomo: Are they really like that? 

Andrea: Seems like it. 

Gracey: Fine. Stephen, just… don’t. I don’t know if they’ve finished their opera argument, so let’s go. 

Jascha: Aaawwwww~ 

Shlomo(to Gracey): Just hope they’re done. 

Jascha: No way, it’s the argument of the century, because you know cross-overs are not real opera. 

Andrea: Be glad that you didn’t do it. 

[Jascha gives Andrea a smug look, forgetting that he wouldn’t be able to see that.] 

[*OK, time skip. Breakfast is with Mark et al. Later shopping is with Andrea et al.] 

[At breakfast diner.] 

Gracey: I’m not that interested so it’s not really the argument of the century. 

Stefan(to Stephen): So you Brits’re no longer the exaggeration experts. 

Gracey: Don’t start, please. 

Stefan, Stephen: NO WAY! 

Gracey: REALLY? 

Them: … 

[PAUSE] 

Gracey: OK, since Andrea and my cousin as well as their friends are having breakfast together, I don’t think they’d fare well. 

Stephen(incredulous): Thought Jonathan couldn’t stand him. 

Stefan: ? 

Mark: He meant Andrea Bocelli, you know that singer? 

Stephen: You have to admit he IS very over-rated, on singing, that is, not on him as a person. 

Mark(to Gracey): So you can see that I’m with Jascha on the opera argument. 

[*OK, since Gracey is, again, lazy, let’s see how the shopping spree went. Time skip, and now everyone(read: Andrea Bocelli and his gang) are at the shopping centre.] 

Gracey: Okkk, let’s see how we can buy. 

[They pass by Starbucks.] 

Jascha(delighted): AAAAH STARBUCKS! GRACEY, CAN WE PLEEEEEEEEASE GO THERE FOR BREAKFAST TOMORROW, PLEASE WITH ICE CREAM ON IT? 

Shlomo(to Andrea): For some reason he’s obsessed. 

Andrea: As if THAT’S new. 

[Jascha turns on them before Gracey can reply, as usual.] 

Jascha: You’re just jealous that she’s agreeing with me, not you two. 

Gracey: Well, maybe, if you all behave. 

[Andrea and Shlomo shoot superior looks at Jascha, and they get a superior look right back.] 

[PAUSE] 

Gracey: … or maybe not. 

Andrea, Jascha, Shlomo: AAAAWWW WHYYYY? 

Gracey: Well, IF YOU THREE ALL BEHAVE LIKE ADULTS AND IN CHARACTER. 

Jascha: I thought your objective was OOC. 

Gracey: Right, but not now. 

[They go shopping.] 

[*OK, since Gracey is lazy, she’ll just tell you how was lunch and their seaside adventure.] 

o-o-o 

(Gracey Sissol POV) 

[We go to lunch after going to lounge in our respective rooms.] 

[This time, it’s a seafood shop.] 

Mark Carwardine(absolutely delighted): HURRAY! HURRAY FOR SEAFOOD, GRACEY! CAN WE HAVE THIS FOR 8 DAYS STRAIGHT, SINCE WE COULDN’T REALLY LEAVE EARLY AS PLANNED?! 

Me: Right! And no, we’re not having seafood for 8 days straight, Mark. 

Mark(mock-whining): Aaawwww… 

Andrea: You’re almost like my brother. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(stunned): SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A BROTHER? 

Andrea: Since FOREVER, mister. 

Jascha: Ah, yes, the winery manager. 

Mark: ? 

Jascha: Alberto Bocelli, Andrea’s younger brother! 

Andrea: You mean a brewery, Jascha. 

Jascha(beaming): Righto! 

[Smiling, I left them bantering like QI contestants as I make sure we’re going to see the different kinds of fish later.] 

[*Short time skip. Most of us are seeing fish and all sorts of seafood, as Andrea and Jascha are holding the fort. The former because, and the latter because he wants to know more about the Bocelli family brewery.] 

[After we’re gone…] 

Jascha: Fine occupations you and your brother has — a brewery manager and a singer? Awesome so far for the family. 

Andrea(smirking): See? 

[Again, Jascha rolls his eyes at him, forgetting that Andrea wouldn’t be able to see that.] 

[Also, that’s exactly what we come back to.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m writing about what happens after we go to the seashore.] 

[On the seashore.] 

Andrea, Mark(both high on beer): YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY SEASIDE HERE WE COOOOOOOME~ 

Shlomo: Aw 

Jascha: ‘Aw’ indeed. 

Stephen: This is almost like the edge of Norfolk. 

Jascha: DUUUUUUUUUUDE this IS the edge of Norfolk! 

[I wait for them to finish their screaming of excitement, then announces our guest star for today.] 

Me: OK, since we’re at the seaside, I’ve invited actor Keanu Reeves over as well :-) 

[I make actor Keanu Reeves appear.] 

Me: Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Keanu! I’m Gracey, the — 

Jascha(interrupting me): She’s the author, how cool’s that, man? 

Keanu: Thanks for having me, Gracey, and yes, hiya. 

[I smile at him and Jascha is over-enthusiastic.] 

Jascha: HELLO! YOU’RE SO WELCOME BECAUSE WE’RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT. 

Keanu(smirking): You up for surfing? 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli jumps up again.] 

Andrea(almost imploding with delight): MORE THAN READY! LET’S GO! 

[At that, we go onto the sand and book an umbrella, with beach chairs.] 

[Keanu and Andrea transform their clothes to`swim gear. Both are in swim trunks, snorkel snout, flippers, and have their surf boards ready. Also, both are wearing sunglasses.] 

Me: Well, fine. Have fun, you two. Also, DON’T GET HURT OR KILLED, ANDREA, SERIOUSLY! KEANU, BE HIS EYES, WILL YA? 

[Keanu grins and does the OK sign at me, then they go.] 

[Back at the rest of the group, Shlomo and Stephen are lounging almost on top of each other, and Jascha and Stefan are talking on their picnic blanket. Mark is watching the waves and being all blissed out.] 

Me(finally breaking the silence): Welp, so here we are. 

Mark(finally broken out of the “spell”): YES-SIR-REE, GRACEY! I LOVE THE SEASIDE! 

Me: True, also, this summer is unnatural for Norfolk. 

Stephen: Corretto, Gracey. Normally we can’t go to the seaside because it’s too cold. But now? It’s like in the tropics. 

Jascha(getting distracted): THE TROPICS? GUESS WHAT, KAZAKHSTAN IS EVEN CRAZIER, JUST AS ZAKHAR! 

[Before I could get this AU in control, violinist Zakhar Bron appears.] 

Zakhar: True. Kazakhstan is like…. how d’you say it… somewhere where the temps are way hot in the summer, and way cold in the winter. 

Me(looking up): Cool, now you can leave, Zakhar. You’re supposed to come way later. 

Zakhar: ? 

Me: You’re supposed to come around during the Shakespeare festival fun. 

Zakhar: Fine. Bravda till then :-) 

[He disappears.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’m telling you what happened after the first surfing adventure of Andrea and Keanu went — crazily, which is literally an understatement, because both are STILL suffering from extreme, and I really mean EXTREME, euphoria.] 

Andrea(with dawning realization): THAT, WAS, AWESOME! 

Keanu(grinning): I KNOW RIGHT 

[PAUSE] 

[Both look over at my place, where Stephen, Mark, Stefan, Richard, Rodney, and Shlomo are at.] 

Andrea, Keanu(delighted out of their minds): HALLO EVERYONE! WE’RE STILL ALIVE, SEE? 

[They finally settle down.] 

Me(handing them some coconut juice I conjured up): Drink up, because you don’t want to be dehydrated. 

Richard(to me): They’re too lucky. 

Keanu(to me): CAN HE JOIN, PLEEEEEASE? 

[Andrea cracks up and collapses onto the picnic blanket.] 

Stefan: … 

Rodney(to Stefan): And that, is why you should never overdo sports. 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air): HURRAY! HURRAY FOR SPORTS! HEY GRACEY, ARE WE HAVIN’ SPORTS DAY NEXT YEAR AT YOUR PLACE? WILL WE BE INVITED? I SURE HOPE SO!! 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m getting a headache from their screaming): I’m not sure! 

Andrea, Keanu, Jascha: PUH-LEEEEEEEEAAAASE? 

Richard(surprisingly deadpan): I think she’d agree if you’d stop screaming. 

Andrea(shouting with glee): OR ELSE HOW D’YOU EXPECT US TO BE CHEERLEADERS? 

Stephen: Guys… 

Jascha(Alan Davies voice): Ae, Mr. Fry. 

[Andrea, Keanu, and Jascha all collapse into laughing and I am afraid they'd die if they don’t get oxygen soon.] 

[*Another small time skip. Since Richard is with them, I’m trusting Keanu, not really Andrea, since he couldn’t see, and Keanu could see.] 

Rodney(after some silence): So… they’re gone. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): FINALLY! 

[I sigh exasperated.] 

[*OK, another time skip. Since it’s way afternoon, and Keanu, Andrea, Mark, and Richard, as well as Rodney, all swam in the sea, they want me, Stephen, Stefan, and Shlomo go boating.] 

Me(still half-asleep): No way. No boating today. 

Andrea(shouting): BUT YOU HAVE TO! IT’LL BE GREAT, YOU’LL SEE! 

Me: For some reason, I doubt that, because whatever you find fun is way too risky. 

Mark: Actually, it is quite safe. You’ll seee! 

[I am then forced to go boating with Stephen and Mark — just my luck.] 

[We’re boating while another boat rises above the horizon — Jascha, Stefan, and Andrea. The latter, of course.] 

Jascha(over-enthusiastic): HAAAAAAALLLLOOOOOOO, GRACEY AND COMPANAAAAY! 

[I wave in a very flimsy way at him.] 

Mark(grinning at me): WHERE’S THE ENTHUSIASM, FRIEND? *he waves with his arms at them* 

Stephen: Mark, watch the waves. 

Me(to Stephen): One more tilt and we’re going overboard. 

[Almost as if on cue, a great wave crashes us and we tilt even further.] 

[I am panicky and scared, as usual.] 

Me(holding a bar for dear life): I’m too young to die, I’m too young to die, I’m too young to die… 

Mark: AWESOME! WAVES! 

Stephen: One more adventure with him and it’s the death of me. 

Me: Same here. 

[All of a sudden, we go overboard, thanks to Mark’s over-excited shouting and gestures to our fellow boaters, Jascha and company.] 

[We fall splash into water.] 

Water: SPLASH! 

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH~ 

[Jascha and his friends are having great trouble not laughing their heads off.] 

[*OK, time skip. This is what was crazy when we played at the seashore. Now since we’ve finished with that, we go back to our hotel to clean up and have some more craziness.] 

[Back to Room 2019, I use my author powers to make Rodney and Richard back to how they were before going to the seashore.] 

Me(absolutely upset): OK, I’m done with having adventures with Mark and company! 

Richard: You’re fine, eh? 

Me(half-sarcastically): Fine as a piece of artwork. The others are still in their post-euphoric state, I’m sure. 

[At the other rooms.] 

[Rm. 2018.] 

Andrea: THAT WAS WAAAAAY TOO FUN. 

Shlomo: Do you have to keep shouting? 

Jascha: Kind of. 

Andrea(absolutely beaming and delighted out of his mind): Wonder what kind of late night activities does Gracey have in store? 

[PAUSE] 

Shlomo: According to her, there’s this ride thing that’s called Viking and Darkness. 

Jascha(flopping on the bed): Very mysterious. 

[And in room 1921.] 

Stephen(half-asleep): Interesting that Gracey isn’t tired yet. 

Stefan: She’ll never be, since she sleeps in the day for most of the time. 

Mark: WHEN’RE WE LEAVIN’, THEN? 

Stephen: I expect her to call everyone. 

[Mark smiles evilly at him and dials Andrea’s number.] 

[Soon, it’s connected.] 

Andrea(on phone): Ciao? 

Mark(impersonating me): Hi, it’s Gracey. Can you please tell everyone that they should be ready for the next stage of our adventure? 

Andrea: Am I the only one who thinks that it’s not Gracey? 

[With their super-hearing, the Stephens heard that and are forcing themselves to not laugh out loud.] 

Mark(in high-ish female voice): It IS me, Andrea. 

Andrea: No way. 

Mark: YES WAY, ANDREA! 

[Soon, the line starts beeping. The actual Gracey.] 

[*Time skip. We’re now at the small carnival.] 

[Despite us being there, Andrea and Mark are still not done with their argument about the latter impersonating me.] 

Andrea(finally finishing his impossibly long monologue): …so it’s officially disturbing when you try to impersonate Gracey. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(to no one in particular): Am I the only one who thinks he should be Peter Kingdom, instead of Stephen? 

[Before anyone can answer, I lead them to our first ride — Vikings.] 

[We go on.] 

[Andrea and Rodney are holding the fort, since we don’t want the former to be injured while swinging to and fro.] 

Rodney: ENJOY, PEOPLE! 

Me(to myself): I regret everything now. 

[Ride starts.] 

[We’re swinging gently, and I relax. So while we wait for the more exciting moments, the seating is like this: Left side from the top — Shlomo, Stephen, and Mark. Right side from top — me, Richard, Stefan, and Jascha. So literally me and Shlomo are facing each other, and Richard and Jascha are facing the other two.] 

[Ride speeds up way too much and we’re about to go forward.] 

Stefan(announcing): Everyone ready to flyyyyy? 

Richard: HELL YES! 

Mark: TOO READY! FOREVER READY! 

[We swing forward, and Mark et al swing back.] 

Stefan, Richard(throwing their arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! 

[Ride does this more than 10 times, and finally ends.] 

Everyone: AAAAAAAAWWWWWW~ 

Me: We just have to go to Darkness. It’s pitch black sooooo… 

Andrea: Oooh, mysterious! 

[We go.] 

[Ride is like this(seating order, that is): Mark — Jascha — Stephen, Stefan — Rodney — Richard, me — Andrea — Shlomo.] 

[Ride starts.] 

Me(to no one in particular): Seems like I’m the only one who’s afraid of the dark all of a sudden. 

Stefan: Awww 

[We go up.] 

Rodney: Uh-oh. 

Richard: We rode this before, and Gracey actually likes this thing, so… yeah. 

Me: Please don’t betray me, Rich. 

[All of a sudden, ride drops before we knew it.] 

Everyone: ! 

Stephen and Jascha: WOPWOP!/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! 

Mark, Stefan, Richard, and Rodney: WOOOOOOOOO~ 

Andrea(throwing his arms in the air): YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY~ 

Me and the others: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! 

[We go through plenty, and I really mean plenty, of loops.] 

Me: Wooooo ?? 

Everyone: YEEEEAAAAAAAHHH! 

[*Time skip. Now, since I’m lazy, this is kind of what we did. And… yeah, see ya till the next episode of randomness xD! x Gracey] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Buongiorno, dear readers! This is Luciano Pavarotti for your third A/N! Everything in this chapter actually happened, according to Gracey. But the only thing is, she didn’t go swimming in the sea, since the water was way too warm. :-/ Ah, well… 
> 
> A/N 4: Hi, this is Gracey, and that was Luciano, who is monitoring me and the others through GPS on my cell phone. Yes, as mentioned, everything did happen, excluding the rides and people suffering from extreme euphoria XD. I’m taking them to some park next time, so stay tuned :-D


	50. Parks, Recreation, and All Sorts of OCD Stuff(or, The Bocelli Effect)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since I’m not following my usual route of making things simple, I have to tell you this: PLEASE don’t come for someone after reading the beginning of this, because. Still, enjoy, because this chapter includes extremely OOC stuff! :-D

[North-east Norfolk, around Great Yarmouth. -Ish.] 

[Starbucks. Mark Carwardine, Stephen Fry, Stefan Mickisch, and I are having breakfast and I get a phone call.] 

Mark(through mouthfuls of panini): Hhmowf ish ich? 

Stephen, Stefan: WHAT? 

[I take the call. It is singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli, as usual.] 

Andrea(from phone): Gracey, we have to change rooms. 

Me: ? 

[The phone is taken by Jascha Heifetz.] 

Jascha(with grins in his voice): Andrea here is cranky because he didn’t sleep so well, and according to him, it was way noisy last night, even though I didn’t think so, neither did Shlomo. 

Me: Right, and you did notify the reception, yes? 

Jascha: Of course, wha’ didja think? 

[The phone is then taken by Shlomo Mintz.] 

Shlomo: I tell you, Gracey, Italians are the experts on OCD. 

Me(slightly whispering because): Well, you know that Virgos are all OCD? 

Shlomo: We’ve been reminded. Jascha and you-know-who were sleeping together and the latter has been complaining since. 

Me: Well, I’ll make sure your room is rearranged. Meanwhile, tell the reception. 

[The phone is taken again by Jascha.] 

Jascha(still with smiles in his voice): NO WORRIES! WE WILL, SINCE WE’VE GOT ANDREA WITH US! WOOOOO~ 

[We hang up.] 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(after sipping on his black-currant-raspberry fruit tea): So what was that about? 

Me: Room change for Andrea and Company. 

Mark(to Stefan): I told you he’d tell Gracey for a room change, mafia style. 

Stefan: He couldn’t see and sunglasses enhance their senses. 

Stephen(nodding): True. 

Mark: That’s creepy. 

Stefan: Be happy you never saw that in nighttime. 

[Mark elbows him and Stefan cracks up.] 

Me: Welp. Now someone can help me with the extra coffees you guys ordered. 

Mark(to no one in particular): Fortunate people. 

Me: I think they’d need it. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re in room 2018.] 

[Jascha is making tea over-enthusiastically, Andrea is irked, and Shlomo is irked at both of them.] 

Andrea(finally sensing our arrival): Oh, you’re here now. There has to be something going on either next door, upstairs, or downstairs. 

[Jascha sighs in an exaggerated manner, making Mark crack up again.] 

Jascha(exasperated): Listen, don’t even think about going to space at this rate. They WILL test you on your noise tolerance! 

Andrea: Then I’d fail, obviously. 

Jascha: FINALLY you realize. 

Me: OK, so you’ve contacted the reception, no? 

Andrea(before Jascha could speak): Yes. 

Me: OK, so now you’re at… room 1922, right next to Stephen and company. 

Mark(shouting): AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MAFIA ALERT! HELP HELP HELP! 

Andrea(deadpan): That’s just stereotyping Sicilians, and sorry to break it to you, I’m not Sicilian. 

Jascha: Fortunately. 

Shlomo(to both of them): Please don’t start again. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: OK, so… let’s go see your new room, then! 

[*Short time skip. I make Stephen and company go back to their room and go with Andrea and company to their new room, which is literally next door to the first group.] 

[I open the door for them.] 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(with dawning realization): THIS. ROOM. IS. AWESOME!!! 

Shlomo(smiling at me): Nice. 

Me: Hope this will be better, and I’m making sure that Stephen and Mark wouldn’t be so loud. 

[Andrea hugs me and Jascha and Shlomo starts smirking with oh-so-much mirth.] 

Me(breaking the hug): Right, and you’re welcome. Since we’re leaving soon, you guys HAVE to sleep well. 

[And that becomes a glomp trigger.] 

o-o-o 

[*Time skip. We’re having seafood again.] 

[When we are eating.] 

Me: OK, so since we’re going to a park today, we have to have some food first. 

Stephen: Great. 

Mark: YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH~ 

[OK, as we leave Mark to be high as a kite, this is the seating order: Andrea, Richard, Rodney, Me, Stephen, Stefan, Mark, Jascha, Shlomo. Originally I intended for Mark and Andrea to be together, but then thought better of it.] 

Andrea(deadpan): Earth to Mark. 

Mark(sings): TAKE YOUR PROTEIN PILLS AN’ PUTCHA HELMET OOOOOOON~ 

Andrea: Sorry to break it to you but David Bowie’s not allowed here today… well, for now. 

Mark: Aaawww… 

[PAUSE] 

Shlomo(to Andrea): YOU’RE A DAVID BOWIE FAN? THAT’S FREAKIN’ AWESOME, YA KNOW! 

Jascha(over-enthusiastic): I KNOW RIGHT 

Me: Guys… 

Stephen(deadpan as well): Thought you’re used to their antics by now. 

Me: I’ll never get used to it. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m telling you what happened when we get to the park.] 

[*Time skip. We’re at the park now.] 

[Andrea is clinging onto Jascha because said person is his eyes for now.] 

Me(smiling): Now we’re at the Russian district, so you see, everywhere’s Cyrillic and English together! 

Jascha(throws one of his arms in the air because Andrea is clinging onto the other one): YAAAAYYYY! YAY FOR CYRILLIC! 

Andrea: Unfortunately I can never understand Cyrillic. 

Jascha(smirks): That’s why us Russians are awesome. Beat that, will ya? 

Me(interrupting them before they could continue): OK, both of you are awesome in your ways, happy? 

Them: YES!/NO! 

[After almost endless rounds of that, we are inside.] 

[When we’re inside, I am Andrea’s eyes, since Jascha is sick of Andrea’s clinginess.] 

Me: OK, so… yeah, we’re kind of at the seaside, but not quite. It’s kind of like where they filmed Kingdom. 

Stephen(jumping up and punching air, Mark style): YES! KINGDOM! 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(deadpan, Andrea style): Which is a show that’s worse than Some Mothers, according to the Daily Mail. 

Stephen(smug, as usual): Ignored them, me. 

[Stefan rolls his eyes at him, and he reciprocates.] 

Me: You done? 

[They nod and we continue going.] 

[Soon, we get to the side where we can go into the sea.] 

[People are splashing and having fun.] 

Andrea(suddenly clinging onto me even tighter): PLEEEEASE CAN WE GO SWIMMIN’ AGAIN? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?? 

Mark(clinging onto my free arm): CAN WE, CAN WE, CAN WE, PLEEEEEASE? 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Wellllllllll… 

Mark, Andrea(in unison): PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASE WITH GELATO/CHOCO CHIPS ON TOP CAN WE GO? 

[I snatch my arm back from Mark and rub my temples because of a massive headache.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Well, who’d go and get our stuff? 

Andrea(to Mark): YOU GO! 

Mark(to Andrea): NO! YOU GO! YOU GO, YOU GO, YOU GO! 

Me(finally interrupting them since the others are bringing out popcorn): GUYS, ENOUGH! 

Them: AAAAAAAAWWWWW GRACEEYYYYYYY~ 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is exactly what went on until we see a coconut vendor.] 

Stephen: GRACEY, CAN WE PLEEEEASE HAVE SOME COCONUT JUICE? 

Shlomo: RIGHT! 

Jascha(longingly): Can we? 

Me(to them): If you guys behave in character! *to Jascha and Stefan* Since you asked nicely, Jascha, you can. Actually, you two BOTH can. 

[They hug each other.] 

[Mark and Andrea are on the verge of throwing a tantrum.] 

Mark, Andrea(whining): GRAAACEEEYYYYY~ 

[I conjure up some coconut juice for everyone.] 

[*Time skip again. Now since Mark and Andrea had finally settled on me conjuring up their swim clothes, they’re in peace again.] 

[We spread out our blanket and settle down, as Andrea and Mark run out to the sea like two children.] 

Me(to myself): It will forever be beyond me on how the heck can Andrea even do extreme sports, him with that disability. 

Stephen(professor Fry mode): THAT’S freakin’ why you should never underestimate them, Gracey. 

Me(deadpan): Thanks, Professor Fry. Very enlightening. 

[Stephen smiles at me and Jascha collapses onto Shlomo, ready to roll on the sand laughing his head off, because he understood the sarcasm.] 

[*Another time skip. Since I’m way too lazy to tell you exactly what happened when we had fun, you can imagine it — Andrea Bocelli and Mark Carwardine acting as OOC as possible. Now since I’ve cleaned them up with my author powers, we’re on our way back to YUKI, who drove us there.] 

[On our way, something plays a song hilariously out of tune.] 

Me: Now that’s something out of tune. 

Jascha(sings along, as off-key as possible): SOOONIIO-A BELLO, CANTO SETE SENTI-I-I-I-MEEEEEEENTOOO-OOO-OOOO~ 

Me, Andrea: 0_______o 

 

[That is when I realize it was playing Torna A Surriento.] 

Me(to Jascha): You know what, once I heard TrilotEyes sing Time to Say Goodbye extremely off-key, for comic effect. 

Us(sings very out of tune): TI-I-I-I-IME TO SAAAYYYYYYYY GOODBY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YEEE! 

Andrea(to both of us): Gracey, Jascha, my ears are bleeding, alright? 

Jascha(absolutely beaming): AWESOME! 

Andrea(irritated): JASCHA! 

Jascha: Chill, not literally, kinda figuratively. 

[Andrea ignores us.] 

o-o-o 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’m telling you of a small nightly adventure, which is literally in the shape of a phone call, which awakens me and the teenagers.] 

[The room phone rings.] 

Me(irritated because I’ve just drifted off and is pulled back to reality in a brutal way) WHO IS IT? CALLING AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT?? 

[Again, it is Andrea, with Jascha in the background.] 

Andrea(slightly irked): Please, Gracey, I don’t know if we’re leaving soon, but there’s someone in the corridors. 

Me(slightly exasperated): PLEASE no spooky stories. 

Jascha(in the background): ‘SNOT SCARY STORIES, GRACEY, ’TIS SOME PERSON SHOUTING AND APPARENTLY ANDREA’S SENSES ARE SO ENHANCED THAT HE COULD HEAR THEM EVEN WHEN SHLOMO AND I ARE SO STONED IN SLEEPING! HAH! 

Me: Fine, we know, make sure to call the reception if you have complaints, not… well, me, because. 

Andrea: Aaawww 

Me: … 

o.O.o 

End chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: YAYYYY, 50 chapters in the story! This actually happened, and yes, we went to the park where there’s A LOT of birds, cicadas, etc. Also, the nightly adventure happened as well, since J wouldn’t stop blaming whatever and whomever was outside last night and wouldn’t blame the coffee she had — I swear she’s in league with coffee xD. 
> 
> A/N 3: Still, hope you enjoyed this extremely weird chapter. See ya soon, and I promise the next adventure will be even worse(and by worse, I mean BETTER)! x Gracey


	51. Lots of Strange Tours and Whatnot(or, Random Adventures In One Place)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Buongiorno, dear readers! This is Luciano Pavarotti for your first A/N :-D A reminder, Gracey and company may will not leave till WAAY late, so this is going to be an even better chapter:-) 
> 
> A/N 2: Hallo, dear readers, José Carreras here! Yes, hope you enjoy this chapter, as well as Plácido, Luciano, and my narration xD. We’re trying our best in impersonating Gracey, soooooooo…

(NO ONE POV) 

[Breakfast time. McDonald’s, because they’re eccentric.] 

[Screenwriter Gracey Sissol(aka theChaplinfangirl), actor Stephen Fry, conservationist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch are having food.] 

Gracey: So the plan is like this — we go to have seafood way later than original, and then we go to either Costa Coffee, Illy, Starbucks, or… uh… 

[Mark jumps up and punches air.] 

Mark Carwardine: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR STARBUCKS! 

Stephen Fry(deadpan): … 

Stefan: That is just your physiological need speaking. 

Stephen(grinning): Very philosophical of you. 

[*OK, so that’s kind of everything they did, and since Gracey is too lazy, this is what happened afterwards.] 

[*Time skip. They’re back in the hotel.] 

Stephen(to no one in particular): It’s beyond me how can Norfolk be so hot this summer. 

Stefan(deadpan): Try to survive in Italy. Their summers are even worse. 

Mark(grinning): And by worse, we mean better. 

o-o-o 

[*OK, since Gracey is lazy, we’ll just see what are the others doing when in their respective hotel rooms.] 

[The exploration was suggested by Mark Carwardine, as usual.] 

Gracey(lying on the bed and half-asleep): Really? I think Andrea and company wants to chill. 

Mark(grinning with way too much mirth): Right, chilling mafia style. *pretends to wear sunglasses and walks around* 

Stephen, Stefan, Gracey: … 

[Since they’re bored, Gracey agrees, and orders Stefan to keep Stephen and Mark, especially the latter, in control.] 

[At the doorway of Rm 1922.] 

Mark: Didn’t know that Gracey had such suspicion towards us. 

Stefan: She should! It’s you who wanted to disturb the others. 

Mark: Aw, but they do want adventure, don’t they? 

Stephen: A reminder: Andrea may want, but maybe not his friends. 

Mark: You mean his minions. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: I thought she explained to you that Andrea’s not one of the mafia. 

Mark(slightly upset): HE SHOULD! Wearing those glasses all the time. 

[Meanwhile inside Rm 1922. Andrea and his companions are arguing about whether they should complain to Gracey or the receptionist.] 

Shlomo Mintz: I can’t be the only one who remembers that we’re leaving today. 

Jascha(to Andrea): So you don’t have to be so… well… so O. C. D, mister. 

Andrea(upset): YOU should understand! Tomorrow is the concert! 

[Jascha and Shlomo smile at each other.] 

[Back outside.] 

Mark(mock-whining): I WANT TICKETS! 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: Are you done? 

Mark: No. Andrea’s having a concert and we’re not joining?! No way, that’s not happening. 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen(languidly): I thought you couldn’t stand him? 

Mark(firmly): All I want is to join the concert, then maybe I’ll allow Gracey to make him a recurring character. I’m not saying he shouldn’t, since he already is. 

Stefan(to them both): Are you two really arguing like them? 

Stephen, Mark: ? 

[*Fine, this is more than boring. Let’s just skip to the part where the go to Starbucks, after having way-too-cliché seafood again.] 

[At Starbucks.] 

[Andrea isn’t with them because he had to get ready for the concert tomorrow.] 

Mark(to Gracey): CAAAAN WE JOIIIIN? 

Gracey: Andrea didn’t say so I’m not sure. 

[*After almost hours of arranging stuff, they settle down.] 

[PAUSE] 

Gracey(smiling at last): Now, announcement time! Tomorrow, we’re first joining Hina and company to see a musical, then watching Twelfth Night, a Shakespeare screening. 

[Jascha throws his arms in the air.] 

Jascha: YAHOOOOOOO~ 

Gracey(grinning now): Right! So… yeah, since YUKI is charging, let’s stay here. 

[They have coffee and pastries and stuff. Mark is still upset about not joining in the Andrea Bocelli concert.] 

[At Mark, Stephen, Stefan, and Shlomo’s corner.] 

Mark(sulking): He should’ve given us tickets, otherwise Gracey shouldn’t’ve even made him tell stories on Halloween. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(with dawning realization): TODAY’S AUG 3?! 

Shlomo: Yup. 

Stephen(after checking his iPhone, as usual): Righto. 

Stefan(to Mark): I’m so with you if it’s really Aug 3. Because tomorrow is the concert. Evening, I think. 

[Mark starts crying and he and Stefan hug each other.] 

[*OK, time skip. They’re now leaving Great Yarmouth and going back to Norwich.] 

[In the car. Gracey plays some music and Mark and Stefan are duet-ing.] 

[They sing the Beatles’ Nowhere Man.] 

Stefan(sings): Makin’ hiiiiiis nowhere plans, seeing what he wants ta see — isn’t he abiiiiiit like you and me~ 

Both(sings): NOOOOWHERE MAAAAAN, NO WORRIES; TAKE YO-UR TIME, NO HURRIES: NOWHERE MAAAN, THE WOOOOOOORLD IS AT YOUR COMMAAAAND(OH, LALALALA) 

[*This is basically what goes on until they arrive to their rest station, and later, when they finally continue on their journey, Gracey changes the song again, to Mark and Stefan’s dislike. Now it’s Stephen and Shlomo duet-ing.] 

[They sing Slip Slidin’ Away, by Simon & Garfunkel.] 

Stephen(sings): Sliiip slidin’ ‘way, slip slidin’ a-waaaay! Reach the fiinal destination allllll you slip slidin’ ‘way! 

Both(sings): Slip slidin’ ‘way! Slip slidin’ aaaa-waaaa-aaa-aaay! Reaching the destination all you slip slidin’ ‘wa-a-ay! 

[*This is kind of all that happened, so see you next time!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Hi, Gracey here. This actually happened yesterday, and yes, we’re back now :-) 
> 
> A/N 4: A minor spoiler: The next adventure is us going to see a musical and Shakespeare — two in one day! Soooooo… stay tuned x!


	52. Musicals and Shakespeare(or, A Bunch of Screenings In One Day)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi, this is Gracey, and I’m currently writing this in a restaurant. We’ve just finished seeing the musical and yeah, that’s all I can tell :-D

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[I am making breakfast while Mark Carwardine and Stephen Fry are arguing about what happened yesterday, before we came back.] 

Mark: Well, at least Andrea wouldn’t be a recurring character from now on! 

Stephen(deadpan): He can’t. Otherwise magically make him able to see? 

Mark(suddenly just as deadpan): Fine, you do that. You try having Gracey’s author powers! 

[That went on until I finished making breakfast and is eating.] 

[I’m playing Giuseppe Di Stefano on my laptop. Or rather, Mark is using my laptop to play his recent obsession, for some reason.] 

Me(to them): I wasn’t even supposed to make Andrea join us. The rehearsals totally slipped my mind. 

[Mark rolls his eyes at me.] 

Mark(to Stephen): Well, they should. 

Stephen(exasperated): Sorry to break it to you but he’s a singer. 

Mark: According to Jascha, he isn’t an actual opera singer, which Hina is. 

Stephen: Hina’s NOT, Mark. She WANTS to be one. 

Mark: If she can it’s beyond me. 

Stephen: ? 

Mark: She couldn’t really stand criticism and she loves writing stuff just as much as Gracey here. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: I don’t think I’d be writing much today, since I have to take you to the Place to meet up with Hina and her cronies. 

Stephen: Thought they’d come with us? 

[At that, KayEUndercover and her entourage appear. The members are TrilotEyes(Lorne), Hina herself, the_Music_Enthusiast(theMusicEnthusiast), and Tristan_Isolde_Melot.] 

[Lorne is wearing his signature Andrea Bocelli get-up, complete with aviators and all.] 

Lorne Marsh(shouting): ALL HAIL HINA AND COMPANAAAAAAY! 

Me(to myself): Now I regret my decision. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(screaming): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, ANDREA BOCELLI’S EVIL TWIN! HELP HELP HELP HELP!! 

Lorne(gently pushing up his aviators): Right, so… I’m kind of replacing Andrea today. 

[Mark does an exaggerated faint and falls into Hina’s arms.] 

Hina: … 

[PAUSE] 

Hansen Langneen: So let’s go! 

Lorne, Duncan Wayne, Hansen: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS! 

[We leave.] 

[On the way, Stephen wouldn’t stop complaining about things about his cousin, James May.] 

Lorne: Thought James was Andrea’s look-alike? 

Me: Well, he’s kind of Stephen’s look-alike as well. 

Lorne(clinging onto me Andrea Bocelli style): AWESOME! 

Duncan: I KNOW RIGHT 

Hansen: Still, you love him. 

[Stephen rolls his eyes at him, and he reciprocates.] 

[*Time skip. We ride the Tube, then we arrive.] 

[At the Shopping Mall.] 

Lorne, Duncan(with dawning realization): THIS PLACE IS GREAT! 

Me: Oh, I almost forgot! *I smile at them* We’ve got the Trio with us today, as well, so… yeah. 

[The Three Tenors, aka the Three, aka the Trio, aka the Fantastic Threesome, appears.] 

Three Tenors: HAAALLLLOOOOO PEOPLE! 

Me: OK! Now that we have everyone, let’s go! 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you that the musical was just plain weird. Now we have to go somewhere for an early lunch.] 

José Carreras(to me): Already? 

Plácido Domingo(beaming): YES! 

Luciano Pavarotti: You’re kind of rubbing off of those guys. *he points to Lorne, Duncan, and Hansen* 

[Mentioned trio are behaving like kids.] 

Plácido: Right. 

Luciano: So just listen to Gracey. 

José(to Plácido): Since when did HE become so obedient? 

[I interrupt before they can bicker.] 

Me: Fine, let’s go to some restaurant and… yeah. 

[We go to restaurant.] 

[*Explanation: The seating is kind of like this: Stephen, me, Mark, Hina, Lorne, Hansen, Duncan, José, Plácido, Luciano. Actually, it’s round table again, so basically Luciano is sandwiched between Plácido and Stephen.] 

[We have lunch.] 

[While we’re eating.] 

Mark: OK, announcement. I officially don’t think Wagner musicals are bananas anymore. 

Everyone else: … 

Me: So… maybe we’re going to Starbucks for our waiting of the next show. 

Stephen: Again? 

Me: Yes. 

[The Three jump out of their seats in excitement.] 

Them: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR STARBUCKS! ARE WE HAVIN’ PASTRIES FOR THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON, OR MAYBE SIPPING ON COFFEE TILL WE GET A CAFFEINE OVERDOSE? 

Me(rubbing my temples because of an oncoming headache): That’s dangerous. 

[José is about to ask when Plácido interferes.] 

Plácido(to Luciano): Careful, we’re no longer with Señor Bocelli anymore. 

Luciano: Aaaawww 

[*Here, I have to insert something — actually, we went for some kind of shopping spree before finally going to Starbucks.] 

[Watson’s is still everyone’s favorite place. :-D] 

[At Watson’s.] 

Me: OK, so now let’s get some water. 

Luciano: However you couldn’t drown yourself via drinking water is beyond me. 

Plácido(to no one in particular): Do I HAVE to explain that? 

José(grinning): Maybe. 

Plácido: It’ll be WAAAAY too QI. 

[They crack up.] 

Luciano, Me: ? 

José(to Plácido): TMI already, even before you start. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: EXACTLY what are you two on about? 

Luciano(to me): I swear, Gracey, they’ve watched WAY too much QI. 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’ve bought water, for EVERYONE, that is!] 

[We go to Starbucks.] 

[We order some drinks as well as occasional pastries.] 

Me: So most of you like the cinnamon buns as well? 

José: This is childish but true — it’s almost like Star Wars. 

Lorne(absolutely beaming): AAAAHHHH, I KNOW! LEIA’S HAIRSTYLE! THAT’S SICK, JOSÉ! 

Duncan: Nice. 

Me: OK, the word is quiet, remember? 

The Three: SI! 

[Hina and I exchange a glance.] 

Hina: Never dealt with problems like them? 

Me: Kind of. 

[Suddenly, everyone is in attention.] 

Me(sings, standing up): Something wrong, dealin’ with you, not in my expectations… 

Hina(sings): Silent gazes, gathering around… 

Us(in unison): ATTENTION! 

[Music starts playing.] 

Me(sings): Seeing you in centre attention… 

Hina(sings): Everything in our dreams! 

Me(sings): You never give us enough attention… 

Hina(sings): But we never cared! 

Us(sings, in unison): We’ve dealt with this, this and it’s temptations! And that, is just another problem with you! 

[We dance around our table as our group look at us stunned.] 

Plácido(sings): Never cared for, never needed… 

Luciano(sings): never have been, never inside… 

José(sings): It’s everything, everything and it’s temptations! We’re tempted to be with yooooooooooooooou~ 

All three: ‘CAUSE IT’S JUST ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH YOU! 

[Lights start flashing as if inside a disco.] 

Everyone in Starbucks: NEVER HAVING, NEVER RECIEVING, WHAT IS IT WE NEEEEED? 

Me(sings): Gathering in its temptations, it’s no longer my fault… 

Stephen(sings): ‘Cause it’s just another problem with you! 

[By this time, everyone is dancing and singing at the same time.] 

[Soon, the sight changes, and the music grows softer.] 

Hina(sings): Bathing in silence, in the regrets… 

Me(sings): And why, or how, can you blame me? 

Hina(sings): I don’t know, or is it no… 

Me(sings): ‘Cause it’s one of my faults as weeeeeeeelllllllllll~ 

Everyone: ATTENTION! 

Hina, Me(sings): Never enough, always suffering, can it ever end well? 

Me(spoken): IT WILL, because I say so! *sings* Will it end weeeeeellll? 

Hina(spoken): It will, because I say so! 

Both(sings): ‘CAUSE IT’S JUST ANOTHER PROBLEM WITH YOOOOOUUUUUUU! 

Everyone else: ATTENTION! 

Me(to Stephen): ‘Cause… that’s just another problem with you~ 

[*Soon, we’re back to normal.] 

[*Time skip. I should tell you what happened when we started watching the Shakespeare screening.] 

[We say goodbye to Hina and company.] 

Lorne(Andrea Bocelli voice): IT’S TIIIIIIIIME TO SAY GOOOOOOODBYYYYYYYYE, SAILIN’ MY SHIPS TO PLACES WE’VE NEVER BEEN: ‘CAUSE IT’S TIIIIIIIIIIME TO SAY GOOODBYYYYYYE, YOU AND MEEEEEEEE~ 

Me(slightly exasperated because of the musical earlier today): Cool, and see ya. 

Hina(smiling): Tell Andrea he should do a song called Time to Say See Ya. 

Lorne(shouting): SANG TO THE TUNE OF TIME TO SAY GOOD-BYE!!! 

[I make them disappear and the rest of us starts walking.] 

[We pass by the posters.] 

José, Luciano(shrieking): AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH MARK RYLANCE IS AWESOME! 

Me: You two sound like you’ve seen this. 

José(beaming): I’ve heard the cast is on fire while playing this. 

Luciano: It’s EXTREMELY slash-y, mind you, just a warning. 

Me: Fine! Let’s go! 

[We go into the theatre, which is full of people, almost like Starbucks.] 

[*NOTE: The seating order is like this, and also.. Mark Rylance is a guest star!!!!: Luciano - Plácido - José(“so I can pick up your heads for you when you laugh them off,” according to Mr. In-The-Middle) - Mark C - Stephen - me - our guest star, Mark Rylance :-)] 

Me(smiling): Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Mark. 

Mark R: Thanks for havin’ me :-D 

[Show starts.] 

[*Time skip. We’re watching the part where Malvolio gets unknowingly manipulated.] 

[Mark C is having trouble controlling his laughing.] 

Mark C(absolutely beaming and shouting): THIS IS FREAKIN’ GOLD! 

Stephen: No way am I like that when performing. 

Me: Aaaaawwww. 

[The Marks try to interrupt but they both collapse into laughing all over again.] 

[*Time skip again. Now it’s intermission.] 

José(whining): AAAWWW WHYYYY? 

Mark R(smirking): CLIFFHANGER! 

Me: I hate cliffhangers now. 

Stephen: I hate all of you now. 

[Luciano and Mark C are about to die laughing if the show starts now.] 

[*OK, that’s it for now, because Stephen is ignoring me for tonight xD. Still, stay tuned to the next chapter, because — MORE SHAKESPEARE SCREENING FUN IS COMING! :-D :-D :-D :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: OK, this actually happened. Everyone in the Shakespeare play was on fire, I tell you! And as usual, actor Stephen Fry was unrecognizable — I didn’t realize it was him until intermission xD. Still, not bad for someone who’s not a Thespian :-) 
> 
> A/N 3: But don’t expect a Stephen Fry/Ian McKellen/Patrick Stewart Shakespeare collaboration any time soon, because Pat and Ian would be WAY too professional xDxD. 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, I kind of feel bad for Malvolio now — he’s been humiliated way too hard *hugs* 
> 
> A/N 5: And again, I couldn’t believe how much QI material was inside! The slash and fem-slash implications were way too much. And thanks to that, I’m now a Stephen Fry/Mark Rylance shipper, as well as a Viola/Olivia shipper — actually, it’s too difficult not shipping all the actors!


	53. Random Shakespeare Adventures(or, Time With Stefan, Stephen, and Gracey)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi and welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! Today, we’re going to see some more screenings, so hold on to your hats!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

[We’re having breakfast when I have an announcement.] 

Me: OK, I have an announcement — we’re going to go see TWO Shakespeare screenings today, so prepare yourselves, people. 

[My guests for today, Stefan Mickisch and Stephen Fry, look up.] 

Both: We know, Gracey, tell us something we DON’T know. 

Me: Welllll… today is Hamlet and… well, I think Richard II. 

Stephen(smirking at Stefan): AKA the prequel to Richard III, HAH! 

[I smile at that.] 

Me: Well, actually we’re having some more guests today, and it’s actor Keanu Reeves and violinist Maurizio Sciarretta. 

Stefan: Maurizio is annoying. 

Stephen: In fact, Keanu and Maurizio isn’t the only ones — Zakhar Bron comes in this as well. 

Stefan: *WUT* 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’re at the shopping center.] 

[We’re on the way to our first screening as we pass by Venchi’s, where we find violinists Zakhar Bron and Maurizio Sciarretta.] 

[*Another thing, I didn’t bring money today, unfortunately, neither the subway card, and that’s why I had to transport everyone here. Also, we’re getting MORE visitors soon, and Stephen and Stefan are bantering Sir Toby-Sir Andrew-Fabian style about that, only minus Fabian because.] 

Stephen: So who’re the guests? 

Stefan: I think Michael Crawford and Steve Barton are coming, so are Hugh Laurie and Alan Rickman. Also, maybe even some more singers she likes. Keanu seems to be in the line-up as well. 

Stephen: … 

Stefan(beaming): THAT’S WHY IT’S AWESOME! 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: So how long are they staying? 

Stefan: According to Gracey, they may be staying for around… 2 weeks or so? Mark will throw a fit if he knows *giggle* 

Stephen(smirking): Welp, good luck to Gracey then. 

[Here, Stefan gets way animated.] 

Stefan: And you ready for more news? According to Gracey, Hina, aka KayEUndercover, isn’t really reliable when coming to people in her story. 

Stephen: ? 

Stefan: If Gracey invites Hugh and Alan, that means everyone else is coming, so she has to make sure everyone has a place to stay in her mansion. 

[Meanwhile, at Zakhar and Maurizio’s corner.] 

Me: So, here you guys are. Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Zakhar, and welcome BACK, to CUI, Maurizio. 

[They both beam at me.] 

Maurizio(to Zakhar): Thought CUI was a singer. 

[I face-palm myself and they have trouble controlling their laughing.] 

Me: OK, we’d better hurry over there, since we’re watching two shows at once. 

[PAUSE] 

Maurizio, Zakhar: WHAT? 

Me: ? 

Zakhar: Two shows at once? 

Me: Not literally. 

Maurizio: Kinda figuratively. 

[At that, I rub my temples because of an oncoming headache.] 

Me(exasperated): Can we leave now? 

Zakhar: AW GRACEY 

[I drag them, as well as Stephen and Stefan, outta Venchi’s.] 

Me: Enough of Italian cuisine for you guys. 

Maurizio: But home is awesome. 

Me: Sorry to break it to you, but you’re in the UK now, mister. 

[Maurizio cries his eyes out.] 

[I hug him.] 

Me: Awww, maybe Keanu has popcorn for us. 

[Everyone jumps up at that.] 

Everyone: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR POPCORN! 

[We finally go on our way.] 

[*Time skip. We’re in the movie theatre.] 

[Keanu had ordered juice for everyone again, and the seating is like this: Keanu - Me - Stephen - Stefan - Maurizio - Zakhar.] 

Keanu: HALLO AGAIN, GRACEY! 

Me: Hiya. 

[Immediately everyone starts whispering.] 

Stefan(to no one in particular): I kinda missed Bill and Ted. 

Maurizio(Keanu Reeves impersonation): SURE THING HEEEEEEEEERE, DUDE! 

Keanu(deadpan, as usual): Hilarious, mister Sciarretta. 

Maurizio(not even getting sarcasm): I KNOW RIGHT 

Me(to Keanu): You have to excuse them, because of their… well, they hardly know the rules of being in this story. 

[At that, Keanu changes the subject.] 

Keanu(brisk): OK, about Hamlet. You know the plot, so it’ll be way fun. 

Me: Right. 

Stephen: Right-o. 

[PAUSE] 

Keanu: And it’s one of my faves as well. 

Me: Nice. 

Stefan(to us): Sorry to break it to you but it’s starting. 

[Screening starts.] 

o-o-o 

[*Time skip. Now we’ve reached the To Be Or Not to Be moment.] 

Keanu(to me): You know, I think they merged the acts together. 

Me(hardly even listening): Righto. 

[Beside me, Stephen cackles into Stefan’s shoulder.] 

Keanu(hissing): EVER HEARD OF QUIET? 

Stephen(Oscar Wilde impersonation): Of course. And ever heard of not talking to your — 

[I elbow them both.] 

Me: Cut it out, both of you. 

[They both ignore me.] 

[*Time skip again. Apparently Keanu is right about the merging.] 

[Now it’s intermission.] 

Me: OK, now it’s intermission. 

Everyone: HURRAY FOR INTERMISSION! 

Me: I thought you enjoyed this. 

Maurizio: Kind of, but with ice cream. 

[I face-palm myself for the second time that day.] 

Me: OK, so I think David Tennant is joining us for the next show, because. 

[Maurizio and Stefan both jump up and punch air.] 

Stefan and Maurizio: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR DOCTOR WHO! DOCTOR WHO IS THE MOST AWESOME SHOW EVAH! 

[Again, I rub my temples because of a headache.] 

Keanu(still deadpan): It’s a miracle that Gracey can stand you two. 

Me(to him): That’s why I suffer from headaches extremely often. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how did Richard II go.] 

[At the movie theatre for Richard II.] 

[We arrive to our seats, where David is waiting already.] 

David Tennant: Hi, I’m David Tennant, the guest star for your second screening. Because I’m awesome as Richard II. 

Stephen(to himself): SHOW-OFF. 

[Stefan and Zakhar collapses into laughing all over again.] 

Maurizio(smug): You’re just jealous that you didn’t be in this wonderful show. 

Stefan(to him): And since he isn’t, you know that most people tune into QI just because of his chemistry with Alan Davies. 

[At that, I finally interrupt.] 

Me: OK, before Stephen and you two start a war because you two are Whovians, let’s just see how Ten do. 

David: Ten? 

Stefan(beaming): YOU’RE NO. 10. YAAYYYYYYYYY~ 

Me(irritated): ENOUGH! 

[They quiet down and the show starts.] 

[The slideshow shows medieval architecture and before I can get this story in control, a plague doctor appears.] 

Stefan, Zakhar, Maurizio: OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH~ 

Me: This isn’t even SUPPOSED to happen! 

Plague Doctor(in gravelly voice): I am the plague doctor… you have the — 

[Before he could continue, I make him disappear.] 

Me: Too early for that, mister. 

[*Time skip. Part 1 was OK, but Stefan and Zakhar’s excited yelping wasn’t.] 

[I curl up and tries to sleep since I’m way too exhausted.] 

Maurizio: Seems like late night shows aren’t for her. 

David: Well, Sci Fi is. 

Stephen(smug): Like Star Trek and whatnot, since she watches those with Erika way too often. 

[I bolt awake at that one.] 

Me(sternly): No I don’t. She’s a Star Trek fan, I’m not. And I share the same sentiments as you do if you said that DW is for… well… you know… adolescents. 

David(to Stephen): ??!! 

Maurizio(to Zakhar and Stefan): Uh-oh 

Me(before they could even begin any form of fight): Everyone has their own opinions, OK?! 

David(still glaring at Stephen): NOT OK! 

Stephen(glaring back): YES OK! 

David: NO OK! 

Stephen: YES OK! 

David: NOT! 

Stephen: YES! 

David: NO! 

Both: YES/NO 

[*That’s kind of what went on during intermission.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re watching part 2.] 

Stephen: Is it just me, or is the prequel not as fun as the sequel? 

[I elbow him quiet.] 

David(patronizingly): Is the original of Cell Mates better or is the remake better? I HONESTLY don’t know. 

[Here, I have to elbow HIM quiet as well.] 

Me(to both of them): It’s beyond me how you two had such cool chemistry when on QI, series… well… I couldn’t remember. 

Stephen: Ever heard of pretending? 

David(to me): That was before he cussed Doctor Who. 

Me: Right. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’m stopping here. David and Stephen should have some time to make peace; soooo… see ya! Tomorrow, I’m taking them swimming, a la Great Yarmouth! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. The Partner was way too stressed out by some unexpected visitors and she forgot her cash, subway card, etc. What else is next, I ask you? Also, I was indeed way too exhausted that day, and starving after the first screening — seems like Benedict’s strange habit is contagious lol(he mentioned that he is always starving after a show). 
> 
> A/N 3: AnysCake requested Benedict Cumberbatch to be a guest star, so he may or may not appear. Please stand by…


	54. Swimming and Puttin' On the Ritz(or, Great Yarmouth Revisited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: BUUUUUUUUOOOOONGIORNO, dear readers! This is Maurizio Sciarretta for your first A/N! No spoilers, but it seems like Gracey is feeling generous today… read on!

(Gracey POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

[Things are getting strained between conservationist Mark Carwardine and actor Stephen Fry for some reason.] 

Me(to myself): Can they not fight for once in their lives? 

Stephen, Mark: NO WAY! 

[I ignore them.] 

[*Short time skip. Everyone(re: Stephen, Mark, and our guests for today) are all coming to swim in my pool paradise again. A la chapters 49 and 50.] 

[On the way.] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli is clutching onto me and trying to skip at the same time, while Mark and Stephen are now shouting at each other because of Wagner.] 

Me: PEOPLE! 

[As usual, they ignore me.] 

Mark(snidely): Welp! If your noise tolerance is just as low as Andrea’s, don’t even dream of watching Klingon Hamlet. 

Stephen(just as snidely): As if I AM. 

Mark: YOU ARE! 

Stephen: AM NOT! 

[Well, that’s kinda it.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re at the swim place.] 

[We change and go out to the pool, where Andrea is waiting for us already, with violinist Maurizio Sciarretta.] 

Me(sighing in exasperation): Oh please give me a break… 

Maurizio, Andrea(beaming): NO WAY! THE ADVENTURE’S JUST STARTIN’ — WOOOOOOOO~ 

[I rub my temples because of an oncoming headache, as usual.] 

[*A short time skip. Now we’re swimming. Andrea and Maurizio are trying to hold a surfing competition in my wave pool.] 

Me(pulling out my snorkel snout): Can you guys be careful, PLEASE? Don’t kill yourselves — ESPECIALLY YOU, MR. BOCELLI!! 

Andrea(hardly even listening): YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~ 

Maurizio(shouting back): NO WORRIES, GRACEY, I’LL LOOK OUT FOR HIM! 

[At that moment, Andrea falls splash into water.] 

[I look away because it’s getting embarrassing. To see more, refer to chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re pondering where to have lunch.] 

Maurizio(to me, sweetly): What time is it? 

Me: No idea. Ummmmm… 12? -Ish? 

Maurizio(smiling to Andrea): Then there’s set menus! 

Andrea(smiling back): Aaawwww~ 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(beaming): AWESOME! MAYBE WE CAN GO TO RADA AGAIN! 

Stephen: Fair enough. 

Maurizio, Andrea: AAAAAWWWWW PEOPLE! 

[*NOTE: Maurizio and Andrea had taken to call Stephen and Mark ‘people’ for reasons unknown, so don’t ask.] 

Me: Fine. 

o-o-o 

[Stephen and Mark go to RADA, while Andrea and Maurizio drag me to Via Roma, again.] 

Me: I hate both of you. 

Maurizio: Aawww, you love us. 

Me: Since when did you two get an alliance? 

Andrea(beaming): Since now! 

[They high-five in a typical Italian fashion.] 

[I roll my eyes as we go look for a table.] 

[This time, we’re next to the window, again, like during Via visit no. 2.] 

Maurizio: WOOOOOOOOO, WINDOW SEAT FTW! 

Andrea(to me): And that, is what I call extreme euphoria from swimming. 

Maurizio: SWIMMING — WOOOOOOO~ 

Me(to Andrea): Seems like I have to deal with Mark Carwardine number 2. 

Andrea: ? 

Me: You do remember how over-enthusiastic he was during the adventure in Great Yarmouth, don’t you. 

Andrea: Right. 

[We order food and we eat.] 

Me(sipping on my water): Now this water tastes interesting. 

Maurizio: WWOOOOOOOOOOOOO, CHEMISTRY! 

Andrea: You need therapy because. 

[Since I’m sitting right next to Maurizio, I elbow him in the ribs before he could cheer some more.] 

Me: The word is ‘QUIET’, mister. 

[Andrea sniggers behind his hand. Maurizio glares at him and I glare at them both.] 

[We eat in peace.] 

[*Time skip. We have to take the Tube back.] 

Me: OK, so now let’s take the Tube back. 

Maurizio(still suffering from Italian cuisine high): And hello, Homesickness. 

Me: ? 

Andrea: … 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea: Right. 

Me(rubbing my temples because of a massive headache, from Maurizio’s shouting): Can we go now? 

Them(exasperated): FINE 

[*Short time skip. We ride the Tube.] 

[On the Tube.] 

Me: OK, Maurizio, I have to tell you this, so don’t get excited just yet — you’re joining us again for tomorrow’s Shakespeare Screening. 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air, narrowly missing Andrea): WOOOOOOOOO SHAKESPEARE SCREENING! 

Me: SILENCE! 

[He quiets down.] 

[*Time skip. Since we’re back early, I have another announcement.] 

[My house.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, another announcement! Maybe we’re going swimming again tomorrow, then going to see the next Screening. 

Mark, Stephen: Another screening? 

Maurizio, Andrea(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOO, SWIMMING! 

[I ignore both parties.] 

Me: Kind of. Trust me, I don’t want to either, but apparently it’s inevitable. 

[Everyone groan in annoyance at that one. And that’s kinda it for now, so stay tuned for tomorrow! :-D :-D :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. Whatever there is between Hina, aka KayEUndercover and her Partner, I don’t know and I don’t want to know. Also, yes, we did go to Via again yesterday, and now, thanks to that, I’m craving for Korean cuisine xD. 
> 
> A/N 3: The next chapter will be about things happening today(Jul 7), so please stand by… 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, I might not update as often, just as a reminder! Because now I’m incredibly busy and have to cook up things for the guests in the story to do.


	55. More Shakespeare... Wait, no, MUSICAL(??????!!!!!!) Screenings and Random Adventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What ho, readers! This is Stefan Mickisch for your first A/N. OK, so today we went to see another musical with KayEUndercover and her entourage, and yeah, that’s kinda it. So… to know further, read this chapter. Otherwise, don’t. 
> 
> A/N 2: Also, Gracey owes y’all an apology — Maurizio is joining in the next adventure, after this one, so don’t get confused by the previous chap!

(theChaplinfangirl POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My study. I am writing some of my original works when Richard Wagner glides in through the walls, then materializes in front of me.] 

Richard: Guten Morgen, Gracey, seems like it’s quiet today. 

[I look up.] 

Me: True, because today I’m taking them either swimming first, then join KayEUndercover to see a musical, or just go with Kay and no swimming until way later. 

Richard: Fair enough, and where’re they? 

Me: Most of them are listening to another master-class held in my theatre, with Goodfishes #’s 2 and 3. And yes, today, #2 and #3 are guests, as well as Zakhar and Maurizio. 

Richard(deadpan): You know Italians are over-rated, Gracey, and I can never see the appeal of them. 

Me: True, but apparently Kay enjoys their company. 

[Meanwhile, in my theatre.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry and pianist Stefan Mickisch are in the middle of the master-classes.] 

[PAUSE] 

Goodfishes #2: OK, an introduction of us. We’re Goodfishes No.s 2 and 3, and apparently #1 isn’t here today. 

Stephen(deadpan): Goodfishes? 

Stefan(mock-exasperated): You remember Gracey explaining it to us? A parody of Goodfellas. 

Goodfishes #2: O…k 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Stefan(to no on in particular): Where is Gracey anyways? 

Maurizio Sciarretta: Thought you knew — she’s writing her original stories again. 

Zakhar Bron: She should be a novelist or a screenwriter, isn’t it? 

Maurizio: Too true it hurts. 

Stephen: Welp. We’d better go back to the house and look for her. 

Stefan: Righto. See you two later. 

Stephen: I hope not. 

[Back in my house. The study.] 

[Oscar Wilde appears.] 

Oscar: Gracey, seems like your guests are coming back to the house. 

Me: WHAT 

Oscar(smiling): Yup. 

[All of a sudden, the door to my bedroom crashes open, startling Oscar, Richard, and me.] 

Stefan(from my room): Where the hell is she? 

Stephen(also from my room): I have ZERO idea. 

Me(to Richard): We’d better be EXTREMELY quiet and hope they won’t find us. 

[We hear feet running out of my room and straight into the master-bedroom.] 

[Oscar and Richard are on the brink of laughing out loud.] 

Me(whispering): No laughing allowed. We don’t want them to know we’re in here. 

Richard: Then we’d better hide because they’ll look for us here next. 

[We hide behind some shelves and under my Teachers’ Desk.] 

[Right on cue, they run in here.] 

Stephen(shouting): GRACEY? 

Me(to Richard): Why, you’re right. Also, I pity my ears. 

[Richard collapses into laughing into my hair with me elbowing him quiet, just in case we lose the hide-and-seek game.] 

Stefan(to Stephen): She couldn’t’ve been abducted by Andrea Bocelli and gang. 

Stephen: Now you’re sounding like Mark. 

Stefan(sarcastically): Awesome. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: You don’t think she could’ve left? 

Me(to Richard): Maybe they’d think I left, since I left my laptop above us. 

Richard: Let’s hope so. 

Stephen(to Stefan): That’s EXTREMELY possible. 

Stefan: Fair enough, I’d just call her. 

[I look stunned at Richard.] 

Me: I left my cell phone in the living room. Busted. 

Richard: Maybe they’d think you didn’t take your cell phone, whatever that is? 

Me(in relief): You’re sharp as a tack, Rich. 

[Richard smiles in a Stephen Fry approved manner at me.] 

[My ringtone starts, from the living room.] 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: She didn’t bring her phone. 

[Richard and I beam at each other.] 

Stefan: … 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Stefan(slightly frustrated): Really, where is she? 

Stephen(calmly): She could’ve gone to the Town Hall. You know she likes to go there when she doesn’t have any inspiration. I think she went there. 

Stefan: Now you’re sounding like Gracey herself. 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: Or maybe she went to Alan’s place? Or Hugh’s place? 

[They run out of the study at that one.] 

[The rest of us continue to hide for 10 seconds before coming out of our hiding places.] 

Me(sighing in relief): That was a close one. 

Oscar: Thought they’d find us. 

Richard(beaming): BUT NO WORRIES, THEY DIDN’T! 

Me: They’re sure to know we’ve played a prank on them at this rate. 

Richard: ? 

Oscar(to him): No shouting allowed. YET. 

o-o-o 

[Later that day, we’re having singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and conservationist Mark Carwardine joining us.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, so Mark and Andrea are joining us briefly, then the latter is leaving because. 

[Mentioned people arrive.] 

Me: Welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance. 

Stephen, Stefan: Welcome back. 

Mark, Andrea(in unison): AWESOME TO BE BACK/Thanks for having me :-D! 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(to Stephen): The thing is, we have to re-fix the music player. 

Stephen(to no one in particular): Right, almost forgot, since things are hectic these days. 

Me(exasperated): Fine, then we couldn’t go swimming. 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Stefan: SWIMMING AGAIN? 

Andrea: Didn’t she say she’s been craving for Korean cuisine? 

Stefan: Ach-so… 

Me: Also, later today, we have to join KayEUndercover for the musical screening. 

Mark(to himself): Wonderful. 

Me(grinning): I know right 

Mark(deadpan): Actually, not awesome at all. 

Me: Aaawww 

[*Time skip. Now it’s time to go, and we leave.] 

[Again, we’re taking the Tube. This time, I’ve got TrilotEyes, the_MusicEnthusiast (the_musicenthusiast), Tristan_Isolde_Melot (TristanIsoldeMelot), KayEUndercover, Mark, Stefan, Stephen, and myself.] 

Mark: No guest stars? 

Me: In fact, not today. 

[Mark jumps up and punches air.] 

Mark: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR NO GUEST STARS! GRACEY, CAN WE HAVE THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY FROM NOW ON? 

Me: Don’t count on it, because we may be having visitors VERY soon. 

Mark: Aaaawwwww~ 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how things went when I take Stephen and Mark to Starbucks, since they want some coffee and/or hot chocolate.] 

Stephen, Mark: HURRAY FOR STARBUCKS, GRACEY! MAYBE WE CAN HAVE THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY FROM NOW ON? 

Me: No way, and stop shouting, please. 

TrilotEyes: Don’t give her another headache, otherwise she’ll invite more guests, isn’t it, Gracey? 

the_MusicEnthusiast (the_musicenthusiast): Let’s hope not. 

[We order drinks, then leave.] 

[Mark and Stephen are upset at me.] 

Them: PLEEEEEASE CAN WE STAY FOR TWO MINUTES? 

Me(rubbing my temples because of an oncoming headache): No, because the show is almost starting. 

Them: AAAAWW GRACEEYYYY 

[*Time skip. Now we’re in the movie theatre and we’re watching SkyArts commercials again.] 

[All of a sudden, Wagner and Me forum flashes up again.] 

Me: AAahh, Wagner and Me forum! 

[Stephen pinches me hard.]

Me: OW! 

[I elbow him back in the ribs.] 

Stefan(deadpan): People… 

[Show starts and we watch.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, let’s just say the show is… well, SLIGHTLY(read: EXTREMELY) cliché. Now we’re supposed to go back to my house.] 

Me: OK, let’s navigate this place and maybe go to the bathroom because I have to fix my make-up. 

KayEUndercover: This show is even weirder than the first musical. 

TrilotEyes: And the ending was even crazier. 

the_musicenthusiast: This is by Stephen Sondheim. Anything Sondheimian should be… well, CLICHÉ, not really crazy. 

[Mark, Stephen, Stefan, and I are walking in front of them, and they are behind us, just a reminder.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot: Never knew you were a Sondheim fan. 

TrilotEyes: More like a Bocelli fan. 

[PAUSE] 

[Stephen and Mark, as well as Stefan, turn around abruptly.] 

Stephen(dramatically sings): Fanning in, fanning out… long live the fandom in the univeeeeeerrrrrrrrse! 

Mark(sings): Tuning in the television, listening to the radio, what does it mean? 

Stefan(spoken): Obsession! 

All three(sings): Evenings in the house, tuning to the news, watching everything that gets to yoooooooouuuuuuuu 

Stephen(spoken): One, 

Mark(spoken): And two, 

Stefan(spoken): And three, 

All three(spoken): AND ONE, AND TWO, AND THREE AND GO! 

[They move behind and besides Lorne and Hina.] 

Mark(sings): Joining in the fandom… 

TrilotEyes, KayEUndercover: What? 

Stephen(sings): More messages and gossip… 

TrilotEyes, KayEUndercover: Great! 

Me(sings): Wanting to tune in to comment… 

Stephen(spoken): DON’T! 

Mark(sings): Unspoken fears, things never known, private lives no longer yooooooouuuuuuuuurs~ 

Stefan(sings): Why should we caaaaaaare? 

Stephen(sings): Just let the infatuation speak… 

Mark(sings): Just drown in the feeliiiiings… 

All three(sings): And why shouldn’t you? 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen(sings): ‘Cause everything’s on the count of… 

Mark(spoken): One, 

Stephen(spoken): And two, 

Stefan(spoken): And three… 

All three(spoken): AND ONE, AND TWO, AND THREE, AND GO! 

[Disco lights flash as we dance, and the ghosts of our younger selves take our place.] 

Young Mark(sings): Joinin’ in the fandom… 

Young Stephen(sings): More messages an’ gossip… 

Young Stefan(sings): Wanting to comment on everythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing~ 

All three(spoken): Don’t! 

Young Stephen(sings): Unspoken fears, things never known to public, private lives no longer yooooooouuuuuuuurs~ 

Young Mark(sings): But the publicity is YOURS! 

Young Stefan(sings): And why should we ca-a-a-a-aaaare? 

All three(sings): ‘Cause everything’s startin’ on the count of… 

Young Stephen(spoken): One, 

Young Mark(spoken): And two, 

Young Stefan: And three… 

All three(spoken): And ONE, AND TWO, AND THREE AND GO! 

[The past and the present mix and everyone dances with their past selves, until the song ends.] 

[*Time skip. What happened later is way too weird to write, so I guess this is everything. See ya, and yes, the next chapter is MOAR Shakespeare! :-D :-D :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: I regret watching Follies because of the song. 
> 
> A/N 4: And yes, this actually happened, but the song didn’t, unfortunately. Still, cliché musicals are out, and Shakespeare awesomeness is IN! ~G


	56. King Lear(or, Swimming and Shakespeare Never(Or Do They?) Mix)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hiya, and welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance. This time, King Lear is in. Whatever happens, read on, please. 
> 
> A/N 2: And yes, swimming is first, because I’m eccentric.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. I’m about to make an announcement and singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and actor Stephen Fry are pondering about my sanity.] 

Me: OK, announcement. Today, we’re swimming first, then shopping, and then, watching the third Shakespeare Screening. 

[Andrea jumps up and punches air.] 

Andrea: HURRAY FOR SWIMMING! ARE WE GOIN’ TO YER SWIM PARADISE, AND MAYBE SURFIN’ AGAIN? 

Stephen(incredulous): Seriously? 

Andrea(beaming): SÌ! 

Stephen: … 

Me(to Andrea): Yes, and no, I think you should lay off surfing, because you nearly crashed into some others last time. 

Stephen: Right, and the ‘some others’ are Mark and myself. 

[FLASHBACK] 

[At my swimming paradise, violinist Maurizio Sciarretta and Andrea are holding a surfing competition, as usual, and I am watching them.] 

Me(turning to Mark, who is playing Shark with Stephen): OK, now they’re surfing towards us if we’re also in the wave pool. 

Mark(surfacing and pulling out his snorkel snout): WOOOOOHOOOOOO, GRACEY, METHINKS I LOVE ME SOME SURFIN’! 

Me(rolling my eyes): Enough of your Edwardian language. 

[He ignores me and waves at the surfers.] 

Mark(hollering his head off): WHAT HO, ANDREA AND MAURIZIO! 

[As expected, Maurizio and Andrea get distracted.] 

Maurizio, Andrea: WHAT HO, MARK! 

Andrea(shouting): THIS IS AWESOME! 

[He accidentally slides onto the slippery floor and crashes right into Mark and Stephen, the latter who just materialized in the middle of Mark and self.] 

[All three fall splash into water in a swirl of bubbles.] 

Water: SPLASH! 

Andrea, Mark, Stephen(screaming): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH — BLUBBLUBBLUBB~ 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

Andrea(nostalgically): GRACEYYY, CAN WE SURF AGAIN, PLEEEEASE WITH TOMATO SAUCE ON IT? 

Me: No, unless you and Maurizio swear not to kill each other. 

Andrea(whining): We won’t! 

Me: You WILL! 

Andrea: WON’T! 

Me: WILL! 

Andrea: WON’T! 

[Things go on like this all the way till we had to leave.] 

[This time, it’s YUKI driving us again. And yes, Maurizio is a guest star, again, as well as Mark Carwardine.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re on the way to the paradise.] 

Maurizio(shouting): HURRAY, WE’RE SURFIN’ AGAIN! 

Mark(also shouting): METHINKS THIS IS AWESOME DEVELOPMENT! 

Me(shouting above them): DO YOU HAVE TO USE EDWARDIAN LANGUAGE, MARK? 

Mark(finally quieting down): Methinks yes. 

[I sigh in exasperation and tries to sleep.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re at my paradise.] 

[We change and go to the pool, and as usual, Maurizio, Andrea, and Mark have their surf boards with them.] 

Me(ignoring them): OK, now it’s up to us to have fun without surfing. 

Mark(shouting): BUT METHINKS SURFIN’ IS AWESOME! 

Me(irritated): The surfing’s not the problem, the problem is your current frequent use of Edwardian slang. 

Mark: It’s called Shakespearean Slang. 

Me: One more of that and you’re P.G.Wodehouse. 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOO WODEHOUSE! 

[I sigh in exasperation and make actor Hugh Laurie appear, because I need someone to keep my sanity in check.] 

Me(exhausted even before we started swimming): Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Hugh. 

Hugh Laurie(beaming): Thanks for having me!! :-D :-D 

Me: Now, we’re the ones who’re swimming normally, because those four *I point to Stephen, Mark, Andrea, and Maurizio, whom are still cheering like they just saw Croatia win the World Cup finals* are behaving like lunatics. Stephen, a la Malvolio. 

Hugh(smirking): I TOLD you he’s perfect for Malvolio, din’t I? 

Me: Right. 

[Hugh and I swim normally as the others shout and cheer like they’re in a nightclub.] 

[*To see further references of the swimming situation, please read chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re wondering where to have lunch. And yes, Hugh Laurie is the guest star for today’s Shakespeare screening! :-D] 

Hugh(to me): Aren’t you having Italian cuisine, as usual? 

Me: No way, ‘cause I’m sick of it already, and wouldn’t want to have it even when in a famine of food. 

Andrea: Aaaaawwwwww 

Me(to Hugh): And for some reason, Mr. Bocelli is behaving WAY too out of character. 

Hugh(absolutely beaming): WHAT ELSE IS NEW, GRACEY?! THIS IS COMPLETE AND UTTER IGNORANCE, JUST A REMINDER, AND WASN’T OOC YOUR OBJECTIVE? (YEAH!) 

[Beatles music start, and both Hugh and Andrea starts singing to the tune of She Loves Me.] 

Andrea, Hugh(sings): BIN OOC YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! BIN OOC YEAH, YEAH, YEAH~ 

Stephen(deadpan): What is this? 

[I rub my temples because of a massive migraine, thanks to their singing of Being OOC, to the tune of the Beatles’ She Loves Me.] 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’re going shopping, and Hugh is with Stephen and Mark, while Andrea is clinging onto Maurizio because Maurizio has to be his eyes for now.] 

[Our group passes the drinks section.] 

Me(to myself): Hmmm, seems like Stephen and Hugh already chose a San Benedetto. 

Andrea(throwing one of his arms in the air because he’s busy clinging onto Maurizio via another): SAN BENEDETTO — WOOOOOOOO~ 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Better find them. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you what happened after we went to our café we’re staying temporarily at.] 

[We ordered some pastries and coffee and hot coco.] 

Me: Now this feels like when we were at Great Yarmouth. 

Hugh: Great Yarmouth? 

Stephen(self-satisfied, as usual): The northern part of Norfolk. According to Gracey and some of her guest stars, it was… well… 

Mark(through mouthfuls of blueberry muffin): Awfsome. 

Hugh: ? 

Stephen: Awesome. 

Me: It was. 

[FLASHBACK] 

[Great Yarmouth. Seaside.] 

[I’m watching Mark and Andrea splash and having fun in the sea with Jascha Heifetz.] 

Me(closing my eyes): Ah, peace. 

Jascha(also closing his eyes): True, and it wouldn’t last long once they come back up here. 

Me: Right, and we’re leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow evening, that is. 

[Stephen nearly falls onto the sand.] 

Stephen: Now I’m upset. 

Jascha(in my ear): As always, since depression never really leaves you. 

Me(exasperated): Please, Jascha and Stephen… 

Them: ? 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

Me(finishing the story): It would’ve been better if we stayed longer. 

Hugh: Next time you should. 

Me: Next time I’m taking you and Alan, maybe even Robert and Colin as well. 

Hugh(smiling): Aren’t they in your line-up for the Visitors episode? 

Me(shushing him before Mark and Stephen could register): No spoilers, PLEASE! 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is all we did in the café, other than drinking our drinks and eating pastries.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re in the movie theatre, ready for the King Lear screening.] 

[Again, Maurizio is the guest star! :-D] 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOO SHAKESPEARE SCREENING! 

Mark(agreeing): WOOOOOOOO~ 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to Hugh): I kind of regret not taking Maurizio to Great Yarmouth. 

Hugh(Stephen Fry style): Aaawwwww~ 

[*OK, a note: This is the seating order — Stephen - Me - Hugh - Maurizio - Mark. Mark and Stephen should be separate, and Hugh and Stephen should be separate as well, because.] 

Stephen(grinning at me with mirth): Seems like you made Maurizio and Mark sit together. 

Me(to myself): Please can he ever tell me something I don’t know? 

Hugh(grinning): OF COURSE NOT! 

Me(glaring at him): Now I regret making you join us. 

Hugh(with puppy eyes): Aaww 

[*That’s what happened before the show started.] 

[Show starts and we watch.] 

[*Things are EXTREMELY dramatic, and that extended to my group during intermission.] 

[*Time skip. Now it’s intermission.] 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOOO INTERMISSION! 

Maurizio(also jumping up and punching air): METHINKS INTERMISSION IS MORE THAN AWESOME! 

Me(to Stephen): Now both of them are speaking in Edwardian slang, a la Bertie Wooster. 

Hugh(grinning at me): He should. 

Stephen(to me): Now you know how Jeeves feel when Bertie’s with his Drones Club besties. 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m having a massive migraine from Maurizio and Mark’s cheering and shouting): Way too true. 

[*OK, another time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just say that the show was… well-acted, and… uh… EXTREMELY DISTURBINGLY DRAMATIC.] 

[*And since I’m lazy, as mentioned, I’m leaving you with this. On the day after tomorrow, I’ll be inviting more guest stars and we’re watching another comedy, so expect MORE OOC-ness! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened. We went swimming first, then shopping for water and veggies and whatnot, then went shopping for water(again), and FINALLY went to Starbucks, where I finished writing the previous chapter. 
> 
> A/N 4: I really think the acting wasn't as good as Julius Caesar… maybe it’s just me, because sometimes, the original costumes are way too distracting and makes you think less of the acting and more of the dress-up. Still, if you haven’t seen it, I do recommend it — even though it may be way too dramatic and involves A LOT of over-acting xD!


	57. Troubles In Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is entirely random since the Partners have been arguing for half of today. And yes, this chapter is skippable, so… yeah, read at your own risk :-)

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. Actor Stephen Fry and conservationist Mark Carwardine and I are having breakfast, and guest star Elliot Spencer, aka Stephen’s current Significant Other, is gathering the clothes for himself.] 

Me(to myself): Great, another random day. 

Mark(smiling at me): Methinks randomness should happen because yesterday was too crazy. 

Me: True. 

[All of a sudden, Elliot clomps into the living room from the balcony.] 

Elliot(firmly): Stephen, what does the clothes scattered on the floor mean? 

Stephen(turning to him): It wasn’t me, Elliot, positive. 

Elliot(frantically): IT IS JIMMY’S STUFF AND HOW DARE YOU? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(to me): Uh-oh… 

Me(interferring before Stephen could register Elliot’s meaning): Uhmmm, can we calm down and talk about this? Jimmy was only here last night, and yes, he did go swimming with Alan. 

Elliot(turning to me): I’m asking why did he throw all this *he holds up both his and Jimmy’s swim wear* on the freakin’ floor, Gracey, what’s wrong with that? 

Stephen(before I could reject): I DIDN’T! 

Elliot: DID! 

Mark(above them): Can we PLEASE discuss this later? 

Elliot, Stephen(in unison): NO! 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

[*Time skip. OK, now I’m supposed to see to my original works, but while I’m gone…] 

[Living room.] 

Elliot: I should’ve known. Stephen, why? YOU KNOW JIMMY AND I ARE CLOSE! 

Stephen: I’M SAYING IT WASN’T ME! 

Elliot: WHO IS IT THEN? DEFINITELY NOT GRACEY BECAUSE SHE WAS WITH YOUR GROUP! 

[Back in the study.] 

[Mark and I are hiding from the couple in case of an all-out war.] 

Mark(to me): NOW I understand about Stephen saying about arguments. 

Me: Apparently he and Elliot has differences, only we didn’t know. 

[Richard Wagner and Oscar Wilde appears.] 

Oscar(smugly to me): Now that’s what happens if you try to be me IRL. 

Me(slightly exasperated): Do you have to? 

Richard(musing): Now if Stephen’s BiP, that means he and Elliot fight all the time — interesting he didn’t post everything on social media. 

Me: Are you really betting on that? 

Richard(smirking): I think I sense trouble in paradise. 

[At that, I make him disappear.] 

Me: That’s enough, Rich. 

[PAUSE] 

Oscar(finally breaking the silence): So today is more like a love story. 

Mark(grinning): And EXTREMELY slash-y. 

Me(ignoring them at last): Whatever. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, another time skip. Now it’s evening and time for singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli to argue with KayEUndercover about singing and whatnot.] 

KayEUndercover(upset): Well don’t trust me. 

Andrea(deadpan): Sometimes you want us to trust you when coming to your indulgences. 

KayEUndercover: … 

[PAUSE] 

KayEUndercover: I said, ignore my INDULGENCES and listen to what I ACTUALLY mean and/or want. 

Andrea(upset): Then stop thinking about singing operatic. 

KayEUndercover(arrogantly): Awww, seems like someone misunderstood me — I’m not, and never will be singing operatic, sorry to break it to you! 

[She leaves to my theatre.] 

[*OK, this is kind of everything that happened. And since I’m lazy, we’re seeing some very controversial stuff next, so… yeah, proceed with caution.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and yes, the Partners are still not in good terms. I swear, one of them must be BiP, though no offense to actual BiP people.


	58. Controversies and More Controversies(or, "Jewishness" In Plays)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please, excuse the alternate title of the chapter — it is merely a parody of the Wagner essay “‘Jewishness’ In Music”, written by Richard Wagner himself, apparently. 
> 
> A/N 2: If this chapter isn’t your cup of tea, you can skip it, since this will contain A LOT of racist comments and anti-semitism as well — you’ve been warned. 
> 
> WARNING: Controversial themes — thanks, Will.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. I have my guests, conservationist Mark Carwardine and pianist Stefan Mickisch with me today, since the former and actor Stephen Fry had an epic argument yesterday — branched out from the Elliot Spencer/Jimmy Carr/Stephen Fry argument.] 

Me: OK, announcement. Since Stephen’s not with us today, we’re actually going swimming before seeing Merchant Of Venice. 

[My guests are quiet for some time because they’ve read the play, last night, because Mark was upset.] 

Stefan(slight): Do we have to? 

Mark: It’s really controversial, though. And since you’re a fan of Shlomo and Gil, better not see that. 

Me: Please? See it as literature? 

[They groan in annoyance at that.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me(smiling a little bit): Well, on the bright side, we’re going swimming first, with Maurizio Sciarretta, Andrea Bocelli, Jascha Heifetz, and Isaak Stern this time, no more Zakhar for now. 

[This makes them way delighted.] 

[Mark jumps up and punches air.] 

Mark(shouting): HURRAY! HURRAY FOR SWIMMING! ARE WE SURFIN’ AND SCUBA DIVIN’, OR ARE WE PLAYING WATER POLO? 

Stefan(exasperated): I don’t know if she’ll agree to any of that. 

Me(half-ignoring Mark’s excited ramblings): Also, they may join for the screening, since Stephen’s not joining in this time — he’s… well… you know. 

Stefan, Mark(upset): DO YOU HAVE TO DAMPEN OUR GOOD MOOD(S)? 

Me(rubbing my temples because of an oncoming headache): Fine, have it your way. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re at my paradise, since I’m too lazy to write about our journey there.] 

[Violinists Isaak Stern, Maurizio Sciarretta, Jascha Heifetz, and singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli are already at the pools, in their swimwear, snorkel snouts, flippers, etc.] 

Everyone(shouting): WELCOME TO THE PARADISE, GRACEY AND COMPANY! 

Isaak: This place is amazing. 

Me(smiling): Thanks. I designed it myself, since I’m quite a fan of outdoors pools. 

Andrea(jumping up and punching air): AND WHAT’S EVEN BETTER IS THAT SHE HAS A FREAKIN’ WAVE POOL AS WELL! WOOOOOOOOO~ 

[Stefan, Mark, and I transform our original clothes to swimwear, then joins the others.] 

Mark(to Andrea): METHINKS THIS IS AWESOME AS WELL, BRO! 

Isaak(deadpan): Don’t watch too much Shakespeare. 

Mark(to me): Methinks Isaak is WAY too similar in personality as you. 

Me(to everyone): Can we PLEASE just have fun? 

Everyone(completely delighted out of their minds): WOOOOOO~ 

[*OK, as we leave everyone as high as kites, I remembered something — actually I took Stefan and Mark to Kempinski before we went to meet Isaak and company.] 

[An hour ago. At Kempinski.] 

Me: OK, so… yeah, we’re going to Kempi-Deli to get some cake. 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): CAKE! WOOOOOO~ 

Stefan(deadpan): Now you’re rubbing off of Maurizio. 

Mark(shouting): METHINKS THIS ESTABLISHMENT IS AWESOME! 

Stefan(exasperated): Do you have to shout? 

Me: Apparently yes. 

[We arrive at Kempinski Café.] 

[Stefan and Mark are too busy staring at the pastries.] 

Stefan(slightly dreamy): This is way too similar to Bavaria… 

Mark(just as dreamy): Awww. 

[I choose our pastries and while we’re eating…] 

Stefan(to me): I think Richard may agree to almost everything in today’s screening, so I invited him. :-D 

Mark(before I can reply): Since when did you have control of her story? 

Stefan(triumphant): Since now. 

[I rub my temples because of an incoming headache.] 

Me(exasperated): Are you seriously arguing because of this? 

Mark(just as triumphant): Of course, ‘cause why not? Also, Stefan is also distrusting to Gil and Shlomo et al. 

Me: Can we not start here? 

Both: THEN START WHERE? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Better not start anywhere. 

[Back to present.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I can tell you that Stefan and Andrea had this crazy alliance and nearly drowned me. To see more, refer to chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39.] 

[Now we’re on the way to see Shakespeare — the most controversial one, mind you, and yes, Richard Wagner and Charles Dickens are the guest stars.] 

Richard, Charles(both clinging to either Stefan or me): Thanks for havin’ me! 

[As we’re on our way, Charles and Richard are discussing about Oliver Twist.] 

[I sigh in exasperation again.] 

Stefan(grinning): Seems like Gracey’s already exasperated, as usual. 

Mark: Well, how can you expect her to not be? 

[Meanwhile, Charles and Richard are discussing about natives from Israel, and yes, look away, because here, it gets anti-semitic(re: controversial, and NOT in a good way!)!] 

Richard: Right, and you know how you have to look after your money there. 

Charles: Just don’t go there if that’s so. 

Richard: In fact, I have a fan who’s Jewish. Uh… yay or nay? 

Charles: Umm… both? 

[PAUSE] 

Charles: Just be glad he’s not like Fagin or Shylock, OK? 

Richard(slightly upset): Now you’re giving me trust issues. 

Charles: They’re ALL like that, Rich, surprised you never knew that. 

Richard: Fair enough. 

[*So… you’re still here? Sure? Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. As they debated, we go to see the screening.] 

[We watch the screening.] 

[*Since you’re still here, I don’t want to write about everything that happened in the play, since it’s WAY too racist(the Morocco suitor part, as well as the part with the second, slightly more cracked suitor — the second one I can kind of understand, but would just tell him directly: ‘sorry, I know you love me, but I think you’re a little bit cracked, so… how ‘bout let’s just be friends?’), and anti-semitic(almost the entire thing — especially when coming to Shylock, a Jewish character).] 

[Now it’s intermission.] 

Stefan(dazed): Wow. 

Me(disturbed): I know right. I actually think this is even more disturbing than King Lear. 

[Richard and Charles start singing Paperback Writer, a song by the Beatles.] 

Richard, Charles(sings): WOOOOOULD YOU REE-E-ED ME BOOK ‘CAUSE I WANNA BE A PAPERBACK WRITER~ 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache.] 

Me(to myself): Right, a character was named Lear in the song. 

Richard, Charles(throwing their arms in the air): LEAR! WOOOOOOOOO~ 

Stefan(to Mark): Well, it’s kind of surprising because this passed the censors. 

Me: Because EVERYONE was like Bassanio in the story then! 

[PAUSE] 

Me(upset): Now I’m no longer a fan of him. 

Mark: You shouldn’t, since you’re still fond of Gil and company :-) 

[Both Charles and Richard recoil in disgust.] 

Charles(incredulous): GIL SHAHAM and company? 

Richard(cringing): An ISRAELITE? 

Me(now extremely disturbed): I’m no longer a fan of you two, I swear. 

Richard(to Charles): Nope, she’s completely out of our league. 

Stefan(to Richard): Corretto. 

Me(interrupting them): OK, I’d better see if the internet has the same thought as me. 

[And that’s what happened during intermission.] 

[*Time skip. The part about “killing” Antonio starts.] 

Me: This part is way too intense. 

Mark(crying): Please don’t die… 

Stefan(rolling his eyes at us): He won’t — remember we read this part? 

[And at Richard and Charles’s corner.] 

Richard: And this is where PLOT TWIST comes! 

[I face-palm myself and both Mark and Stefan starts shaking with laughter.] 

[*OK, another time skip because this is getting overly controversial.] 

[Now we’ve finished the most… well, CONTROVERSIAL play of Will’s, we’re now discussing about food, again.] 

Stefan(to no one in particular): For some reason after watching a Shakespeare play since Hamlet makes one starving. 

Charles(grinning): The Benedict Effect! 

[He and Richard beam at each other.] 

Mark(also to no one in particular): Unfortunately we didn’t get popcorn. AND the screenings are ending soon. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(distressed): HOW CAN YOU REMIND ME OF THAT? 

Mark: Chill, we still have… uh… two more? 

Me: Right, a French one and tomorrow’s one. 

Stefan: Awesome. 

Mark(pleadingly): THEN can we have popcorn tomorrow? 

Me: Tomorrow’s isn’t late night anymore. Actually, I think today’s one is the last late night show. 

[Here, both Stefan and Mark groan in annoyance.] 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re back in my house.] 

[We’re having oatmeal biscuits with butter and jam. Actually, Stefan and Mark are having them, and I’m having some leftover soup dumplings.] 

Mark(to the audience, Great British Bake-Off style): NOW, DEAR AUDIENCES, THIS IS A NO-BAKE TREAT! *holds up his creation, that is dripping jam already* 

Stefan(slightly exasperated): We know. 

Mark(grinning at me): And now, I’m presenting it to our host, Gracey! 

[He hands me the cookie, which is already making a mess on the table because of the jam.] 

Me(without taking a look): No thanks. 

[Stefan collapses into laughing.] 

Mark(hurt): AWW WHYYYY? 

Me(finally taking pity): It’s dripping jam, Mark, sorry to break it to you. Also, Stefan, can you stop laughing your head off? 

[Stefan tries to answer but is laughing too hard.] 

[This is the point where I finally leave them to their own antics. Portia style.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This kind of actually happened. I was, and still am, extremely disturbed by the anti-semitism inside Merchant of Venice; but themes aside, it was… well-acted, but Jessica is WAY too dramatic — if you want to be dramatic, go act in King Lear! 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, when watching the screening, you couldn’t help but feel scared for Antonio *hugs* True, Shylock should just take the money and spare him! 
> 
> A/N 5: I nearly cried after seeing the show, and it was ironic, since it was a comedy — a very… well… CONTROVERSIAL comedy — mainly because they kept using Yiddish and Hebrew inside, and now I want to hug all those Israel natives we adore(read: Gil Shaham and Shlomo Mintz and Itzhak Perlman etc etc) *cuddles* 
> 
> A/N 6: OK, another thing. I did check the internet and guess what? This play was also used by the Nazis during WWII as propaganda. Interesting trivia, but disturbing. Now, a question: Why didn’t everyone bash Shakespeare because of this, and bashed Richard Wagner(see in Wagner and Me — the WWII part in Nüremburg) and Charles Dickens(see Oliver Twist)? That’s just unfair. Also, I understand the Shakespeare trivia is unbelievable!


	59. Comedy Fest(or, Kevin Kline Fest)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hiya, welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This may be the last chapter for these days, since I’m still quite disturbed by the controversial screening — that doesn’t mean I’m no longer updating — it means it may take way longer. So in that case, I’m combining all the random days in one, or parts 1 and 2. 
> 
> A/N 2: Now, have some Kevin Kline humor. :-)

[Norwich, Norfolk, UK. My house.] 

Me: I have an announcement to make, and no, it’s not as trivial as before — I’m actually moving after Halloween. 

[My guests for today: actor Stephen Fry(finally!), conservationist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch all look up at me at the last sentence, since they’ve been ignoring the previous one.] 

Stefan: Moving? 

Stephen: Thought you loved Norfolk? 

Mark: Where to? 

Me: Uh… well, brace yourselves — I’m moving to Bayreuth soon. 

[PAUSE] 

[A small countdown starts.] 

Small countdown: 3… 2… 1… annnnnnd~ 

[Everyone jumps up at once.] 

All three: BAYREUTH????? 

Me: True. Just got the message from the Three. 

Mark(whining): But whyyyyy? 

Stefan(punching air): WOO, BAYREUTH! 

Stephen(glaring at me): Now you’re WAY too fortunate. 

Me: It was arranged by the Three, and I can’t just refuse. 

Them(whining): AAAAWWWWW~ 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, that’s what happened when we were at my house.] 

[Later on, we had to listen to KayEUndercover, aka Hina, rehearse her modernized version of Tristan and Isolde.] 

[The song, “Fandom”, starts, and everyone(re: Stephen, Mark, and Stefan) is singing along, because.] 

[Pre-“Fandom”.] 

KayEUndercover, Tristan_Isolde_Melot(spoken): ‘Cause we’re Tristan n’ Isolde! 

[In the audience.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOO~ 

[Back onstage.] 

[the_MusicEnthusiast (the_musicenthusiast) appears.] 

the_MusicEnthusiast (the_musicenthusiast)(spoken): SAVE YOURSELF! 

[PAUSE] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(spoken): !? 

KayEUndercover(spoken): Now this is embarrassing. 

[Tristan_Isolde_Melot sits up abruptly on the bed.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(spoken): I thought you were a fan of me? 

[Music starts again and they start to sing “Fandom”.] 

the_MusicEnthusiast (the_musicenthusiast)(sings dramatically): Fanning in, fanning out… long live the fandom in the univeeeeeerrrrrrrrse! 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(sings): Tuning in the television, listening to the radio, what does it mean? 

[Back in the audience.] 

Stephen, Stefan, Mark: 0_o 

Me: Now that’s interesting… 

[Back onstage.] 

[TrilotEyes seems to appear from nowhere.] 

KayEUndercover(with dawning realization): OBSESSION! 

TrilotEyes(Andrea Bocelli voice), Tristan_Isolde_Melot, the_musicenthusiast(sings): Evenings in the house, tuning to the news, watching everything that gets to yoooooooouuuuuuuu~ 

the_musicenthusiast(spoken): One, 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(spoken): And two, 

TrilotEyes(spoken): And three… 

All three(spoken): And one, and two, and three, and GO! 

[Lights start flashing as the scene changes into a stairwell. KayEUndercover, TrilotEyes, Tristan_Isolde_Melot, and the_MusicEnthusiast (the_musicenthusiast) run down it, still singing their heads off.] 

[In the audience.] 

Everyone: 0____o 

[Back onstage.] 

[Everyone is dancing on the mocked up stairs until getting to ground floor.] 

the_musicenthusiast(sings): Joinin’ in the fandom… 

KayEUndercover(to audience, spoken): WHAT? 

Audience: 0_____________o 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(sings): More messages an’ gossip… 

KayEUndercover(to audience again, spoken): Great! 

Audience: 0_________________o 

KayEUndercover(sings): Wanting to tune in to comment… 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(spoken): DON’T! 

Audience: … 

TrilotEyes(sings): Unspoken fears, things never known, private lives no longer yooooooouuuuuuuuurs~ 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(beaming and sings): But the publicity is YOURS! 

the_musicenthusiast(sings): Why should we caaaaaaare? 

[PAUSE for music.] 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(sings): Just let the infatuation speak… 

the_musicenthusiast(sings): Just drown in the fee-e-e-e-eeelings… 

All three(sings): AN’ why shouldn’tcha-a-aaaaaaaaahhh? 

[PAUSE] 

the_musicenthusiast(sings): ‘Cause everything’s on the count of… 

Tristan_Isolde_Melot(spoken): One, 

the_musicenthusiast(spoken): And two, 

TrilotEyes(spoke): And three… 

All three(spoken, or rather, shouted): AND ONE, AND TWO, AND THREE, AND GO! 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’m telling you what happened when we actually were at the shopping mall.] 

[We take the Tube there, and that’s when my guest stars for today, Zakhar Bron and Jascha Heifetz, yell at me for coffee.] 

Me: You don’t need coffee, since it’s not late-night. 

Zakhar(Stephen Fry style): Then don’t blame me when I fall asleep. 

Jascha(grinning): She won’t. 

[We go to Starbucks.] 

[I ordered some pastries and now they’re thanking me.] 

Stefan(deadpan): You’re just satisfying your physiological needs and wants. 

Jascha: WHATEVER! 

[We get snacks and our drinks.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re in the movie theatre.] 

[Seating is like this: Jascha, Me, Stephen, Stefan, Mark, Zakhar; because Zakhar and Stefan has to be separate, otherwise they’d bicker about Wagner. Also, Jascha and Zakhar has to be separate as well.] 

[We watch the show.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you this — I’m forcing Kevin Kline(instead of CALVIN Klein) to be a guest star in the next chapter.] 

Stefan(to me): Garry is SO Stephen circa Fry and Laurie. 

Me: ? 

Stefan(beaming): You remember the Lovely monologue?! 

Me(rubbing my temples because I have another headache): Yes, and don’t remind me. 

[Behind us, Mark, Zakhar, and Jascha seems to’ve heard us. Stephen is getting suspicious of Mark again, as usual.] 

Mark(holding a pretend mirror in front of him): ‘I’m lovely in a fluffy, soft, gentle, squishy kind of way that I can never believe that I HAD it in me.’ 

Zakhar(beaming): I KNOW THAT ONE! 

Zakhar, Jascha(jumping up and punching air): FRY AND LAURIE FTW! 

[*Well, that;s what happened yesterday, and please stay tuned to the next chapter! Kevin is joining in as soon as possible :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened. The show was, again, wonderful, but Roland and Daphne kind of stereotyped fans xD. 
> 
> A/N 4: And speaking of a wonderful show, Garry, who was played by Kevin, was WAY too much like some of my relatives; and yes, he’s also like the narrator, played by Stephen Fry, of the ‘Lovely’ monologue, in A Bit of Fry and Laurie lol.


	60. Story of Cyrano(or, Strange and Fantastical Crack)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is more weird than hilarious, so bear with me, please.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[In my living room. Pianist Stefan Mickisch and violinists Shlomo Mintz and Zakhar Bron are discussing about our last Screening, with the latter two discussing about masterclasses.] 

Stefan(turning to them): Be glad that after Halloween, y’all’ll be main characters, and Mr. Fry and Mr. Carwardine are being supporting. 

Zakhar(to Shlomo): You do remember how pining Gracey and KayEUndercover are? 

Shlomo: Too obvious. 

Stefan: They miss 2014, that’s all. 

[I get out of my study, because I don’t want them to gossip any further.] 

Me: Right, when I enjoyed those moments, and Maurizio’s antics, I don’t think I’d be wanting to go back in time to actually relive it. 

Zakhar: Aw whyyy? 

Me: Because. 

Zakhar: Because? 

Me: I think you need to give someone else a chance. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Like for example Shlomo or Gil. 

Zakhar: Even though I’m not against them, I’m sure Antonio and Bassanio will be. 

Stefan(exasperated): Do you HAVE to? 

Me(rubbing my temples because of an upcoming headache): Enough. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you what happened when we finally went to the mall, later to the movie theatre to see the screening.] 

[As mentioned, actor Kevin Kline is the guest star for today! :-D] 

[My guests and I go to Starbucks, where we meet Kevin, who is sipping on a cranberry-raspberry tea, a la Mark Carwardine in chapter 50. -Ish.] 

Me(smiling): Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Kev, I’m Gracey, the author. 

Kevin: Thanks for havin’ me. 

[PAUSE] 

[At that, my other guests(re: Zakhar, Shlomo, Stefan, etc) all want some tea and whatever for themselves.] 

Me: Right, and don’t blame me for sugar rushes. 

Zakhar, Stefan(throwing their arms in the air): SUGAR RUSH! WOO 

[We buy pastries and coffee and tea.] 

[People are bugging us when we finally settled down.] 

Stephen(to some random female): Just bugger off, will ya? 

[Everyone cracks up at that one, maybe except for Self.] 

Me(rolling my eyes): Ha, ha. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re supposed to see the drama as a screening.] 

[*Seat order is like this: Kevin, Me, Stephen, Stefan, Mark, Zakhar, Shlomo; because.] 

Me(to Stephen and Mark): That way, Stefan and I can control you. 

Mark(whispering back): Since when did YOU have control over us? 

Stefan: Since she wrote you as a recurring character in her story, mister. 

[PAUSE] 

Kevin: And she may transform you *he does a Garry Eddensdine flourish* INTO GUEST STAR!!! 

[ANOTHER PAUSE] 

Everyone: 0_o 

Kevin(incredulous): What! 

[I’m once again rubbing my temples because of a headache.] 

[*Short time skip. After switching seats with my guests, we watch the screening in peace.] 

[There’s no intermission, unfortunately, but the drama extended to my group, nonetheless, after said screening.] 

Mark(frantic): Am I the only one who ships Christian and Roxanne? 

Me: No way, I ship them. Guilty as charged. 

Kevin(judge voice): I charge thee… 

Zakhar(over-enthusiastically): ALSO MAKIN’ ME AND MAURIZIO INTO MAIN CHARACTERS AFTER HALLOWEEN! WHOOP WHOOP! 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re trying to find somewhere to have some food, since yeah, we’re in the so-called ‘Benedict Effect’.] 

[Kevin suggests Venchi.] 

[Zakhar and Stefan jumps up and punches air.] 

Zakhar, Stefan(delighted): WOOOOOOO, WE LOVE VENCHI’S! 

Kevin(beaming): So Gracey, lead the way! 

Me: No way, not in this case. 

Zakhar, Stefan: Pleeeeeeeeaaase with toffee on top? 

[We go to Venchi’s.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, and since this is the last screening, I’m saying good-bye to all here, and next chapter, is going to be some NEW adventures! See ya till then. xG] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: YAYY, 60 chapters! 
> 
> A/N 3: And since you’re wondering, yes, this actually happened. We saw the French comic tragedy and it is surely more crack than humor, and more weird than tragedy. The French are eccentric, trust me.


	61. Swimming With Stefan and Shopping In Ikea(Stephen and Mark)(or, Mickisch and Sissol; With A Side Serving of Fry and Carwardine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi again, and welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance. Since I just came back from this one, I think it’s just fair to write it down quickly.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.]

[Again, Stephen Fry and Mark Carwardine are arguing because they still have no idea why am I moving to Bayreuth soon.] 

[Apparently Stephen’s in one of his episodes again and Elliot Spencer is here to make him calm down.] 

Elliot(flatly): I thought Gracey said to chill? 

Stephen: WHATEVER, Mister. 

Elliot(to Mark): To no avail. 

Mark(smirking): Now this is why Gracey should just make him into a recurring or guest star. 

Stephen: NO WAY! NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY. 

[This is when the argument started.] 

Mark(upset): YES WAY, YES WAY, YES WAY! 

Elliot(deadpan): You two done? 

Both: NO! 

[*OK, time skip. Mark and Stephen are supposed to go to Ikea soon and I am forced to go swimming with singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and pianist Stefan Mickisch.] 

[Living room, again.] 

Andrea Bocelli(cheering his head off): WOOOOOOOOO SWIMMIN’! 

Me(exhausted and exasperated because of Stephen’s argument with Mark, but mostly Elliot): YAYY. 

Andrea: Awww why no enthusiasm? 

Mark(completely forgetting the argument): METHINKS SHE’S DELIGHTED ALREADY AND IS CHEERING INTERNALLY! 

[I turn to him.] 

Me: Please no more of your Edwardian slang. Also, no, going with Andrea and Stefan is my worst nightmare. 

[Mark laughs in my face.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re at my paradise, and of course, to make matters worse(re: even better for the readers), Maurizio Sciarretta is there as well. Already in swim trunks, flippers, snorkel snout, a surfboard, and a swim ring.] 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache invading my brain.] 

[As usual, Mr. Bocelli is over-enthusiastic to meet his fellow Italian. (Italians are like that, trust me, and it’s NOT a stereotype — they HAVE to admit it!)] 

Andrea(shouting with glee): WHAT HO, MAURIZIO! WHAT HO, WHAT HO, WHAT HO! 

Maurizio(after pulling out his snorkel snout): WHAT HO TO YOU TOO, ANDREA! 

[At my corner.] 

Me(to Stefan): You think Italians are loud when they’re high, they’re even louder when they meet their fellow Italians. Urgh. 

Stefan(grinning): Urgh is right. 

[I transform our clothes into swimwear and we swim.] 

[*Time skip. Andrea thinks it’s funny to dunk me underwater.] 

Me(in shock): EEEEEP — A-BLUBLUBLUB~ 

[Maurizio and Stefan are speechless. Or, the former is about to die laughing and the latter is exasperated at Andrea’s antics, despite his inability to see us.] 

Me(after resurfacing): HILARIOUS, MAURIZIO! *I dunk him underwater for revenge* 

[*Another time skip. Now we’ve finished and we’re supposed to be looking for Stephen and Mark around Ikea. -Ish.] 

[At Ikea.] 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air in glee): WOOOOOOO IKEA! 

Andrea(also delighted): WOOOOOOO~ 

Stefan(deadpan): I couldn’t believe who’d adore them in this case. 

Me(to him): No one. 

[Maurizio cries his eyes out after I said that.] 

[We hug.] 

Stefan(still unsympathetic): Deal with it, because. 

[And this is what happened when we waited for Stephen and Mark.] 

[*OK, uh… I think this is it. Very random, I know, but I don’t know why I just have to write this down.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: OK, this actually happened. It was a random day, so this is a random chapter. I did go swimming, and it was with KayEUndercover’s male Partner; unfortunately, not Maurizio, Andrea, and Stefan. :-(


	62. A Clatter of Randomness(or, What Else Is New?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, so… welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance, and yes, I’m combining two random days in one. 
> 
> A/N 2: So there’s no visitors anymore, but the guests will still be in for an adventure… so please stand by! :-D

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. Some kind of round table talk is going on and soon it branches out of its original course and the guests(read: actor Stephen Fry, pianist Stefan Mickisch, conservationist Mark Carwardine, and fellow actor Alan Davies, who is one of Day 1’s fellow guest stars) are talking about me moving to Bayreuth soon after October ends.] 

Stephen(QI mode): So it shouldn’t be surprising, since she’s in for a treat! *he does a flourish* WAGNER TIIIIIIIIMMMMEEEEE! 

Alan(deadpan): Didn’t know you were a Wagner fan. 

Stefan: It’s way too obvious, and since Gracey finished watching Wagner and Me, she invited him, me, and Mark into her story. 

Stephen(interrupting): Did I mention that she told me to tell you that she doesn’t want any cracks on the 4th wall? 

[Stefan and Alan share a glance.] 

Stefan(mouthing): What did I tell you? 

Alan(spoken): You should be more discreet in QI episode Music, since most of us weren’t sure about your preferences! *superior look* 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(grinning): And don’t forget to tell them what happened when we went to the jungle in the Amazons! 

Stephen(upset already): Do you HAVE to tell them? 

Alan(over-enthusiastic and before Mark could answer): WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT HAPPENED?! 

Stefan: You don’t want to know. Actually… I think you do. 

Alan: ? 

Stefan(slightly exasperated): The arm thing? 

[Alan beams at him and jumps up, punching air.] 

Alan(delighted): YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE HOW HILARIOUS THAT EPISODE WAS! WOOOO~ 

[And that’s what I come back, from my theatre, to.] 

[I watch Alan, Stefan, and Mark cheer their heads off with Stephen upset with them.] 

Me(joining in): So what’s the talk now? 

Mark, Stefan, Alan(in unison): ABOUT QI/OUR MOVE TO BAYREUTH/STEPHEN FALLING INTO THE AMAZON RIVER WITHOUT BIN CAUGHT BY THE PIRANHAS, HAH! 

Stephen(trying and failing to cut in their conversation): The river thing DID NOT happen, Mark! 

Alan(somber): Fortunately not, because of the fangirls. 

[All three of them shout with laughing as if high on Mark’s 7-Up drinks.] 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache, as usual.] 

Me(deadpan): I don’t know what’s funny about someone almost drowning. 

Mark(trying and failing to stop laughing): He didn’t drown, fortunately, but broke his arm bone(s). *he gets over-enthusiastic and jumps up, punching air* YOU SHOULD’VE JOINED, GRACEY, IT WAS EPICALLY EPIC, I TELL YOU, AND IT WAS WAAAAAAY MORE HILARIOUS THAN HOW WE TALK ABOUT IT! 

Stephen(superior): Says the one who nearly mated with Sirocco. 

Mark(snarking back): Says the one who nearly got killed when we explored caves. There were crocodiles, I tell you. 

[At that, I finally leave them bantering like a married couple.] 

[*OK, time skip. It is now afternoon, and Mark suggests me and Andrea Bocelli, our Italian singer-songwriter recurring guest star, go biking.] 

[I’m completely against that because.] 

Me: NO, WAY, Mark, that’s tooootally out of the question. Also, I don’t want to die. YET, just as a reminder. And you know how risky Andrea’s stunts can be. 

Andrea: Aaaawww~ 

[PAUSE] 

Me: I’ll just be going out with Gil again. 

[Andrea and Mark smile at each other.] 

[I make our third guest star, Israelite violinist Gil Shaham, appear, along with our favourite Russian violinist, Jascha Heifetz.] 

Me(to Andrea and Mark): So those two are coming with me. 

Andrea, Mark: AW WHYYY? 

[I ignore them and go out with Jascha and Gil.] 

[Outside.] 

[Jascha is listening to Maurice Ravel on his iPhone.] 

Me(smiling): So another Ravel fan, interesting… 

Jascha(over-enthusiastic): WOOOOOOO~ 

Me: OK, so whatever our plan is for tomorrow, I’m not sure yet. We either go swimming, or maybe go to Scotland again. 

[Both jump up and punches air.] 

Gil, Jascha(gleefully): SCOTLAND! WOOO 

Me: But I have no guarantees. 

Gil(upset): Whyyy 

Jascha: Thanks, Gracey, now I’m depressed. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m deciding to give them ice cream to make them shut up.] 

[At the store. OK, so some of us are still sipping on whatever we got earlier when we went to some other shop.] 

[*I’d better tell you how that went.] 

[An hour or so before.] 

[Gil and I are, again, in the shop I went to with Jascha before the Great Yarmouth adventure.] 

Me(scanning the drinks): Ok… let’s see if I want Menton’s like KayEUndercover or not. 

[Gil sees some haw nectar.] 

Gil(smiling to me): Why not this? 

Me: Hawthorn nectar? Fine with me. OK, let’s just have that. Also, I do remember when you suggested the Aloe Vera drink. 

Gil: ? 

Me: Never mind! 

[We check that out.] 

[Back to the present.] 

[Jascha and Gil are pondering on what kind of Italian gelato should they have.] 

Jascha(to Gil): Unfortunately Maurizio and Andrea are not here with us. 

Gil: If it was Gracey, she’d think it was fortunate. 

[Before I can get this story in control, violinist Maurizio Sciarretta and singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli appear with a loud bang, and glitter and stuff, with a flourish.] 

[Jascha and Gil exchange a glance.] 

Gil(deadpan, but softly): Ever heard of being careful what you wish for? 

Jascha(seeing Andrea and Maurizio): WHAT HO, ANDREA AND MAURIZIO?! 

[I sigh in exasperation and make them disappear, before they could reply to Jascha’s remark.] 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(whining): Graceyyyyy~ 

[I ignore him and we get gelato.] 

[*OK, that’s about it, so…] 

o-o-o 

[*Since I’m merging two random days in one, this is what happened afterwards. You can read this as an aftermath as well.] 

[The actual event happened in the evening, and yes, my guests are violinists Maurizio Sciarretta, Jascha Heifetz, and Zakhar Bron.] 

[We go to have a walk.] 

[*I’m supposed to be buying some new stuff, and Rodney wants a new marker, so that’s how come we’re outside; also, Stephen needs a new charger for his Apple phone because his broke after we went to Great Yarmouth.] 

Me(on the bus and explaining everything to Zakhar and company): … and we have to buy stuff for my cousin and Stephen. 

Maurizio(pleading): And us? 

Me: Unless there’s another masterclass. 

Zakhar(also pleadingly): Pleeeeeeaaase? 

[Jascha and I exchange a look.] 

Jascha(smug): No way, Zakhar and Maurizio, because. 

Zakhar, Maurizio(in unison): YES WAY! 

Jascha: NO WAY! 

Zakhar and Maurizio: YES WAY, YES TOO WAY! 

[I rub my temples because I’m suffering from another headache.] 

Me(exasperated and exhausted): PLEASE, people! 

[They stop arguing. Zakhar and Maurizio are sulking and Jascha is smug.] 

Jascha(to me): Well, that did it. :-D 

Me(closing my eyes and trying to sleep): Awesome. 

Jascha(shouting and beaming): I KNOW RIGHT 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’re at the shopping place just as I remember the Muji store is closed.] 

[Zakhar and Maurizio are having trouble not laughing their heads off at my mishap.] 

[Jascha is delighted out of his mind, almost.] 

Jascha(with dawning realization): THAT MEANS WE CAN GO SHOPPING, INNIT, GRACEY! THAT IS SUPER DUPER AWESOME AND NO, WE’RE NOT TELLING THE OTHERS! NO WAY, NO SIR. 

Zakhar(to himself): Russians. 

Me: I know right. 

Jascha(oblivious): WOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[*Time skip. We go to Apple store.] 

[It’s not as crowded as expected, fortunately.] 

[Jascha and Zakhar are now forming an alliance since they’re both Apple fans.] 

Jascha, Zakhar(in unison and throwing their arms in the air): APPLE PRODUCTS! WOOO~ 

Me(to Maurizio): I have no idea how you dealt with this. 

Maurizio(smirking): And good luck to you too because you have actor Stephen Fry with ya. :-) 

[Maurizio and I go check the cables, while Jascha and Zakhar are behaving like children who just saw their favorite candy store(s) re-opening and upgraded to perfection.] 

Zakhar(to Jascha and in an EXTREMELY Stephen Fry way): Now let the Apple haters hate. 

Jascha(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOO~ 

[PAUSE] 

[They see some of the earlier models.] 

Jascha(grinning evilly): Now let’s play Bandanimals! 

Zakhar: ? 

[They play the game.] 

[Apparently it plays music and is also a play-and/or-create-your-OWN-music app.] 

Zakhar(with dawning realization): A DJ APP?! 

[They share a glance.] 

[PAUSE AGAIN] 

Both: WOOOOOO DJS BRON AND HEIFETZ NOW PRESENTS YOU… 

Jascha(with a flourish): E TU LA SERA! BY ANDREA BOCELLI, SINCE GRACEY AND HINA ARE FANS OF HIM! 

Zakhar(also with a flourish): NO WAY, DON’T LISTEN TO HIM! THE SONG IS CALLED OH SOLE MIO BY THE TRIO, BECAUSE THEY’RE AWESOME! 

[They play the two chosen songs.] 

[Oh Sole Mio and E Tu La Sera are both blared across the entire shop at the same time, so it sounds like someone singing the former song at the same time as the latter song.] 

The shop owners: 0_____o 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(to himself): OK, this is boring. How ‘bout… *he clicks on an app titled Odyssey* THIS!? 

[Zakhar grins and they play the game.] 

[After some minutes of playing, Jascha’s characer crashes.] 

Jascha: AW MAN! 

[Zakhar cracks up.] 

[That was what Maurizio and I find them doing after we chose the better cable.] 

Jascha(over-enthusiastic): HOW ‘BOUT THIS ONE. IT’S CALLED… JELLO JUMP? 

Me(deadpan, to Maurizio): That one’s lame. 

[Maurizio cracks up at me.] 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy. Now we’re at the BBC(British Baking Company), in the Marriott Hotel.] 

Jascha(over-delighted): THIS PLACE IS EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN THE ONE BACK IN GREAT YARMOUTH! 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m suffering from a massive migraine induced by both his and Zakhar’s shouting, as well as the mixtape of Oh Sole Mio and E Tu La Sera, which are two songs that never, like water and oil, mix): Glad you think so! 

[I lead them to the bakery.] 

[Maurizio sees the sign.] 

Maurizio: So this is the BBC as well? 

Zakhar(delighted): DA! 

Jascha(hugging me): ISN’T IT AWESOME AND BETTER THAN HECK? 

Maurizio: Right. 

[We choose some dinner rolls and we go sit down.] 

[Zakhar and Jascha are telling Maurizio and I ALL about their iPhone adventure.] 

Jascha(still shouting): AND I SWEAR, GRACEY, BANDANIMALS IS THE FUNNEST GAME EVER, YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT. 

Zakhar(also over-enthusiastic): Right! And it plays your chosen music as well as your OWN music! 

Both: A LA ‘E TU LA SERA’ AND ‘OH SOLE MIO’! 

Jascha(concluding): WHICH ARE AWESOMER THAN HECK, I TELL YOU! 

[I rub my temples because of my worsening headache, thanks to Jascha and Zakhar’s screaming.] 

Maurizio(deadpan and not a bit affected): Jascha and Zakhar, you’re behaving like Mark Carwardine. 

Jascha(grinning): Great, because we invited him as well. 

Zakhar(also grinning): Righto. So, welcome him here! *he does a flourish* 

[Sure enough, conservationist Mark Carwardine is the one who is serving us our dinner pies.] 

Me(groaning to myself): They(re: Zakhar and Jascha)’re so not being main characters, because I canNOT take any more of this after Halloween. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, above written is what happened during dinner.] 

[After dinner, we go for a walk. But first, we have to go through Kerry Center.] 

[At Kerry Center.] 

Zakhar(smiling): So this is Kerry Center. 

Me: Yes. 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOO! KERRY CENTRE IS THE PLACE GRACEY NEEEEEEEEEEAARLY HAD HER BIRTHDAY CAKE BOUGHT. 

Me(sarcastically): Thanks for telling them. 

[At that moment, we pass by the bakery that used to sell the volcano tiramisu cake.] 

[Zakhar and Maurizio spies the red velvet cake way earlier than I do.] 

Maurizio, Zakhar(pleadingly): Can we PUH-LEASE have the red velvet cake? 

Jascha(smirking): Thought you’d like the mint mousse cake on your birthday? 

Me(smiling a little bit): Mint, nice. 

Zakhar(pleadingly to me after spying said mint mousse cake): PLEEEEEEEEAAAASE CAN I HAVE THE MINT MOUSSE CAKE ON DEC 17? 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Fine, but I won’t guarantee it’ll taste good or not, since I’ve never eaten cake here. 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air again): AND WHY DON’T WE? 

Maurizio: Just in case you get a sugar rush, as usual. 

[Jascha rolls his eyes at him.] 

Jascha(to me): I swear, Gracey, Italians are annoying. 

[I smile at him.] 

Me: Join the club. 

[*A short time skip. I had to drag Maurizio, Jascha, and Zakhar away from the cake window because they’re whining at me on buying them each a piece of the mint mousse flavor, and the red velvet flavor, while I’m secretly loosing money, because.] 

[We’re now outside and near Starbucks.] 

Maurizio(reminiscing): Aw, we used to sip on coffee there. 

Zakhar(clinging onto him and fake crying): I blame you, Maurizio, now I miss the screenings! 

Jascha(smiling): But you do remember when we joined KayEUndercover to see the Cyrano one, no? 

[The talk becomes a Screening Festival Reminisce Forum as soon as Jascha said that.] 

Maurizio: Right, and that one is wow. 

Zakhar: Unfortunately it was bittersweet at the end. 

Jascha: Still, it’ll slightly satisfy the Cyrano/Roxanne shippers. 

Zakhar(upset): Am I the only one who ships Roxann and Christian? 

Maurizio: I SHIP THEM TOO! 

Me: Same here. 

Jascha: Because they’re canon ALLLLLLLL the way till the end! 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is what happened on those random days, and stay tuned for the next chapter! I’m taking them swimming again, because summer is soon fading, and they HAVE to make the most of it!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened around… two days ago. And since it was way too random, I finished it today(Aug 17). 
> 
> A/N 4: Plus, the bakery is actually named the BBC, so don’t be confused! Also, I hope I’ll be either having the red velvet cake or the mint mousse cake on my b-day, which means if I do, then Zakhar will! :-D


	63. Swimming Clichés and Other Events(or, Preparations, Planning, and Whatnot; or, August Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: OK, so I’m back, with the latest adventures with my characters(guests). Since all we did was swimming with the CCT partners because they had to finish using their storage in the swim card, that’s the reason why I haven’t been updating — writing about swimming in every single chapter is WAAAY too cliché, and will no doubt chase away the readers xD. 
> 
> A/N 2: Ah, well. I’ve put the swimming adventure, or rather, as you may’ve been used to calling it(since I think you’ve been following this since it finally got into plot), water activities, into… two parts — because I just heard the female partner claim that there’s one more for us(re: me). Help…! 
> 
> A/N 3: OK, without further ado, hope you enjoy this, because I’m REALLY pressuring them coming with me to my paradise!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. My guests are having breakfast, tea, and whatnot and I have an announcement.] 

Me: Announcement time! OK, we’ll be having water activities these days, and also, I think we’ll be traveling soon to China, to meet the Jarovsky Crew. I don’t know, but I think their headquarters are there for now; or maybe they’re staying there temporarily. 

Mark Carwardine(to Stefan Mickisch): Fortunately they’re not coming to Norwich. Because it’s crowded enough. 

Stefan: Too true. 

Stephen Fry(excited): D’you think we’ll be going to Lawson’s Creek? 

[That gives great excitement to Mark and Stefan, especially the former.] 

[Mark jumps up and punches air.] 

Mark: WOOO! LAWSON’S CREEK! 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(deadpan): Isn’t there a fanfic saying that Oscar Wilde and company went there for CNY? It was REALLY weird. 

Stephen: Don’t remind me. 

[They finally quiet down and I continue with the announcement.] 

Me: There’ll be plenty of strange adventures in between. For example fixing Andrea’s flute at the London Symphony Orchestra Conservatory, or the LSOC; getting my Longines watch back because of the last time we went to fix it, etc. 

[At that, all three look up warily.] 

Mark(suspiciously): Andrea…? 

Stefan(already dreading the answer): Please no. 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Fine, Andrea Griminelli. Since he’s been bugging me on fixing it for god-knows-how-long. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(deadpan, as usual): Griminelli is eccentric, almost like Peter Kingdom, if he’s a solicitor. 

Mark: Oomph. 

Everyone else: ? 

Stefan(threatening to smile outright): Nothing, just an in-joke. 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll be telling you the days when we had adventures, like fixing the instrument, getting my watch back, etc.] 

[It is now the day when I have to get my watch back, and again, we’re in the living room of my house in Norfolk.] 

[This time, only actor Stephen Fry is with me. Woo~] 

[*Also, I forgot to mention, only for now is Stephen and I together; later, we’re having guest stars, AGAIN.] 

Me: OK, so we have to get my watch and then go swimming, AGAIN. 

Stephen(deadpan, Stefan Mickisch style): Brilliant. 

Me(grinning): I KNOW RIGHT 

Stephen: … 

Me(smiling): Even better, we’re having our favorite guests, Jascha Heifetz and Isaak Stern this time. 

Stephen(still deadpan): I’d rather have Howard Stern with us. 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me: No way, no sir. 

Stephen: Yes way, yes sir. 

Me: NO WAY! 

Stephen: YES WAY, YES TOO WAY! 

[Things go on like this for hours, almost.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re at the Plaza mall.] 

[My guests for today, violinists Jascha Heifetz and Isaak Stern, are having Dairy Queen and waiting for us.] 

Me(after finally dragging them away from that place): Welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Jascha and Isaak. 

Jascha, Isaak: Thanks for havin’ me. 

Stephen(cutting in before I can register): OK, a question, Gracey, what possessed you to make them speak like Americans? 

Isaak: She’s used to listening to NPR, I think. 

Jascha: No way, she’s used to watching CNN instead, and you know the guests always speak like that, so we’re kind of conditioned. 

Isaak: A la Brave New World. 

Jascha: A la Aldous Huxley. 

[As they ramble, we’re on our way to the watch fixation place.] 

[*Short time skip. At watch fixation place.] 

Stephen(smugly, as usual): This is where they fix watches, and yes, it’s upstairs. But you’d need a pass in order to go. 

Me(to Jascha and Isaak, extremely upset): Which in Stephen-ese means, ‘I have a pass to go upstairs, so see you later, suckers’. 

[Both Isaak and Jascha crack up.] 

[We go get our passes and we go upstairs, via the lift.] 

Stephen(still in Professor Fry mode): The lift is one of the best inventions because it brings us to the top floors with ease. It was invented in — 

[I finally cut in, because Jascha and Isaak are falling asleep.] 

Me(half-asleep): Not the entire encyclopedia, Stephen, please. 

Stephen: Graceyyy 

Me: NO. 

[As we bicker, we arrive.] 

[On the third floor.] 

[The place is really nice, but not exactly what you’d call luxurious — more like executive.] 

[Jascha and Isaak are impressed, because they’ve never been to an executive floor. Yet, before this.] 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! WOOOOO, EXECUTIVE FLOOR! 

Isaak: WOOOOO 

[They bound in the service room and are having trouble controlling their ‘OOOOOOOOH’s.] 

Jascha(with dawning realization): HOLY KWAS IN COCKTAIL GLASSES, GRACEY, THIS VIEW IS EVEN BETTER THAN THE VIEW IN GREAT YARMOUTH! I THINK GY SHOULD BE CALLED OK-YARMOUTH, HAH! 

Isaak(slightly envious): You’ve been to Great Yarmouth?! 

Jascha(over-enthusiastic): YES-SIR-REE! GRACEY TOOK US! WOO! 

Me(rubbing my temples because): Yes, and we had Andrea Bocelli with us, along with Shlomo Mintz and Stephen and Mark, also don’t forget Stefan. 

Isaak(smirking at me): Stefan is great, eh? 

Jascha(answering for me): I KNOW RIGHT 

[I drag them away from the window and take them to a table, after fetching a tablet.] 

Stephen(to me, and to everyone else, because he couldn’t resist): This tablet will buzz when they’re ready, so no need to panic. 

[Jascha rolls his eyes.] 

Jascha(to Isaak): As if we WILL. 

Isaak: I know right 

Jascha: … 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll tell you what happened after we went to the watch fixation centre.] 

[We arrive back in the Plaza mall.] 

[We pass by Häagen-Dazs.] 

Jascha(clinging onto me): GRACEY PLEEEEEEASE CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE ICE CREAM? 

Isaak(also clinging to me): PLEASE WITH… UH… 

Jascha(finishing for him): VODKA ON TOP? COCKTAIL VERSION? 

[I stare aimlessly around and accidentally spy Stefan Mickisch talking with his look-alikes, violinists Zakhar Bron and Leonard Manghan.] 

[Stefan and his companions spot me and waves at me, and I roll my eyes at them.] 

Stephen(shouting after also spying on Stefan and Co): WHAT HO, STEFAN AND COMPANIONS?! 

[I untangle myself from Isaak and Jascha’s death grip and rub my temples because of a massive headache, as usual.] 

Me(exasperated): FINE! 

[We get ice cream and we go to Stefan and company.] 

[I’m having cookie chip dough and classic milk flavors together, and Stephen has tiramisu and vanilla(for some reason, ever since our adventure in Via Roma, Stephen’s been addicted to tiramisu), while the other two are having vanilla and cookie chip dough as well as chocolate flavours.] 

[The seating is like this. Stefan and I are together, while Stephen’s with Leonard, and Zakhar’s with Jascha and Isaak on either side of him. Poor Zakhar xD] 

[As usual, Stefan and Company are talking about our latest adventures, and getting high as kites in the process.] 

Me(yelling above them because they’re starting to behave like drunk Irishmen): OK! A REMINDER: THIS IS NOT AN IRISH PUB, PEOPLE! 

[Zakhar jumps up and punches air.] 

Zakhar(over-enthusiastic): WOOOOOO! CAN’T WAIT FOR ST. PATRICKS DAY ALREADY! 

Stefan(jumping up and punching air as well): MAY THE LUCK O’ THE IRISH BE WITH YA! 

Leonard(blowing on a noise-maker): LET THE PARTAY BEGIN! 

All: WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[Confetti starts raining down and I hold my head because of a massive migraine caused by their sugar-induced screaming.] 

Me(mumbling to myself): Now I know exactly how exasperated Malvolio felt when he spotted Toby, Andrew, and Fabian being WAY too out of character. 

[Meanwhile, Zakhar brings out some Irish brandy and whatever other drinks they have when celebrating St. Patricks Day.] 

Zakhar(shouting): DRINKIN’ GAME TIIIIIIMMMEEE! EVERY TIME WHEN OUR FAVORITE PAIRINGS HAPPEN DRINK, ALRIGHT! 

Stefan, Leonard(throwing their arms in the air): YAHOOO! 

[I’m struggling to get this AU back in control, but Zakhar is banning me from doing so.] 

[*Short time skip. Soon, everyone is daring everyone on kissing, either slash or just plain pairing(s). I can tell you there’s no short of drama and stuff.] 

[Zakhar dares Stefan to kiss me.] 

Me(panicking and yelling): NO WAY, ZAKHAR, NO WAY AM I JOINING IN! 

[Zakhar ignores my protests, as usual.] 

Zakhar(to Stefan): KISS GRACEY! KISS GRACEY! KISS GRACEY! 

[Ignoring him, Stefan eats ice cream and kisses the life out of me.] 

Everyone else(cheering their heads off): WOOO-HOOOOOO~ 

o-o-o 

[*OK, a massive time skip. Now we’re supposed to be going to my swim paradise and swim.] 

[I orb everyone there after they digested their ice creams and came back down from their high.] 

[At my paradise.] 

[Singer-songwriters David Bowie and Elton John are the guest stars.] 

[David and Elton waves at us, both wearing flashy outfits — suits with sequins and A LOT of bling.] 

Me(going up to them): OK, welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance, David, and welcome here for the first time, Elton! 

Elton, David(in unison): THANKS FER HAVIN’ ME! 

[The rest of us transform our outfits into swimwear and swims, while fellow singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and conservationist Mark Carwardine are surfing and holding a competition in my wave pool.] 

[Party starts.] 

[Things get heated between Mark and Andrea almost immediately as it(the party, that is) starts.] 

[They’re arguing about cheating.] 

Mark(shouting): AND NO, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT I DIDN’T CHEAT! 

Andrea(also shouting): SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT IT WASN’T I, EITHER! 

[I intervene.] 

Me(calling): You two make peace otherwise NO SURFING! 

Mark, Andrea(both shouting back at the same time): NO WAY, GRACEY HE CHEATED, AND I WASN’T EVEN PREPARED FOR THAT DEVELOPEMENT! 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about what happened exactly, but please re-read chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39 for more. Also, I’m cutting this short because Elton is playing ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight?’ on account of Jascha telling him that Stefan kissed me while being high on ice cream, and I’m still angry at them both — at Jascha because of telling and humiliating me to a guest star, and Elton because he listened to J.] 

[After we’re finished with our swimming adventure.] 

Jascha(clinging onto me and pleading): Can we pleeeease have some… you know? 

Me: ? 

Jascha: I don’t want the others to know. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to him): I don’t know, because I REALLY don’t want Via anymore these days. 

Jascha: Aaawww 

[With their super-hearing, Mark and Stefan starts pleading with me as well.] 

Mark(declaring): WE ARE GOING TO VIA, BUT WITHOUT THE GUEST STARS! 

Me: Do you have to? 

[Simply, we go to Via, but we find Andrea and his current partner-in-crime already there waiting for us.] 

o-o-o 

[Via Roma, Lufthansa, near Kempinski Hotel.] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Maurizio Sciarretta are both wearing sunglasses and waiting for us, and both are grinning with way-too-knowing looks.] 

Me(burying my face into Jascha’s shoulder): Oh give me a break… 

Jascha(after spying them): OMYGAWD GRACEY, YOU ORBED ANDREA DIRECTLY HERE? THAT LUCKY ITALIANO! 

[I smile at that.] 

[Mark Carwardine has a complete opposite reaction after seeing Maurizio and Andrea, the latter, again, after the surfing incident.] 

Mark(screaming): AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! HELP HELP HELP! 911! 911! MAFIA ALERT, MAFIA ALERT! 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache induced by both of their reactions.] 

[We go to Maurizio and Andrea.] 

[*OK, the seating is like this: Maurizio - Andrea - Me - Jascha - Stefan - Stephen - Zakhar - Mark - Leonard - Isaak, and back again, aka Round Table.] 

Maurizio(with a flourish and throwing his sunglasses away): WE’VE ALREADY ORDERED FOR Y’ALL! SO NO NEED TO FRET! 

Mark(sarcastically): Aye aye, captain. 

[Leonard and Isaak blow on their noise-makers from the ice cream place.] 

Isaak(over-enthusiastic and suffering from swimming high): THAT WAS AWESOME! 

Leonard(also suffering from swimming high): I KNOW RIGHT 

Zakhar(deadpan): I think I’m disappointed in you, Mr. Sciarretta. 

Maurizio: Aw whyy… 

Zakhar: You do remember this is Gracey’s story, don’t ya? 

[I cut in before Maurizio could answer.] 

Me(slightly accusing and very possibly standing up to Maurizio): But YOU do remember yours, Leonard’s, and Stefan’s Fabian-Toby-Andrew moment back in Häagen-Dazs, don’t you? 

Leonard(with dawning realization): WE HAVEN’T FINISHED OUR DRINKING GAME! 

Stefan(suddenly grinning): RIGHT! 

Me(shouting above them): NO ONE’S PLAYING DRINKING GAMES, STEFAN AND LEONARD! AND DEFINITELY NO ICE CREAM FOR YOU TWO! 

Them(whining): Aww Graceyyyyy~ 

[I ignore them and we have food.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about what happened then, because since Jascha’s the one having ice cream, everyone’s sort of bugging me on buying THEM ice cream.] 

o-o-o 

[*A mega-time skip. Now it’s the next day.] 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room, again.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry and singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli are messing, again, with my music-player, while playing a song loudly and softly and repeat.] 

Me(to Stephen): OK, so today we have to go to the LSOC to fix Andrea Griminelli’s flute. Remind me, please! 

Stephen: You mean that Robert Sean Leonard look-alike? 

Me(sighing): Yes. 

[Andrea Bocelli looks up.] 

Andrea: I personally think he’s sort of like Steve Barton. 

[Stephen and I exchange a look.] 

Stephen(slightly disturbed): Explanation, Gracey? 

Me: Loss of control of my AUs, BECAUSE of Mark and Zakhar last night. And no worries, that was temporary. 

Stephen(deadpan): And that was… well spooky, if you ask Mark. 

Me: Right. 

[*OK, since I’m extremely lazy, I’m doing a short time skip. It’s later in the day, and again, Andrea and Stephen are arguing about fixing the music player.] 

[Stephen is playing the music on said player. LOUDLY at first, the soft, and loudly again, and softly again. The cycle repeats itself around 10 times did I finally snap.] 

Me(exasperated): Stephen, d’you have to? 

Stephen(frantically): YES, Gracey, otherwise no more Wagner. 

Andrea(deadpan): At least you have your Apple MacBook. 

Stephen(slightly whining): That’s not the saaaaame 

[I roll my eyes at him and he gives me a pouty look.] 

Me(to myself): Urgh. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to Andrea): There’s a reason why I want the Three to become my main characters after Halloween. 

Andrea: Fair enough. 

[*Another time skip. Now Stephen and I are going to London and to the Orchestra headquarters.] 

[*A/N: I decided to make the lobby and everything — including the apartments — into something out of a hotel, because the one we went to is absolutely AWFUL. :-(] 

[Outside the HQ.] 

Me: OK, let’s get some ice cream and then go. Hope Andrea won’t see us then. 

Stephen(superior): Unfortunately, maybe. 

Me(glaring at him): Can you give me some hope for once? 

[We go get ice cream.] 

[We see flutist Andrea Griminelli talking with someone after we arrive at the front door of the HQ.] 

Me: Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Andrea. 

Stephen(to me): Strange that they have the same name. 

[Both Andrea and I ignore him.] 

Andrea: Thanks for having me :-) 

Me: OK, so now we’re at the HQ. 

Stephen, Andrea: True. 

Me: The question is, how d’we get in. 

Stephen(upset): Thought you could orb us? 

Andrea(to him): I thought you knew that her orbing skills are still limited, and also, those skills of hers are only in main category after — 

[I interrupt.] 

Me: Yes, but please, no spoilers! 

[*Time skip. After almost hours of aimless roaming around, we enter the HQ.] 

[Said HQ is similar to what Grand Hyatt is like on the inside.] 

Stephen(speechless): Am I the only one who thinks this is like the Wagner Opera House in Bayreuth? 

Andrea, Me: … 

Me: Careful, Stephen, sometimes that can be the trigger for Stefan and Leonard to appear, since they appeared in Wagner and Me. 

Andrea(jumping up and punching air): ANOTHER WAGNER FAN, AWESOME! 

Me: Shlomo and Gil won’t think it’s awesome at all. 

Andrea(still suffering from Wagnerian high): Welp. Who cares, right?! 

[I ignore him because I’m still disturbed by Merchant of Venice and don’t want it to re-enact IRL.] 

[We go to the 3rd floor, after climbing endless flights of stairs.] 

Me: Wow, that’s some kind of exercise. 

Andrea(grinning): Sure, especially when people finished their gelatos. 

Me(to pretend audience): I’ve mentioned that Italians are kind of like Sentinels, haven’t I? 

Stephen(answering my rhetorical question): Not really, and Mark’ll really agree with you. 

Andrea(deadpan): I think her question is rhetorical. 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(Mark Carwardine style, deadpan, to me): Seems like someone’s intellect failed him today. 

Me: I think you, Mark Carwardine, and Phill Jupitus will definitely be best friends, and the Fabian, Toby, and Andrew of Complete and Utter Ignorance. 

[Stephen jumps up and punches air.] 

Stephen(high on ice cream): I KNOW RIGHT, YOU FREAKIN’ FINALLY REALIZED IT, GRACEY! AND YOU DO KNOW ‘ANDREA’ IS ‘ANDREW’ IN ITALIAN, DONTCHA? NOW AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL WE NEED IS FABIAN AND TOBY, HAH! 

Me(deadpan): No more ice cream for you, Mr. Fry. 

Stephen(puppy eyes): Aww~ 

Me(still stiff): NO. 

[We arrive at the mock hotel room, which is where they fix instruments.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write more, and yes, we did more swimming. Want to know about the latter event, re-read chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39 because I’m lazy, as mentioned.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: Most of this actually happened, and yes, the Chinese HQ of the orchestra is NOPE, so I made a JW Marriott version to house the London Symphony Orchestra. 
> 
> A/N 5: Part 2 is coming soon, and I’m no longer sure about fast updates — we’re going back to YiChang; and unfortunately, as soon as I’m there, no more updating(almost). Because I’ll be forced to do a hiatus, though I’m no longer as disturbed by MoV as before.


	64. Random Adventures(or, Swimming to the Fullest)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This happened most recently, and I’m choosing the parts where it’s most memorable, so this happened. 
> 
> A/N 2: These mostly happened yesterday, so bear with me, please.

[Some days later.] 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room, again, as usual.] 

Me: OK, announcement. This may be our last time doing the swimming, because we’ll have to leave for YiChang soon, to reunite with the Jarovskys. 

Mark Carwardine: As in a CROSS-OVER? 

Me: Kind of. It’s unexpected because I didn’t want one, and now, we have one. 

Mark(beaming): BRILLIANT! 

Me: Also, that means I’ll be updating this WAY slower, since we’ve Chiara’s b-day party, as well as TrilotEyes and Stephen’s. Also, Rodney’s, since he’s on Aug 23. And on top of all this, the modernized Wagner musical and the Horror Film Festival. All that is held there, because of the plan change. And more, we may or may not come right back to Norfolk. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(after I finish my monologue): And the guests? 

Me: I’ll sort them out after we arrive. The main ones are still you, Stephen, and Stefan. 

[*OK, time skip. We’re at the mall close to where I made up my paradise and we’re inside, trying to do some shopping for tomorrow, which is the time when we leave.] 

[This time, again, my guest stars are Gil Shaham and Shlomo Mintz. Why am I making them be the guest stars when I have to go shopping for stuff, I have no idea, so don’t ask.] 

[At MarketPlace.] 

Me(to Gil and Shlomo): So this is MarketPlace, and we’re buying some fruits and whatnot here, before we leave. 

Shlomo: You’re leaving? 

Gil: Where to? 

Me: China, because. 

Gil(slight): AW why? 

Me: No reason whatsoever. Actually, just because there has to be a cross-over, and believe me when I say this, I don’t want this to happen either. 

[They’re both upset so we go buy water.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write more so let’s see what happens when I buy them Dairy Queen.] 

[I’m having a vanilla milkshake while the others are having some red velvet vanilla ice cream.] 

Me: This is our last time swimming so rejoice, everyone! 

[They sigh in relief.] 

Stephen(relieved): Finally. 

Gil: True. 

Shlomo: And don’t mention about the craziness in Great Yarmouth. 

Me: Don’t remind me. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re at my paradise, and yes, Jascha Heifetz, Maurizio Sciarretta, Zakhar Bron, and Isaak Stern are all there, waiting for us in swim trunks, flippers, swim rings, snorkel snouts, etc. Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and fellow singer Luciano Pavarotti are today’s DJs.] 

Jascha(waving at me): WHAT HO, GRACEY! COME JOIN THE PARTY! 

Zakhar(also to me): ALSO, IT’S KINDA UNFAIR THEY’RE THE DJS, DONCHA THINK! 

[We join them.] 

Me(to them both): Just in case you two play E Tu La Sera and Nessun Dorma at the same time. 

[*A reminder: Andrea and Luciano are also dressed in bling, but not as flashy and flamboyant. Andrea is dressed in royal blue, with headphones and his signature aviators, and Luciano is in similar attire, but more classy.] 

Andrea(shouting): THEY PLAYED MY SONG, GRACEY? THAT’S MORE THAN SICK, I TELL YOU! WOOOOO~ 

Luciano: JUST A REMINDER THEY SHOULD PLAY NESSUN DORMA MORE OFTEN! 

Andrea: NO WAY, THEY SHOULD PLAY MY SONGS MORE OFTEN! TELL THEM, GRACEY? 

[I rub my temples because of an oncoming headache.] 

Me: WILL DO! 

[We swim and the party starts.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you what happened in the most memorable moments.] 

[Maurizio thinks it’s funny to splash water on me when I’m doing backstroke.] 

[I nearly drown.] 

Me(panicking and sinking at the same time): AAAAAAHHHH MAURIZIO~ *I sink* BLUBLUBLUB~ 

Everyone else: *ROFLMHO!* 

[*OK, this is about it.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re back in my house, and neither Shlomo nor Maurizio are exhausted. I’m the polar opposite.] 

[They cook meatballs and sausages for celebration.] 

Stefan(brandishing a glass of beer): WOOOOOO SAUSAGE! 

[I slump onto the couch in exasperation. Since I’m lazy, this is about it, so… yeah, and see you next time when we’re on the way to China! :-D :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: These actually happened, only yesterday, I was the one overly-exhausted and here is J dragging me along to YiChang :-( 
> 
> A/N 4: Well, she didn’t say I couldn’t bring companions, so that’s why I dragged Stephen, Mark, and Stefan along with me. We may get some more guests, I’m not sure ; )


	65. China(or, Oriental Journey - A La Lawson's Creek)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m writing the first snippets ON THE TRAIN TO YICHANG, so… yeah. 
> 
> A/N 2: If you’ve read SissolxJeffC4ever’s story of Lawson’s Creek, you’d recognize the title. If you haven’t, I REALLY recommend it, since it’s just complete nonsense and fun xD

[Random Hotel Room. Beijing, China.] 

[I wake up on the same bed as actor Stephen Fry and wonder where the hell am I, then I remember I orbed Stephen, Stefan Mickisch, and Mark Carwardine to some random hotel room IN BEIJING IN CHINA.] 

Me(staring at the ceiling and to myself): Right, I orbed them here, and this is the Marriott. Right, right, hope they won’t panic when they wake up. 

[Right on cue, Mark wakes screaming his head off.] 

Mark(shouting and flailing his arms, almost punching Stefan in the face): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HELP HELP HELP WE’RE NO LONGER IN NORFOLK BUT SOMEWHERE ELSE! WE’RE KIDNAPPED! GRACEY? GRACEY? WHERE’RE YOU? ANSWER, PLEASE?! 

[Both Stephen and Stefan wake up abruptly.] 

[Stefan bolts upright and smacks the pillow onto Mark.] 

Stefan(in an even thicker German accent): THE WORD IS ‘QUIET’, MARK, DO WE HAVE TO REMIND YOU EVERY SINGLE MOMENT? 

Mark(slightly muffled): BUT WE’RE KIDNAPPED! 

[Stephen looks around.] 

Stephen(with realization): Ahhhh, yes, Gracey orbed us here. 

[Mark throws the pillow off himself and smacks Stefan with it.] 

Mark: ?!?! 

[PAUSE] 

Mark, Stefan(in unison): WE’RE IN CHINA, STEPHEN? 

Mark: WHERE’S GRACEY? 

[I sit up.] 

Me: I’m here, and no need to shout. It’s true, I orbed you, Stephen, and Stefan here last night after I woke up. We’re going to YiChang today, slightly later. 

Stefan(deadpan): To the Jarovskies. 

Me: Kind of. 

Stephen(bouncing on the bed): THAT MEANS WE’RE IN FER AN A’VENTURE, PEOPLE! 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): LOVE THAT ENTHUSIASM, STEPHEN! 

[I rub my temples because of an early day headache.] 

Me: Well, I’m not sure if anyone else’ll be with us throughout this adventure. Very possibly no. 

[PAUSE again]   
Stefan(smiling): No guest stars? 

Me: Maybe no. 

Stefan: Aw 

Mark(beaming): NO MAFIA? 

Me(laughing a little): Of COURSE not. 

[They cheer and confetti starts raining down.] 

[I flop back on the pillows.] 

Me(mumbling into the sheets): Now I regret everything. 

Mark(standing on the bed and using his SPA water bottle as a microphone): I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, PEOPLE! GUESS WHAT, WE’RE ONLY HAVING GUEST STARS FOR THE PARTIES!! 

Stefan: Parties? 

Me(looking up): I only remember the party thing for Chiara Jarovsky and that’s about it, except for the Horror Film Festival and the musical thing. 

Mark(not even listening to Stefan and I): GUESS WHAT, PEOPLE! THERE BE GUEST STARS ON AUG 24, SINCE TRILOTEYES AND STEPHEN’RE BOTH HAVIN’ THEIR PARTIES AT THE SAME DATE, HAH! 

[Stephen waves and me and Stefan as if he’s the president.] 

[Stefan and I flop back on our pillows with a groan.] 

Stephen(jumping up on the bed as well): WOOOOOOOOOOO PARTAAAAAAY! 

[Again, confetti rains down and balloons float down as well.] 

[*OK, time skip. We have to go to the bakery to buy some breads for Chiara.] 

[At bakery #1.] 

Me: OK, now we’ve to buy some breads for Chiara, because. 

Stefan(to Stephen): Sometimes I wish she’ll treat US like this. 

Stephen(deadpan): Unfortunately, nope. 

[We buy breads and we are now on the way to the train station.] 

[*Time skip. We’re at the train station.] 

[Stefan is now dressed as a train conductor.] 

Stefan(in German, with a salute): WELCOME TO THE DEUTSCHE BAHN CHINESE VERSION, GRACEY, STEPHEN, AND MARK! 

[I face-palm myself.] 

Mark(after transforming his outfit into something military): SALUUUUUUUUUUUTE, OR ‘BAAAAAAAAAAAH’, AS GENERAL MELCHETT INSISTS! GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO, STEFAN! 

Stefan(not even listening): THIS IS STEFAN MICKISCH ESCORTING YOU TO YOUR COMPARTMENT! 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m really suffering from a headache now): Stefan, Mark, too much. 

[They both ignore me and escort me and Stephen to our compartment.] 

[Our compartment is German style, which means it’s six seats, three facing us, three facing them.] 

Stefan: You may be wondering where is everyone. They’re all gone, because I just led you into a vortex and now this is a very small train — almost like a tram, that is. And Zakhar, Leonard, and I are your stewards! 

[With a flourish, violinists Zakhar Bron and Leonard Manghan appear, both also in train conductor uniforms.] 

Zakhar(with a flourish): ZAKHAR BRON, AT YOUR SERVICE! 

Leonard(saluting): LEONARD MANGHAN, AT YOUR SERVICE! 

Mark(to me): They;re like androids. 

Me: That’s because I suspect them ACTUALLY to be androids. 

[We settle down and the train, or rather, tram, starts to run.] 

[*Before all that, I bought us some French fries and other stuff, so now we eat.] 

[Zakhar and Stefan are doing Safety Actions, as if we’re on a plane.] 

Zakhar: In case of emergency, don’t hesitate on calling us. 

[Stefan demostrates.] 

Stefan(suddenly appearing in normal casual wear and next to me): LEONARD! THERE’S A FIRE! HELP HELP HELP! 

Mark(really thinking it was true): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH, STEPHEN, GRACEY, ABHORT! ABHORT! FIRE ALERT! 

[Zakhar and Stefan ignores him, and Leonard arrives and gives people instructions.] 

[Lights dim and fake flames spring up.] 

Zakhar(suddenly in firefighter gear): And while escaping from the flames, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, stand up and run, crawl. REALLY, PEOPLE, I MEAN IT. 

Leonard(also in firefighter gear): When the pressure in the cabin gets stiff, the masks drop. 

[Masks that are in the shape of beaks drop from above us as the fake flames die out a little.] 

Stefan(deadpan): Pull hard on it and cover your *he demonstrates* mouth and nose. 

[Zakhar appears lightning fast next to Stephen.] 

Zakhar(back in train conductor uniform): Make sure to put yours on before helping others, as if they do need help. AND as if they’re disabled! There’s a fire, people, so be helpful for once! 

[He uses Stephen as a demonstration.] 

[Immediately after that, he, Stefan, and Leonard grabs all our luggage and scatter them everywhere, after making the masks and the fake flames disappear.] 

Stefan(back in train conductor uniform as well): DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, scatter your luggage around like this *he flings his arm around* 

Zakhar(accusingly): HOW COULD YOU, GRACEY, STEPHEN, AND MARK? DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND IT’S UNSAFE??? 

[I had to clamp Mark’s mouth shut and restrain him in order for him not to lunge at Zakhar.] 

Stefan: Instead, gather ‘em up like this *he demonstrates* and put them back where they should be. 

[They put the luggages back.] 

Leonard(grinning): And when we have to make an emergency stop, the fluorescent look lights’ll light up and there’ll be arrows pointing to the exit. 

[Lights dim again and fluorescent ground lights light up.] 

[After a while, everything becomes normal.] 

Zakhar: And WHILE there’s an emergency stop, you’ll have to have life jackets! 

Me(finally breaking their drama skit of safety precautions on a plane): You do know we’re on a train, don’t you. 

Stephen(in awe): I hope so. 

[Zakhar and his companions all ignore us, as usual.] 

Zakhar(puts on a life jacket): Remember to fasten your buttons and plugs, then blow air into these pipes *he demonstrates* 

[Again, in lightning speed, everything becomes normal and Stefan, Zakhar, and Leonard are all back in train conductor uniforms and the life jackets disappear.] 

All three: We wish you a safe journey, and enjoy! 

[Drama ends.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Well, that was… interesting. 

Mark(glaring at them): AND making us think there really is a fire. 

Stephen: Also, they missed the point in most parts — only life jackets are used on a boat and a plane. So are oxygen masks. 

Mark(irritated): Also, you shouldn’t’ve accused us when — 

Stephen(exasperated): Ever heard of acting? 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, this is all we did. Now I think we should take a break. Soon, more drama is here!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This kind of happened. And yes, I’m writing this on the train! We’re soon arriving, so we’ll be meeting the Jarovskys next! 
> 
> A/N 4: And yes, this is not the end of the chapter, so don’t really be fooled by ‘End chapter 65’. Next will be the continuation, so stay tuned :-)


	66. Meeting the Jarovskys(or, Jarovsky Family Drama)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hiii~ all! Here, we’re meeting the never-away-from-drama Jarovsky family and related! So… yeah, things are getting even weirder from now on.

[YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Little Russia.] 

[Jarovsky Family estate.] 

Me: OK, now we’re near, and I think I just spotted them not long ago. 

Mark(looking around): THIS IS LITTLE RUSSIA? 

Stephen: Apparently yes. 

Mark(mock-whining): Aaaww why didn’t we come here the first round? 

[I ignore them bickering and spies Allan Wanoski driving his best friends.] 

[I wave a little, especially when his cousin, Eileen Wanoski, shouted at me.] 

Eileen(hollering): AAAAAHHHH HIIIIIIIIIIIIII GRACEYYYY~ 

Me(fake enthusiastic): HIIIIIIIII~ 

[*Short time skip. We’ve met Chiara Jarovski, the now-wife of Jascha Wanokov.] 

Chiara(smiling): Welcome to the Jarovski place, or rather, the Wanokov-Jarovski estate! 

Stephen, Me, Mark, Stefan: Glad to be here. 

Me: OK, we just spotted the others, so we’d better hide. It’s simple because. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m writing exactly what happened afterwards.] 

[In the estate.] 

[Everyone is introducing themselves.] 

Jascha: Privet, everyone. I’m Jascha Wanokov and Chiara’s husband. We got married in the latest story, End of the Darkness. 

Me(whispering to my companions): I’ll explain later. 

Chiara: And I’m Chiara Jarovski — the wife of Jascha, as you may remember from that story! 

[The others are over-enthusiastic.] 

Allan: I’m Alan Wanoski, the husband of Rima Ceaudescu, who isn’t here yet. And yes, I’m the cousin of Eileen Wanoski. 

Shannen Leaven: I’m Shannen Leaven and I’m an operatic singer and actress. My brother Rian Leaven and I have the same occupation, ironically, and I’m married with Siovan Wanoski. 

Rian Leaven(smiling): Since now, and yes, I’m Rian. 

Me: OK, now we’ve been introduced, we can get back to normal, no? And we can unpack. 

Jascha: OF COURSE! 

[We unpack.] 

[*OK, so this is the first time with the Jarovski crew. Also, this is all, for now, because I’m lazy. Still, stay tuned for more! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: End of the Darkness is the latest story in the Jarovski Family RPFs, and it tells the story after the passing of Chiara’s elder brother, Anton Jarovski. And yes, there’s a happy ending in that story — Chiara and Jascha finally got married :,-) 
> 
> A/N 3: The part of Shannen being an opera singer is based on SissolxJeffC4ever’s story of Kardresche and the Spirit of the Musical; and if you haven’t read either of these, I do recommend it, though Sissol didn’t really finish hers yet. 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, this actually happened, and yes, the Jarovski Family is REAL, though not Russian, unfortunately. And there were WAAAY too much drama so that’s why I didn’t write it all.


	67. Jarovskian Randomness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is somehow the aftermath, so bear with me, please.

[Jarovsky-Wanokov estate, YiChang, Hubei, China.] 

[Living quarters.] 

Me: So today, we’re finishing our packing and I think that’s about it. 

Stephen Fry: … 

Mark Carwardine: … 

Stefan Mickisch: … 

Me: Comments, please? 

[They defrost.] 

Stephen(to Stefan and Mark): So today’s another random day. 

Mark: Brilliant. 

Stefan: Actually, how about let’s watch some movies with the Leavens? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(jumping up): BRILLIANT, STEFAN, YOU’RE AWESOME, YOU KNOW THAT. 

[We go have breakfast first.] 

[Outside.] 

Me: OK, let’s see if we can get some noodles. 

Stephen(QI voice): Here’s a Noodle poem — Noodle, moodle, hoodle, coodle, noodle, snoodle, snarkel. 

Me(not even listening): Thanks for the literary boost, Mr. Fry. 

Stephen(smiles at me): Thanks to you too, Gracey, for feedback. 

[Stefan and Mark are about to die laughing.] 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): THAT WAS AWESOME, GRACEY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH NOW! 

Stefan(deadpan, to Stephen): Sorry to break it to you but she wasn’t even listening to your so-called poem. 

[*Mega time skip. Now it’s afternoon. Since I’m lazy, this is what happened — we hardly did anything in the morning, so… yeah.] 

[Afternoon.] 

Mark: So anyone wanting to go to Lawson’s these days? 

The Leavens: Unfortunately, we couldn’t currently, we have practice, aka vocalizing scales and stuff, also practicing with each other. 

Me: Right, they’re operatic singers, remember? 

[PAUSE] 

[Jascha Wanokov appears.] 

Jascha: Also, Alan Wanoski is coming tonight, so it’ll be extremely party like, before Chiara’s b-day. 

Chiara: I don’t need those kinds of extravagance, Jascha, remember? 

Eileen: Right, and don’t forget to tell Janelle! 

[And in our corner.] 

Me: Things’ll never be the same. 

Mark(to no one in particular): AND DON’T MENTION TOMORROW’S ACTIVITY AND THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW! 

Me(remembering): Ah, yes, the Film festival and the Wagner musical. Brilliant. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): STEPHEN’S PARTAY, REMEMBER, GRACEY! 

[I rub my temples because I’ve been suffering from a massive migraine since the morning.] 

Me: I remember. 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re talking with the Wanoskis and Leavens.] 

Rian: So our next tour is about to start. 

Shannen: Right, so we can only stay for… around… six more days? 

Rian: Approximately yes. 

[Stephen gets hooked, as usual.] 

Stephen: So you two are doing operatic musicals? 

Rian: True. 

Shannen: You may or may not be interested in this, but our next project is a Wagner musical as well. 

Rian: At our Headquarters, that is. 

Me: And where IS your HQ? Don’t tell me Milan *smiles* 

Rian: Actually, no. 

Shannen: Our HQ is in Bayreuth, since… yeah, we’re doing Wagner these days. Practice endlessly. 

[Stephen jumps up and punches air.] 

Stephen: OOOOOOOOHHHH WAGNER TIIIIIIIIMMMEEEE! 

[The Leavens smile at each other.] 

Me: Actually, I’m moving there after Halloween. 

Rian(grinning): I thought you were still situated in Norfolk? 

Shannen: … 

Me: I was forced by the Three. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(to the Leavens): BAYREUTH IS AWESOME, ISN’T IT? 

Shannen(smiling): Of course, but we work there, most of the time, on our operatic projects. 

Rian: Our next one is in the Wagner Opera House. But before you get excited, we’re not yet invited for the Bayreuth Music Festival. 

Stephen: Awwwww~ 

[We get interrupted by Chiara for dinner.] 

[During dinner.] 

Mark: Never knew there was a Little Russia. 

Stephen(to everyone, as if it is relevant): I TOLD you he’s ONE of the Alan Davieses around here! 

Everyone: ??? 

Me: A reminder — not everyone watched QI, mister. 

[*OK, another time skip. Now everyone’s about to go to sleep.] 

Rian(shouting): NIGHT, SHANN! 

Shannen(shouting back): NIGHT TO YOU TOO! 

[They go back to their respective rooms.] 

[Stephen and I are sharing a room, and Stefan and Mark are sharing a room.] 

[In Stephen and my room.] 

Me: You know what, Shannen and Chiara are sleeping together, and everyone doesn’t care. 

Stephen(smirking): You can trust them, Gracey. 

Me: It’s not what YOU’RE thinking about! 

[We go to sleep.] 

[*OK, whatever happens next, I’m leaving you to your own horror imaginations, because.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Again, this actually happened. The ACTUAL Chiara and Shannen are, like their character selves, sleeping together as well, but without any ACTION going on, fortunately, and whatever SHOULD happen, I’ll leave you to your own… well… active imaginations.


	68. Hanging Out Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This just happened, and it was hilarious.

[Afternoon. Jarovski-Wanokov estate. Little Russia. YiChang, Hubei, China.] 

[Outside.] 

[The Leavens, Janelle Walliss, and my gang decide to go strolling.] 

Me(holding my head because I’m suffering from a massive migraine again): Fair enough, but I hope to miss the Wagner musical revival. 

Shannen Leaven(smirking): OK. 

Rian Leaven: … 

[Actor Stephen Fry, conservationist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch follow me. Stephen is upset about my suggestion.] 

Stephen(whining): AWW WHYYY 

Me: NO REASON. 

Stephen: THERE HAS TO BE ONE! 

Mark: I think Gracey doesn’t want to argue today. 

Stefan: Since she’s suffering from headaches. 

Me: Of course I don’t want to! 

[We go strolling.] 

[*Time skip. We’ve bought water and some food.] 

Me(to the Leavens): Good luck not throwing up. 

Rian, Shannen(grinning): We won’t! 

Mark: Suit yourself. 

[We continue walking.] 

Mark(to me): So the Chinese also celebrate Halloween? 

Me: Kind of, and Chiara just got her birthday done on one of those times. 

Stephen(in a creepy voice): Oooooooohhhh eeeeeeeerriiiieee 

Stefan(deadpan): Very scary, Mr. Fry. 

[The Leavens smile at each other.] 

[*Short time skip. Talk turns back to the one when we were at the riverbanks.] 

Mark(to no one in particular): Not so good for the environment if they set fires on the banks… 

Stefan: Too true. 

Me: You can never trust the Chinese. Not much offense meant, though. 

[FLASHBACK] 

[An hour ago. On the banks of the Yangtze river.] 

[We hear someone playing a cross-over of Wagner and Verdi.] 

[Mark and Stephen starts singing.] 

[*I do not know German so I’m not writing it down.] 

Me(holding my head because): GUYS! 

Mark(whining): AAWWW WHYYYYY~ 

Me: I’m suffering from a severe headache here, alright? 

Stephen(sulking): Not alright. 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

[We go to have some rice pudding in Little Britain.] 

Stephen(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOO LITTLE BRITAIN! 

Rian(smiling): So you’re FROM the UK, no? 

Stephen, Mark: OF COURSE! 

Shannen(to Rian): I TOLD YOU HE’S TOO PERFECT FOR OSCAR WILDE, DIN’T I? 

[Stephen smiles very smug at me.] 

[I roll my eyes at him in response.] 

[*OK, this is about it. This is kind of all the fun we had, and not as hilarious as the real thing. Still, tomorrow is the TRUE adventure! We’ll be celebrating Stephen’s birthday FIRST, so take that, Chiara! xD] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: As mentioned, this actually happened, but the real thing is more hilarious. I don’t have much time now, so I didn’t write everything — I’ll make sure to add it in as soon as possible!


	69. Birthday Twinning(or, Anniversary Excitement)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is what kind of happened today, so… yeah :-D

[Little Russia. YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Living quarters.] 

[Morning is brighter than normal, and we’re alone there, for some reason(read: because I made everyone disappear!)] 

[Mark Carwardine and Stefan Mickisch are throwing confetti around Stephen Fry, who is typing his documents into my computer because he’s too lazy to use his own.] 

[I appear and Stefan and Mark start singing.] 

Mark, Stefan(in unison): HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHEN! WOOO~ 

[I remember the date.] 

Me(smiling): Aww, yes, happy birthday! 

Mark(throwing more confetti): AND PARTAY TONIGHT! 

Me: Fine, if you don’t want to join in the Jarovski family feast tonight. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(with dawning realization): THERE’S A FEAST? 

Me: … 

Stefan(over-enthusiastic): OF COURSE WE’RE JOININ’ IN, THEN HAVING B-DAY PARTAY! 

[*OK, time skip. Since I’m lazy, we’ll see how the afternoon goes.] 

[Afternoon is basically watching horror movies with the Leavens.] 

[They watch Re-animator.] 

Shannen: I knew that Jeffrey Combs should keep acting horror roles. 

Rian: Trouble is, you have no idea of movie acting. 

Shannen: Anyways, I don’t really care. 

[Stefan and Mark are asleep as Stephen, TrilotEyes, and I chat about the party arrangements.] 

Me: If you want to join in the feast, better make it before the party. 

TrilotEyes: Mine is before, and Stephen’s can be after! 

Stephen(over-enthusiastic): OR MAYBE WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER! 

TrilotEyes(ignoring him and to me): I think he invited Alan and some others as well. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’m making another time skip. Now it’s about time for Stephen and Lorne’s combined b-day party, and everywhere is balloons and whatever party things we can think of.] 

[Zakhar Bron and Leonard Manghan, as well as Maurizio Sciarretta, are in party clothes and funny hats and are playing with noise-makers.] 

[Oscar Wilde is here as well.] 

Oscar(delighted): HOW ‘BOUT I MAKE SOME POTATOES FOR Y’ALL? 

[Maurizio and his best friends jump up and punch air.] 

Maurizio, Zakhar, Leonard: OOOOOOOOOOHHH IRISH PARTAY! 

[That’s what happened before the doorbell rang.] 

[Doorbell rings.] 

Me(smiling): A delicious cake has come to call! 

[I go and get the door. Singer Maria Callas is there, in delivery woman wear, and holding a cake in a tray in her hand.] 

Maria(grinning): I’m Maria Callas and here’s your cake you ordered! 

Me(grinning back): Thanks! 

[*Short time skip.] 

[Party starts.] 

[Maria and I sings the birthday song.] 

Maria, Me(sings): HAA-AAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOUU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEEEE-EEEEPHEN AND LOOO-OOO-OOORNE (YEAH); HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOO-OOUUUUU! 

Everyone: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LORNE AND STEPHEN, WOOOO~ 

[Balloons float down at the same time as confetti, and Maurizio and his besties blow on their noise-makers.] 

[We eat cake, as well as food.] 

[It soon becomes a food fight because Maurizio and Zakhar, along with Stefan, couldn’t come to an agreement.] 

Zakhar(shouting): MINE! 

Maurizio(also shouting): MINE! 

Both: MINE! 

Stefan(hollering): NO, IT’S MINE! MINE, MINE, MINE! 

[Stefan throws a paper plate at them, and Maurizio tosses a piece of cake.] 

[A major Charlie Chaplin-esque food fight erupts officially.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of everything that happened. See you soon, and hope you enjoyed the random episode!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This mostly happened in reality. Still, yes, happy birthday to Stephen Fry! Happy 61, xD 
> 
> A/N 3: We’re about to have a feast with the Wanoskis, so bear with me for what didn’t happen — I never wanted this cross-over to happen, so don’t expect to see the Jarovskis all the time.


	70. Random Adventures and Going Somewhere Else(or, Travel With the Jarovskis)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This kind of happened as well, so… yeah. 
> 
> A/N 2: The reason I didn’t write this recently is because it’s WAY too… well, you know… boring.

[Afternoon in the Jarovski-Wanokov estate.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, so Jascha and Janelle Walliss just invited most of us to somewhere else, and it’s not too far from here. 

Eileen Wanoski: Unfortunately most of us wouldn’t be able to go. 

[At that moment, my guests are over-enthusiastic; or rather, one of my guests are.] 

Conservationist Mark Carwardine(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOO MORE ADVENTURES! 

[I smile at that.] 

Me: Kind of. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: So this is kind of another merge episode. 

Actor Stephen Fry: … 

Pianist Stefan Mickisch: … 

Mark: Comments, everyone else? 

The Leavens: Unfortunately, we wouldn’t be able to join either. We’re leaving for Germany soon, and we need more practice. 

Mark(to me): Sometimes opera is such spoil-sport. 

Me: … 

[*Time skip. Now we’re with the Leavens again. More specifically, Shannen Leaven.] 

[We go to Little Britain again.] 

Me: OK, now we can have some food here, and later tour around the river, maybe. 

Mark(to pretend audience): For some reason, Gracey’ll never remember the smoke. 

Stephen(continuing): For the Chinese version of Halloween. 

[They start singing again.] 

Stephen, Mark(in their spookiest voices): THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN: HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN~ 

Shannen, Me, Stefan: 0____o 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, let’s do another time skip. Now we’re having some frozen cakes and are strolling around the river.] 

[Shannen challenges us to some karaoke.] 

[Stephen and Mark starts singing David Bowie’s song of Space Oddity.] 

Stephen, Mark(sings): GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM — TAKE YOUR PROTEIN PILLS AND PUTCHA HELMET OOOOOOON~ 

[I hold my head because they’re singing louder and louder.] 

Mark, Stephen(sings): … HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH ABOVE THE EEEAAAAARRRRTH! 

[Meanwhile…] 

Stefan(to me): Why aren’t they singing Time to Say Goodbye, do you think? 

Me: Don’t remind them. 

[Right on cue, Mark and Stephen start singing Time to Say Goodbye in their best operatic voices.] 

Mark, Stephen(tenor voices): TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TO SAY GOOOD-BYYYYE! Sailin’ my ships to places we’ve never been; ‘cause it’s TIIIIIIIIME TO SAY GOO-OO-OOOOO-DBYYYYYYYEEEEEE~ 

Shannen: 0_o 

[I hold my head tighter because I’m suffering from another massive migraine by their scream-singing.] 

o-o-o 

[The next day.] 

[Jarovski-Wanokov estate, Little Russia, YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Living room.] 

[Janelle Walliss is banging on a gong and making everyone wake up, except for the Leavens, because.] 

Janelle(shouting): EV’RYONE WAKE UP! WE GO TO LICHUAN NOW! 

[I sit bolt upright in Stephen and my room.] 

[I throw my banana shaped pillow at her.] 

Stephen(blearily, to me): We go where? 

[I flop back on my pillows.] 

Me: I have NO idea. 

[*Time skip, because I’m lazy. We’re in the train station and about to go on the train. Janelle had helped us fetch tickets.] 

[At waiting room.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO, TRAIN RIDE AGAIN! 

[I face-palm myself because I remembered Stefan’s Safety Precautions drama.] 

Me(to myself): PLEASE tell me Stefan won’t do the Safety Precautions thing again… 

[Stefan’s ears perk up because of his super-hearing.] 

Stefan(grinning): OF COURSE GRACEY! 

[*Short time skip. Now we’re on the train.] 

[*Of course, Stefan does the Safety Precautions again, along with his cronies, Maurizio Sciarretta and Zakhar Bron this time; no longer Leonard Manghan.] 

[Afterwards…] 

[I’m sleeping while Jascha and Janelle are weirded out.] 

Janelle: OK, now that’s safety precautions on a plane. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air again): I KNOW RIGHT 

Zakhar(with a flourish): AND MORE GOOD NEWS: MAURIZIO AND I ARE TODAY’S GUEST STARS, BECAUSE GRACEY CHANGED HER MIND AT THE LAST MOMENT! 

Maurizio(also with a flourish): YES-SIR-REE, SO JASCHA HEIFETZ IS HERE AS WELL! ALSO WITH ISAAK STERN, SO WELCOME THEM! 

[I wake up with a splitting headache from both Zakhar and Maurizio’s screaming.] 

Me(screaming as well): SILENCE, PLEASE, MAURIZIO AND ZAKHAR! 

[Of course they ignore me and my guest stars for today, Jascha Heifetz and Isaak Stern, appear.] 

Jascha H: WOOOOOO, CHINESE VERSION OF NORFOLK HERE! 

Isaak: WOO! 

[PAUSE] 

[Jascha H and Isaak turn to the Jarovski characters.] 

Jascha H: HELLO! OR RATHER, PRIVET, PEOPLE! I AM JASCHA HEIFETZ AND ONE OF THE BESTEST VIOLIN PLAYERS EVER! 

[Zakhar rolls his eyes with jealousy and I hug him.] 

[Jascha H and Isaak ignore us.] 

Isaak: And I’m Isaak Stern! I’ve been here but not ‘here’ here. 

[Janelle freaks out on Jascha H.] 

Janelle(fangirling): AAAAAH JASCHA HEIFETZ *heart* *heart* *heart* 

[I use my author powers to make her shut up.] 

Jascha W: Now you know who’s my namesake, J. Don’t tell Chiara. 

Janelle(still dreamy): Won’t. 

Jascha W: You’d BETTER not. 

[*Another time skip. Because I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how over-enthusiastic Janelle Walliss is towards Chinese cities.] 

[We arrive in a city called Baton.] 

Stephen(to me): Cute name for a city. 

[I smile at him.] 

[Janelle jumps up.] 

Janelle(over-enthusiastic): GRACEY! GRACEY! YOU REMEMBER THE POEM! YOU REMEMBER THE POEM! 

Me(exasperated): YES! 

Stefan(to Janelle): And I don’t think she wants to. 

Janelle: Awww~ 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’m doing a mega time skip and just tell you the room orders and how was our adventure the next day.] 

[In our hotel and in our rooms.] 

[Janelle and Jascha W are in one room, because Jarovski characters have to be together! Stephen and I are in one room, Stefan and Mark are in one room, Maurizio and Zakhar are in one room, and finally, Jascha H and Isaak are in one room.] 

[Janelle and Jascha W are in Rm. 8527.] 

[I open the room for them.] 

[They bound in.] 

Janelle(throwing her arms in the air): THIS ROOM IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT! 

Me: It has to be. 

Jascha W(smiling): Thanks, Gracey. 

[I smile back.] 

[Meanwhile in Rm. 8529 — Stefan and Mark’s room.] 

Stefan(to himself): First YiChang, then here. Where’s next, I ask you? 

Mark(over-enthusiastic): I SURE HOPE SHE’D AGREE TO THE CAVE EXPLORATION AS WELL AS SOME MORE MOUNTAIN CLIMBING, HAH! 

Stefan(incredulous): For some reason you and Janelle Walliss should be together, then you’d plan our demise. 

Mark: Aaawww, Stefannnnn~ 

[Stefan rolls his eyes at him.] 

[In Stephen and my room, Rm 8522.] 

Me(spreading my arms out): Ah, mock-Norfolk! 

Stephen: ? 

[I flop on the bed.] 

Me: A place that is temporary Norfolk. 

Stephen: Sorry to break it to you, Gracey, but China isn’t the UK. 

Me(sighing): Unfortunately. 

[*Since I’m lazy, here’s the time skip to the next day.] 

o-o-o 

[The next day.] 

[We go to the mountains via a cab.] 

[My guest stars are, again, environmentalist Mark Carwardine, actor Stephen Fry, and pianist Stefan Mickisch, along with violinists Shlomo Mintz, Maurizio Sciarretta, and Zakhar Bron. Again, Jascha Wanokov and Janelle Walliss are with us, because our Jarovski episode isn’t over yet.] 

[In the cab. Mark is being over-excited.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Stephen(to me): Wooo~ wildlife! 

[We snigger behind our hands.] 

Mark(slightly upset): Can you blame me that I’m an environmentalist? 

Me(to Stephen): Actually… no. 

Stephen: Too true. 

[Maurizio and Zakhar breaks in the conversation as well as the others, except for the Jarovskis, of course, because they’re busy chatting with the cabbie.] 

Maurizio(incredulous): Didn’t he do this documentary on wildlife with Douglas Adams? 

Zakhar: Aw 

Shlomo(over-enthusiastic): THEN YOU’LL LOVE THIS PLACE! 

Me: AKA the place we’re going to, that is. 

Shlomo: YES! 

Mark(to Maurizio): Unfortunately, we didn’t manage to finish that. 

[Here, I cut in again.] 

Me: Douglas is still yet to appear, so don’t spoil things. Yet. 

Everyone: AAWWW GRACEEYYYY~ 

Me: NO. 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how the tour went.] 

[Summary of the first half: Everything on commentary, so I’m only writing the second half.] 

[We’re supposed to run to the train station now.] 

Female nature guide(suddenly under an umbrella): … *blah blah blah* this place used to be the headquarters of *blah blah blah* etc 

[Stephen smirk at me.] 

Stephen: I swear, Gracey, that was done as a dare. 

Me: ? 

Stephen: The umbrella above her. 

[The guide finally finishes her ramblings and Janelle jumps up and punches air in glee.] 

Female tour guide(to umbrella woman behind her): Thanks *:-)* 

Umbrella woman: No probs :-D 

[Stephen and Mark exchange smirks.] 

Mark(to no one in particular): AW that woman adores her. 

Stephen(incredulous): Do you have to? 

Mark(smirking): Isn’t that the truth? 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re out of the reserve, and we’re back in the cab again.] 

[We’re watching some cloud formations.] 

Mark(to us): If I wasn’t supposed to be holding a tour to Whale Bay near Canada, then I think we’ll be going to Tibet! 

Stephen(grinning): And when’s the tour? 

Mark: Around the start of September or so. 

Me: Right, so you won’t be joining us for some time. Noted. 

The Stephens(whining); AWWWWW~ 

[*That was what was interesting then, so let’s skip to the part where we’re on the train.] 

[We’re now on the train back.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO~ BACK TO THE JAROVSKIS WE GO! 

Me(rolling my eyes): Hurray. 

Stephen(holding a cone he conjured up): ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! STEFAN, MAURIZIO, AND ZAKHAR’S GONNA DO THE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS DRAMA AGAIN, SO DON’T BE SO ALARMED! 

[I rub my temples because I’m getting a severe headache from Stephen’s screaming.] 

[Stefan and his new partners-in-crime act their drama skit. To read the actual one, see chapter 65, please.] 

Me(after some silence): OK, people, please, I have to sleep! 

[*A reminder: I orbed the Jarovskis away because they’re extras in my story.] 

Maurizio(half-asleep and slumped on Shlomo, with said person reading a book): Goodnight, Gracey. 

Me: Nighty night. 

[We sleep.] 

[Stefan is slumped on Mark, holding him as if he’s his personal plushie,] 

[Stephen is struggling to control his giggling and that’s why I’m awake again.] 

Me(with my eyes closed): Can anyone here be quiet, please, Stephen? 

Stephen(eyes smiling because of Stefan and Mark): Stefan and Mark are my new OTP. 

Me(after staring at Mark and Stefan snuggled together): Cute, alright? Now let us sleep. 

Stephen: AW GRACEY 

[I ignore him and form a cuddle pile with Stefan and Mark.] 

[*Another time skip. Because I’m lazy, this is what happened after we arrived and yeah, got settled.] 

[In Stephen and my room.] 

Chiara(enthusiastically): You NEED the AirCon. 

Stephen(to me): Do we? 

Me: Maybe, if we want to. 

Stephen: Fine then. 

[We get settled.] 

[PAUSE] 

[Outside.] 

Chiara(upset): I told you guys, no need to! 

[Inside.] 

Me, Stephen: ? 

[Outside happens a loud racket.] 

Multiple voices: Whatever! Just think of it as a small reunion./It’s not even something extremely important, so no worries!/Actually, no need! 

[Stephen and I exchange a look.] 

Me: Leave me to it tomorrow. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Yayy, 70 chapters now! 
> 
> A/N 4: Everything actually happened. Because it was way too much to write, I merged everything into one chapter. The next one would be Chiara Jarovski’s b-day celebration, so party again, xD!


	71. Birthday With Chiara Jarovski(or, Time to Say Goodbye to the Leavens)

[Jarovski-Wanokov estate, Little Russia, YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Living quarters.] 

[On one side, the Leavens, Eileen Wanoski, and Chiara Jarovski are playing cards and drinking on kwas, while me and my characters are discussing about the upcoming b-day celebration.] 

Me: OK, they want Italian cuisine, so I think I’d better conjure up some Italian restaurant… or should we go to Little Italy? 

[My guests actor Stephen Fry, environmentalist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch all get hooked.] 

[Mark jumps up and punches air.] 

Mark: WOOOOOO LITTLE ITALY? 

Stefan: Yeah, maybe we should go there. 

Stephen: You should ask them. 

Me: True, by the way, they’re leaving. 

Stefan: Where to? 

Stephen(incredulous): Don’t tell me you forgot — Bayreuth, their headquarters! 

[Meanwhile, Mark is being over-enthusiastic about Little Italy.] 

Mark(to me): Why don’t you let Maurizio or Andrea be the hosts for the party? 

Me: Is this Mark Carwardine speaking or someone else? 

Mark(over-enthusiastic): OF COURSE ME! WITH ANDREA AND MAURIZIO, THAT WAY THE JAROVSKIS CAN BE ABDUCTED AND WE CAN GO BACK TO NORFOLK! 

Me(slight): I really think you’re stereotyping Italians. 

Mark: We should! 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how the party went.] 

[Now we’re at Little Italy.] 

[In Stefano’s Kitchen.] 

Eileen, Rian Leaven, Shannen Leaven(waving their arms and being over-enthusiastic): WOOOOO, GRACEY! OVER HERE! 

[We go to them.] 

[They’re with our guests for today, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Maurizio Sciarretta.] 

Maurizio, Andrea(also over-enthusiastic): CIIAAAOOOOOOOOOOOO~ PEOPLE! 

[I rub my temples because I’m starting to feel a headache coming up.] 

Me(very un-enthusiastic): Ciao all. 

Andrea: AW WHY NO ENTHUSIASM? 

Me: BECAUSE! 

Maurizio: Because why? 

Me: Because you guys are WAY too loud, and it’s not a nightclub here! Yet. 

[We settle down, just as Janelle Walliss and Alan Wanoski appear with a bang.] 

Janelle, Alan(in unison and over-enthusiastic, as usual): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S ALAN AND JANELLE! 

[Again, we order and we eat, after the orders came.] 

[The Leavens and I get the same cocktail drink, as well as Stefan and Mark.] 

[*OK, I’d better explain our seating: It’s kind of like this — table 1: The Leavens, Eileen, and Janelle, with Jascha Wanokov and Chiara Jarovski. Table 2: Stephen, Me, Stefan, Maurizio, Andrea, and Mark; not necessarily in that order.] 

Me(to myself with relief): At least we’re somewhat separate. 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Janelle(also throwing her arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: Stop drinking those cocktail drinks, people! 

[Mark collapses into laughing onto me.] 

[*Time skip. Now it’s time for dessert.] 

[Andrea and Maurizio are over-enthusiastic, because both are high as kites on their Bocelli Winery-s.] 

Andrea, Maurizio(delighted out of their minds): YAHOO, DESSERTS! 

[We eat desserts.] 

[Rian and Shannen are having ice cream cake, while Stefan is having some red velvet cake, and Stephen is, of course, having tiramisu. The rest of us are having some panna cottas.] 

[The Leavens are busy chatting with Alan, and not even noticing Janelle sneaking forkfuls of ice cream cake.] 

Stephen(to me): The Leavens are either not caring, or not noticing. 

Stefan: Why do I think it’s the former? 

Mark(high on sugar): OF COURSE IT’S THE FORMER, STEFAN! JANELLE WALLISS IS RIGHT NEXT TO SHANNEN LEAVEN AND THE LATTER COULD’VE NOTICED ALREADY! 

[*Because I’m both lazy and too full to finish my dessert, I give it to the Leavens in order for them not to freak out about their ice cream cakes, which are being eaten by Janelle.] 

Mark(to Stefan): They’re lucky that Gracey’s giving them panna cotta, isn’t it. 

Stefan: So true it hurts. 

[*After some time, we go back. Now Stephen, Stefan, Mark, and I are the only ones in the house, aka holding the fort.] 

[In the Jarovski-Wanokov estate.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO THEY’RE FINALLY GONE! 

Stefan: YAYYYY~ 

Stephen(deadpan): I feel like this is like QI. 

Me: Way too true. 

[*Time skip again. This just happened so I can’t resist.] 

[I am sleeping and Mark is writing his nature blog.] 

Stefan(to no one in particular): So when’re we leaving? 

Stephen: September 1, aka the time of the tour. 

Stefan(smirking): Gracey will be so disappointed. 

Stephen: Too true it hurts. 

[Mark looks up.] 

Mark: Right, I’m holding a tour, and no way, no exclusive stuff, sorry. 

Stephen, Stefan: AWW WHYY? 

Mark(smirking): Right-o! 

[The AirCon beeps.] 

AirCon: Biiiiiiiiiiip~ 

Mark, Stefan, Stephen: ??? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(shouting): JAROVSKIS! THE AIRCON BROKE! 

[As if on cue, the lights blink out.] 

Everyone: ?!?!?!?! 

[PAUSE] 

Chiara: Might be the fuse? 

Jascha: Or we didn’t pay the electric rent again? 

[At Mark and company’s corner.] 

Stefan(to himself): Urgh. 

Mark: Now I can’t write my nature blog because I’m charging this laptop. 

Stefan(sarcastically): Brilliant. 

Stephen(to them both): And isn’t it ironic this happened after the Leavens left? 

Mark(exasperated): Can you tell us something we don’t know? 

Stephen: I’d better call Gracey. 

[Stephen rushes into our room and shouts for me.] 

[In our room.] 

Stephen(screaming): GRACEY, WAKE UP! SEEMS LIKE THE ELECTRICITY IS OUT AND THE JAROVSKIS ARE IN SHOCK! 

[As usual, I wake up abruptly.] 

Me(screaming back and throwing my banana shaped plush pillow at him): WOULD YOU, MR. FRY, PLEASE QUIT YOUR SCREAMING, I ASK YOU?! 

[Mark and Stefan sniggers outside.] 

[I get up from the bed and goes to the living room.] 

[Living room.] 

Me(still upset): OK, and Guten Tag, Mark, Stefan, Jarovskis. 

Mark(grinning): Why call them Jarovskis? 

Stefan: Why am I the only one who thinks she couldn’t stand them? 

Stephen(to them both): She HAS to! 

Me(finally interrupting their bickering): The most important thing is that we have to know why the electricity is out. 

[Here, different reasons pop from different directions.] 

Mark(lecturer mode): THAT’S why you should conserve energy, whether it’s electricity, plain power, oil, gas, or other kinds of fossil fuels. 

[The Stephens smile at each other.] 

Jascha Wanokov(to me): Still, this has to be the payment. 

Chiara Jarovski(cutting in before I could reply): THEN WE HAVE TO CALL THE LINKS! 

Me: Fine, call the links! 

[They call the Links.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of all that is fun. See ya soon…] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Very random, I know, but drama seems to not be with the Jarovskis, which is kind of a good thing, if you ask me. 
> 
> A/N 2: This actually happened, and yes, J, aka Hina’s female Partner, did keep sneaking cake to herself, and the RL Leavens didn’t care. Also, the electricity thing happened as well, and later on, the RL Jarovskis blamed the RL Leavens. Very strange.


	72. Strange Birthday Celebrations(or, Jarovski-an B-day Celebrations; or, How the Jarovskis Celebrate Birthdays)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This just happened yesterday, and I’m only writing the funny parts, so… yeah.

[Jarovski-Wanokov estate, Little Russia, YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Living quarters.] 

[There’s a bouquet of flowers, as well as a small bouquet of lavender, on the table, and my guests environmentalist Mark Carwardine, actor Stephen Fry, and pianist Stefan Mickisch are over-delighted.] 

Them(ooooh-ing over flowers): AAAWWW if only we had flowers as well… 

[I smile at the scene.] 

Me: Well, it was bought by Janelle Walliss since she and Chiara are best friends forever. 

Stephen: Best friends who inspire fem-slash. 

Mark: At least Gracey will agree. 

[They turn to me.] 

Stefan(imploring): So you have to write some Chiara/Janelle fem-slash. 

Me: Do we have to talk about this now? 

[They groan in annoyance.] 

[*OK, time skip. Now it’s afternoon and we’re with Janelle Walliss and Chiara Jarovski in The Mall.] 

[Everyone else is over-enthusiastic, but not J.] 

Janelle(complaining): You guys come here WAY too often. 

Me: Even though I’m not in the position to say so, I have to agree. 

Stephen, Mark, Stefan: *WTLH?* 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Fine, I don’t agree, happy? 

Them: That’s about it. 

[We go to Watson’s, after saying good-bye to J and Chiara.] 

Mark(over-dramatic): IIIIIIIIIT’S TIIII-II-II-IME TO SAY GOODBYYYYYYYYE, SAILIN’ MY SHIPS TO WHERE WE’VE NEVER BIN: ‘CAUSE IT’S TIIII-IIIII-III-ME TO SA-AAAA-AAY GOOOO-OODBYYYYYYYYE, YOU AND MEEEEEEEE~ 

Janelle, Chiara: 0_o 

[I rub my temples because I’m suffering from another headache.] 

[I drag them in Watson’s and promise her that we’ll be going to meet her at Uni-Qlo.] 

Stephen(to me): They’re also fans of Uni Qlo? 

Me: Yes, why? 

Stephen(smirking): You know that Alan and Bill are fans of that place? 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: So obvious it hurts. 

[We join Stefan and Mark on shopping around Watson’s.] 

Mark(to me): Strange you didn’t invite the Three here. 

Me: I don’t want to, because they’re WAY, WAY, WAY too loud. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what we did in Watson’s — roaming aimlessly.] 

[We go out and go to Uni-Qlo.] 

[In Uni-Qlo.] 

[Elliott Spencer, aka Stephen’s current Significant Other, is joining us.] 

Elliot(Dark Knight voice): So that I can control you, Stephen. 

[Mark flings his arms around me and cries his eyes out.] 

Mark(sobbing): I thought you loved me? 

Me(sighing in slight exasperation): Should I remind you that you have Douglas Adams? 

Mark(crying his eyes out again): BUT HE PERISHED! 

Me(exasperated): FINE, he’s also a guest star! By the way, we need Elliott and Douglas because of the party. 

[Novelist and amateur environmentalist Douglas Adams appears.] 

Douglas: THANKS FER HAVIN’ ME! WOO~ 

Me(to myself): If he and Mark Carwardine are not a couple, I’m a sunflower. 

[Everyone looks at me as if I just sprouted wings and horns.] 

Elliot, Stephen, Douglas, Stefan, Mark: WHAT? 

Stephen(incredulous): Since when are you a sunflower? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(to pretend audience): Since when did Stephen’s legendary intelligence abandon him again? 

Stefan: … 

Douglas: ? 

Me(blushing out of my mind because of all the sudden attention): OK, OK! Let’s go find the Jarovskis, happy? 

Everyone: HURRAY! 

[We go look for the Jarovskis.] 

[On our way.] 

Stephen: Strange that Gracey didn’t make Alan and Bill appear. 

Me: I don’t want to, that’s why. 

Stephen, Mark: AAWW WHYYY~ 

Douglas(irritated): Can you two behave? 

Stephen: NO WAY! 

Me, Douglas: YES WAY! 

[Stefan brings out popcorn and watches us.] 

[PAUSE] 

Douglas(with finality): THAT’S IT, MARK, WE’RE BREAKING UP, SINCE YOU AND STEPHEN’RE IN LEAGUE WITH EACH OTHER! 

Mark(whining): Nooooooo~ 

[I hold my head because of my worsening headache.] 

Me(pleadingly): Can we just go look for the Jarovskis, PUH-LEASE? 

[We go look for the Jarovskis.] 

[We find them at the Underwear rack.] 

[Janelle and Chiara are arguing about buying me lingerie and whatnot.] 

Everyone else: 0_______o 

Me(to Chiara and Janelle): I SWEAR, I DON’T NEED ANY MORE LINGERIE, JUST BELIEVE ME, PLEASE! 

Chiara(Mark Carwardine style): AW WYYYYY? 

Janelle: I REALLY thinks she means it. 

Chiara: No she doesn’t! 

Me: YES SHE DOES! 

[*Time skip. Because I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you about how the later adventures went.] 

[We buy the lingerie and we go out.] 

Janelle: OK, you guys go! I’ll have to buy something and then I’ll meet you over at the estate! 

Everyone: OOOOOH, MYSTERIOUS! 

[I try to drag everyone along but Chiara wouldn’t budge.] 

Chiara(whining): PLEEEEEEEAAAASE CAN WE GO FOLLOW HER AND SEE? 

Stephen, Mark: THAT’LL SPOIL THE SURPRISE! *to me* CAN WE LEAVE, PLEEEASE? 

[I have no choice but multi-task between Chiara’s pleas and Mark and Stephen’s pleas.] 

Me(to both parties): I have to go to the small shop and buy some napkins, so can we please leave? 

Chiara(defiant): THEN YOU OWE ME ICE CREAM! 

Me: FINE! 

Mark: ME TOO! 

Stephen: ME THREE! 

Elliott, Douglas, Stefan: ME FOUR! 

[I hold my head because I’m suffering, again, from a massive migraine because of their screaming.] 

Me(shouting): FINE! UNLESS YOU ALL BEHAVE! 

Them(faker than fake innocence): WON’T WE? 

[With ice cream in mind, I successfully drag them away from Uni-Qlo.] 

[*Time skip. Chiara wants to go to Walmart.] 

[Apparently Mark is on her side.] 

Mark(pleadingly): PLEEEASE CAN WE GO? 

Me: You two go! 

Chiara: JOIN US, GRACEY? 

[I take an aspirin because.] 

Me: NO, WAY. 

Them: YES WAY, YES TOO WAY! 

Stefan(breaking in the conversation): Then you guys get no ice cream. 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Mark(clinging to Stefan): WE NEED ICE CREAM OTHERWISE WE’LL NOT BE ABLE TO SURVIVE, RIGHT, CHIARA! 

Chiara: TOO RIGHT 

[We go to buy ice cream instead of go to Walmart, but they made me promise tomorrow we will go there.] 

[We buy ice cream.] 

[Everyone is quiet now.] 

Me(sighing in relief): Ah, peace. 

Chiara(in wonder): Ohh, coooold… 

[Mark and the others just about died laughing, because of sugar rushes, that is.] 

Mark(high on sugar): OF COURSE IT’S COLD, OTHERWISE WHY’S IT CALLED ‘ICE’ CREAM? 

[I have to admit he’s right.] 

Me: Righto. 

[Mark shoots Stephen a superior look.] 

[I face-palm myself.] 

Mark(to everyone else): I should be the current QI host, isn’t it? 

Me(sarcastically): Oh, right, of course, so obvious it hurts. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how things got on after we went back.] 

[Back at the Jarovski-Wanokov estate.] 

[Janelle is playing photographer and taking photos of everyone.] 

Janelle(Charlie Chaplin voice): CHEEEEEEEEEEEESE! 

[I tap on her.] 

Me: Sometimes I eat a cheese sandwich for lunch and I don’t even giggle when I swallow that thing, just so you know. 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOO~ 

[Janelle laughs in my face.] 

Janelle(delighted): OF COURSE YOU SHOULD ENJOY YOUR FOOD, GRACEY, IT’S COMMON KNOWLEDGE! 

[That’s when I left them behaving as if they were high on crack again.] 

[*Another time skip. Now we’ve finished dinner and are having cupcakes and whatnot, bought from Starbucks.] 

Me: This is awesome. 

Janelle(grinning): I KNOW RIGHT 

Me: … 

[The others are gossiping and watching television.] 

[The television says the weather used to be so hot that you could give birth to baby chicks just by putting an egg near the windowsill.] 

Mark(coo-ing): AAww that’ll be too cute. 

Stefan: :-) 

Mark(shouting): OY, GRACEY! WE SHOULD TRY IT SOMEDAY WHEN IT’S HOT! 

Me(reminding him of the season): Sorry to break it to you but it’s almost autumn. 

[Mark is depressed.] 

Me(reassuringly): How about next summer? 

Stefan(standing on Mark’s side): Will we be in your story again? 

Me(hesitant): Uhh… maybe? 

Stefan(firm): We need a definite answer. 

Mark: I sure hope so, we have to do the experiment! 

[I am forced to agree to their sentiments.] 

[*OK, time skip. Now it’s time for sleeping, but Stefan and Mark wouldn’t stop cramming themselves into Stephen and my shared room.] 

Me(announcing quietly): OK, troops, we’re going to… umm… Zürich for some time before finally leaving for Norfolk. 

[PAUSE] 

[Stefan throws his arms in the air in glee.] 

Stefan: WOOOO, ZÜRICH! 

Me(smiling slightly): Yes, and I think we’ll be staying there for around… three days? 

[Stefan and Mark hug each other.] 

Stefan(delighted): WE’LL BE SEEIN’ ZAKHAR AN’ COMPANY, WON’T WE? 

Me: Maybe. 

Stephen(exasperated): Also, has she mentioned that you should use your indoor voice? 

[He shoots a smug look at Stefan and Stefan reciprocates.] 

Me: Guys… 

[*OK, since I’m lazy again, this is kind of all that is strange for now, and very random. So see ya next time for the randomness!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. In fact, the IRL party was even more random that written here, and also, I was slightly emotional that time because KayEUndercover wouldn’t stop showing me her Jarovski Family RPFs, so blame her as well. 
> 
> A/N 3: We’ll be leaving the Jarovskis soon(yay or nay?), and yes, going to Zürich for some days! :-D While IRL, I’ll be going somewhere else extremely random with the Partners, so… yeah, expect more fun in the story, and not IRL!


	73. Lawson's Randomness(or, Touring Lawson's Creek and Wherenot)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This, again, is a merge-chapter because I’m lazy. Still, hope you enjoy!

[Jarovski-Wanokov estate, Little Russia, YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Evening. The Jarovskis are outside and we’re inside.] 

Mark Carwardine(to everyone): So people, prepare your tissues and everything because WE’RE LEAVIN’ THE JAROVSKIS, WOOO~ 

Stephen Fry(to me): Why do I think someone’s actually glad to be leaving? 

Me: Don’t ask me. 

Stephen: AW WHY 

[I roll my eyes and continues listening to Mark’s ramblings.] 

Stefan Mickisch: And apparently we’re going first to Zürich, and WAY later to Norfolk. 

Mark: Righto! 

[Stefan turns to both Stephen and I incredulously.] 

Stefan: Is he even listening? 

Me: Nope. 

Stephen: Of course not. 

Stefan: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Well, we’re staying at Zürich for around 4 days, and then going back. 

Mark(upset): I have to do the tour then. *he perks up again* Ah, well… 

Stephen: At least you can join after that. 

[Mark hugs him.] 

Mark: WOOO 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’d rather tell you how the adventure at Lawson’s Creek went.]

[The next day.] 

[Jarovski-Wanokov estate, Little Russia, YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Dining room.] 

[Stephen and Mark are having soup noodles when I suggest we go to Lawson’s Creek and the Travelers’ Cave(s).] 

Stefan(incredulous): You don’t mean that, Gracey, it’s raining hard. 

Stephen: Too hard, in fact. 

[As usual, Mark Carwardine is over-enthusiastic.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOO, LAWSON’S CREEK AND TRAVELERS’ CAVES! 

Stefan(to pretend audience): And that’s why you shouldn’t really have an alpine guide in your characters list when writing stories. 

Me: And better news, no Jarovskis, because. 

[At this, everyone starts celebrating, and confetti rains down, as well as balloons.] 

[I rub my temples because I’m already suffering from a massive headache.] 

Me: Also, since it’s raining, I’m making Janelle Walliss be our guide. 

[Mark, Stephen, and Stefan groan in annoyance because I invited a Jarovski Family character.] 

[*Time skip. We’re now on the way to the Caves and the creek.] 

[On the way.] 

Janelle(enthusiastic): You know that Shannen Leaven is actually reciprocating Chiara’s love for her?! 

Me(sarcastic): Oh, that’s wonderful, and oh so enlightening. 

[Mark and Stephen snigger behind their hands.] 

Stefan(to Janelle): For some reason, I don’t think they want you to know when they engage in activities that’ll — 

[We interrupt because of the ratings.] 

Mark, Me(shouting): TMI, STEFAN! 

[*Another time skip, because I’m lazy. Now we’re at the Caves and touring a temple, or rather, a pavilion.] 

[Janelle and Mark are taking photos; or, the former is taking photos of scenery, and the latter is taking photos of rare animals.] 

Me: Huh, so if I remember correctly, Mark and Stephen’s been here before. 

Stefan: Oh? 

Me: Last Chance to See. 

[We smile at each other.] 

[As expected, Mark gets distracted.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOO LAST CHANCE TO SEE WAS AWESOME, GRACEY AND STEFAN, YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT! 

Me(deadpan): Of course. 

[*Because I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you what happened as we descended the small hills, at last.] 

[We hear Carmen and Torna A Surriento played by traditional Chinese instruments.] 

Stephen, Mark(sings): TOOOOOORNA AAAH SURRIEEE-EEE-EEE-EEENTO, AL MAAAAAAAAAAAH~ 

The rest of us: 0_____o 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Now that’s interesting. 

Stefan(grinning): Why do I think Maurizio and Andrea would either love this or hate this? 

Stephen(stops singing): Can you tell us something we don’t know? 

Stefan(shooting back): Can YOU tell us information we don’t know, at least for once? 

[I interrupt them before they could start a fight.] 

Me: OK, OK, now let’s go to Lawson’s Creek, alright 

[*I orb them to Lawson’s Creek.] 

[At Lawson’s Creek.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOO LAWSON’S CREEK IS AWESOME! 

Stefan(to me): Strange that they have bungee jumping and everything here. 

Me: If I remember correctly, it’s been here since forever. 

[We go towards Echo Wall.] 

[At Echo Wall.] 

Janelle(Mark Carwardine style): Now this is echo wall, where Alan and the Leavens travel often! 

Me(not even listening): Right. 

[The others are worse.] 

The others(yelling): DO YOU, WALLISS, HAVE TO MENTION THE FREAKIN’ JAROVSKIS?!! 

[The echo repeats their question.] 

Echo: DO YOU HAVE TO MENTION THE JAROVSKIS… JAROVSKIS… JAROVSKIS… 

Mark: Oh, I almost forgot, this is Echo Wall. 

[PAUSE] 

[I face-palm myself because.] 

Me(after some silence): OK, we’d better go back. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re back in civilization, and Mark is again lecturing everyone on nature and whatnot.] 

Mark(lecturer mode): Apparently Lawson’s Creek used to be entirely deserted and completely natural, when the first excavators got there and started to build houses. 

Me(half-asleep): Very enlightening. 

[Janelle is chomping on some fried fish.] 

Janelle(with realization): Aaaaaah, so that’s what nature guys do, eh? 

Me: … 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: … 

[*Another time skip. We’re again in Little Britain and having noodles and stuff.] 

Me: OK, as mentioned, sorry, Janelle, this is our last day here. 

[Janelle starts crying and Stephen hugs her.] 

Stephen: 0_o 

Me: I think I’ll be back for the CNY celebrations, even when it’s more than cliché. 

[Everyone jumps up at that.] 

Stephen, Mark, Stefan: CNY CELEBRATIONS? 

Mark(throws his arms in the air again): WOOOOOOOO I LOVE CNY! GRACEY PLEASE CAN WE JOIN?? 

Stefan: PLEASE CAN WE JOIN, AND MAYBE HANG OUT IN LITTLE GERMANY INSTEAD? 

Stephen(to Stefan): NO WAY, LITTLE BRITAIN IT IS! 

[It becomes a debate on where should we stay during CNY.] 

Stefan(shouting): LITTLE GERMANY IT IS! 

Stephen: LITTLE BRITAIN! 

Stefan: LITTLE GERMANY! 

Stephen: BRITAIN! 

Stefan: GERMANY! 

[I hold my head because of my massive migraine from their screaming.] 

Me(highly exasperated): We’re not going to either place if you don’t behave and be IN CHARACTER! 

[Aside] 

Mark(to pretend audience): I’m not involved :-) 

[Back to Stephen, Stefan, and I.] 

[Both are on the verge of either throwing a massive tantrum or crying their eyes out.] 

[They glare at each other.] 

Stefan(declaring): GERMANY IT IS! 

Stephen(also declaring): BRITAIN IT IS! 

Stefan: NO WAY, WE’RE GOING TO LITTLE GERMANY! 

Stephen: NO, LITTLE BRITAIN! WE’RE STAYING, YES WE ARE! 

Stefan: NO WE ARE SO NOT! 

Stephen: OH YES WE SO ARE! 

[This goes on for hours until we go back to Little Russia.] 

[Back in the Jarovski-Wanokov estate.] 

Chiara(over-enthusiastic): OOOOOOH you’re back! 

Jascha: If you haven’t eaten, better have some food. 

Me(smiling a little bit): Oh, heh, we’ve already eaten :-) 

[They groan in annoyance.] 

[*OK, I have to tell you something else — we actually bought some snacks and stuff before we went back.] 

[I make Janelle go back first because she’s not one of my characters.] 

Me: OK, we’re buying some snacks because we’re leaving here tomorrow. 

[Mark jumps up in glee.] 

Mark: HURRAY! 

Everyone else: ? 

Mark(immediately changing his emotions): AAAwwww noooooooo~ 

[I lead them in.] 

[We buy Cheetos and drinks and water.] 

Mark(over-enthusiastic): NO WONDER YOU KEPT MAKING GIL AND SHLOMO JOIN IN YOUR SHOPPING TRIPS! GRACEY THIS IS AH-MAZIN’! 

Stephen(smug, as usual): For her, today’s word is quiet, mister. 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Stephen, YOU be quiet for today along with Stefan, PLEASE, because. 

Mark(agreeing with me): BECAUSE YOU AND STEFAN KEPT SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER WHEN WE WERE HAVIN’ LUNCH OVER AT LITTLE BRITAIN, HAH! 

Me(rubbing my temples because my headache is returning on account of Mark’s endless screaming): YOU TOO, Mark, the word is ‘QUIET VOICES’. 

[The Stephens snigger behind their hands and I turn on them.] 

Me: You two as well. 

[After almost hours, we go back to the house.] 

[*Time skip. Evening.] 

[Stefan and Stephen wants to room together.] 

[I cry my eyes out.] 

Me(sobbing): Steeeeeephen, aren’t we married in an alternate universe? 

Stephen: NO WAY! I’M STILL WITH ELLIOTT, AT LEAST IN THIS UNIVERSE! 

[I cry harder.] 

Me: Noooooooooooooo~ 

Stefan(smiling): So now you’re with Mark Carwardine, woo! 

[I glare at him with streaming eyes.] 

Me(whining): I don’t want to! 

Stefan, Stephen(grinning): YOU’LL BE WITH US TOMORROW, WOO! 

[I shake my head and changes rooms with Stefan.] 

[I take my stuff to Mark’s room.] 

[Mark is lounging.] 

Mark(jumping up and suddenly, he’s wearing Hawaiian Vacation wear): WELCOME TO MY PARLOUR, GRACEY! NOW WE CAN HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH FUN BEFORE I LEAVE YA! 

Me(cringing): Oh, right, yeah, and I’m SO excited. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(incredulous): Also, since when did you have control of my story? 

Mark(jumping up and punching air, suddenly wearing Andrea Bocelli approved aviators): SINCE NOW, AND STEFAN AND STEPHEN ALSO HAS THIS ABILITY! 

Me(to myself): Also, good luck sleeping tonight because of his ramblings! 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is about it, so… yeah! We’re FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY finished with our Jarovskian adventure, so get ready for our next one!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and guess what? Shannen Leaven/Chiara Jarovski fem-slash is REALITY, people, so fans, GET READY TO CELEBRATE! 
> 
> A/N 3: Happy September, everyone! And a new chapter for the first day of the month xD


	74. Leaving the Jarovskis(or, Time to Say Goodbye)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Today, we left the IRL Jarovskis, so I’m still SLIGHTLY upset, but not too upset, though, so this happened.

[Jarovski-Wanokov estate, Little Russia, YiChang, HuBei, China.] 

[Living room.] 

[Janelle Walliss is, again, banging on a gong and making everyone bolt from their sleeping forms.] 

Janelle(screaming her head off): WAKE UP, EVERYONE, WE HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO GRACEY AND COMPANY! 

[Inside Mark Carwardine and my current shared room.] 

Mark(half-asleep): Mornin’, Gracey… 

Me(still half-dead): … 

Mark: ? 

[I peel my eyes open.] 

Me(closing my eyes again): Morning to you too. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: I almost forgot, we’re leaving the Jarovskis today. 

[Mark jumps from the bed and does a dance on the floor, suddenly in a disco outfit.] 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO, WE’RE FINALLY LEAVIN’ THE JAROVSKIS, GRACEY, AND I’M TOO HAPPY FOR WORDS THAT WE’RE GON’ BACK TO NORFOLK! 

Me(sitting up): No way, we’re not going back just yet — we’re going to Zürich. In Switzerland. 

Mark(grinning and suddenly full of energy): AND VISITING THE MUSEUM OF ROLEX, HAH! 

[I sigh in exasperation and we go out of the room.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry and pianist Stefan Mickisch are having breakfast of soup noodles and some Chinese style sweet soup.] 

Stephen(upset): And now Mark is going on a whale watching cruise without us. 

Mark(not even getting the meaning): WOOOOOOOO WHALE WATCHIN’! 

[I smile a little bit.] 

Me: Right, and don’t forget to have fun as well, Mark! 

[I orb him away, after changing his outfit back to normal.] 

[Stephen and Stefan groan in annoyance that we’ll not be having Mark with us for some days — 9 days, in fact.] 

Me: NO NEED TO WORRY! WE’LL BE HAVING EITHER ANDREA BOCELLI WITH US OR DOUGLAS ADAMS! 

[I make both of them appear.] 

Andrea, Douglas: WOOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S ANDREA AND DOUGLAS! 

Stefan(looking up): Of course Douglas. 

Stephen: … 

Me: Righto. 

[And now, Douglas Adams, the novelist for A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and amateur conservationist, is joining us, and being Mark’s substitute. Andrea disappears.] 

Douglas: WOOOOOO~ 

Me(grinning): Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance, Douglas, and… yeah, you’ll kind of be Mark’s substitute, since he’s away from us for his whale watching thing. 

Douglas: AW 

Stephen(to Stefan): Too bad we’re not joining. 

Stefan: Gracey didn’t know until recently, Stephen, should I remind you that? 

Stephen: … 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’ve done all the security checks and whatnot, and now we’re on the train.] 

[We go to our seats.] 

[*Seating order is like this: Stephen and me are together; across the aisle is Douglas and Stefan.] 

[We watch Stefan and his new cronies, Andrea Bocelli and José Carreras, do the Safety Precautions. To know more, please read chapter 65 again.] 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO THAT WAS AWESOME, STEFAN! 

Me(to myself): And headache-inducing. 

Stefan(taking a bow): THANK you, dear passenger(s), and… 

Stefan, Andrea, José(all together): HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY, GOOD-BYE! 

[Stefan’s outfit transforms back to his usual one and José and Andrea disappears with a whirl of glitter and Star Trek stuff.] 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen(to me): So we’re going back to Beijing first and taking a plane to Zürich? 

Stefan(to everyone): YES-SIR-REE, STEPHEN! WE’RE TAKIN’ A PLANE, PEOPLE, TO ZÜRICH AND IT’S GONNA BE AN ADVENTURE! WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: Yes. 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to Stefan): Do you have to rub off of Mark Carwardine, I ask you? 

Stefan(smugly): At least Mark’ll agree we’ll visit Little Germany next time we go to the Jarovskis. 

[We(re: Stephen and Stefan) start arguing again.] 

[*I’m not writing it down because I’m lazy, also because you can read it full in the previous chapter.] 

[*A time skip. People(re: Stefan and Douglas) are playing cards and Stephen wants to join.] 

Me(irritated): I severely need sleep, people, so no yelping, OK? 

Douglas(gleeful): ALRIGHT! 

Stefan: JAAAAAAAAAAA~ 

Stephen: HASSAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! 

Me: ? 

Stefan: Yiddish, ok? 

Me: … 

[They play cards and eat Cheetos, the former against my wishes.] 

[Soon they’re getting excited.] 

Douglas(shouting): MY KING IS SO BEATING YOUR QUEEN, STEFAN, NO WAY YOU’RE WINNING AGAINST ME! 

Stefan(also shouting): NO WAY ARE YOU BEATING THREE OF MY QUEENS! THEY’RE MIGHTILY GOOD AT ANYTHING, EVEN BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! 

Me(to myself): Does he have to? 

[Stephen cracks up.] 

[PAUSE] 

[Sounds of slapping on the table, and then their laughing.] 

Stefan(hollering): AAAAAAHHHHH HOW COULD YOU?? 

Douglas: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~ 

[I rub my temples because I’m suffering again from a massive migraine because of their screaming.] 

Me(calling): Can you two be quiet, please? 

[They ignore me, as usual.] 

Stefan(beaming): FINE, YOU WIN THIS TIME AND I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’LL WIN THE NEXT ROUND! 

Douglas(also beaming and on the verge of collapsing into laughing all over again): I WON’T BET ON THAT! 

Stefan: WOULDJA LIKE TO TRY??! 

[They play the second round.] 

Me(to Stephen): Remind me to never buy them Cheetos again, because. 

Stephen(smiling at me): Just be glad they didn’t bet money. 

[Both Douglas and Stefan’s ears perk up because of their super-hearing.] 

Douglas(declaring): I SAY WE BET MONEY ON THE FOURTH ROUND! 

Stefan(also declaring): FAIR ENOUGH, I BET YOU 100 BUCKS I’LL WIN NEXT ROUND! 

Douglas: I WOULDN’T BE SO SURE! 

[They start officially, and I try my best to sleep, with their excited yelping, and occasional screaming, going on in the background, as well as Stephen’s constant commentary.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you about what happened after we’ve arrived at the airport.] 

[At airport.] 

Everyone: WOOO, AWESOME AIRPORT! 

[I grin at everyone.] 

Me: Right, and enjoy flying! 

[*Because I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how did the plane ride go.] 

[On the plane.] 

[Stewardesses are doing Stefan and company’s drama skit.] 

[To see how it is, review chapter 65, please.] 

[Skit ends.] 

Stefan(throwing his arms in the air): THAT WAS AWESOME, WOOOOOO~ 

Me: Right, and rightfully so. 

[The stewardesses smile at each other.] 

[We fly.] 

Douglas(shouting with glee): THIS IS JUST LIKE A MAGIC CARPET, WOOOOO~ 

Stephen: I KNOW RIGHT! TOO BAD JAMES HATES FLYING AS MUCH AS HE LOVES IT! 

Stefan(sternly): I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD MOCK SOMEONE’S FEAR OF FLYIN’, MISTER. 

[I beg them to use their quet voices because we have other passengers.] 

Me: People, there’re other passengers as well as us, so use your quiet voices, please. 

[Stephen points to his head.] 

Stephen(hollering): BUT WE’VE GOT MAJOR AIRPLANE NOISE IN OUR HEADS AND, CURIOUSLY, WE COULDN’T HEAR OUR OWN VOICES! AND THAT’S WHY WE JUST HAVE TO SHOUT TO EACH OTHER IN ORDER TO HEAR EACH OTHER AS WELL AS OURSELVES! 

[I hold my head because of a headache again.] 

Me(exasperated): Fine, try playing cards, but BE QUIET, FOR, STEPHEN, JUDAH’S SAKE, OK? 

Stephen(whining): Whyyy meee? 

[The others snigger behind their hands. Or, they laugh loudly because.] 

Stephen(hurt): YOU GUYS ARE EVIL! 

Stefan(collapsing onto Douglas): THAT WAS AWESOME, GRACEY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT~ 

Douglas(laughing his head off): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH~ 

[They play cards, still giggling and occasionally laughing loudly.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’d rather tell you about what happened after we arrived.] 

[We arrive and we go to the hotel.] 

[In hotel.] 

Douglas(with dawning realization): THIS IS GREAT, CONSIDERING IT’S SIZE AND EVERYTHIN’! 

Stefan: I KNOW RIGHT 

Stephen(looking around): Nice. 

Me(with a flourish): HAPPY STAYING TILLLLLLLLLLLLL… 2 and a half day later. 

Everyone: ??? 

Me: And then we’ll be transferring somewhere else. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: And where’s there? 

Douglas: Remember we’re going mountain climbing tomorrow! Woo~ 

Me: Welllllllll~ if I remember correctly, we’re going to Dublin. 

[All three look at each other as if they just spotted their favorite people come out of thin air.] 

[All jump up and punch air.] 

Stephen(whooping): WOOOOOOO DUBLIN! CAN WE PUH-LEASE, GRACEY, WITH MULTIPLE SPRINKLES ON TOP, GO TO OSCAR WILDE’S HOUSE, REALLY? 

Stefan(screaming with glee): CAN WE PUH-LEASE GO TO JAMES JOYCE’S HOUSE, GRACEY? 

Douglas(also screaming with glee): I’M OH-SO-WITH STEFAN ABOUT VISITING OSCAR WILDE AND JAMES JOYCE! WOOOO~ 

[I gently massage my temples because of my severe headache, because of their constant screaming both on the plane and in the hotel.] 

Me: To say the truth, we ARE visiting their houses. 

Stephen(superior): She notified them! 

[Stefan and Douglas high-five each other.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, another time skip. Now it’s afternoon and we’re at the museum of watches, because that’s just what Switzerland is known for.] 

o-o-o 

[At museum of watches.] 

[Orchestra conductor Zubin Mehta and violinists Maurizio Sciarretta and Zakhar Bron are my guest stars in Zürich, so welcome them!] 

[They appear.] 

Them(announcing): We’re Zubin, Maurizio, and Zakhar! Even better, we’re the guests today! 

[Douglas and Stefan throws their arms in the air.] 

Douglas, Stefan: WHOOP-WHOOP! 

[We go to see the exhibits.] 

[People are delighted.] 

Zakhar: Unfortunately we never had this in Kazakhstan. 

Maurizio(mock-concern): Aaawww… 

[Zakhar elbows him in the ribs.] 

Zakhar: Don’t act all high and mighty just because everyone loves you guys. 

Me: Concentrate, please? 

Maurizio(to Zakhar): WHAT WAS THAT FOR? 

Zubin(deadpan): Are you two done? 

Zakhar: No. 

Maurizio(firm): YES. 

[I leave them bickering and go check the others.] 

[They are also bickering amongst themselves, so since I’m lazy, this is all for today. See ya soon, because we;re going mountain climbing again! But unfortunately, without Mark :-(] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. We just got checked in to the hotel today, and I wrote this IN the hotel. What was unfortunate was that we’re STILL IN CHINA, and not in Switzerland, if you want to know my status IRL as well. :,,,,,,,, (


	75. Alpine and Temple Fun(or, Mount Extreme Revisited; or, Traveling In the Alps and Nature Reserves)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi and welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This is your first A/N, written by acclaimed sci-fi novelist and amateur conservationist Douglas Adams! :-D So this is our first day traveling around Switzerland — more specifically… wait for it… THE ALPS! HAH! 
> 
> A/N 2: Don’t tell Gracey or my best friend, Mark Carwardine, about this, because the former would kill me for spoilers, and the latter would implode with jealousy(serves him right, in fact, if you do tell him!). Still, hope you enjoy this! x Douglas

(Gracey POV) 

[Hotel Corvia, room 1530.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry is banging on a gong, Janelle Walliss style.] 

Stephen(shouting): WAKE UP, WAKE UP, GRACEY! WE’RE GOING TO THE ALPS TODAY! 

[I bolt awake, then flop back on my pillow.] 

Me(hugging my pillow closer): No way, I’m not joining in this time. 

Stephen(over-enthusiastic): OF COURSE YOU SHOULD! AND YOU’VE GOT GUEST STARS AS WELL, REMEMBER 

Me: … 

[After almost hours of complaining and coaxing, we go wake the others.] 

[Room 1533.] 

[Stephen is banging on the door until a very, VERY angry Stefan Mickisch opens the door.] 

Stefan(bashing Stephen with his eggplant shaped throw pillow): ARE YOU OR ARE YOU RUBBING OFF OF MARK CARWARDINE, I ASK YOU, STEPHEN? 

Douglas(over-enthusiastic): Gooooooooooood mornin’goodmornin’goodmornin’goodmornin’! 

[Stephen cracks up because he’s suffering from morning high.] 

Stefan(half-asleep, to me): I hate those two. 

Me: Join the club.   
[*Time skip. We’re having breakfast.] 

Douglas: This is completely messed up — you know the shower is, like, dripping, no? 

Me: ? 

Stephen: AAAAAHHHHH-so, it’s almost like ours. Gracey was wondering if she turned the tap off, hah! 

[I roll my eyes.] 

Me: I did not say that. 

Stephen(grinning self-satisfied): I didn’t say you ‘said’ that, I said you ‘wondered’ that. 

Me(exasperated): Isn’t that the same thing? 

Stephen(beaming now): NO WAY! 

[Things successfully stop being about showers and becomes like something out of QI.] 

[*Another time skip. We’re now at the bus station, and of course, my guests are violinists Zakhar Bron and his trusty assistant, Maurizio Sciarretta.] 

Maurizio(in alpine gear): WOOOOOOOOO WE’RE OFF! 

Zakhar(also half-asleep): You and Douglas should be a team, and me and Gracey should be a team. 

[We link arms.] 

Me(also throwing my arms in the air): Woo! 

Zakhar: … 

[We go get tickets and we’re now at the waiting room.] 

Douglas(beaming): YOU SHOULD JOIN MARK AND I ON OUR EXCAVATIONS OF LAST CHANCE TO SEE! 

Maurizio: ? 

Me(tapping on him): Mark Carwardine, you do remember the pie server back in the BBC at Norwich? 

[FLASHBACK] 

[Norwich, BBC, aka British Baking Company.] 

[Mark Carwardine, dressed as a pie server, serves us our dinner pies.] 

Mark(throwing one of his arms in the air because he’s holding pies in the other): WOOO HERE’S YOUR PIES, GANG! 

Me(smiling): Thanks x 

[He smiles back.] 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

Maurizio(impressed): YOU WENT ON TRIPS WITH MARK CARWARDINE, DOUGLAS?? 

Zakhar(also impressed): Now look at that, a novelist AND an amateur environmentalist. 

[Douglas smiles very smug at Stephen.] 

Douglas: And sorry to break it to you, Mark and I did our excavations together first. 

Me: Are we really arguing about this? 

Stephen(deadpan): Know that. 

Douglas: So don’t act all high and mighty because you continued them. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just skip to the part where we’re on our way.] 

[In tour bus.] 

[Seating order is, again, like this: Stephen with me. Across the aisle of me and Stephen: Douglas with Stefan. In front of Stephen and I: Maurizio and Zakhar.] 

[Maurizio is over-enthusiastic, as usual. Italians.] 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me(to pretend audience): This is what Mark was like and I’m feeling nostalgic. 

Me(to Maurizio): If Last Chance to See is still continuing, I hope Mark will take you to his excavations as well. 

[Maurizio turns around and shoots smug looks at Douglas and Stephen, and are reciprocated.] 

Me(closing my eyes): Guys, please. 

Them: AAW GRACEYYYY~ 

Zakhar(shouting): CAN WE PLEASE SLEEP, WE CAN’T REST WITH YOU GUYS BEING OUT OF CHARACTER, UNDERSTAND? 

[I stand up and nod at my group.] 

Me: Righto, take a nap, people, you’ll need it. 

[Zakhar slumps on Maurizio and Stefan slumps on Douglas.] 

[I slump on Stephen.] 

Me: Finally peace. 

Stephen(grinning): I wouldn’t count for it. 

Me: Spoilsport. 

[Stephen cracks up again. I swear he’s in his High periods.] 

o-o-o 

[*Time skip again. We have to get off for gas.] 

[Stefan and Zakhar peels open their eyes.] 

Both(complaining): Do we HAVE TO? 

Stephen(beaming): OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO! IT’S FOR SAFETY PRECAUTIONS, APPARENTLY, AND STEFAN, I’M SURPRISED AT YOU ‘CAUSE YOU DIDN’T DO SOME DRAMA ON THIS! 

[I wake up.] 

Me(also shouting): STEPHEN, I’M GETTING A MASSIVE MIGRAINE HERE BECAUSE OF YOUR SCREAMING, MISTER! 

[Zakhar and Stefan both collapse into laughing onto their respective partners.] 

[We get off.] 

[Outside.] 

[Douglas is complaining because of the time.] 

Douglas: And you don’t even have to see the time to know it’s way late. 

Stephen(finally somber, at least for now): Too true. 

Zakhar(to Maurizio): I TOLD you it’ll be way late, didn’t I? 

Maurizio(smiling at him): At least you’ve had SOME fun, eh? 

Zakhar(to me): Italians. 

[We hug pitifully.] 

Me: You know in Milan, almost nothing is on time? 

Zakhar(eyeing Maurizio): Surprising how could he get used to Switzerland’s time capturing. 

Me: Too true it hurts. 

[*Time skip again because I’m lazy. Now we’ve arrived.] 

[We start climbing after some more discussion and ticket buying and whatnot.] 

Douglas(whooping): WOOOOOOO~ 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me: OK, Stefan and gang with me, and Douglas, you guide Maurizio and gang. 

Douglas(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOO GANG LEADING! 

Stefan(to me): Mark’ll say otherwise. 

Me: How many times should I remind you that Mark wouldn't be here until 9 days later? 

[Stefan and Stephen groan in annoyance.] 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy. It;s time for lunch and I’m out of ideas for places for that.] 

[Maurizio and Zakhar jump up and punch air.] 

Both(gleeful): WE CAN FIIIIIIIIIIINALLY HAVE TOBLERONE, NO, GRACEY! 

Me(not even listening): No way. 

Zakhar(whining): Puh-lease? 

Maurizio(jumping): OF COURSE, SURE, WHY NOT? 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Fine, don’t blame me when you’re throwing up or having terrible stomach sicknesses. 

[We go to some small food vendor and eat.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just write about what happened when we’ve finally gone to the nature reserve.] 

[At nature reserve.] 

[Douglas, as usual, is over-enthusiastic.] 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOO, NATURE RESERVE! 

Maurizio: WOOO 

[I’m half asleep because of everyone’s shouting and happy whooping.] 

Me(to myself): Good luck not getting bored because. 

Stefan(looking around): At least no more guest stars other than them *he nods towards Maurizio and Zakhar* 

Stephen: Too true it hurts. 

Stefan: Guess what, you’ll never believe who else would enter in here after we go to Bayreuth. 

[I snap back to attention.] 

Me(pleading): PLEASE no spoilers. 

Stefan(ignoring me): And maybe she’d go somewhere else. More information, ask Gracey. 

Stephen: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: Also, you didn't hear about… 

[I stop listening because I’m exhausted.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you about what happened after we’ve gone to the hotel.] 

[Back in hotel.] 

[Rm. 1530.] 

[I flop on the bed.] 

Me(to myself): This is the last time I’m going on adventures with Stephen and friends… 

[Stephen’s ears perk up because of his super-hearing.] 

Stephen(jumping up and punching air, because he still has unused energy): WOOOOOOO ADVENTURE! 

Me(exasperated): Have you rubbed off from Mark? 

Stephen: Mark? 

Me: Mark Carwardine? 

Stephen: No way. Definitely not. 

Me(to myself): Definitely yes. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of all, so…. yeah, see ya soon, because we’re about to go somewhere else! ‘oooh, mysterious!’] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened, and I was terribly bored out of my mind, but only for some minutes, and that was mainly because of the loss of sleep xD 
> 
> A/N 4: The next adventure would be better, and yes, we’ll be going to Dublin! :-D


	76. Dublin(or, Luck O' the Irish)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yayy, we’re finally in Ireland, before we finally go back to Britain and to Norwich! No more spoilers, though ;-D

[Hotel Corvin, Zürich, Switzerland.] 

[Rm. 1530. Actor Stephen Fry and my room.] 

[I wake up and pull open the curtains, with Stephen throwing his pillow at me.] 

Stephen(whining): Graceyyyyyy~ 

Me(turning and grinning): MORNIN’, Stephen! I’ll be waking everyone else soon, and… yeah! 

Stephen: Noooo~ 

Me: YES! YES, YES, YES! 

[I go to room 1530, Stefan Mickisch and Douglas Adams’s room.] 

[Rm 1530.] 

Me(full of sunshine and clouds and stuff): MOOOOOOOORNIN’, STEFAN AND DOUGLAS! 

[Stefan throws his pillow at me, but Douglas is just as over-enthusiastic.] 

Douglas(full of energy): WOOOOOO MORNIN’, GRACEY! 

Stefan(mumbling into his pillow): Iss beyond me how can you be so energetic even after yesterday. 

Me(finally getting to the point): WE’RE GOING TO DUBLIN TODAY! WOO 

[Douglas jumps up and dances on the bed.] 

Douglas(bouncing on the bed and dancing around): FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY WE’RE GOING TO DUBLIN, GRACEY! ARE WE GOING TO OSCAR WILDE’S HOUSE OR JAMES JOYCE’S HOUSE, OR MAYBE EVEN TO SOME OF THE BESTEST SHOPS OR PUBS EVER?? 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Wellllllll… 

Douglas(pleading): PLEEEEEEEEASE, GRACEY, WE HAVE TO GO TO OSCAR WILDE’S HOUSE AS WELL AS JAMES JOYCE’S, BECAUSE! 

[Stefan bolts from bed.] 

Stefan(shouting his head off): ARE YOU AND GRACEY TRAUMATIZED OR WHAT? 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WE’RE GOING TO OSCAR AND JAMES’S HOUSE AND WE CAN’T HELP BUT BE EXCITED! 

[I sigh in exasperation and makes them go with me to breakfast.] 

[At breakfast.] 

Me: OK, I’ve an announcement. We may or may not go to Oscar Wilde and James Joyce’s house, so don’t keep your hopes up. 

Stephen(finally waking up): OSCAR WILDE’s house? 

Me(holding my hands up): I have NO guarantees, and as mentioned, DO NOT keep your hopes up. 

[Both he and Douglas jump up and punch air.] 

Stephen, Douglas: WOOOOOOOO~ WE’RE GON’ TO OSCAR AND JAMES’S HOUSE! WE’RE GON’ TO OSCAR AND JAMES’S HOUSE! 

[I rub my temples because I’m getting a headache.] 

Me(sternly): As mentioned, I have NO guarantees! 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just write about what happened on our plane ride.] 

[On the plane.] 

[Stewardesses do the Safety Precautions drama skit a la chapter 65.] 

[Skit ends.] 

Stefan(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[Douglas and I are sleeping, and Stephen’s still suffering from Oscar Wilde-and-James-Joyce-House-visiting high, if there is such thing.] 

Stephen(also throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO WE’RE FIIIIIINAAAAALLY GOING TO OSCAR’S HOUSE! WE’RE FINALLY GOING TO OSCAR’S HOUSE! WE’RE FINALLY GOING TO OSCAR’S HOUSE! 

Me(tapping on him): I’m getting a headache here, mister, and sorry to break it to you, we haven’t left the airport yet. 

Douglas(cutting in the conversation): WHAAAAAAAAAT? 

Me(smiling a little bit): Yes. 

Them(whining): Nooooo~ 

[*After almost hours, we get into the air like a magic carpet again.] 

Douglas(in delight): THIS IS JUST LIKE A MAGIC CARPET, ONLY I HAVEN’T GOT A LAMP, HAH! 

Stephen(shouting back): UNFORTUNATELY OSCAR AND COMPANY DIDN’T HAVE THIS IN THEIR CENTURY! 

Douglas: WAY TOO TRUE! 

[I tap on Stephen.] 

Me(with lidded eyes): Are you done shouting? 

Stephen(hollering to me): AS MENTIONED, I HAVE MAJOR AIRPLANE NOISE IN MY HEAD AND SORRY I COULDN’T REALLY HEAR YOU! 

[I hold my head because I’m suffering from a massive migraine again.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how the hotel was.] 

[At hotel O’Carien.] 

Me(smiling): Now this is O’Carien! 

Everyone: OOOOOOOHHHHHH~ 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen(springing up): IS IT CLOSE TO OSCAR WILDE’S HOUSE, GRACEY? 

Douglas(beaming): I WAS WONDERIN’ IF IT WAS CLOSE TO JAMES’S HOUSE! 

Stephen: NO! OSCAR’S! 

Douglas: JAMES’S! ‘CAUSE JAMES IS AWESOME, MISTER! 

Stephen: NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY! OSCAR IS THE MOST AWESOME BECAUSE! 

Douglas: BECAUSE WHY? 

[I interrupt them before Stephen can answer.] 

Me(hollering): PEOPLE! 

[They finally turn their attentions to me.] 

Them(reluctant and glaring at each other): What? 

Me: OK, an explanation. We ARE going to Oscar and James’s houses, but please, be on your best behaviours, alright? 

[They shoot impossibly smug looks to each other.] 

Stephen(typical Stephen style): Behave, will ya? I feel like I’m dealing with another Alan Davies when with you. 

Douglas(also Stephen style): YOU behave because you’re, and always have been, Oscar’s biggest fanboy ever lived, have I mentioned that before? 

[Again, I intervene, because Stefan is bringing out instant noodles.] 

Me: GUYS, BEST BEHAVIOURS, get it? 

Stephen(ignoring me and still arguing with Douglas): GET IT? 

Douglas(arguing back): OH YES, I GOT IT, AND YOU? 

[*This continues for almost hours until I make singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli appear and I take everyone to their rooms.] 

[Rm 1625 is Stephen, Andrea, and me.] 

Me(opening the door): HERE WE ARE! 

Stephen(eyes wide and with dawning realization): HOLY FLAPJACKS WITH GINGER TEA THIS IS AWESOME, GRACEY, AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT! 

Andrea(smirking): I told ya, din’t I? 

Stephen(upset): Not as if we’re getting married soon, which we’ll never. 

Andrea: AW. 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea(to me): Such spoilsports, those Brits. 

Me: I know right 

[*Short time skip. I’m watching CNN when Stephen, who was in the bathroom, yelped loudly.] 

Andrea(unimpressed): Brits. 

Stephen(shouting back): NO WAY, ANDREA, I NEARLY SLAMMED MY FINGER OFF FROM THE DOOR! 

Andrea: - _____0 

[Stephen clomps out and looks upset at him.] 

Me(sarcastically): Aww poor Stevie… 

[Andrea collapses onto me, laughing his head off.] 

Stephen(glaring at me): YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE, GRACEY, SHOULD I REMIND YOU THAT? 

Me(holding a hand up, reassuringly): Fine, fine, just joking around. Be careful next time, though. 

[And in room 1624, which is, ironically, Maurizio Sciarretta, Douglas Adams, and Stefan Mickisch’s room. NOTE: Maurizio is also a guest :-)] 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME, YOU KNOW THAT! 

Stefan(firm): Now I know how Gracey feels when Mark and Stephen are out of character. 

Douglas: Or WAY too OOC. 

[Suddenly, the rooms merge into one.] 

Maurizio(in DJ outfit, along with Andrea): AND ISN’T THAT THE OBJECTIVE? BEING OOC? 

Andrea(also DJ outfit, complete with earphones and everything): OF COURSE! (YEAH!) 

[They start singing again, to the tune of the Beatles’ She Loves Me, a la chapter 56.] 

Maurizio, Andrea(in unison and obnoxiously): BEING OOC YEAH YEAH YEAH, BEING OOC YEAH YEAH YEAH~ THEY BE LIKE THAT, AND THAT’S ALL IT MATTERS (AAA-AAAA-AAAAWWW-WWWW-WWWWWW)~ 

Stefan(deadpan and exasperated): Again? 

Me(holding my head because of my massive migraine induced by Andrea and Maurizio’s obnoxious singing): Yes, AGAIN. 

[*Time skip. Now we’re in Merrion Square in downtown Dublin.] 

[Irish actor Colm Meaney is our guide :-), and yes, it’s kind of Star Trek.] 

Colm(with a flourish): Top o’ the mornin! 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO, TOPPING MORNIN’ THIS IS! 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to everyone): OK, so today we’re going to James Joyce’s house, and yes, he’s also a guest. 

Colm: … 

Stefan(deadpan): She has control over this and it’s kinda strange if you want us to explain. 

Me(before anyone could react): That’ll just confuse them further. 

Stefan: :-( 

[We go to James Joyce’s house.] 

[At the James Joyce house.] 

James(waving us in): TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO Y’ALL! AND YES, WELCOME TO MY PARLOUR, GUESTS! 

Me(to Stefan): This is also the last time I’m coming here, I swear. 

Stephen: Aaaawwwww~ 

Me: NO. 

[We tour around.] 

[Colm brings up the Ulysses, a work that is… well, SAID… to be quite controversial because of its… well… IMPLYING details.] 

Maurizio(to Andrea): And here comes the Wagner and Me scene again. 

Andrea(conjuring up a cone): LISTEN UP, EVERYONE! HERE COMES WAGNER AND ME DETAILS, AND YES, IT’S KINDA LIKE THAT PIANO SCENE BETWEEN STEPHEN AND SIGNOR MICKISCH, HAH! 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO WAGNER AND ME TIIIIIIMMEEEE! 

[I hold my head because of everyone’s screaming.] 

Me(shaking my head): NO, WAY, NO WAY AM I LISTENING TO THIS. 

Stefan(pulling me): YOU HAVE TO! 

Me: NO I DON’T! 

[I don’t listen, while others are behaving like they are audiences in QI.] 

o-o-o 

[Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how was going to Oscar Wilde’s house.] 

[At Oscar’s house.] 

Colm(suddenly in 19th century wear): And this is Oscar Wilde’s house. Oscar Wilde was one of the most popular Irish novelists in the late 19th century, and most of you HAVE to know the novella that is basically on double life — kinda like R.L.Stevenson’s. 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO I AH-DORE DORIAN GRAY! THE NOVELLA, THAT IS, NOT EXACTLY THE CHARACTER. 

Colm: Right-o. 

Stephen(smug): I once portrayed Oscar, you know that? 

Colm(hardly even surprised): Why am I not surprised? 

Stephen(beaming): YOU HAVE TO! I WAS THE SUCCESSOR TO PETER FINCH AND ROBERT MORLEY, FOR YOUR INFO! 

[Colm rolls his eyes at him.] 

Me(tapping on Stephen): You’re not only the so-called ‘successor’, you’re also the one who’s the most obsessed. 

[Oscar and his portrayers appear.] 

Oscar(deadpan): I’m not impressed at your bragging, Stephen, sorry. 

Peter Finch(in 19th century wear): You, Mr, should remember you’re not the successor to us. 

Robert Morley(also in 19th century wear): Of COURSE not. 

[Oscar makes them disappear.] 

Oscar(to us): Welcome to my Irish home, people, never expected you, though. 

Me(to myself): Thankfully he’s no longer in Norwich and my own house. 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about what happened there, so let’s skip to the part where we go to some kind of shopping centre.] 

[In shopping center that, apparently, sells historical people plushes…] 

Me(to everyone): OK, now we’re in some mall, and yes, you can spread out, but be here before I freak out, OK? 

Everyone: OK! 

[Stephen, Andrea, and Maurizio all gather around me and surrounds me.] 

Stephen(declaring): One of you must go with Stefan and Douglas, who’re celebrating! 

[Cut to: Novelist and amateur conservationist Douglas Adams and pianist Stefan Mickisch running around playing hide-and-seek like children.] 

[Cut back to us.] 

Andrea(also declaring): NO, WE’RE WITH GRACEY FOREVER AND EVER! 

Maurizio(with a flourish): BRITS ARE OUT, ITALIANS ARE IN! WOO~ 

Stephen(also with a flourish): NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY! ITALIANS ARE OUT, AND BRITS ARE IN! MARK AND I AND GRACEY’VE BEEN STAYIN’ TOGETHER SINCE… SINCE… 

[Andrea and Maurizio both hug me and nearly squeezes the life out of me.] 

Me(squeaking and struggling to breath): Eep! Need… air… 

[Stephen pounces as well and that’s how come we form a cuddle group.] 

o-o-o 

[Meanwhile.] 

[Stefan and Douglas are both cooing and aww-ing at an Oscar Wilde doll they found.] 

Stefan(pleadingly): PLEASE let me take this? 

Douglas: Sorry to break it to you but you’d have to pay for it first, and yes, you can. 

Stefan(beaming): WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO GRACEY AND ASK HER! 

Douglas(aside): I don’t know if I suggest that. 

[They go back to my own group.] 

[We’re looking at St. Patricks Day memorabilia.] 

[Andrea is trying on every single SPD style aviators.] 

Maurizio(to me): He needs help at this rate. 

Me: Too true. 

Stephen(to both of us): AH, WELL, at least sunglasses enhances their senses! 

[He and Maurizio starts singing Stars In Her Eyes. Obnoxiously, of course!] 

[*I’m too lazy to write it all, but of course Andrea is upset at them.] 

[I hug him just as Stefan and Douglas are back.] 

Me(gently, to Andrea): Ignore those haters; xx 

Stefan(shouting): GRACEY, HEY GRACEY, YOU’LL NEVER GUESS THIS, BUT WE FOUND SOMETHIN’ YOU’RE GUARANTEED TO LOVE TO DEATH, I TELL YOU! 

Me(still hugging Andrea): What? 

[We pull away and Stefan shoves his Oscar Wilde doll in my face.] 

Stefan(delighted out of his mind): THIS, GRACEY! OSCAR WILDE DOLL, WOO! 

[Stephen completely forgets about insulting Andrea and jumps up and down excitedly.] 

Stephen: I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! 

Stefan(holding the doll close to him): NO WAY, I FOUND IT FIRST! 

Douglas(to me): I knew this will happen. 

[At another corner, Andrea and Maurizio made peace and are hugging and watching the Stephens argue like children over a doll.] 

Maurizio(interferring): Don’t you have one? One of those witnessed your wedding to Elliot? 

Andrea(to me): Awww~ 

[I hold my head because I’m really suffering.] 

Me(to Stefan): Fine, you can have it, but make sure Mr. Fry do not get his claws on it. 

Stephen(wide-eyed): WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? 

Stefan(smug): NOW THIS DOLL IS MINE, STEPHEN, MINE, MINE, MINE! 

Stephen(shouting with frustration): JUST YOU WAIT, MR. MICKISCH! 

[He clomps towards me as Stefan waves around like he just won a war against Israel. Wait, no, BAD example — as if he just won a war against… I.S.I.S, that is, not Israel, ignore that one, please!] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re finally away from the doll place and for some reason, Maurizio and Stephen are in the bathroom puking and having stomach problems.] 

[Douglas, Stefan, Andrea, and I are waiting for them to finish outside.] 

Me(to pretend audience): I told them to not eat those potato dishes too quickly, and see what happens when they do? 

Stefan(deadpan): It’s not surprising that they ignored you, Gracey. You know how Italians are like — almost like the Leavens. 

Andrea(upset again): HEY! 

[Again, I interfere.] 

Me(to Andrea): No offense. 

Stefan(shouting): NO, PLENTY OF OFFENSE! 

Douglas(to me): And you think the Germans and the Italians are over their differences? 

Me: … 

[Stephen and Maurizio needs me to go to the gender-neutral bathroom to check on them — to see they’re not dead yet.] 

[I go.] 

Me(to them): Are you two alright? 

Maurizio(looking up from the basin): Yes, so alright. 

Stephen(from inside): NOT OK! 

Me(as Maurizio hurls into the basin again): I’ll be in the corridors when you're done — please don’t die on me. 

Stephen(sobbing): Please don’t leave? 

Me(cringing): I don’t like the sounds. 

[I leave, just as Stephen moans because.] 

[Back outside.] 

Me: OK, I’m back, and I’m about to hurl my lunch as well, because. 

[Of course Stefan is interested, MORBIDLY interested, that is.] 

Stefan(to me): They didn’t die, did they? 

Me: They’re on the brink of dying. 

[*OK, time skip. Now we’re back at the hotel, and everything is back to normal in said hotel.] 

[I flop on the bed.] 

Me: Ah, hotel. 

Stephen(upset): Unfortunately I nearly snapped my finger off because. 

Me(sitting up): You’ve been saying that for hours now. 

[Again, Andrea nearly dies laughing.] 

[As usual, Stephen is upset about that.] 

Me(to them both): OK, please, no fighting. No more Britain vs Italy things. 

Andrea(nonchalant): Fine. I’ll be continuing CNN. 

[I nod.] 

Stephen(to me): It’s beyond me how he can SEE that program. 

Me(exasperated): Ever heard of listening? 

[*Since I’m lazy again, this is kind of everything, so… yeah, see ya til the next chapter!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Most of this actually happened. But no, in reality, I wasn’t in Dublin. What actually happened was that yes, Hina’s Partner J actually hurt her finger at the bathroom-shower door, and yes, she accidentally got mild diarrhea as well xDxDxD.


	77. Back to Britain We Go(or, Norwich Again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m writing this first part ON THE TRAIN, and yes, the others and I are finally going back to Norwich! :-D

[O’Carien, Dublin, Ireland. 

[Hotel Room 1625.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry is, again, banging on a gong, a la Janelle Walliss, and making me bolt awake.] 

Me(screaming so early in the morning): MR. FRY, ARE YOU DONE, I ASK YOU? 

Stephen(with a flourish): MORNIN’, GRACEY, WOO! 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me(upset): Exactly how can I explain ‘half-dead’ to you? 

Stephen: ? 

Me: Listen, I’m quarter-dead still, so don’t disturb. It’s a No Disturbing sign. 

[And in the other room. Rm 1624.] 

[Stefan Mickisch and Douglas Adams are watching CNN and gasping very obnoxiously.] 

Random CNN Anker: *blah *blah* *blah* world problems and how can we solve it, *blah* *blah* *blah* etc. 

Stefan(pretending to care): OOOOHHHH, so serious! 

Douglas(also with mock-cocern): Oh, my god, this should DEFINITELY NOT happen! 

[Soon, CNN becomes background noise.] 

Stefan(CNN mode): OK, so what d’you think is Stephen and Gracey doing? 

Douglas: No idea. 

Stefan: Maybe we should do some kind of round table as well. 

[Douglas bounces very excited on the bed.] 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOO WE’RE DOING ROUND TABLE, CNN STYLE! 

[They both start singing. Again, obnoxiously.] 

Stefan, Douglas(using their San Benedetto water bottles as microphones): OP OP OP OP OP-MA CNN STYLE! 

[*Time skip again because I’m lazy. We have breakfast in, again, KFC, because I’m eccentric.] 

[In KFC.] 

Stefan(tearfully): Am I the only one who misses Great Yarmouth? 

[Douglas looks wide-eyed at everyone.] 

Douglas(with dawning realization): YOU’VE BEEN TO GREAT YARMOUTH?! 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me(slight): Kind of, yes. And it was with some other people. 

Douglas(optimistically): Maybe WE should go together some day?! 

[Again, Stephen throws his arms in the air.] 

Stephen(delighted out of his mind): WOOOOOO GREAT YARMOUTH! 

Me(holding my head): No way, not with this group. 

Stefan(siding with me): Of course not because of the guest stars. But that IS a wonderful suggestion! 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you this: We’re going to a cemetery, because we’re… well… we have morbid interests in those stuff.] 

[At the graveyard.] 

[Novelist and short story writer, Edgar Allan Poe, is our guest star, as well as actor Jeffrey Combs.] 

Edgar(with a small flourish): Welcome to the graveyard. 

Jeffrey(smiling): Yes, welcome, people, and feel free to express your morbid interests here. 

Everyone else: … 

[We walk around.] 

Douglas(breaking the silence): Am I the only one who thinks Halloween is perfect to be held here? 

Stefan(jumping up and punching air, before anyone else could register Douglas’s question): AND WE’RE GON’ TO THE MEGALITHIC STONES SOON! WOOOOOOO~ 

Jeffrey: Also, I’ve heard that’s also some kind of ancient cemetery. 

Edgar(smirking): Forevermore… 

[I rub my temples because of a headache, again.] 

Me: Right, and Jeffery, you’re continuing to be the guest. 

Jeffery(jumping up and punching air as well): WOOOOOOOO GUEST STARRING! 

[*OK, since I couldn’t remember everything from our graveyard travels, I’m writing about what happened when we went to the megalithic stones.] 

[At the stones.] 

Jeffrey(in creepy tone): And this, people, are ancient tombstones that may or may not be the cause of Danse Macabre, which the French believe in. 

Stefan(to me): We should come here during Halloween, shouldn’t we? 

Me(ejaculating back): NO, WAY, STEFAN, NO WAY WE’RE COMING HERE! 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): AND THIS IS EXACTLY HOW OSCAR THOUGHT ABOUT THE CANTERVILLE GHOST, WOO! 

[Immediately the discussion is about Oscar Wilde and Edgar Allan Poe’s horror stories, as usual.] 

Douglas(also with delight): AND HAVE I MENTIONED THAT BOTH OSCAR WILDE AND H.P.LOVECRAFT WERE INSPIRED BY HIM? 

Stephen(in creepy tone as well): Forevermore… 

[Stefan cracks up and Jeffery and I exchange an exasperated look.] 

Jeffery(to me): Good luck dealing with them until Halloween. 

Me: Thanks. 

[Stephen and Stefan starts singing.] 

Stephen, Stefan(sings): THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN — HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN~ etc. 

[I rub my temples because I’m suffering from a severe headache again and Jeffery gives me some aspirin.] 

Me(faintly): Thanks, I needed it. 

Jeffrey: And I’m a guest during that time? End of October? 

[That successfully dragged the others away from their singing.] 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO RE-ANIMATOR TIIIIIIIMMEEEEE! 

Stefan: NO WAY, ANDREA BOCELLI IS THE STORY-TELLER! 

Stephen: YES WAY, JEFFERY COMBS IS ALSO THE STORY-TELLER! 

[This is kinda what happened at the megalithic stones — them shouting about Halloween and whatnot.] 

[*Time skip. I’m too lazy to describe about what happened during lunch — Stephen and our third guest, Maurizio Sciarretta, hollering at each other because of some song.] 

[Now we’re on the ferry boat, after fetching tickets and random stuff happening.] 

Me(leaning back on my chair): Ah, peace. 

Stefan(reminding me): They’ll never stop bickering, so don’t keep your hopes up. 

Me: Stephen’s just jealous, and for some reason, I have no idea why did he think that KayEUndercover and AnysCake are fans of him — true, the latter was. 

[*Time skip. We’re now in London, more specifically, on the train back to Norwich, Norfolk.] 

[The others are finally delighted again.] 

Stefan(throwing his arms in the air): WE’RE FINALLY GOING BACK, WOO! 

Stephen(forgetting his argument with Maurizio earlier): WOOOOOOOO, NORFOLK! NORFOLK IS AWESOME AND HERE’S A NORFOLK POEM: — 

[As usual, I interrupt.] 

Me: Please also remember to apologize to Maurizio because I think we’re having him for a guest star very soon. 

[Stephen and Stefan groan in annoyance and give me the silent treatment all the way till we got back to my house.] 

[Back in my house.] 

[Living room.] 

Me(spreading my arms): AH, Norwich, you gotta love it! 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: … 

Douglas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO NORWICH! NOW MARK WOULDN’T BRAG ABOUT BEIN’ HERE ‘CAUSE I ARRIVED FIRST, HAH! 

Me: … 

Stephen(deadpan): Sorry to break it to you but Mark was here way before you became his substitute. 

Stefan(to me): Spoilsport. 

[Douglas and I smirk at that.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me(sighing): OK, we’ve got A LOT of unpacking to do. 

Everyone: AW WHYYY? 

Me: You do remember we went to the Jarovskis, had an epic cross-over, and later went to Zürich and Dublin, don’t you? 

Stephen(smirking at me): Of course, and unfortunately we didn’t get to visit the theater of Wagner’s. 

[As usual, I ignore him.] 

Me: So it’s essential that we unpack everything and get back to normal. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is kind of all that happened, and yes, our adventure with the Jarovskis and mountains and China are FINALLY over! So see ya soon, for the next episode of Complete and Utter Ignorance! Gx] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, but the song thing was worse — I gave KayEUndercover’s female Partner the silent treatment almost all the way till today(Sep 6), because of a song that made me overly-emotional. Urgh… 
> 
> A/N 3: Also, yayy, we’re finally back! So expect more randomness coming soon.


	78. Another Unexpected Developement(or, More Summer Activities)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This is another merge chapter because everything that has happened are WAY too random to write about in separate chaps, so… yeah. 
> 
> A/N 2: A reminder: I may use Maurizio Sciarretta and Zakhar Bron to extremes here, because I’m in a severe 2014 Masterclasses phase all over again, and it was all thanks to AnysCake and KayEUndercover!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My room.] 

[Richard Wagner appears.] 

Richard(smiling): Welcome back to Norwich, Gracey. A reminder: this house is basically deserted because you weren’t here, and I was back in Bayreuth, my headquarters, to see to my cult. 

Me(bolting from my bed): WE’RE IN NORWICH, RICH? 

Richard(on the verge of laughing at me): Right, and surprisingly you forgot? 

[FLASHBACK] 

[Actor Stephen Fry and novelist-amateur conservationist, Douglas Adams, are brewing something in my kitchen; and more, both are in sorcerer outfits.] 

Stephen(grinning evilly and rubbing his hands together): Gracey’s reaction after drinking this potion will be awesome. 

Douglas(giggling): Eye of newt and toe of frog? 

[Stephen ignores him.] 

Stephen(dramatically and in stage whisper): And all hail… 

[Pianist Stefan Mickisch appears out of thin air.] 

All three(stage whisper): All hail… Gracey Sissol! 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(upset): I thought you two were playing the Weird Sisters from Macbeth? 

Douglas: Stephen wants to make some potion, Tristan and Isolde style, and give it to Gracey. It’s kind of a mega-crossover between Macbeth, Tristan, and Hamlet. 

Stephen: But without killing anyone. 

Douglas: And without anyone dying. 

Stephen: And no falling in or out of love. 

Douglas: Right, no romance, at least for now. 

[PAUSE again.] 

Stefan: … 

[*Time skip in flashback because I’m lazy. Now they’re in my room.] 

[As usual, I’m sleeping.] 

Stephen(in Hamish Frye voice): Now here comes the part that’s Hamlet. 

[Stefan and Douglas are on the verge of collapsing into laughing, but controlled themselves.] 

[Stephen pours a vial of something into my ears.] 

[They all run out of there because Richard Wagner just appeared like my so-called guardian angel.] 

[Back outside in the living room.] 

Stefan(gasping): That was a close one. 

Stephen: Too close. 

Douglas: In fact, Shakespeare would approve. 

Stephen(exasperated): Sorry to break it to you but this is Gracey’s story, so she’s the one controlling it. 

Stefan(to Douglas): And that’s also what’s beyond me because. 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

Me: … ? 

Richard(cracking up at last): Remember, they made this crazy potion to make you forget where you are temporarily. 

Me: Make me forget the place I’m staying, because I’m staying here TEMPORARILY? 

[Actor Stephen Fry strolls in casually, or, strolls in the living room in a too-casual way, with my other guests, novelist and amateur conservationist Douglas Adams and pianist Stefan Mickisch.] 

Stephen(staring at me): Oh! *he looks up at Richard* she’s suffering from sudden amnesia? 

[Richard stops laughing immediately.] 

Richard(looking up and darkly): I think, Mr. Fry, you know why. 

Stephen(innocently): Why? 

Richard(accusingly): The thing is, Stephen, I saw you and your… minions last night, doing something really Hamlet, when you were supposed to be doing something Macbeth. 

Stefan(to Richard): So she doesn’t remember this is her house? 

Me(looking around): I thought I was staying here temporarily? 

[Again, Stephen and Douglas are on the verge of collapsing into laughing.] 

[Richard shoots them a death look.] 

[They shut up.] 

Richard(still giving Stephen and Douglas dirty looks): They made you forget you were supposed to be here in Norwich. 

Stephen(protesting): It was ACCIDENTALLY! 

Douglas: IT WAS! 

Richard(shouting): IT WASN’T, STEPHEN AND DOUGLAS, AND YOU KNOW IT! NOW APOLOGIZE TO GRACEY AND RESTORE HER MEMORIES BECAUSE THIS IS GETTING MIGHTY CREEPY HERE! 

[They apologize to me and restore my memories.] 

[*OK, time skip. We’re supposed to be going to MarketPlace again and buy stuff, because again, we’re running out of groceries.] 

[At MarketPlace.] 

[My guest stars are singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Zakhar Bron.] 

Andrea, Zakhar(jumping up and punching air): WOO! WELCOME BACK TO NORWICH, GANG, AND HAPPY SHOPPING FOR GROCERIES WITH US! BUT FIRST, WE HAVE TO GO HAVE LUNCH, AKA HAVE SOME UDON, BUT UNFORTUNATELY MARK CARWARDINE ISN’T WITH US, SO WE’RE HAVING ‘EM WITHOUT MUCH DELIGHT! 

Me(rubbing my temples again because of a headache): OK, cool. Lead us away, and yes, we ARE shopping later. 

[Everyone jumps up and punch air at that.] 

Everyone(chanting): UDON! UDON! UDON! 

Me(to just myself): Satisfying their physiological needs is basically their first and last priority, and I’m DEFINITELY NOT dealing with this after Halloween. 

[Stephen and Andrea’s ears perk up. The latter because I literally forgot he had overly-enhanced senses.] 

Me(cutting in before they can start singing): NO SINGING, GET IT? NOT TODAY, DEFINITELY NOT TODAY. 

Stephen(pouting very adorable): Aw Graceyyyy~ 

Me(still firm): Acting adorable like the little tramp is NOT changing my mind. 

Andrea(grinning): AND MAYBE CHARLIE CHAPLIN WILL?! 

[Little tramp appears and accidentally falls next to Stefan.] 

Stefan: … 

[I glare at Andrea.] 

Me(sternly): In my story, when I say no, I mean no. 

[I make the little tramp disappear after helping him up.] 

[Andrea hugs Stephen, who is crying his eyes out.] 

[*Time skip. We’re at the Udon place.] 

[For some reason, Mark Carwardine is taking a break from whale watching, so he’s a guest star as well. Thanks no thanks, Stephen or Andrea!] 

Mark(jumping up and punching air, as usual): HALLO AGAIN, GRACEY AND COMPANY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S MARK CARWARDINE JOININ’ YA FOR LUNCH, WOO! 

[Zakhar glomps Andrea.] 

Zakhar(dreamily): I love you… 

Andrea(slightly upset): Unfortunately, I can’t love you because you have Maurizio. 

[Zakhar cries his eyes out.] 

[They hug and we go order our meals.]

[While eating.] 

Me(to Stephen and Andrea): Tell me you didn’t do this on purpose. 

Stephen, Andrea: ? 

Me: Bringing Mark Carwardine here when he’s still busy with his traveling. 

Them: OF COURSE NOT! 

Stephen: I didn’t make him come here. 

Andrea: Nor did I. 

[I stare at them both.] 

Me: OK, I’m trusting you this time. And no, Mark is too busy for our randomness. 

[I make sure Mark is finished with his food, before orbing him away again.] 

Me: Mark’ll join us automatically after he’s finished with his tours. 

Andrea, Stephen: AAAWWWW~ 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re at the pool in my pool paradise.] 

[We go swimming, and yes, our guest star is Jascha Heifetz.] 

Jascha(jumping out of the water): WHAT HO, GRACEY AND COMPANY? JOIN THE PARTAY! 

Me: … 

Andrea(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO~ 

Zakhar(waves his arms at Jascha): WHAT HO, JASCHA! WE’RE HERE! WE’RE HERE! 

[We swim after changing our outfits into swimwear.] 

[*To see more, please read chapters 13, 22, 33, and 39.] 

[We finish swimming and showering.] 

[For some reason, Zakhar and Jascha are craving Italian cuisine, AGAIN.] 

Me(sighing): I thought you two were over it? 

Jascha: Of course not. 

Zakhar: No way no sir. 

Jascha(to me): No wonder he made Maurizio his assistant, instead of other Russians. 

Me: I highly doubt it is because of cuisine. Also, can we go to the Korean place? 

[We go to the Korean place with Zakhar and Jascha making me own them a Via Roma trip.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to describe what happened during lunch, so I’ll just tell you what happened the next day.] 

o-o-o 

[The next day.] 

[Again, my house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My guest stars, violinist Maurizio Sciarretta and flutist Andrea Griminelli, are making breads and puttanesca so early in the morning.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry wants to go to RADA to have breakfast because.] 

Me(sitting up): Maybe, but I’m not staying with Andrea and Maurizio. 

[We go to the living room.] 

[Maurizio and Andrea present their breads.] 

Maurizio(delighted): TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, GRACEY! BUONGIORNO, BUONGIORNO! 

Andrea(also delighted): BUUUUUUUUOOOOOONGIORNO, BUONGIORNOBUONGIORNOBUONGIORNO! 

[I’m again, suffering from a headache.] 

Me(to them both): One more of this and you guys are no longer guests. Not that making breads isn’t good, though. 

[Maurizio throws one of his arms in the air because he’s holding a tray in the other.] 

Maurizio: WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Stephen(deadpan): Also, sorry to break it to you, but we’re going to RADA to have breakfast. 

Andrea: Aawwww… 

Maurizio(still optimistic): THEN YOU SHOULD TRY SOME OF OUR PASTAS WHEN YOU’RE BACK! HAH! 

Me(rubbing my temples because of my massive migraine so early in the morning): OK! Wouldn’t dream of forgetting. 

[Stephen and I leave for RADA.] 

[At RADA.] 

[I’m having a so-called ‘blind date’ with actor/Shakespeare enthusiast/director/RADA Dean Kenneth Branagh, thanks to Stephen.] 

Kenneth(smiling at me): So what brings you here? 

Me(to myself): Seriously? *to Kenneth* Stephen and I, or rather, just I, wanted to have breakfast here, but Andrea and Maurizio hindered our arrival. You know how Italians are like. 

Kenneth(impressed): So you’ve Zakhar Bron’s assistant with ya? 

Me: YES. 

[Because I’m suffering, I made Kenneth shut up via my author powers and we eat breakfast in peace, that is, before Stephen joined us.] 

Kenneth(delighted): NOW LOOK WHO’S HERE TO JOIN US! 

Me(not even looking): Why is he here again? 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO I’LL BE JOININ’ YA BECAUSE! 

Me(irritated): BECAUSE WHY? 

Stephen: Because I wanted to. 

Me: … 

Kenneth: … 

[*Time skip. I’ll just tell you what happened in the afternoon instead.] 

[Singer Maria Callas is our guest star this time, along with, again, Luciano Pavarotti from the Trio, so welcome them!] 

Me(to Maria and Luciano): Ok, welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance. 

Maria(grinning): Thanks for having us! 

Luciano: RIGHTO! 

Me: So KayEUndercover is doing a Carmen dance and I thought you two would like to join her? 

[Luciano jumps up and punches air.] 

Luciano: WOOOO DANCIN’ WITH KAYEUNDERCOVER! 

Me: … 

Maria: … 

[*Short time skip. We’re dancing.] 

[*Because I’m lazy, I’m leaving you to your own crazy imaginations on what happened when we did that. And… that leaves us with our random episode of Complete and Utter Ignorance! See ya soon! xG] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened, and very recently. Because of how random and cliché these are, I’m merging them together to form a larger episode, kind of like QI XL. Hope you liked this, and soon, we’ll be celebrating Jeffery Combs’s b-day, and yes, it’ll be utterly crazy — stay tuned! :-D


	79. Causes of Depression and Whatnot(or, Random Days With Two Violin Enthusiasts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: BUUUUOOOOOOOOON POMERIGGIO, BUONPOMERIGGIOBUONPOMERIGGIOBUONPOMERRIGIO dear readers! This is Maurizio Sciarretta, for your first A/N! Today’s episode is extremely short, so… sì, bear with us, per favore. x, Maurizio

(theChaplinfangirl POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. My guest stars for today, violinists Maurizio Sciarretta, Zakhar Bron, Jascha Heifetz, and Shlomo Mintz are having a round table talk.] 

Zakhar(slightly disturbed): And I think y’all should know that a Chinese violinist perished today, it was notified by another member of the Chinese Symphony Orchestra, so Little China won’t be so blissful anymore. 

Jascha(to no one in particular): Great, now I’m depressed. 

Everyone else: … 

[PAUSE] 

Maurizio(smiling): You should be delighted today because — 

[He jumps on his chair and conjures up a cone.] 

Maurizio(shouting): NO MOAR GUEST STARS AND NO MORE MAIN CHARACTERS FOR T’DAY ‘CAUSE METHINKS GRACEY IS FEELIN’ GENEROUS! WOO~ 

Shlomo(half-sarcastic): Awesome. 

Zakhar: … 

Jascha: … 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(to Maurizio): But I’m still depressed, not because of the violinist, but because you speaking Shakespeare makes me think of the screenings. 

Zakhar(reminiscing): They were awesome. 

[FLASHBACK] 

[The Mall. We’re watching King Lear, and drama extends to my group.] 

Maurizio(shouting): THIS IS AWESOME! GRACEY, CAN WE PUH-LEASE JOIN IN NEXT YEAR’S! 

Mark Carwardine(also shouting): AND I CAN HARDLY HEAR MY OWN VOICE, BECAUSE OF HOW GOOD THE SOUNDING IS! AND YES, WE MOST DEFINITELY SHOULD JOIN IN NEXT YEAR’S! IT’S AN ORDER, WOO! 

Zakhar(to me): It’s beyond me how you can stand this. 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): Right, and no, I’m so not making them main characters after Halloween. 

Stephen Fry(professor mode): That’s why you shouldn’t feed them ice cream. 

Me(to everyone, exasperated): Can we please just watch the screening? 

Stephen: No way, I’m telling you something important, Gracey. 

[Maurizio, being Italian, starts arguing about ice cream with Stephen — NOTE: Italians LOVE ice cream, so feel free to bribe them with that.] 

Maurizio(still shouting): NO WAY, ICE CREAM IS AWESOME! 

Stephen(snapping back): I’M SAYIN’ YA SHOULD BE QUIET, OK? 

Maurizio: NOT OK! 

Stephen: YES OK! 

Maurizio: NO! 

Stephen: YES! 

Maurizio: NO! 

Stephen: YES! 

[They are interrupted by intermission.] 

[Maurizio forgets his argument with Stephen.] 

Maurizio(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOO METHINKS INTERMISSION IS MORE THAN AWESOME! 

Mark(also jumping up and punching air): TOO TRUE! 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

[PAUSE] 

Zakhar: Gracey wouldn’t really agree because of Maurizio and Mark’s shouting. 

[I get out of my room.] 

Me: Morning, everyone, and yes, enjoy your time here, because this may or may not be the only time when Stephen and the others are gone. 

Shlomo(smiling): We will. 

Maurizio(waving his arms and jumping up and down): OF COURSE WE WILL! WE HAVE TO, RIGHT? 

Me: … 

[*Time skip. Now it’s time for some dance show and I lead everyone to my theater.] 

[In my theater.] 

[AnysCake and the_musicenthusiast are in their positions, and the Three are in the audience as well as my group.] 

Me(to my group): OK, I have no idea why are they here, I swear. 

The Three(jumping up and punching air, as well as waving their arms at us): WHAT HO, GRACEY AND COMPANY? WE’RE PLACIDO AND JOSÉ AND LUCIANO, AKA THE AUDIENCE FOR ANYSCAKE AND THE_MUSICENTHUSIAST’S DANCE OF LA TRAVIATA! WOOO~ 

[My group sits behind them.] 

Me(to Maurizio): And say hello to earworms, as usual, because La Traviata is just that catchy. 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ JOIN IN THE OP’RA! 

[Music starts and Maurizio and gang start singing.] 

Maurizio(sings): Seats are filled, people chattin’… 

Zakhar(sings): Stadium filled, lights are dimmin’… 

Shlomo(jumping up): Performance is about to staaaaaaaart~ 

The Three(as audience, spoken): WOOOOOO~ 

Maurizio, Zakhar, Jascha, Shlomo(sings): ‘CAUSE EV’RYONE IS EAGER, TO SEE THE OPERA TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! 

[Trampolines lower and Maurizio and Shlomo starts swinging from them, still singing in their best operatic voices.] 

Maurizio(sings): People dancin’, dancin’ on the stage… 

Shlomo(sings): What is it lii-ii-iiii-iiiiiike? 

Jascha(sings): What is it liiiiiii-iiii-iiiiike? 

Shlomo, Zakhar(sings): What is it like up theeee-ee-eeee-eere? 

Maurizio(sings): ‘Cause all you should do is… 

All four(sings): JOIN IN THE OP’RA TO-NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! 

[*Time skip. Because I’m lazy, I’ll just write about what happens later in the evening.] 

[We’re having dinner and Shlomo and Jascha are watching KayEUndercover and Maurizio during the 2014 master-classes.] 

[Maurizio and I are eating sausages.] 

Maurizio(to me): I have no idea she was so eager. 

Me(slyly): Maybe she has feelings for you? 

[That distracts Jascha and Shlomo and they start singing.] 

Jascha(sings): KAY AND MAURI-ZIO, SIPPIN’ ON COFFE-EE… 

Shlomo(sings): WITHOUT ANY CARE OF WATCH-ERS! 

Jascha(spoken): Why? 

Both(spoken): THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, THAT’S WHY! 

[I interrupt before music could start.] 

Me: Remember, they hardly know about each other, and I doubt they would love each other just because they collaborated for a short time. 

Maurizio(to me): No way. 

Me: Of course not. 

[I turn back to the others.] 

Me(calling): SORRY! If they really DO love each other, it’s way later, so don’t keep your hopes up. Or rather, keep your hopes up, because you’ll never know what the universe’ll do! 

[Maurizio elbows me in the ribs, blushing.] 

[I elbow him back.] 

[*Another time skip. Because I’m lazy, this is what happened afterwards.] 

[Jascha, KayEUndercover, Zakhar, and I are reading stuff and chatting about Italian delight when Zakhar and Maurizio started shouting at each other, as usual. Because of something trivial(read: carrots and fruits).] 

Zakhar(shouting): … AND DIDN’T GRACEY SAY THAT IT’S RESERVED FOR HER GUESTS TOMORROW? 

Maurizio(also shouting): NOT THAT I KNOW OF! 

Zakhar: CAN YOU, MR. SCIARRETTA, PUH-LEASE STOP BEING SO CARELESS, AS USUAL? 

Maurizio(upset); GRACEY DIDN’T SAY SO, ALRIGHT, AND I WAS WITH HER! 

Zakhar: OH RIGHT OF COURSE YOU WERE! 

[At my corner.] 

Me(sighing): Trouble with friendship. 

Jascha(looking up): Really, trivial things? 

Kay: … 

Shlomo: … 

Me: OK, I’d better deal with this tomorrow, ‘cause tomorrow there’s another event. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and yes, the Partners are giving each other the silent treatment xD. Also, RIP to the violinist… 
> 
> A/N 3: The next episode will be way more fun, and yes, actor Jeffrey Combs is having his birthday celebration tomorrow! Woo~


	80. Celebrations With the Star Trek Rat Pack(or, Birthday Celebrations With Jeffrey Combs)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy birthday Jeffrey Combs! :-D The Re-animator and Star Trek actor turns 64(!!!!!) today, and still refuses to look that age xD. So here’s another birthday episode — hope you won’t be sick of those afterwards :-)

(Stephen Fry POV) 

[Gracey’s house, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Gracey and Stefan Mickisch decides to go jogging for reasons unknown.] 

Me(smiling at them): OK, bye then, and don’t get killed or something! 

Gracey: No way, won’t do. 

Stefan(delighted): OF COURSE NOT! 

[They leave.] 

[American short story writer H.P.Lovecraft appears, along with actor Jeffrey Combs.] 

Howard(with a flourish): HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, JEFFREY!! :-D 

Jeffrey(to me): Hi, and yes, I’m a guest star today, since Gracey invited me. Where is she, by the way? 

Howard(deadpan): Jogging. 

Jeffery: … 

Me: Don’t tell me you invited the Rat Pack. 

Jeffrey(jumping up and punching air): OF COURSE I DID, AND WELCOME THEEEEMMM! 

[Star Trek Rat Pack appears with a bang that is thunderously loud — an exaggeration, of course!] 

[They introduce themselves over-enthusiastically.] 

Marc Alaimo: I’m Marc Alaimo and I’m Dukat in DS9! 

Armin Shimerman: I’m Armin Shimerman and I’m Quark, the Ferengi bartender, so drinks are on me! 

Jeffrey: WOO! 

Howard: … 

Max Grodénchik: I’m Max Grodénchik and in DS9, Armin and I are brothers! Woo! 

Casey Biggs: I’m Casey Biggs and I’m the model for Paso, AND Damar in DS9! Woo! 

Jeffrey: And last but not least, I’m Jeffrey Combs, Weyoun clones in DS9, an Andorian commander in Enterprise, and Herbert West, Crawford Tillinghast, etc in HPL’s works! WOOOOOOO~ 

Marc: He’s also a Lovecraftian. 

Casey: ISN’T IT AWESOME! 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to everyone): OK, I think you’d better wait for Gracey to come back. 

Armin(deadpan): Thank you Jeeves. 

Everyone else: 0_o 

Casey(delighted): NOW LET’S DECORATE BEFORE THE OTHERS COME BACK! 

Me(interrupting): No you’re not, Gracey has to come back first, before you do anything. 

Everyone: Aaaawwww~ 

[*Time skip. Now Gracey is back.] 

Gracey: OK, we’re back, and yes, also back in business. 

Me: :-) 

Stefan(looking around): OK, Stephen and Gracey, explanation, please, on why the heck are the Star Trek Rat Pack here? 

Star Trek Rat Pack(throwing their arms in the air): WOOOO! HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S THE RAT PACK! 

[Gracey sighs in exasperation.] 

Gracey: OK, I almost forgot, birthday for Jeffrey. 

Me: As in Cadogan? 

Gracey(ignoring me): … so there’ll be a lot of guests today, and yes, there’ll be some kind of crazy performance, so brace yourselves. 

Stefan(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOO PERFORMANCE! 

Me: I think it’ll be similar to Tristan and Isolde, modern version. 

[FLASHBACK] 

(Gracey POV) 

[We’re watching the modern version of Tristan and Isolde on TV.] 

Me(holding my head because of a headache): Remind me to never watch this again because it’s headache-inducing. 

[Stephen, Stefan, and Mark Carwardine shout with laughing at me.] 

Mark(jumping up and punching air, as usual): BUT GOOD NEWS TODAY — WE’RE LEAVIN’ THE JAROVSKIS VEEEEEEERRY SOON! 

Stephen(deadpan): I think she knows that, Mark. 

Stefan: Of course she does. 

Me(irritated at their antics): And how could she not? 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(grinning): Also, don’t forget Stephen and TrilotEyes’s b-day is also today. 

[With a bang, Stefan’s cronies, Zakhar Bron, Jascha Heifetz, and Shlomo Mintz appear with a flurry of glitter, confetti, and loads more of Star Trek approved things. They’re also holding noise-makers.] 

[I hold my head tighter because of my massive migraine even before they started.] 

Zakhar, Shlomo, Jascha(in unison and blowing on their noise-makers): HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S JASCHA, ZAKHAR, AND SHLOMO — AT YOUR SERVICE! 

Zakhar(with a flourish): We’ll be the Three Merry Party-goers, so talk to us if you want to know more party ideas! 

Shlomo(also with a flourish): And if you need more decorations, feel free to contact us! 

Jascha(over-enthusiastically, like those people who bug you with paper commercials on the street): AS SOON AS YOU’RE DONE, LET THE PARTAY BEGIIIIIN! 

[Again, all three blow on their noise-makers very obnoxiously.] 

[I take an aspirin because I canNOT take this any longer.] 

Me(slightly dismissive): OK, OK, we know you’re the so-called ‘Three Merry Party-goers’, Zakhar, Jascha, and Shlomo. Now you can leave. 

Zakhar, Jascha, Shlomo(in unison, again): AWW WHYYY~? 

Stefan(to Stephen): Because, heh? 

Me(to the trio): Because I’m really suffering here, alright? 

Shlomo: NOT ALRIGHT! WE HAVE TO BE HERE! 

[*Short time skip in FLASHBACK. Now everyone is watching television with Stephen, Stefan, Mark, and I.] 

[The song ‘Fandom’ starts.] 

Me(before anyone could register): PLEASE, for the love of the heavens, DO NOT sing along, I beg of you! 

Mark(lying sprawled on Stephen): Such spoilsport, Gracey. 

Shlomo(in Hebrew): Yes, Stephen, do not sing along. 

Stephen(also in Hebrew): Oh yes I should. 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

(Stephen Fry POV) 

Gracey(holding her head again): YES, and enough with telling me all that, Stephen! 

o-o-o 

(Gracey POV) 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just make a time skip here. Now it’s noon, and Stefan, Shlomo Mintz, Zakhar Bron, and I are making udon noodles, since Jeffrey is having his birthday and busy partying with his Star Trek mates in my theater.] 

Stefan: They’re playing Star Trek again. 

Zakhar(deadpan): We know. 

Shlomo(jumping up and punching air): WHAT IS ALSO NEW IS THAT THEY’VE TO GET USED TO THE CHINESE WAY OF BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS, WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE TO EAT NOODLES, HAH! 

Stefan(also deadpan): Oh, so true it hurts. 

[Richard Wagner and Charles Dickens appear out of thin air.] 

Richard(beaming): WOOOOO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JEFFREY, MATES! 

Charles: Too bad not Jeffrey Cadogan. It’s Jeffrey Combs, the Re-animator actor. 

[I stare at them and they finally notice where they are.] 

Me(to them both): Can you two PLEASE leave my kitchen now? I’m busy with Zakhar, Shlomo, and Stefan, OK? 

[Charles and Richard cringe in disgust again at me mentioning Shlomo.] 

Richard(exasperated, to Charles): She’ll never learn. 

Charles: It’s alright, if she’s careful with her money and stuff. 

Charles(to me): Just guard your cash, OK? And please, for the love of god, no more Israelite guest stars? 

Me: Of course not, we need them sometimes. 

Richard(shooting Shlomo a hateful look, to Charles): We’re outta here. 

[They disappear.] 

[*Time skip again. Because I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how did the tour in Little Italy go.] 

[For Jeffrey’s birthday, violinist Maurizio Sciarretta suggests we go to Little Italy in London. At the same time, Andrea Griminelli and Andrea Bocelli appear at the same time.] 

Andrea G and Andrea B(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOOOO JOURNEY TO LITTLE ITALY! FINALLY! 

Me(to Maurizio): For my well-being, I think you’ve to think of somewhere else. 

Maurizio(mock-whining): Whyyyyyy~ 

[PAUSE] 

Andrea G(interested): Aren’t we getting gelato? 

[PAUSE again.] 

All three(throwing their arms in the air, typical Italian fashion): WOOOOOOOO~ GELATO TIIIIIIMMEEE! GELATO IS AWESOME! 

Jeffery(deadpan): That’s just their physiological needs speaking. 

Me: What else is new? 

Jeffery: It’s beyond me how you can stand them. Without preparing your re-agent, that is. 

Me: That’s why I suffer from headaches almost all the time. 

[I had to shout at the Italians to stop screaming or else we’re not getting gelato.] 

Them(whining): Graceyyyyy~ 

Me(stern): NO. NO gelato if you don’t be quiet. 

[They shut up.] 

[*OK, a short time skip. Now we’re in Little Italy, and everything is amazing. Think the Godfather movies and The Sopranos television show, but without mafia.] 

[We pass by Little Tuscany.] 

Andrea B(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO LITTLE TUSCANY! 

Maurizio(sings): ENHANCED SENSES, STRAAAAANGE OCCURREEENCES, EVERYTHING WITHIN YOOOUUUU~ 

[I hold my head because of a massive headache due to Andrea B’s shouting and Maurizio’s obnoxious singing.] 

Me(screaming): ENOUGH! 

[They shut up. Only for a micro-second.] 

Andrea G: Right, he has enhanced senses. 

Andrea B(self-satisfied): WHICH IS ALSO USED WHEN I HAVE TO GO SURFIN’ OR SKIIN’! 

Maurizio: Don’t watch Some Mothers if you can, Andrea(s). 

Andrea G: I don’t think we will. British shows are usually lame. 

Andrea B(delighted out of his mind): AND WEIRD, OF COURSE! READ: QI AND KINGDOM! 

Me(to myself): So much for being quiet. 

[We get ice cream and grabs some food in some cute Italian restaurant.] 

[All three of my Italiano guests are self-satisfied as heck.] 

Maurizio(flinging his arms around Andreas B and G): I TOLD YOU WE’RE AWESOME, DIN’T I! 

Me: Yes, you did! 

[Maurizio and Andrea G go order for us, while speaking rapid-fire Italian.] 

Me(to Jeffrey): I’m kinda glad that I’m going to Bayreuth in Germany soon, because I canNOT stand their *I nod to Maurizio and Andrea G, who are talking over-animatedly and with wild hand gestures at the diner worker* antics. 

Andrea B(through mouthfuls of ice cream): Unfortunately not my place or their places. 

Me: That’s stalking, mister. 

Andrea B: AW. 

[After some time, our food arrives and we eat.] 

[*I’m too lazy to describe what happened afterwards, so… yeah, this is it, the most random birthday episode EVER.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: I finished this a day later because I was way too lazy yesterday, and yes, a very belated happy birthday to Jeffrey Combs! 
> 
> A/N 3: This actually happened. I had dinner outside yesterday and yes, you guessed it, had noodles, but the width of… well… ribbons. Also, I did have some cup ice cream, but fortunately, no sugar rushes xD. 
> 
> A/N 4: What was also fun was that the violin thing did happen, even though I didn’t write it inside — it may be in the XL version of Complete and Utter Ignorance, I’m not sure!


	81. Another Random Museum Visit(or, Field Trips With the Masterclasses)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Because I’m way too lazy to describe what happened a day ago, this is what will become of it, and yes, no spoilers, sorry.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

[My guest stars, violinists Zakhar Bron and Maurizio Sciarretta, as well as the former’s accomplice, Irina, are suffering from Teacher’s Day aftershocks, even after two days later. My main characters, Mark Carwardine(finally, because he’s done with his first tour with whales) and Stefan Mickisch, are delighted but exasperated.] 

Me(smiling): Welcome back, Mark, and yes, this is how Complete and Utter Ignorance turns out when those guys are here *I nod towards Irina and Zakhar, who are throwing confetti everywhere, with Maurizio throwing them back* 

Mark(also smiling): Right, glad to be back here, but Gracey, a question: Do you have to make Andrea Bocelli’s partner-in-crime here? 

Stefan: They’re partners-in-crime now? 

Me: Ignore him. 

Stefan: ? 

[I go to Zakhar and company and shout at them to stop throwing confetti.] 

Me(yelling my head off): STOP, AND I MEAN IT, THROWING CONFETTI AROUND, ALRIGHT? 

Them: AW WHYYY? 

Me: I have others here as well. 

[Maurizio waves at them.] 

Maurizio: COME JOIN THE PARTAY! 

Me: They’re not. 

Mark(shouting back): OH YES WE ARE! 

[*Things go this way until way later, aka when I finally take them to the museum.] 

[In the museum.] 

Me: OK, we’re seeing something from Chinese dynasties, and yes, it was because of the Jarovskis. 

Mark(to no one in particular): Am I the only one who can’t stand them? 

Zakhar: No one can. 

[They hug pitifully.] 

[We go see the exhibits.] 

[*I’m too lazy to write about what happened when we saw the exhibits, so a time skip. Now we’re buying water and having a break.] 

Everyone: WOO BREAK! 

Me(half-asleep): Right. 

[We drink water and go back to the exhibit, only first seeing some souvenirs.] 

[Zakhar sees something adorable.] 

Zakhar(delighted): GRACEYYYY, PLEEEEEASE SEE THIS? THIS IS TOO CUTE 

Me: What is it? 

[Zakhar points to some plushie of this character we saw in the exhibit.] 

Me(smiling): Aw. 

Zakahr(pleading): CAN I HAVE IT, PLEASE, GRACEY? I NEED IT, NOT WANT IT. 

[Maurizio appears lightning fast next to me.] 

Maurizio(pleadingly): PLEASE FOR ME! 

Zakhar: DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, FOR ME, GRACEY, PLEASE? 

Maurizio(glaring at Zakhar now): THE PLUSHIE IS MINE IF WE BUY IT, ZAKHAR, I’M DEAD SERIOUS! 

Zakhar(glaring back at his assistant): YOU’RE ONLY AN ASSISTANT, THAT’S ALL, SO IT’S MINE. BY THE WAY, I SAW IT FIRST! 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache.] 

Me(to them both): We can’t buy it because I don’t have anywhere to put it. What if it gets… dirty? 

Both: PUH-LEASE WITH GELATO/APPLE PIE ON IT? 

Me(sternly): NO. 

[They sulk and we go back to the exhibit.] 

[*This time, things perk up quickly.] 

Tour guide(obnoxiously, with smiles): This exhibit has traveled far, and from here, it’ll be going towards northern Britain, and later to Italy :-) 

Me(eyes lighting up): Ooh, Italy, huh? Nice. 

[Maurizio jumps up and punches air, as usual.] 

Maurizio: WOOOOOOO ITALY! ITALY IS AWESOME AND WE KNOW IT! 

Me(holding my head because of my massive migraine and with my teeth closed): The. Word. Is. ‘Silence’. Get. It? 

Maurizio: AW 

[We go see the exhibit again.] 

[*A mega time skip. Now we’re finally, finally, FINALLY done with the exhibit, and I give them some ice cream, because I forgot about their sugar rushes.] 

Maurizio(after one lick): WOOOOO GELATO! 

Stefan(shouting back): I’D CALL IT ICE CREAM BECAUSE! 

Zakhar(after hugging me in a Maurizio-approved pushy way): LET THE PARTAY BEGIN ANEW! WOOO~ 

[Confetti rains down and balloons float down, with me being the only one unenthusiastic.] 

Me(to Mark): Remind me to never give them ice cream again. 

Mark(blowing on his noise-maker he conjured up): YES-SIR-REE, GRACEY, TRUST ME YOU’LL LIKE IT! 

Maurizio(jumping up and punching air): TRUST US YOU’LL LOVE IT, GRACEY, AND LET THE DRINKIN’ GAME BEGIN! 

[Zakhar brings out Irish brandy, and I immediately orb us to Hyatt — my second mistake.] 

[In Hyatt.] 

Zakahr(delighted): THIS PLACE IS EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN THE OTHER PLACES WE’VE BEEN TO! 

Stefan: I KNOW RIGHT 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO PARTAY IN THE HYATT! I SWEAR TO GOD GRACEY IS BIN GENEROUS TODAY! 

[They all cheer and more confetti rains down, with more balloons.] 

Me(exasperated): Can we PLEASE have late lunch in peace? 

Irina(sipping on some cocktail): Of course not. 

Me: You’re not being helpful. 

Irina: AW 

[*Another time skip. Maurizio and Zakhar begs me for some Dairy Queen. The former because ‘BACK IN ITALY WE CAN HAVE GELATO FOR MEALS IF WE WANT TO, GRACEY, SO PUH-LEASE WITH SOME SPRINKLES ON TOP?!!’, the latter because he’s addicted.] 

[I give them some milkshake instead and I get some red velvet vanilla ice cream, or rather, gelato, as Maurizio insists.] 

Me: Don’t blame me when you’re high on sugar. 

Maurizio(already high): WON’T! 

Irina(just as irritated as me): WILL! 

Maurizio: WON’T! 

Irina: WILL! 

Me: PEOPLE! 

[We leave the Plaza.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re back to my house.] 

Me(utterly exhausted): Remind me to never join in your adventures again. 

Zakhar(incredulous): Should I remind you it was you who suggested it? 

[*OK, this is really getting boring. So… yeah, this is it, then, and stay tuned to the next part!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and yes, the exhibit will be doing some of its own traveling soon! :-D Also, the exhibit is indeed going to IT soon, so wish them luck xD


	82. Buzzing With Activity(-ies)(or, Random Shopping Sprees and Walks Outside)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This just happened and I had to write it down. And since you’re wondering why I haven’t been updating… because things were way too cliché and there’s hardly anything to write about, so…

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My guests for today, violinist Maurizio Sciarretta and fellow violinist, Leonard Manghan, are doing some cooking in my kitchen. According to the former, they’re doing risotto.] 

Me: Can either of you stop messing in my kitchen, I want to know? I don't have Stephen today so I may or may not be able to deal with you two. 

Maurizio(full of sunshine and clouds and stuff): BUONGIORNO, GRACEY! WELCOME TO MAURIZIO AND LEONARD’S COOKING CLASS OF ‘HOW TO COOK RISOTTO IN THE UK’! 

Leonard(deadpan): I don’t think she’s interested, mister. 

Maurizio: AW. 

Me: I have to warn you two, today we’re going out, and yes, we’re having more guests with us. 

[They stare at me.] 

Maurizio: What kind of guests? 

Leonard(jumping up and punching air): IS IT NÜREMBURGER SAUSAGES? 

Me(smiling a little bit): Of course not. OK, spoilers: It’s actor Stephen Manghan, environmentalist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch. 

[PAUSE] 

Maurizio(deadpan): Exactly how many Stefanos d’you have up your sleeve? 

Me: ? 

Leonard: … 

Me: Also, don’t forget Sue Perkins, she’s with us today as well, and yes, she’s here today early, and helping you with your cooking. 

[Actress Sue Perkins appear in androgynous wear.] 

Sue(with a flourish): Thaaaaaaaanks for havin’ me! 

Maurizio: … 

Leonard: … 

Sue: OK, now let’s start cooking. 

[I leave them to their own cooking.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how going to some park went.] 

[My guest stars are actor Stephen Manghan, violinists Zakhar Bron and his fellow violinists(re: Maurizio Sciarretta, Jascha Heifetz, and Isaak Stern), environmentalist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch.] 

[At the park.] 

Me(in tour guide voice): Seems like the Fry family used to like it here, and I kinda regret not letting Stephen come here. 

Stefan(not even caring): AW 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOO NAMESAKE TIIIIIIIMEEE! 

Me(to myself): Right. 

[We first go to the intro.] 

Stefan(to everyone): And here’s the intro. 

Me: In English and Russian, for some reason. And German. Weird. 

Stephen, Stefan, Zakhar(shouting with glee): WOOOOO RUSSIAN/ENGLISH/GERMAN! 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m suffering from a headache again): Please, you have to stop shouting because. 

Stephen: AW 

Maurizio(deadpan): Am I the only one who thinks you’re rubbing off of Stefan? 

Mark(shouting): NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY IT’S TOOOOO OBVIOUS 

[I drag them away from that place.] 

[Zakhar, Jascha, and Isaak are still being self-satisfied as heck.] 

Zakhar(to Maurizio): I told you Cyrillic is awesome, din’t I? 

Isaak: And that’s how come we’re all patriotic. 

Jascha(suddenly appearing in patriotic wear and waving a Russian flag): THA’S WHY US RUSSIANS ARE AWESOME, SO DEAL WITH IT, PEOPLE! 

[Before a tussle broke out, I interfere.] 

Me: All countries have their own greatness, alright? 

Jascha: Not alright. 

Zakhar: No way. 

Maurizio(shouting): YES WAY! 

Jascha, Zakhar: NO WAY! 

[*Because I’m lazy, this is kind of all that happened at the park — them arguing about which country is the most awesome. Very random, I know.] 

o-o-o 

[We’re supposed to go to ParkView next.] 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOO PARKVIEW! 

Zakhar(deadpan): Thought you couldn’t stand that place? 

Me: In fact, no. 

Everyone else: ? 

Me: I can stand that place, until I get another headache because of your shouting. 

Them: AW WHYYY? 

[I ignore them and we go.] 

[At ParkView.] 

Me: The interesting thing is that it has the most modern artworks, so it’s in second place next to 798. 

Stephen(to Mark): Fortunately the Air Strike thing was only a drill, otherwise… 

Mark: Don’t remind me. 

[FLASHBACK] 

[2 to 3 hours earlier.] 

[Norwich is practicing an Air Strike drill, and yes, our guests are Israeli violinists Shlomo Mintz and Gil Shaham.] 

Shlomo, Gil(in unison): Shalom-sen, we’ll be the ones guiding you through Norwich’s Air Strike drill. 

Me: Urgh. 

Stefan(grinning): I know right. 

[After some time, the drill starts and alarms go crazy.] 

Alarms: WEEEEEEEOOOOWWWW-WEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEE-EEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW~ 

Mark(screaming his head off): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HELP HELP HELP! ABHORT NORWICH, ABHORT NORWICH! TERRORIST ATTACKS ALERT! TERRORIST ATTACKS ALERT! 

[We hide.] 

[At our hiding place.] 

Me: It’s a drill, Mark, so chill. 

Mark(shouting): BUT WE’RE FULL OF PANIC AND THE REALISM OF THIS DRILL! 

Me: Without this, we won’t know what to do if there really is an Air Strike. 

[Shlomo and Gil are in secret-agent-wear again, wearing Andrea Bocelli approved aviators and James Bond approved leather jackets.] 

Shlomo: When the first alarms sound, it’s time to pay attention. 

Alarms: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE — OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW~ 

Gil: And when it starts deteriorating… it’s time to hide because air strikers are on their way! 

[Fake bombs and sound effects makes it way more realistic and Mark and I cower in our hiding place.] 

Us: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~ 

[FLASHBACK to present, because I’m lazy.] 

[Maurizio wants to go to Opera Bakery Stand to taste-test some of their Italian breads.] 

Maurizio(mustering his best puppy eyes): Can we, pleeeeeeease? 

Me: Maybe. BUT, after we go have lunch and go check some more clothing. 

[They groan in annoyance at that one.] 

[We go to lunch.] 

[Lunch is soup dumplings and whatnot.] 

Me: Once the Jarovskis nearly came here with their acquaintances, but that was way long time ago. 

Stephen: Nice. 

Zakhar: The thing is, you hardly know the Jarovskis. 

Jascha: No way. 

[I order as they bicker.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened, and now another time skip. We just finished some über-cliché shopping and now Mark and Maurizio cannot come to an agreement on where they want to go. My guests are now Sue Perkins and Zakhar, without Jascha and Isaak, since I don’t want them to be involved in trivial matters.] 

Mark(shouting): WE’RE GOING TO SEE WILD-AID SHARK EXHIBITION BECAUSE I WANT TO, THAT’S WHY! 

Maurizio(shouting back): CAN’T WE JUST GO TO OPERA TO TASTE TEST THOSE PASTRIES NOW? 

Mark: NO WAY! 

Maurizio: YES WAY! YES TOO WAY, BECAUSE I WANT TO, THAT’S WHY! 

[Again, I interfere.] 

Me: If you can’t get to an agreement, how about go separate? 

Mark: Great idea. *to his group* let’s go. 

[They go separate.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened at the Shark and Nature introduction, since Mark and Stefan forced me to take them.] 

Me(after we finally got back to the group): Fine, whatever. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of it, so… yeah, randomness is back xD] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and I canNOT, for the life of me, remember whether Opera Bakery is of Italian background or French. Also, I got a danish with KayEUndercover, and the rest is literally history.


	83. More Fights, Disagreements, and Reconciliations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is what happened yesterday and I cannot forget it, so that’s why I’m writing it here. I kind of advice you to skip it, since it’s extremely… well, cliché.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

[My guests, violinist Zakhar Bron and pianist Irina can NOT get into an agreement with nightly activity.] 

Zakhar(shouting his head off): … AND I DON’T THINK GRACEY CAN STAND FOR IT! 

Irina(shouting back): OH AS IF WE HAVE TO CARE — WE’RE GUEST STARS, REMEMBER? 

[I get out of my study.] 

Me: Are you two done arguing? 

Zakhar(to me): Of course not. 

Irina(also to me, at the same time): NO WAY. 

[They continue their argument as if it’s relevant.] 

[*Time skip. My main guests, actor Stephen Fry and pianist Stefan Mickisch are fighting because of the former’s writing, and the former is complaining about how it’s not the latter’s problems.] 

[Living room. Irina and Zakhar are still arguing and now it extends to the Stephens.] 

Mark Carwardine(who just materialized next to me): I’m not involved. 

Me: … 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: … 

Me(to Mark): So they’re arguing and threatening each other. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan(glaring at Stephen): Oh, and y’see, Gracey kinda agrees with me, and if you’re so high and mighty why don’t you go with Zakhar and Irina? 

Stephen(glaring back): Sorry to break it to you but they’re not my business. 

Mark(interrupting): Now what does this mean? 

The Stephens(in unison): THIS WOULDN’T’VE HAPPENED IF HE’S NOT SUCH A TECHNO-MANIAC/ANTI-TECH PERSON! 

Mark(to me): Trust them to argue like they’re married. 

Me: … 

[*Time skip because I’m bored and lazy. Now we’re about to go out and take a walk.] 

[Oscar Wilde and Richard Wagner appears.] 

Oscar(to me): Stefan should just tell him to stop pretending to be me, because he’s NOT. 

Richard: And not me either. 

Oscar: True. 

Me: They’re not coming with me, and yes, Zakhar needs something so I’m going with him, and Jascha Heifetz. 

[They both smile at me and smirk at each other.] 

Oscar(stage whisper): Drama starts… NOW. 

Me: … 

Richard: … 

[Zakhar and I leave.] 

o-o-o 

[On our way to LSOC.] 

Zakhar(to me): I think I’m considering making someone else my accomplice. 

Me(smiling): How ‘bout Stefan? 

Zakhar: Maybe, if he’s not obsessed with practice. It’s beyond me how can anyone be obsessed with PRACTICING and even crazier, in the middle of the night. 

[Our fellow guest star, Jascha Heifetz, jumps up and punches air, as usual.] 

Jascha: RIGHT, HOW ‘BOUT HIRE STEFAN? THAT’LL BE WAY BETTER. 

Zakhar: Unfortunately, he’s kind of Leonard’s accomplice. 

[Violinist Leonard Manghan appears.] 

Leonard(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[I ignore him.] 

Me: OK, so we’ll be gathering some books and…? 

Zakhar(deadpan): Taking some walk. 

Jascha(grinning): With me and Leonard. 

[They hug.] 

Me(to myself): Brilliant. 

[Jascha’s ears perk up because of his Andrea Bocelli style super-hearing.] 

Jascha(also throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOO WE’RE BRILLIANT! WE KNEW IT FROM THE START, AND HERE’S GRACEY CONFIRMING IT, HAH! 

[*Another time skip. Now we’ve gotten ice cream from Little Italy and we’re now grabbing books.] 

[Zakhar had to swipe his card.] 

[Violinists Itzhak Perlman, Shlomo Mintz, and Gil Shaham appears. They, again, are wearing leather jackets, chewing bubble gum, and wearing Andrea Bocelli approved aviator sunglasses.] 

Me(to myself): Not again… 

Jascha(beaming): OH, YES AGAIN! ITZHAK AND SHLOMO AND GIL’RE SHARIN’ THEIR SECRETS ON HOW TO BECOME A BETTER SECRET AGENT, HAH! 

Leonard(deadpan): Sorry to break it to you but they’re not James Bond. 

Jascha: They can be if they want to. 

Me(to pretend audience): Yet another Israelite stereotype. 

[We wait for Zakhar to get his books. Because I’m lazy, I’m making another time skip here, and I’ll tell you how shopping for yogurt and water went.] 

[At shop.] 

Shlomo and company(throwing their arms in the air): WOOOO WE’RE GOING SHOPPIN’ WITH GRACEY AGAIN AND GUESS WHAT, IT’S RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF LSOC! 

Me(shouting back): WE KNOW! 

[We go.] 

Me(to our Israeli guests): The word is ‘quiet’ in here, get it? 

Shlomo: Sí. 

Itzhak: Da. 

Gil: Hassam :-) 

Me(exasperated): And in English because I cannot understand Hebrew or Yiddish, for the life of me? 

Them: Yeees :-D 

[We go.] 

[It soon becomes a tussle between all three of them — Gil wants the ice cream yogurt, Shlomo wants Greek yogurt, and Itzhak wants Ice Cream Melts.] 

Shlomo(upset): You’d better ask Gracey because! 

Itzhak: Sorry to break it to you but I got it first. 

Gil(shouting): NO WAY, I GOT IT FIRST! 

Itzhak(shouting back): I GOT IT FIRST, SO BACK OFF, WILL YA? 

Gil: NO WAY, NO SIR. 

Itzhak: YES WAY YES SIR! 

Gil: NO! 

Itzhak: YES, BECAUSE I’M ABOUT AS AWESOME AS JASCHA — JUST ASK GRACEY! 

Gil: SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT I WAS BROADCASTED ON WQXR FOR FOUR TIMES — ASK GRACEY THAT, WILL YA? 

[Aside.] 

Shlomo(pretending to sip on yogurt): I’m not involved :-) 

[Cut back to Itzhak and Gil.] 

Me(to them both): NEITHER OF YOU ARE GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IF YOU DON’T BEHAVE. 

[They behave.] 

[*OK, time skip again, and yes, they’ve got their yogurts.] 

[Back in my house.] 

Me(to everyone): I think I’ve an announcement, Tristan and Isolde and company are coming here again, and I’ll be doing an announcement. 

Everyone except for Stephen et al: AAAWWWWW~ 

Me: OK, a promise to you — you’ll be joining in the next adventure! 

[Before they can cheer and give me a massive headache again, I make them disappear and make Tristan and Isolde and company appear.] 

[Tristan, Isolde, Melot, Mark, and Kurvenal appear.] 

Them(all throwing their arms in the air): WOOOOOO WE’RE BACK! MISSED US? 

Me(to myself): Oh, of course, A LOT. Which means, hell no. 

Stephen(hugging me): THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU FOR MAKIN’ THEM APPEAR AGAIN! 

Stefan(to Mark C): I think he needs therapy, though I really adore Wagner as well. 

[Richard Wagner appears again.] 

Richard(glaring at me): Now what did I mention about playing with my characters? 

Me: Just wanted to take them on an adventure tomorrow, and maybe they’ll be gone for good. 

[Richard stares at me apprehensively.] 

Richard: I’ll trust you one more time, but if not, nope. 

[He disappears.] 

o-o-o 

[Dinner time. Isolde and I are making wood-ear salad in my kitchen, along with Kurvenal, Mark, and Stefan, while Mr. Fry and Tristan, along with Mark C and Melot, are having peanuts at the dinner table.] 

Me(to Isolde): You have no idea how crazy today was. 

Isolde(grinning): OK, let me guess — Stefan and Stephen kept givin’ each other the silent treatment, no? 

Mark(to me): It’s beyond me how can she know. 

Kurvenal: I’m not surprised. 

Me(to myself): I am 100% certain that Richard speaks to his characters. 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: Originally it was supposed to be some others helping her with kitchen duties, now it’s us. 

Isolde: … 

Kurvenal: … 

[*This is boring, so I’ll just tell you how eating dinner went.] 

Isolde(chomping on some carrot sticks and cheese): At least you have cheese :-) 

Me: As mentioned, I hardly giggle when I swallow that thing. 

[Isolde and company all crack up.] 

Tristan: But something else — unfortunately this packet is… well… yergh. 

Me: … 

Isolde(to him): One more of that and we’re getting a divorce. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOO! 

Stephen: NO WAY! 

Mark, Me: YES WAY! 

Mark: YES TOO WAY, STEPHEN! 

[*I think this is it, so… yeah, stay tuned to the next chapter, which is extremely weird!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Right, this actually happened, and it was extremely crazy. I don’t know, but I think my silent treatments should get therapy because it’s no longer long enough.


	84. Museum Visiting with Tristan and Isolde and Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This just happened yesterday(Sep 18), and yes, it’s weird, so… read on, please

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: I have another announcement today — we’re going to Buckingham Palace to see some kind of exhibit today, and yes, it’s kinda modern. 

[My main guests, actor Stephen Fry and pianist Stefan Mickisch, as well as our guest stars for today, Tristan and Isolde and company, are all joining me today.] 

Tristan(jumping up and punching air): WOULD WE BE VISITIN’ 798? YOU’LL NEVER GUESS THIS, BUT IT WAS AWESOME. 

Isolde(smiling): Nice. 

Mark(also shouting): I KNOW RIGHT 

Melot: Righto. 

Stephen: … 

Stefan: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen(to me): Don’t tell me we’re seeing SCP foundation things again. 

Me: Maybe, maybe not. 

[We leave.] 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy. We’ve taken the tube and now we’re in London.] 

Tristan(hollering): WOOOOOOO LONDON IS AWESOME! LOOK HOW MODERN EVERYTHIN’ IS! 

Isolde(to him): Unfortunately, I’m not sure if they’ve been to Ireland, love. 

Melot: Of course they have. 

Tristan: Righto! 

[I leave them shouting and take photos of Stephen and Stefan, doing their best Government Officials Meeting.] 

Stephen(as Cornalian president Sherman Jansen): So this is the UK? 

Stefan(beaming): NO WAY! AND YES, I’M TOMANIAN PRESIDENT FREDERICH LEISENHOEK! THIS IS LONDON, AND APPARENTLY ONE OF THE MOST ECONOMICALLY EXPENSIVE CITIES! SO BE RICH AND LIVE HERE, OTHERWISE, MAYBE LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE. 

[Isolde grins at me.] 

Isolde: Now do tell, where in Ireland did you and those two go? 

[I am about to answer when Douglas Adams, the novelist for A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, appears right in the middle of us.] 

Douglas(jumping around): HEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S DOUGLAS! AND WHAT HO, PEOPLE! IT’S NOT ONLY HER, STEPHEN, AND STEFAN, I ALSO JOINED, AND YOU’LL NEVER GUESS IT, BUT UNFORTUNATELY WE DIDN’T GO TO ONE OF THE BESTEST PUBS EVER! 

Me: Right, and yes, Douglas Adams joined in as well, instead of Mark Carwardine, since he had to do his whale watching thing. 

[Tristan over-dramatically collapses into Isolde’s arms.] 

Tristan(sobbing): WHY DIN’T WE GO WHALE WATCHING? 

Isolde: 0_o 

Melot(exasperated): Isolde, control your husband, will ya? He’s being over-dramatic again. 

Mark(smirking): Yeah, and guess what else, it was my namesake who went whale watching! 

Isolde: Tristan… 

Tristan(still crying his eyes out): Whaaaa? 

[*I’m making a time skip here, because I’m both lazy and I don’t want to deal with drama any longer.] 

[We go to the exhibit.] 

Me(with a flourish): Buckingham Palace, here we are! 

[*NOTE: I’ve transformed everyone’s clothes into royal wear, so… yeah, we look like queens and kings and whatnot now.] 

Isolde(throwing her arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Mark(sternly): The word today, according to Gracey, is ‘quiet’, madam. 

[Melot and Tristan snigger behind their hands.] 

Me: So… yeah, let’s go explore! 

[We go.] 

[*Another note: Tristan, Isolde, Mark, and Melot are together, and Stefan, Stephen, and I are together.] 

Me(snappishly): Don’t you dare get lost, understood? 

Tristan(with a salute): YES SIR! 

Melot(smiling): Will do. 

Me: Good. 

[Isolde drags them away, and does the OK sign to me, and I go to Stefan, Douglas, and Stephen.] 

Me(throwing my arms in the air): TIIIIIIME TO EXPLORE THIS PLACE! 

[We go as well.] 

[At our place.] 

[The theme is literature.] 

Douglas(to me): I’m wondering if Richard Wagner actually read about Arthurian mythology? 

Me: I’m kinda sure he did. We all thought it was true until Merlin appeared. 

[All of a sudden, Stefan and Stephen are in sorcerer wear.] 

Stefan, Stephen(with a flourish and in unison): ALL HAIL… MERLIN~ 

[Lightning zigzaggs and said character arrives.] 

Me: … 

[PAUSE] 

Douglas: HOLY HELL?! 

Me(elbowing him): Mind your language, mister. 

Me(to Stephen and Stefan): OK, we know you’re… well… sorcerers, now we can continue, eh? 

[I make Merlin disappear in a flurry of sparkles and no more lightning.] 

Stephen(whining): AW GRACEYYYY~ 

Stefan: XD 

[I rub my temples because of a headache as we go look for Tristan and Isolde and company.] 

[We pass by said company’s story.] 

Me: OK, this is new. 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO WAGNER TIIIIIIIMEEE! WE LOVE RICHARD WAGNER AND WE’RE PROUD OF IT! 

Me(deadpan): Sometimes I wonder if you even care about the history behind him. 

Stefan: At this rate, no way. 

[Stefan reads the story to us.] 

[We get to the ‘SAVE YOURSELF, TRISTAAAAAAAN!!!’ part.] 

Me(covering my ears): OK, I do NOT want to hear your version of this, Stefan, seriously, even if Richard did put those “implications” in! 

Stefan(grinning): I told you, Gracey, they were doin’ tons of lovemaking and whatnot, and guess what else, Brangäne freakin’ WITNESSED IT. 

Me(pitying my ears): WAY WAY WAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION, STEFAN, YOU KNOW BETTER! 

[Kurvenal, aka Tristan’s Jeeves, appears with a bang.] 

Kurvenal(to me): And another thing that has the rating of K+ is that I was the one who shouted, ‘save yourself!’ to Tristan, since he’s way too involved with his girlfriend. *he casts an upset look over at said person and said person’s girlfriend, who are bickering because of what Mark possibly just said* 

Me(to Stefan): PLEASE think of the younger readers who may be reading this now! 

Stephen(mimicking me): YES, HOW COULD YOU? 

Me: Faker. 

[Stephen does his irritating signature of puppy eyes at me.] 

Stefan(smirking): I don’t think she’s convinced. 

Stephen: Oh shut up, you. 

Stefan: YOU shut up first. 

Kurvenal: Guys… 

Me(to him): Guess what, I have to deal with this for almost every single day. 

[Stephen and Stefan really do start arguing.] 

[*Time skip. We’re now on our way to lunch.] 

Tristan(pleadingly): Can we PUH-LEASE go to Dallas? 

Me, Isolde: WHAT? 

Tristan: The one that Melot always went to before he abandoned me? 

[Melot rolls his eyes at him.] 

Me: Maybe. 

[Tristan smirks at his friend, and gets a smug look right back.] 

Melot: At least I didn’t die in the original story of ours. 

Mark(linking arms with him): You know that both Isolde and Tristan died? We’re with their re-animated selves. Oooooh, creeeeepy. 

Isolde(to me): Ignore them. They’re always like that. 

[Instead, we go to Ayrton’s, this Irish place that is really nice. Read SissolxJeffC4ever’s story of St. Patrick’s Day Special to get an idea, please!] 

[At Ayrton’s.] 

Me(to Isolde): I don’t think we should order too many potato dishes because. 

Isolde: How ‘bout some for everyone? 

Me: Right. 

[*Seating order: Across from Stephen, Stefan, and me are Mark, Tristan, Melot, Kurvenal, and Isolde; and across from them: Stefan, Stephen, me. Isolde and I are facing each other, just so you know :-)] 

Stephen(mock-whining): AWW WHYYYYY~ 

Tristan(clinging onto Melot): WHYYYYYYY~ 

Isolde(craning her neck to speak to Tris): You don’t want to throw up again. 

Me(to Stephen): I don’t want you to get stomach problems again, like that time you did when we were in Dublin. 

Isolde(smirking): Dublin is great, eh? 

Me(to myself): Great, because Stephen and Maurizio nearly puked their organs out. 

Me(to Isolde): OK, but the megalithic structures were the best. 

[We order and later we eat.] 

[Tristan and Mark, as well as Stephen, are playing a drinking game, while drinking the rice wine drink.] 

[They’re getting tipsy.] 

Stefan(to me): Hope Isolde is not intoxicated enough to submit again. 

Me: RIGHT! Also, no need to give more info. 

Stephen(jumping up and punching air, very Tristan during the… well… T+ part of the original musical): DRIIIINKIN’ GAME TIIIME, BECAUSE GRACEY SAID SO, AND WE HAD TO CONTINUE WHAT ZAKHAR AND COMPANY FINISHED! 

Mark(beaming): RIGHT! A LA TOBY-FABIAN-ANDREW IN TWELFTH NIGHT! WOOOOOO~ 

[Mentioned characters appear.] 

Fabian(holding a cocktail glass): WE’RE IN THE 21ST CENTURY, ANDREW AND TOBY, AND LET’S JOIN IN! 

Me(shouting back): NO YOU’RE NOT! You’re joining in the next museum visit! 

[I make him disappear.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you that Mark and Tristan were making out very passionately because of a dare from Melot, and Isolde is very exasperated and suffering a headache along with me.] 

[We go to the Plaza.] 

Tristan(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOO THE PLAZA AGAIN! REMEMBER, WE SAW JULIUS CAESAR HERE! 

Isolde(rubbing her temples as well because she’s also suffering from a headache): We know! 

Melot(also shouting): HEY GRACEY, WHY DON’T WE GET SOME ICE CREAM? 

[The Stephens get hooked, as usual.] 

Stefan(also shouting): AND FOR US? 

Me(holding my head because of a massive migraine): IF YOU GUYS BEHAVE! 

Isolde(smiling): Right. And Tristan, *she glares at her husband* you behave as well. 

[We high-five and go get ice cream.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy again, this is kinda all, and also, whatever happened on Sep 18 is creepy, if you ask the Chinese readers. Cheerio x] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Bad ending, I know, but seems like when one is in China, things get weird whenever something historically significant happens. 
> 
> A/N 3: Also, this actually happened, but whatever happened afterwards, it’s up to your own strange imaginations, though!


	85. Italian, Or Is It Austrian, Delight and More Random Days(or, Very Strange)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: These just happened recently, and yes, today, I’m leaving you-know-where again. Brilliant. 
> 
> A/N 2: Also, this is what happens when the CCT People break their silent treatment, which I was starting to enjoy.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, I’ve an announcement, and yeah, we are kiiiiiiiiiind of leaving the country AGAIN. 

[My guests for today, actor Stephen Fry, conservationist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch are, as usual, exasperated.] 

Stefan: Traveling again, after the Jarovskis and Ireland and Zürich? 

[I smile brightly.] 

Stephen(deadpan): And she didn’t tell you where yet. Italy, since we have to go to the mountain ranges again. 

Mark(glaring at me): ARE YOU INSANE, GRACEY, THERE’S MAFIA! 

Me: Chill, we’re not exactly going there, but we have to transfer FROM there. In fact, we’re going to Austria. 

[Stephen jumps up and punches air.] 

Stephen: WOOOOO AUSTRIA! 

Stefan: Vienna or Linz? 

Me(rubbing my temples because): In fact, Salzburg, because. 

Stefan: Why can’t we just go to Mittenwald in Germany? 

[Stephen immediately gets defensive.] 

Stephen(ignoring the others): Why can’t we just stay in the UK? 

Stefan(glaring at him): NO WAY, SHE WANTS TO TRAVEL AND JUST LET HER! 

Stephen: AND WHY’S THAT? 

[Aside:] 

Mark(pretending to sip on some cocktail): I’m not involved :-) 

[Cut back to Messrs. Fry and Mickisch.] 

Both: Just tell me there’s no guest stars. 

Me: I think there will be, since it’s soon Andrea’s birthday, as well as Sue’s. 

Stephen(jumping up and punching air again): WOOOOOOO B-DAY WITH SUE PERKINS! 

Me: Yeah, she and Andrea Bocelli should be here. And they’re invited. 

[Mark faints dramatically into Stefan’s arms.] 

Mark(dreading): I knew this’ll be a nightmare… 

Stefan(looking up): For how long? 

Me: I think just… the 22nd? 

[The Stephens exchange relieved looks.] 

[*OK, time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how the road trip went, after I orbed everyone to Italy. And no, we’re not going to Salzburg — I made that up to convince them.] 

[On road.] 

Sue(to me): Thanks for having me :-) 

Me(smiling back): Right, and we’ve more guests today, after we arrive, and they’re already at the hotel. 

Stephen(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOO HOTEL TRIPS! 

Mark(also shouting): I KNOW RIGHT. 

[Stefan grabs my phone and plays some Ravel.] 

Sue: Love Ravel. 

[Stefan smirks at me.] 

Me(exhausted): Can we just be quiet on this road trip? 

Stefan(shouting): NO WAY, WE’RE IN ITALY, AND WE’VE TO BE AS ITALIAN AS WE CAN, SO WE MUST BE LOUD! 

[I sigh in exasperation. Right.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, another time skip. Now we’re at the rest station, and yes, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli is joining in.] 

Andrea(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOO CIIIIIIAAAAAAOOOOOO TO YOU, GRACEY! WELCOME TO TUSCANY! WELCOME TO TUSCANY! 

Me(rubbing my temples because of a massive headache): Great, ciao to you too, Andrea, and yes, we’re in Tuscany. 

Andrea: CAN WE PLEEEEEAASE GO TO MY PLACE, INSTEAD OF HOTELS? 

Me: No way, I’m not dealing with farm animals. Maybe we’ll visit tomorrow, after the alpine adventure. 

[Mark, who’d been chomping on an apple, throws the apple away and jumps up, punching air, as well.] 

Mark: WOOOOOO ALPINE ADVENTURE! OHMYGOD GRACEY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I CAN’T DEAL etc. 

Andrea: Aaww. 

Me: No way. 

Andrea(shouting): YES WAY, GRACEY, YES TOO WAY! 

[*After way more hours of this, we continue on our way.] 

[*Another time skip. Now we’re at the hotel, in Pisa, no pun intended.] 

[In Hotel Cassavetia.] 

Mark(springing in the air): WOOOOOOO HOTEL CASSAVETIA! THIS PLACE IS AWESOME, TO SAY THE LEAST, THOUGH NOT LIKE HYATT! 

Stefan: I KNOW RIGHT 

Stephen(deadpan): … 

Andrea(suddenly in tour guide wear): Benvenuto to Pisa, Tuscany! I’m your tour guide for this adventure, Andrea Bocelli, and today, we’re going to the plaza, so… yeah, enjoy! 

[I hold my head because of a massive migraine already.] 

Me: Cool, now let’s go to our rooms first. 

[Mark, Stefan, and Stephen start celebrating and confetti rains down, along with balloons.] 

[We orb to our floor.] 

[*NOTE: Rm 1016 is Girls Room, for Sue and I. Rm 1018 is Andrea Bocelli and our new guest, Jascha Heifetz; and last but not least, Rm. 1017 is Mark, Stefan, and Stephen.] 

[In Sue and my room.] 

Me(grinning): Now, this is our room, Ms. Perkins. 

Sue: … 

[PAUSE] 

Sue: Cool, but what’s not cool is you calling me Ms, instead of my normal name. 

Me: Just joking around. 

Sue(smiling smugly): Oh, of course. 

[And in Rm. 1017.] 

Mark(shouting): WHY, I WANT TO KNOW, IS MR. MAFIA GLASSES NEXT TO US, STEPHENS? GRACEY WANTS TO KILL US, I’M POSITIVE! 

Stephen(exasperated): You’re just being dramatic. 

Mark: As if you weren’t, when we were on the road. You and Stefan were talking about politics all noon. 

Stefan: And now we’re done. 

Stephen: At least we’re also neighbors with Sue and Gracey, isn’t it? 

Mark(flopping on the bed): Fortunately. 

[And last but not least, in room 1018.] 

Jascha(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOO ADVENTURE WITH GRACEY AN’ COMPANY AGAIN! SINCE GREAT YARMOUTH, INNIT, AN? AND EVEN BETTER, WE’RE IN TUSCANY, AKA ONE OF THE BESTEST PLACES TO CHILL! 

Andrea(deadpan): You don’t sound like you’re chilling. 

Jascha(under his breath): At least without sunglasses. 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha(to no one in particular): Also, when’s lunch? 

[He grins evilly at Andrea, forgetting that said person wouldn’t be able to catch that virtually.] 

Jascha(after dialling me): Hey, Gracey, this is Andrea, when’s lunch, I ask you? 

Andrea: NOT funny, Jascha. 

Me(from phone): Jascha… 

Jascha(in broken Italian accent): But Graceyyyyy~ 

Me(from phone): Fine, soon. 

[Jascha smiles at Andrea smugly, as if said person would be able to see that.] 

Jascha(grinning again): Brilliant. CIAO! WOO~ 

[We hang up.] 

o-o-o 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how did the walk around the countryside went.] 

Andrea(tour guide voice): OK, so this is the Tuscanian countryside, and… yeah, enjoy! 

Everyone else: … 

[We walk.] 

[*OK, I’m way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so… yeah, see ya soon, and yes, tomorrow is special — Andrea and Sue’s birthday! Woo~] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: OK, so this actually happened. It’s soon Andrea and Sue’s B-day, so… yeah, stay tuned for the next episode of Complete and Utter Ignorance! :-D


	86. Birthdays and Alpine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Happy birthday, Andrea and Sue! Here’s another random birthday episode… Enjoy.

[Hotel Cassevitia, Pisa(no pun intended), Tuscany.] 

[Rm. 1018.] 

[Singer-Songwriter Andrea Bocelli is banging on a gong and making violinist Jascha Heifetz wake up abruptly.] 

Jascha(throwing his pillow at the Italian native): WOULD YOU BE QUIET, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, ANDREA? 

Andrea(throwing confetti): WOOO! 

[PAUSE] 

Jascha: Tell Gracey that, will ya? 

Andrea(grinning): And will we go to Starbucks, I wonder? 

Jascha: … 

[PAUSE again.] 

Jascha: That’s just your physiological needs speaking. 

Andrea(nonchalant): As if that’s new to us. 

Jascha(to himself): Italians. 

[And in Rm 1016.] 

Me(jumping up from bed and throwing off the covers): GUESS WHAT, IT’S SEPT 22, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, SUE! WOO~ 

Sue Perkins(still half-dead): … 

[PAUSE] 

Sue(half-asleep): Right, thanks, Gracey, A LOT. 

Me: AW. 

Sue: I mean, thanks a lot because I suddenly realized I shared it with someone. 

Me(with dawning realization): HOLY MOLY — ANDREA! 

Sue(deadpan): Right, Mr. Bocelli, aka Mr. Aviators, aka Mr. Oh-Because-Everyone-Thinks-My-Singing-Is-Awesome-Therefore-I’m-Just-As-Awesome-As-the-Three, AND aka I’m-Terrifically-Underrated-On-My-Personality. 

Me(jumping up again): I’M SO INVITING YOU AND HIM ON BREAKFAST TODAY! 

[I leave and go to Rm. 1018.] 

[Rm. 1018.] 

[Andrea is parading in some kind of party outfit and Jascha is exasperated.] 

Me: GUTEN MORGEN, ALL! Also, happy birthday to you too An. 

Jascha(at the same time): DON’T! 

[Andrea hugs me very pushily, as usual.] 

[*OK, time skip. We’re having breakfast in Starbucks.] 

Random Café Customer: Per-favore, una café *insert coffee name here, because I’m lazy*. 

Me: ? 

Sue(deadpan): Italian. 

[Andrea jumps up and punches air.] 

Andrea: WOOOOOOOO ITALIAN IS AWESOME! 

Me: … 

Sue: … 

Me: I think I regret not taking someone else here. 

Andrea: AW. 

Me: It’s true, so deal with it. 

[We have breakfast in peace.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, time skip. Now we’re at the mountains.] 

[Because both are alpine enthusiasts, Mark Carwardine and Andrea Bocelli are finally having a short-time alliance.] 

Andrea(throwing one of his arms in the air because he’s busy clinging onto Mark via another): BECAUSE OF BIRTHDAY ADVENTURES! 

Me: … 

Mark(smirking at me): He shouldn’t have coffee, Gracey, otherwise he behaves like Stephen. 

Me(to myself): I have to agree with that. 

Andrea(upset): Graceyyyyyy~ 

Me: FINE. 

[We go mountain climbing.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m so not telling what happened — it’s way too random and hardly have anything to write about — just scenery here there and everywhere.] 

[*After almost hours, we finally decide to go back.] 

Andrea(jumping with glee): PARTAY TIIIIIMMME! 

Mark: Am I the only one who thinks he and Maurizio has the same personality? 

Me: What else is new? 

[Before I can get this AU in control, Veronica Berti, David Foster, Zakhar Bron, and Maurizio Sciarretta appear with a deafening bang.] 

Veronica(holding a cake): WOOOOO HAPPY B-DAY, FRIEND! 

[*NOTE: Here, Veronica Berti and Andrea are only best friends and that’s about it, so don’t expect them to be a couple!] 

[Andrea hugs her.] 

Maurizio, Zakhar(in unison): HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache.] 

Me: Guys, can we just have some dinner and then party? 

Everyone: HURRAY! 

[I orb everyone to the party place, which is the restaurant we went to yesterday.] 

[*Time skip again. We’re having pasta.] 

Maurizio(blowing on his noise-maker): SO GRACEY, WHEN’RE WE HAVIN’ CAKE? 

Andrea: IS IT ICE CREAM CAKE? 

Zakhar: YOU CAN BET IT IS! 

Me(holding my head now): Can we have dinner in peace first? 

Sue(smiling): They’re over-excited. 

[Jascha jumps up and punches air as well, suddenly also in party clothes and holding a noisemaker.] 

Jascha: JUST JOIN IN THE FESTIVITIES! 

Me: NO WAY I am. 

[*Another time skip. We’re on our way back, and Sue and Andrea are high on Italian cuisine.] 

Me(deadpan): You two are driving me crazy, and I’m no longer celebrating birthdays with you here. 

Andrea, Sue: AWW~ 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(grinning): You remember how was KayEUndercover’s xReader dream with Jascha? How he was, like, kissing said reader? 

Me: Too much. 

Jascha(smirking): Like this? *he grabs Sue and kisses the life out of her* 

Me(closing my eyes): Please, guys… OK, KIND of. 

[They stop making out after almost hours later, with Sue and Jascha finally untangling their tongues with each others’.] 

Mark(grinning): Stefan’d love that show. 

[Jascha smirks at everyone again.] 

[Andrea and Sue cracks up as if it was funny.] 

Me(being clinged onto by them both): Guys… don’t eat cake later, alright? 

Andrea, Sue(laughing their heads off): AHAHAHAHAHAHAH/AHEHEHEHEHEH~ 

Me: … 

[*OK, since I’m, like, super lazy, this is kind of what happened, and later on, things are way too insane, so… yeah, just imagine what happened afterwards because I’m sure you can.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. I went mountain climbing and am too exhausted and lazy, so… yeah. 
> 
> A/N 3: And also, a happy birthday to both Andrea Bocelli and Sue Perkins! Happy 60 to you, Andrea :-D, and happy 49 to Sue~ xx Gracey.


	87. Norwich and Random Aventuro d’Italiano(or, A Clatter of Italian Version of Randomness; or, A Clatter of Italiano Randomness)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This happened yesterday, and it got pushed to today because I was, and still am, lazy. So… yeah, please enjoy, because it’s basically randomness mixed with Italian sauce. No pun intended.

[Bocelli estate, Pisa(I swear, no pun intended!), Tuscany, Italy.] 

[Sue Perkins and I are in one room.] 

Sue(smiling): Morning, Gracey, happy… uh… 23rd of September :-) 

Me: Right, happy 23rd of September to you too. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Uhmmm… where’re we again? 

Sue: I have no idea. 

[FLASHBACK.] 

[We’re partying and suddenly, we’re at the Bocelli estate. Along with Andrea’s younger brother, Alberto Bocelli.] 

Alberto(jumping up and punching air, after blowing on his noise-maker): WOOOOOOOOO PARTAAAY TIIIIIIIMMMEEEE! 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): I think I’m turning in the night early. 

[Violinist Maurizio Sciarretta’s ears perk up because of his super-hearing.] 

Maurizio: AW WHYYYYY~ 

Me: I’m suffering from noise, OK? 

Andrea Bocelli(over-excited): NOT OK! WE NEED TO HAVE CAKE FIRST! 

[We have cake.] 

[Everyone is having trouble controlling their screaming.] 

Andrea(conjuring up a cone and shouting above everyone else): AND ALSO, I ORBED YOU GUYS ALL HERE TO ALBERTO AND MY HOUSE — LA CASA DI BOCELLI SIBLINGS (WOO)! NO NEED TO THANK ME, THOUGH, ‘CAUSE I DON’T THINK THE HOTEL WOULD SUFFICE MUCH PARTYING! 

Alberto(also conjuring up a cone and shouting in the same volume as his elder brother): RIGHT! ALSO, YOU’RE SPENDIN’ THE NIGHT HERE, YES WAY YES SIR! THE ROOM ORDERS ARE LIKE THIS: 

Andrea(announcer voice): Gracey and Sue… 

Alberto(also announcer voice): Maurizio and Zakhar… 

Andrea: Jascha and Mark… 

Alberto: and Veronica and David! Also, Andrea and I should be together because we’re siblings! 

[I take an aspirin because of the Bocelli siblings’ endless screaming.] 

Andrea(raising his voice again): SO YEAH, FEEL FREE TO CONTACT US FOR MORE INFO! THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT! 

[FLASHBACK to present.] 

Me(rubbing my temples because I’m suffering from a headache already from the memories of last night): Right, we’re with Al and Andrea. Brilliant. 

Sue(smiling again): Also, don’t forget Stephen and Stefan are joining us too today, even though the former isn’t really Catholic. 

[We go out of our room and to the living quarters.] 

[Living quarters.] 

[Violinists Zakhar Bron, Maurizio Sciarretta, and Jascha Heifetz are debating on when is the best time to drink cappuccino, while sipping on their respective coffee flavours.] 

Maurizio(in a Stephen Fry approved smug way): We Italians drink cappuccino in the mornin’, ‘cause we need energy. 

Jascha(sarcastically): Oh, right, and have Americano in the afternoon. 

[Zakhar had to pretend to choke on his water in order to stifle his giggling.] 

[*NOTE: Zakhar and Jascha are both having pistachio latte, because they can never get the appeal of drinking cappuccino in the morning.] 

Jascha(finally spying Sue and I): PRIIIIIIIIVEEET, SUE AND GRACEY! OR, MORNIN’, AS YOU TWO LIKE TO SAY! 

[Zakhar waves at us, and Maurizio salutes at us.] 

Zakhar, Maurizio(in unison): GUTEN MORGEN/BUONGIORNO TO YOU, GRACEY AND SUE! 

Zakhar(smiling): Seems like there’s only us for today’s trip to Cathedrals. 

Maurizio(also smiling and forgetting the coffee argument): Also, I think we’re visiting some clergies. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just write about what happened when we went to the cathedrals.] 

[At cathedrals.] 

[Singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli, environmentalist Mark Carwardine, actor Stephen Fry, and pianist Stefan Mickisch are all dressed as Holy Fathers and Cardinals.] 

Andrea(in his best Holy Father way): My name is Pope Andrea Bocelli. Welcome to the cathedral(s)! Tour around, and most of all, HAVE FUN! 

Stephen, Mark, Stefan(in their best Church-y way): We’re Father(s)/Cardinal(s) Stephen Fry, Mark Carwardine, and Stefan Mickisch, members of the Italian Roman Catholic Church! Have fun and make sure you listen to sermons and whatnot! 

Andrea: They don’t have to, but if they want, they’re more than welcome to. 

[We go into one of the cathedrals.] 

[There’s a random tour guide.] 

[We listen.] 

Random Tour Guide: *Blah blah blah* if you like, you can light one of these candles *he holds up a cute candle* if not, *blah blah blah* etc. 

Me(to Sue): The candle is too adorable. 

[Behind us, Maurizio agrees with me.] 

Maurizio(clinging onto Zakhar): PLEASE can we have one of those candles for decoration? 

Zakhar(deadpan): Grow up. 

Jascha: Maybe, if we can find one of those. 

[We continue our tour.] 

[*Because I’m lazy, a time skip. We’re now at the Piazza(o) del Duomo.] 

Maurizio(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO! A SQUARE! DUOMO SQUARE! 

Zakhar(to me): I swear, drinking cappuccinos helps them to get high as a kite. 

Me: And you remember he and Andrea were complaining about stomach problems? 

Zakhar(cringing): Bad euphemisms? 

[Sue and Stephen cackle behind their hands.] 

[Andrea saunters to us.] 

Andrea(conjuring up a cone): ALSO, WE’LL HAVE TO CLIMB THE PISA TOWER! 

Me(to Zakhar): No pun intended. 

[Zakhar collapses into laughing on me.] 

Me(to Andrea): Right, and then, it’d finally fall and crush everyone. 

Andrea(beaming): IT DOES LOOK LIKE IT’S ABOUT TO FALL SMACK ON THE GROUND, DOESN’T IT! 

Me: And dangerously so. 

[We go climb the tower.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how was journey back to GB.] 

[On plane.] 

Me: I swear, I’m sleeping for most of tomorrow, and I don’t think we’ll be having much guest stars. 

[Mark throws his arms in the air.] 

Mark: WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: … 

[*An explanation: We’re in a private plane, so it’s just me, Stefan, Stephen, and Mark.] 

Stephen: And don’t forget it’s the Chinese festival of the moon tomorrow. 

Me: So that’s why we may or may not be joining CUI’s group. I’ll be messaging them. 

Mark(to Stephen): It hurts too much when she breaks her promises. 

Stephen(smug): Din’t you hear her? WE’RE the guest stars, and not them. 

Mark(to himself): Know-it-all. 

[Stefan’s ears perk up.] 

Stefan: I know right. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and I was exhausted. Thanks to the coffee, I didn’t have to be too exhausted; of course, the partners were mostly over-enthusiastic. 
> 
> A/N 3: We’re back now! And yeah, happy mid-autumn festival to the Chinese readers. Happy gazing at the moon and having mooncake.


	88. Mid-Autumn Festivities and Randomness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for not updating, since yes, there’s some other stuff coming up. Now the Mid-Autumn festival for all you Chinese Readers are over, what’s going on with me and my guests? xD 
> 
> A/N 2: This spans from Sept. 24 alllllll the way till… now, so… yeah, it’s basically a collection of randomness that I regret not writing earlier.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: I’ve an announcement — today’s Sept 24 — A FREAKIN’ MONTH after the events in Chapter 69, which is the birthday celebration with Stephen and Lorne. Also, don’t forget Lilliam Sturkan. 

Mark Carwardine(half-asleep): AKA the sister of Justen Sturkan. 

Stefan Mickisch: AKA Stephen’s infamous doppelgänger. 

[PAUSE] 

Mark: Wasn’t James May his lookalike? 

Stefan: Yes, as well as Justen. 

[I clap my hands.] 

Me: OK! Today, since it’s Mid-Autumn Festival, we’re going to the CUI clan to celebrate! WOO~ 

[They groan in annoyance.] 

Mark(sarcastically): Awesome, can’t wait. 

Me(beaming): I KNOW RIGHT 

Stefan: I think he’s sarcastic, Gracey, sorry to break it to you. 

[We leave.] 

[*Time skip. We’re at the Musical Committee headquarters.] 

[Liu XiaoSong and Liu Jun-Lee jumps out at us.] 

XiaoSong, Jun-Lee(in unison): WOOOOOOO WELCOME TO THE GANG, GRACEY! LONG TIME NO SEE! 

Me(smiling): Right, and happy to see you guys again as well. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): METHINKS THIS WILL DEFINITELY BE ENJOYABLE! 

[XiaoSong smiles at me and I smile back.] 

[We go to the living room, where everyone else is at.] 

Liu Yuan(still in his signature PRA cosplay): WHAT HO, GRACEY! SO GLAD YOU MADE IT! 

Eddy(also in his signature headscarf): HIIIIIIIIIIIIII~ 

[I rub my temples because I’m already suffering from a headache.] 

Me: OK, I’m so glad I’m already over you guys… 

LY: AW WHYYYY~ 

Eddy(sarcastic): Oh yes, of course. 

XiaoSong: I think she’s serious. 

[After almost hours of reminiscing and whatnot, CUI spies me with his current partners-in-crime ChengHua and Tri-O.] 

Tri-O: Gracey’s here?! 

ChengHua(throwing his arms in the air, Mark Carwardine style): WOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

CUI(ignoring everyone): Aw, welcome to my parlour, Gracey, and nice to see ya again. 

Tri-O: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? 

[Everyone is having trouble not laughing their heads off.] 

Me: Right, and don’t remind me. 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy. Lunch was basically everyone getting high as kites, so I’m not writing about it.] 

[*Now it’s evening, and CUI wants everyone to watch some performance.] 

Ling(spying me): AW you’re here, Gracey, didn’t know. 

Me: Because the others are all sprawled on me. 

[As usual, ChengHua takes my words literally and collapses on me.] 

Me: See what I mean? 

[Ling smiles at the sight.] 

[We watch the performances.] 

[*Another time skip because I’m lazy. A very NOPE performance of Nessun Dorma is on and the television becomes static.] 

Me(to everyone): I swear this isn’t my doing. 

Everyone else: …/?/!!!/*whattheheckisgoingonhere*/0_o 

[With a deafening explosion, the Three appears.] 

The Three(with a flourish): WE WILL SO NOT TOLERATE ANYONE SLAUGHTERING NESSUN DORMA SO HERE IT IS — THE ORIGINAL VERSION! WOOO~ 

Me(lying back on the couch, surrounded by Jun-Lee and Liu Yuan): Oh give me a break. 

Mark(with Stefan draped over him): Let’s hope our eardrums will still be intact. 

Me: Too true. 

[The Three sings their songs.] 

[After they finish.] 

Everyone else: 0___o 

[I make the Three disappear and do another time skip.] 

[Now it’s time for some duet between a Kazakh singer and some Chinese singer.] 

ChengHua(jumping up and punching air again): WOOOOOOO KAZAKHSTAN FTW! 

[Zakhar Bron appears as well, withOUT my consent.] 

Zakhar(also throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO KAZAKHSTAN IS AWESOME AND WE KNOW IT! 

[We watch the performance.] 

[ChengHua and Zakhar couldn’t resist singing along.] 

ChengHua, Zakhar(in unison, in their best tenor voices): Maaaaaaates together, friiiiieeeeeends for-ever, wouldn’t you say otherwise? 

[I’m way too lazy to write about what happened afterwards, so… yeah, this is it.] 

o-o-o 

[The next day.] 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My room.] 

[The curtains are yanked back and yes, I’m beyond irritated.] 

Actor Stephen Fry(shouting): OOOOOOH GRACEY, WAKE UP! WE’VE A MOVIE TO CATCH AND IT’LL BE AWESOME! 

Me(yelling back): I’LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU’LL JUST LET ME SLEEP, STEPHEN, OK? 

[Outside, environmentalist Mark Carwardine and pianist Stefan Mickisch are already dressed up and ready to go.] 

Mark(to Stefan): Trust her to be dramatic again. 

Stefan: And what else is new? 

Mark(shouting for Stephen and me): OY, STEPHEN AND GRACEY, WE’D BETTER GET GOIN’! 

Me(from inside my room): OK, OK, I’M COMING! 

[I get dressed and we go.] 

[At movie theater.] 

Me: OK, fair warning. This isn’t some kind of movie you may enjoy — it’s kinda dramatic and just plain weird. 

Stephen(grinning): WE LIKE WEIRD! 

Stefan: Occasionally. 

Mark: O…K. If it’s about the environment… 

Me: It’ll contain that kind of elements, so… yeah, try your best to enjoy. 

[We go watch the movie.] 

[Said movie is way too cliché, but in an OK way. I’m way too lazy to write about it so let’s see what happens when we go to Stefano’s Kitchen again.] 

[As usual, Mark is distraught.] 

Mark(to everyone else): I can’t be the only one who ships the two main characters, can I? 

Me: No worries, I do too. 

Stefan(to Stephen): Interesting Mark doesn’t really care about what may happen if we go to Stefano’s. 

[They snigger behind their hands.] 

[We go to Stefano’s.] 

[Again, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and his cronies are waiting for us.] 

Me(face-palming): Oh give me a break. 

Sue Perkins(waving): WHAT HO, GRACEY, JOIN US? 

Maurizio Sciarretta(also waving): CIAO TO YOU, GRACEY! WELCOME TO THE GANG! 

Andrea Griminelli(with a flourish): WELCOME TO OUR PARLOUR! 

[*A reminder: Everyone is wearing leather jackets and/or denim jackets, and also aviator sunglasses.] 

David Foster(in mafia boss voice): So what brings you here? 

[Mark drags me, Stefan, and Stephen away from them as soon as he sees them.] 

Mark: I have severe trust issues with Italians and everyone associated with them, so let’s leave. 

Me: … 

Me(to Andrea and company): Now you guys can leave! *I make them disappear* 

[We order and eat in peace.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m making another time skip. We’ve to watch some dance in my theater, curtesy of singer Maria Callas, aka the delivery woman in chapter 69, and her accomplice, KayEUndercover.] 

[Carmen songs start playing and they start dancing.] 

Maria, Kay(sings, in unison): TRA-LALALALALALALALALA~ 

Everyone else: 0_o 

[*OK, this is really getting boring. So… yeah, this is it, and stay tuned to the next chapter of randomness! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: The festival thing really happened and it was extremely, and I really do mean EXTREMELY, cliché; but fortunately Kazakh singer Kudaibergen was a breath of fresh air… Whew~ 
> 
> A/N 4: Furthermore, things are, again, strained between yours truly and Zakhar Bron and Maurizio Sciarretta, so stay tuned to the next chapter if you’re interested on whether the silent treatment is ever broken… *mystery music* 
> 
> A/N 5: Also, the movie yesterday was… OK, not bad. It does have some cute moments and some funny parts, also with some sci-fi bits; but yeah, that’s about it.


	89. Museum Visits PRT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi and welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This is what happened most recently, without a merging of chapters. Also… I think we’ve have another actor guest star today. No, actually, two more characters from television shows/movies.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: So today we’re going on another museum visit, and that’s about it. Also, it’s almost October! Where’s September at, I ask you? 

[I’m happy and sparkly and my guests, actor Stephen Fry, environmentalist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch are delighted(re: Stefan) and upset(re: Stephen and Mark), because the former two are out as soon as October ends, and the latter is in.] 

Stephen(looking up): OK, so where’re we going? 

Mark: Right, I almost forgot. The Japanese-Chinese Alliance exhibit. 

Stephen: And since when did those two countries have an alliance? 

Mark: I think since now. 

[I leave them bickering.] 

[I go to my study and Stefan follows me.] 

Stefan: So no guest stars? 

Me: Kind of, but there will be characters joining us. 

[Mark shouts at me because of his super-hearing.] 

Mark(shouting): CHARACTERS? WHAT KIND? HOPE THE GOOD KIND, GRACEY, BECAUSE! 

Me(to Stefan): You’ll see. 

Me(to Mark): YOU’LL SEE SOON! 

[We leave because this is taking way too long.] 

[*Time skip. We’re at the museum.] 

Me(to Stefan and Mark): You two better finish your snacks before we enter. 

Stefan, Mark: AW WHYYYY~ 

Stephen: A reminder: It’s not her rule, it’s the rules here *he waves his arm around* 

Stefan(under his breath): Sure, Mr Fry. 

[Mark collapses into laughing at that.] 

[*I’d better explain what happened prior to this.] 

[Several minutes ago.] 

Me: OK, we’d better go into this small shop and find some snacks in case our energy runs out. 

Mark(delighted): WITHOUT Shlomo Mintz and Gil Shaham? 

Me: For now. 

Mark: AW 

[We go in.] 

[Stephen and I are choosing some bananas, and Mark and Stefan are looking for water and drinks.] 

[Stefan and Mark.] 

Stefan: D’you think she’d allow us to have some yogurt? 

Mark: Maybe, but that possibility’s thin. This isn’t RADA, sorry to break it to you. 

[They see some coffee and whatnot, and then Stefan spies Acqua Dolomia, another Italian brand of water.] 

Stefan(delighted): Can we have this one? 

Mark: You’d have to ask Gracey. 

[Stephen and I.] 

Me(picking out a bunch of bananas): This’ll do. 

Stephen: Perfect. 

[Stefan suddenly appears behind me and nearly gives me a heart attack.] 

Me(shouting): STEFAN, DON’T YOU DARE DO THAT AGAIN! 

Mark(also shouting): SHE DOESN’T HAVE ENHANCED SENSES, YET! 

[Stefan tears up.] 

[I hug him.] 

Stefan(softly): Just came to ask you can I have this? *holds up Aqua Dolomia water* 

[Stephen smiles at me and I smile back.] 

Mark(suddenly appearing near the cashier): Sometimes I think, Gracey, you and Stephen are like our parents xD 

[I ignore him.] 

Me(to Stefan): Fine, but no more scaring us. 

[I also choose a water and we go pay.] 

[Back to present.] 

[In museum.] 

Me(announcing and beaming): OK, and before we go, we’ve six important guests. Two are Daniel LaRusso from The Karate Kid and Smarty Tao from The Heist! 

[Daniel and Smarty appear in Karate costume.] 

Daniel, Smarty(in Japanese): HAI! 

Me: I think you two better change back to normal tourists. 

[Smarty and Daniel nod at me and they go change.] 

Me: And another group is — Sir Andrew, Fabian, and Sir Toby from Twelfth Night! Woo~ 

[Fabian, Andrew, and Toby appear.] 

Toby(in awe): And now methinks we’re in the 21st century. 

Andrew: Of course, mister. 

Me(smiling again): Welcome to Complete and Utter Ignorance! 

Fabian, Andrew: WOOOOOOO~ 

[Smarty and Daniel comes back.] 

Smarty(smiling as well): We’re back! 

[I am stunned to see how normal they looked, not that they’re not normal; just not ‘normal’ normal.] 

Me: Great, now you two look like regular tourists! 

Smarty, Daniel: Good to know. 

[We go to see the exhibit.] 

[Stefan is over-excited.] 

Stefan(to me): Daniel looks EXACTLY like Johnny Cade from ‘The Outsiders’! 

Me(rolling my eyes): I’m not surprised. 

Stefan: D’you think they’re the same person? 

Me: Not the same person, but the same actor. 

[Meanwhile, there are four groups: Stefan and I are in one group; Stephen and Mark; Daniel and Smarty; and finally, Fabian, Andrew, and Toby.] 

[Stefan is still talking about The Outsiders.] 

Stefan: Unbelievable. 

Me: Right. 

[We see the exhibit.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, a time skip. We’re seeing some kind of silent movie, and everyone else is silent as well.] 

[But it soon becomes whispery.] 

Daniel(to Smarty): Are things always like this back in Japan? 

Smarty: Kind of, and now we’ve to watch this, since Gracey said so. She’s the author. 

Daniel: … 

[And in Mark and Stephen’s place.] 

Mark: Didn’t Gracey say she likes sound? 

Stephen: Now I know how it feels to be unable to hear anything. 

[Mark elbows him in the ribs and Stephen yelps.] 

Mark(hissing): You don’t just joke about being unable to hear. 

Stephen: You talk about being unable to see all the time. 

[*OK, another time skip. Since I’m lazy, this is what happened during lunch. And no, Daniel and Smarty are not with us, but they will join again.] 

[At the Mall.] 

Me: So this is a mall. 

Andrew(smugly): I told you this is better. 

[Fabian spies Starbucks.] 

Fabian(grinning): Did you know that people in the 21st century drink coins? 

Toby(shouting): THEY DO? *Pulls me over* HEY, GRACEY, D’YOU LIKE DRINKING MONEY AS WELL? 

Me: We don’t drink coins, sorry to break it to you. 

Fabian(pointing at Starbucks): Then what’s that? 

Me(finally smiling): That’s a coffee shop. 

[Andrew jumps up and punches air.] 

Andrew: AS IN A PUB! 

Toby(trying to drag me there): LET’S GO! LET’S GO! LET’S GO! 

Me: NO! Lunch first, OK? 

[We go to lunch, with Toby making me promise we’ll go to Starbucks some day.] 

[At the place for lunch.] 

Me(to everyone): I’ve already had eggs, so if you guys want that, OK, but not for me. 

Fabian: AW WHYY? 

Toby(to no one in particular): She’s behaving like Olivia again. 

Fabian: The thing is, you don’t really know her. 

Toby: ? 

Fabian: Gracey! 

[I look up.] 

Me: Please no arguing? 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened when we were ordering.] 

[After some time, we eat.] 

[*Another time skip. We(re: Stephen, me, Mark, and Stefan)’re at Super Sonic, and the other trio are at Starbucks, after I gave them instructions on what to do.] 

[Stephen is busy giggling about something the menu said.] 

Me(exhausted): Stephen, please. 

Mark(grinning): What else is new? Trust him to behave like Peter Kingdom. 

[Stephen ignores that perfectly well.] 

Stephen: Trust them to write pear juice as Sydney juice. 

Me: That’s old already. 

[Stephen cries his eyes out.] 

Mark(to Stefan): It’s beyond me how can Elliott deal with those kinds of drama. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of it, so… yeah, see ya till the next random episode.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and I was way too exhausted, as usual. Still, hope you liked this random chapter, and yeah, stay tuned till the next episode of Complete and Utter Ignorance!


	90. Ice Cream Dates and Whatnots(or, A Bit of Ice Cream and Pillow Cake; or, Pastries; or, Touring and Sightseeing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This happened yesterday, and I’m not yet recovered xD, still, hope you enjoy~ 
> 
> A/N 2: Plus, this may be a short chapter, but involves A LOT of OOC-ness.

[Afternoon. My house, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Composer David Foster is pestering me on some favour I don’t remember agreeing to. Also, Andrea Bocelli songs are blaring from my laptop, thanks to the singer himself. And yes, Andrea is also a guest star here.] 

Andrea(pausing his singing of random Italian folk songs): Please, you kinda promised. 

Me: D’you mean me, or d’you mean a look-alike of mine? 

David: I kinda remember it was you. 

[Andrea finally remembers.] 

Andrea(with realization): Aaaaahhhhhhh, it was something for Via Roma. 

Me: ? 

David: ? 

Andrea(hugging himself): Righto! 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Right, we’d better go to ParkView, because we’ve to go shopping again. 

Andrea: Without any main characters? 

Me: For now. Also, we need Zakhar and Maurizio, *to David* the latter to control Mr Bocelli here. 

Andrea: Whaaaaaaaat? 

[David cracks up.] 

[*We leave.] 

[*Because I don’t want to let them ride the subway, I orb them there, along with our new guests.] 

[At ParkView.] 

Zakahr Bron(jumping up and punching air): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! 

Maurizio: METHINKS GRACEY’S FEELIN’ GENEROUS TODAY, AS USUAL! 

Andrea(to no one in particular): Am I the only one who thinks they’re way too loud? 

Me: Nope. 

[David drags us inside, but not before we take almost endless pics, with Zakhar being the photographer.] 

[*I’m not writing about that because I’m lazy.] 

[Inside PV.] 

David(to no one in particular): Am I the only one who thinks modern art is great? 

Zakhar(shouting): NO WAY! I LOVE IT TOO! 

Me: I have to say it’s… great. 

Zakhar: I love Magritte’s work and Dali’s, of course, also, stuff at 798. 

[At Maurizio and Andrea’s corner.] 

Maurizio(to his companion): They need serious help. 

[Cut back to Zakhar, David, and I.] 

Me: We’re going… OK, let’s go buy water and maybe visit Scent Boutique. 

[Everyone jumps up and punches air.] 

Everyone: WOOOOO SCENT BOUTIQUE! 

David(over-enthusiastic): Does it help enhance your senses, even without getting eye problems? 

Zakahr(also over-enthusiastic): Do we get to buy bath bombs and whatnot? 

Maurizio: I’m ‘fraid not really. 

Zakhar(to David): Spoilsport. 

David: I know right 

[We go separate because Zakahr said so.] 

[Zakhar and David are at Scent Boutique, and Andrea, Maurizio, and I are with fellow guest star, Andrea Griminelli, in CityMart.] 

Andrea G(announcing): Didya know there’s this place called CityMart? Not only Walmart and K-mart and — 

Me(interrupting): OK, OK, we get the picture! 

[Andrea B drags us in.] 

[Soon, we’re split into groups again. Andrea G and Maurizio, and Andrea B and I.] 

[Group 1: Griminelli and Maurizio.] 

Andrea G(announcing): I SAY WE GO SEARCH FOR WATER! 

Maurizio: No need to shout. Fine. 

Andrea: Brilliant, let’s go! *to his name-sake and me* CIAO, BRAVDA, ADIOS, GOODBYYYYYYE, GRACEY AND FELLOW ANDREA! 

[Cut to: Andrea B and I.] 

[I’m rubbing my temples because of a massive headache.] 

Me(to Mr. Bocelli): I regret letting your namesake here again. 

[Mr. Bocelli cracks up.] 

[Group 2. Andrea B and I. We go look for cooking supplies.] 

Me(to myself): Trust Stephen and Mark ransacking my supplies. 

Andrea: ? 

Me: My guest stars. 

Andrea: Mark Carwardine? 

Me: Yes, that Mark. They used to do some cooking with me, but they ransacked almost everything. Brilliant, isn’t it. 

[Andrea B smiles at me and I roll my eyes at him, forgetting that he couldn’t catch that virtually and he couldn’t understand sarcastic.] 

[*Because I’m lazy, this is kind of what we did before we went away again, and dragging Zakhar and David away from Scent Boutique.] 

[Zakhar and David are pleading me for ice cream because I promised them.] 

Me: How ‘bout you two get ice cream when we go to Via again? 

David(to Andrea): And that won’t happen in a million years. 

Andrea(deadpan): Stop watching The Outsiders, mister. 

David(upset): Now you’re sounding like KayEUndercover. 

[Zakhar agrees with David.] 

Zakhar: You can never trust Gracey, let alone KayEUndercover. 

[PAUSE] 

Maurizio: Didn’t she say she’s going into singing? 

Andrea: She’s delusional, as in, she doesn’t know how… well… dull it may be. 

[David gets way dramatic.] 

David(looking stunned at Andrea): Din’t you say you’d rather live in a musical so you can sing your lines and speech? 

Andrea: I did, but I’m not sure if she can stand it. 

Maurizio(to me): I hope so. 

Zakhar: Same here. 

[*Time skip. We’re at this little cute Italian café named Caffè Pascucci.] 

Me(to everyone, especially Maurizio and company): Please, don’t make me regret taking y’all here. 

Zakhar(grinning): Because it’s café Pas… pas… what’s-the-word-again. 

Maurizio(solemn): Of course not. 

Andrea: No way no sir. 

David: Definitely not. Or else you get to be all mafia on us. 

Everyone else: … 

[PAUSE] 

Me(to David): I can’t be the only one who thinks you’re rubbing off of Mark Carwardine. 

David(nodding towards three Italian natives speaking in dialects): I mean them. 

[I try to ignore the natives and lead them in.] 

[The others are over-enthusiastic and we order ice cream.] 

[Maurizio is describing in excruciating detail on how to make ice cream, Italian style.] 

Zakahr(to no one in particular): Am I the only one who’s getting bored? 

David(throwing his arms in the air, typical Italian style): HOW ‘BOUT LET’S HAVE CAKE WITH OUR ICE CREAM? WOO 

[Maurizio beam at him.] 

Maurizio(finally interrupting himself): OF COURSE, WHY NOT?! 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened when we were having ice cream.] 

o-o-o 

[*After almost hours, we go back to my house.] 

[My house, Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Me: Let’s have cake tomorrow, Ok? 

Maurizio(still suffering from sugar high): NO WAY, TODAY! TONIGHT! PLEASE, GRACEY? 

David(tapping on him): You’re high on sugar, mister. 

[Andrea sniggers behind his hand.] 

Me(to pretend audience): And this is exactly what I mean. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This was longer than expected, and yes, tomorrow, we’re getting more strange stuff. So… yeah, stay tuned :-) 
> 
> A/N 4: Also, this actually happened, and I have way too many water bottles 0_o


	91. Visits and Crazy Cross-overs(or, Stranger Things)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is what happens when things get weird. And yes, this is more like real actual fan fiction than what I’m originally writing.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[My room. The living room has sounds and I have no idea what it means.] 

Female voice: Now is this a multiple cross-over? 

Male voice: Johnny’s my cousin, Smarty. Thought you lived up to your name : ) 

[I finally understand. Yes, a crack cross-over is happening.] 

[All of a sudden, my door opens and Smarty Tao from The Heist comes in.] 

Smarty(smiling): Hello again, Gracey, wake up now because Daniel and I, as well as his so-called cousin, is here. 

[*A/N: I haven’t read the Outsiders for some time so expect extreme OOC-ness if I do write about the “cousins”.] 

Me: ? 

[We go to the living room and I make the other characters disappear.] 

Me: They should be present during the Visit. 

Smarty: Fair enough. Anyways, orchestra conductor Zubin Mehta is cooking so… 

[I nod at her and rush to my kitchen, making her fade.] 

[*Because I’m lazy, I’m not writing about what happened then. Let’s skip to the part where I went on the visit along with KayEUndercover, after a lot of cliché things happening(eg. buying water and whatnot).] 

Me: So The Outsiders character and the Karate Kid character are cousins? 

Kay: No, but fans like to think so. They’re played by the same actor. 

Me: Don’t remind me. 

[We go to Martin Frasier and Victoria Weiss’s house.] 

Me: Didn’t know they’re staying in London for some time. 

Kay: Right, and you have to go see them again. 

[A reminder: I know those characters because KayEUndercover made me a guest character in one of her original stories based on Fashionistas.] 

Me(after a long silence): Don’t make me a guest star next time, please. 

Kay: AW 

[*Time skip. We’re at Vic and Martin’s house.] 

Victoria Weiss(stunned): Didn’t know you and Gracey’s comin’! 

Kay(with a flourish, after putting some milk she bought for them down): Surprise! 

[Vic lets us in.] 

[In their house.] 

Me(smiling): So nothing changed much. 

Vic: We kinda did. 

Me: ? 

Kay(to Vic): I’ll explain. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just write the more fun parts, so… yeah.] 

[*Short time skip. In Marten’s room.] 

Marten(to Kay): You’re thinkin’ ‘bout goin’ into singing? 

Kay(nonchalant): Just some kind of thought, not serious. Totally not serious, just an interest. 

Marten: Of course you’re serious. 

[Kay and I exchange a glance.] 

Kay(still keeping her façade): Right. 

Marten: And Gracey? 

Me: Screenwriting, as usual. 

[Victoria appears lightning fast in the room.] 

Vic: A pity she’s no longer acting, eh? 

[Everyone ignores her.] 

Me: So… yeah, that’s kinda it. Also, I’m trying to publish some of my original works. 

[Victoria and Kay smirk at each other.] 

Me: … 

Marten: … 

[PAUSE] 

Marten: Just be careful of your eyes, will ya? 

Me(hardly even listening): Oh, yeah, of course. 

[With a bang, the Three and Andrea Bocelli appear, all clad in royal blue and wearing aviator sunglasses.] 

Me(face-palming): Oh give me a break… 

Victoria(throwing her arms in the air): WOOOOOOOO THE THREE! 

[The Three, along with Andrea, starts singing Stars In Her Eyes, obnoxiously, of course!] 

The Three(sings): ENHANCED SENSES, STRAAAAAANGE OCCURR-ENCES… BEARING IN YOOOOOUUUUUU~ 

Andrea(sings): STRRRRAAAANGE OCCURR-ENCES, ENHANCED SENSES… WHAT’RE THE OOOOOODDDS? 

All four(in their best operatic tenor voices): ‘CAUSE I KNOW DAY-LIGHT, I KNOW NIGHT-TIME… WHAT’RE THE OOO-OOODDDDDS? And tell me now: SAAAAAAAY CAN YOU LOOOOOOK, OR SAAAAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEE-EEEEE-EEE, THE STAAAAAAAAARRRRRSS IN HER EEEEEEEEYES! SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE, OR SAY CAN YOU LOOOK, INTO THE STAAAAAAAAARRRRRS IN HEEEEERRR EEEE-EEEE-EEE-EEEYYYYYY-YYYYYES?!? 

[I take an aspirin from Kay because I’m suffering from a massive migraine from their obnoxious singing.] 

[*Time skip. They finally finish singing and I make them disappear.] 

Me(gently): Sorry about that. Marten, don’t you even try mentioning *I whisper this part* ‘eyes’ again, otherwise they’d appear like poof!. 

Marten: AWWWW~ 

Victoria(clinging onto me because I’m standing up from the bed): PLEEEEASE CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE ANDREA + TRIO MOMENTS? 

Me: No way. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is about it, sooooo… yeah, please stay tuned to the next random cliché episode xD] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: OK, because I haven’t watched either Karate Kid or The Heist for some time, I have no idea how to write them, so that’s why this is still plain Complete and Utter Ignorance. 
> 
> A/N 3: This actually happened, and yes, it was… well… interesting. And yes, Victoria is basically the gender swap of Stefan Mickisch because. 
> 
> A/N 4: I think I should write a crack-pair of Victoria Weiss and Stefan Mickisch some time…


	92. Journey to Little Greece and More Random Adventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry if this isn’t updated as much! Still, I’m kinda sure you’d enjoy this one. Beware of Outsiders references because I’ve been reading WAY too much of KayEUndercover’s stories xD

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me(announcer voice): OK! Today, we’re joining some of our Greek guests for a tour in Little Greece, which is around downtown London. And our guests are actor Ralph Macchio, singer-songwriter George Michael, and of course, singer Maria Callas, whom you might know as the delivery woman in chapter 69. 

[Our guests arrive.] 

Ralph, George, Maria: Thanks for havin’ me. 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen Fry(deadpan): No William Zabka, or Matt Dillon or the rest of the cast of The Outsiders? 

Mark Carwardine(shouting): NO WAY! ‘KARATE KID’ FTW! 

Ralph(to me): Are they really arguing about this? 

George: According to Gracey, the objective is OOC. 

Maria(grinning): Aka Out of Character. 

[Before this gets more weird, I orb everyone to Little Greece.] 

[Our tour guides are giving us a history lesson.] 

[*I’m way too lazy to write about said lesson so let’s see how Stefan and I fare during our picnic.] 

Maria(throwing her arms in the air): PICNIC WOOOOOOOO~ 

Mark(also throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOO~ 

[We eat.] 

Stefan(smiling): So where’ll we be going tomorrow? 

Ralph(pleading): 789? 

Me: WHAT? 

Stefan(snappishly and ignoring me): 798, mister. 

Me(to them both): I’m… not sure. Maybe? 

[Stephen and Mark forces me to take them to 798 eventually.] 

Me(to everyone): It’s still in consideration, and I’m not sure who’ll be joining in. Maybe no one. 

Everyone: AAWWWW~ 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of everything we did. Now time skip. It’s late afternoon.] 

Ralph(looking straight ahead): A sunset! 

George: Aaawww~ 

Maria: ? 

George(highly delighted): YOU DO REMEMBER WHAT WE WATCHED RECENTLY, DON’TYA? 

[I ignore them because that’s just… well… typecasting, and I hate typecasting.] 

Me(to the others): OK, we’d better have dinner, or rather, some food over at that place where Toby and his cronies nearly made a scene. 

Mark(closing his eyes): Don’t remind me. 

Stefan: … 

[PAUSE] 

Stefan: Don’t tell me we’re with them? 

Stephen(Oscar Wilde -ishly): We do love Greeks, don’t we? 

Mark: Too much, mister. 

Stephen: AW 

Me(to Stefan): In fact… we don’t, and I think they’re joining in next time, when, I’m STILL unsure. 

[Mark clings onto me and cries his eyes out.] 

Mark(sobbing): SO WE CANNOT WATCH ‘KARATE KID’ A LA MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 UNTIL THEN? 

Stefan(snappishly): He’ll forever be Johnny in my eyes! 

Mark: NO WAY! 

Stefan: YES WAY! 

[George and his cronies are now munching on popcorn and watching us.] 

George(to Ralph): Seems like you’ve another fan. : D 

[Maria smiles at them.] 

[I ignore them and turn to Mark and Stefan, whom were ready to fight like Dally and… I cannot remember anything now.] 

Me: We’re not watching any movies until you two come to an agreement. 

Mark(shouting): I VOTE ‘KARATE KID’! 

Me(under my breath): Why not ‘The Heist’? 

Stefan(also shouting): I VOTE ‘THE OUTSIDERS’! 

Me: Fine, I’ll put both in consideration, and can we leave now? 

[We leave.] 

[*Time skip again. Now we’re at the place that was mentioned in chapter 88.] 

Me(smiling): Now enjoy your food! 

Mark(upset): I’m still disturbed because Stefan didn’t want to see ‘Karate Kid’. 

Me(exasperated): Can we stop talking about that? 

[Stefan looks up suddenly.] 

Stefan(irritated): NO WAY, WE’RE SEEING ‘THE OUTSIDERS’! YES WAY YES SIR. 

Mark(snappishly): Then don’t come running to me when you see that part where Johnny perishes. 

[Stefan cries his eyes out and I glare at Mark.] 

Me: Do you have to? 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is about it. And yes, Mark is still triumphant.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Sorry because this is REALLY late. So, yeah, this actually happened, but not as interesting. Though, KayEUndercover and Kourtsloo were talking about The Outsiders and Karate Kid alllll the way till the day ended. *face-palm* 
> 
> A/N 3: KayEUndercover… I can understand, but Kourtsloo? Not quite.


	93. 798 Adventures PRT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes, I’m back! And welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance. This time, it’s another 798 adventure, so brace yourselves.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: OK, I have an announcement. Today, we’re going to either alpine adventures or 798. 

[My guests, actors William Zabka, Stephen Fry, and Leif Garrett jumps up.] 

William(shouting): 798! 

Leif(also shouting): NO WAY, ALPINE! 

Stephen: 798 as well! 

Leif(to them both): Then I’m not joining in. 

Stephen(to me): So Mark Carwardine isn’t here because of that? 

Leif(to William): Have you see Last Chance to See? 

[I interfere before Will could answer.] 

Me: Can we not start that conversation? OK, so 798 it is. 

[William karate-chops air.] 

William: WOOOOOOOO~ 

[We go to 798 via car, which is driven by Daniel LaRusso. The character, mind you, not the actor.] 

[Daniel is dressed normally and in tourist outfit.] 

William: 0_o 

Me: OK, ALL ABOARD! 

[*Things go weird immediately.] 

Stephen(to me): Never knew that Mr. Cade from The Outsiders had a twin. 

William(shouting): I KNOW RIGHT 

Daniel(firmly): Don’t do an Outsiders/Karate Kid cross-over, please, Johnny. 

Stephen: Johnny? 

William: Johnny Lawrence, my character. *to Daniel* Right, sure, Ralphie. 

[This is what happened until we arrive.] 

[We arrive.] 

[Music is blaring from somewhere.] 

William(karate-chopping air): THIS IS AWESOME! 

Stephen(smirking): Sure, until you see the creepy SCP Foundation exhibit. 

[We go to the first exhibit. Something on coral reefs.] 

[Environmentalist Mark Carwardine appears with a small pop.] 

Mark(tour guide style): Here’s Mark Carwardine talking about… well… wild-life, ‘cause what else is new? 

[I rub my temples because of a headache.] 

Me: Fine, hurry up. 

[*Since I’m lazy, a time skip. We’re now seeing some very disturbing things.] 

[And yes, actors Matt Dillon and Ralph Macchio are our guests.] 

[Matt is pretending to be scared and clinging onto William.] 

[Both Ralph and Stephen are clinging onto me.] 

Me(looking around): So this is kind of a haunted house theme? 

Matt(grinning): Righto! 

Ralph(slightly letting go of me): Actually, nothing’s that scary, fortunately. 

[A masked figure jumps out at us before we can even register anything.] 

Ralph, Stephen(screaming their lungs out): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

[Ralph hides behind Stephen.] 

Me(trying to calm my breathing): That was scary. 

[We tip-toe to another room.] 

Matt: OK, I’m doubting this thing. 

Disembodied voice(creepily): Welcome to my parlor, gueeestsssss… 

Everyone: *Gulp* 

[We enter quietly.] 

[Something claws at us.] 

Ralph, Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! *I fall over* 

Stephen: Oh… no. 

[Something taps on my shoulder.] 

Something: Hello. 

Me(screaming and abandoning the others): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH~ 

[Everyone is spread out by this point.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of it, and you can imagine what happened next — extreme OOC stuff that is too crazy to write here.] 

[*Time skip. Stefan Mickisch, who joined us later in the misadventures, and Stephen are bugging me about Italian cuisine.] 

[Mark Carwardine appears again.] 

Mark(shaking his head): No way, NO WAY. Italian cuisine is out of the question, because of THAT. *He points to some Italian community people wearing sunglasses and chilling* 

[I close my eyes in exasperation.] 

Stefan(whining): Noooooooo~ 

Mark(mock-whining): Yeeeeeeessssss~ 

Me: OK, how ‘bout this. We go see if Via is open, and we’ll decide. 

[Stefan and Mark smile smugly at each other.] 

Mark: I’m betting 10 bucks to say that Via isn’t open today. 

Stefan: Well, I’m betting 100 bucks that it IS open. 

[*Because I’m both lazy and irritated, I orb them there.] 

[At Lufthansa.] 

Me: OK, go check. 

[Stefan clings onto me, Andrea Bocelli style.] 

Stefan(whining again): JOIN US, GRACEY, PUH-LEASE? 

Me(sighing exasperated): Fine. 

[We go.] 

[Apparently Via is open.] 

Me(looking around): Hm. 

Stefan(smugly): Via IS open, sorry to break it to you! 

[I interfere before Mark can bash Stefan’s head in.] 

Me: OK, I’ve had enough of Ralph Macchio and William Zabka trying to karate-chop each other, so don’t start, you two. 

[As if on cue, said two appear in full karate gear.] 

Me(closing my eyes again): Oh for god’s sake… 

Ralph, William(karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Me(hollering above them): YOU TWO ARE NOT, I REPEAT, NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! 

Ralph, William(in unison): AW WHY? 

Me: This is… uh… my parlour, I think? 

[Actor Leif Garrett appears and revenges on Ralph, a la The Outsiders; without harming said person, that is, because!] 

Me(relieved): Thanks. 

Leif: No probs, enjoy. 

[We go order.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened, so… yeah, stay tuned to the next episode, which is basically randomness and movies. : )] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened and had A LOT of deleted scenes, so since I’m not sure if I’ll be writing an XL version… I need requests. Otherwise, no. Also, stop putting ideas into my head(looking at you, KayEUndercover)!!


	94. Movies and Whatnot(or, Watching Movies, A La Mystery Science Theater 3000 PRT 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This just happened and it was weird, I tell you!

[Afternoon. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

Me(to Mark Carwardine): OK, since I’m busy, I’ll only be joining you on seeing Last Chance to See PRT 1(s). 

Mark Carwardine: And don’t forget it’s with Douglas. 

Me: ? 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): A LA ‘THE AWESOME ADVENTURES OF MARK CARWARDINE AND DOUGLAS ADAMS’, HAH! 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me(looking down at my schedule): Also, we’ve The Karate Kid PRT 1 as well. 

Mark(smiling): Right, and that’s with C. Thomas Howell, Tom Cruise, Ralph Macchio, Matt Dillon, and William Zabka. Strange that the other Outsider actors should join. 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: They better be in character. 

[Mark laughs at me at that one.] 

Mark: I won’t count on it : D 

[We leave and go to the shopping centre mentioned in the Shakespeare episodes.] 

Me(checking my watch): Brilliant, we’re late. We’d better get there now. 

[Mark is about to protest when I orb us there.] 

[In movie theater.] 

[Novelist and amateur conservationist Douglas Adams is here! So welcome him!] 

Douglas(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S DOUGLAS ADAMS FOR YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SEE EPISODE AND IT’S LOADS AND LOADS OF FUN! JUST YOU WAIT, AUDIENCES, HA! 

[I rub my temples because of a headache as we go to our seats.] 

Douglas(still shouting and not even caring about other audiences): ENJOOOOOOOOY, GRACEY~ 

[Movie starts and we watch.] 

[*Since the episode is basically Douglas and Mark fooling around as well as conservation, I’m only writing the fun parts.] 

[Screen shows Mark being with a dolphin.] 

Everyone: AAAAAAAWWWWWW~ 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): DOLPHINS, PEOPLE! WOOOOOOO~ 

Douglas(jumping up and karate-chopping air): THIS IS AWESOME, ISN’T IT! 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache from their screaming): Can we just watch the movie normally? 

Mark(still standing up and cheering): WE *ARE* NORMAL, GRACEY! 

[*OK, that’s all the fun parts.] 

[*Time skip. It is soon time for seeing Karate Kid PRT 1, with Ralph Macchio(whom you may know from The Outsiders) and Pat Morita, that is!] 

[Mark and Douglas wants some cupcakes and whatnot.] 

Me(sternly): Unless you two promise to not be out of character. 

Douglas(mustering his best puppy eyes): WE PROMISE, GRACEY, WE PROMISE! 

[I sigh and we go to Kerry center, where we find actors Tom Cruise and C. Thomas Howell having tea together.] 

Me: 0_o 

Tom(waving his arm): Welcome to our parlour, Gracey! 

Chris(incredulously): Exactly how did you know her? 

Tom: Via… Outsiders meme. 

Chris: … 

[We go join them after giving Mark and Douglas each a cupcake. I myself got me a chocolate mousse cake that is more like a tasty donut with a cookie underneath.] 

Me: You two are early. 

Tom: We like to be early! 

C. Thomas: : D 

Tom(to me): This is real life, Gracey: No hard feelings between Stephen and Pony IRL. 

[I smile at that one.] 

Chris(to Tom): You should MOST DEFINITELY talk with KayEUndercover, a friend of hers. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kinda it, until we go to Starbucks and got some fruit juice cocktail and some hot choco. Choco again.] 

[We leave Starbucks. Tom and Chris are already getting high on the fruit juice.] 

Tom(to me): Ralph should definitely’ve taught us all karate. 

Me: Know that. 

[I lead them to the movie theater.] 

[We get tickets and we go see the movie.] 

[*Seat orders: William, Me, Ralph; because I need to control them. Matt, Tom, and Chris are together because an Outsiders reunion can never escape me.] 

[Movie starts.] 

[Commentary starts immediately after.] 

Matt(to no one in particular): Am I the only one who thinks Johnny didn’t die in Outsiders all of a sudden? 

William(shouting gleefully): OF COURSE NOT! HE GOT CURED SECRETLY AND GUESS WHAT? POOF! *he does a flourish and almost knocks me out cold* HE BECAME THE EVENTUAL — 

[Ralph interrupts.] 

Ralph(sternly): No spoilers, PLEASE. 

[We continue watching the movie.] 

[*Time skip. Movie shows Johnny Lawrence, played by William Zabka himself, slamming Daniel LaRusso, played by Ralph Macchio, into a wall in fury.] 

Everyone: … 

[PAUSE] 

William(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COBRA KAI FTW! FINALLY! 

[Cut to: Tom and CT.] 

Tom(to Chris): Cobra WHAT? 

Chris: Nevermind! 

[Cut back to Ralph and William.] 

Ralph(upset): Anyways, it’s not my fault you were… well… envying his skills. 

William(smugly): Oh, right, and get ready to be altogether the antagonist in Cobra Kai! 

[*Time skip again. The car wash scene.] 

[I roll my eyes at the cheesiness and everyone else cracks up.] 

William(to me): This should be a meme. 

Tom: I KNOW RIGHT 

[Halloween scene.] 

[Daniel just drenched Johnny.] 

Tom, Chris, Matt: 0________o 

[Ralph smiles smugly at Will and is reciprocated.] 

[They tackle each other playfully onto the ground.] 

Tom(to Matt): Francis should’ve let Bill be Two. 

Matt: ? 

Me: Two-bit, instead of Emilio. 

Matt: No way. 

[*Since I’m lazy, time skip to the final fight scene.] 

William(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOO FINAL TOURNAMENT SCENE! AND GUESS WHAT, DANIEL LARUSSO FANS, THIS IS WHERE JOHNNY GETS BASHED UP, UNFORTUNATELY! AND THIS SCENE IS THE REASON BEHIND COBRA KAI! 

[Commentary starts all over again and I watch the scene myself, because of the crane-kick controversy.] 

Matt: This scene is the one with the controversy because Daniel shouldn’t’ve kicked Johnny in the face xD 

Everyone else: Of course. 

Ralph: Also, he shouldn’t’ve elbowed him because he was hurt! 

[This is where I eventually cutted in.] 

Me: If it’s real, they’ll both be disqualified. 

[Movie flashes back to Pat Morita.] 

Tom: Isn’t that Pat Morita, the actor for Arturo’s Way or something? 

CT: I KNOW RIGHT! 

Matt(smiling): This should definitely be inside an Outsiders fan fiction. 

Ralph(deadpan): No way. 

Matt(sternly): YES way. 

[*This continues all the way till the movie is done.] 

Me(to everyone): So…. this is all! 

Everyone: AAAAAWWWWWW~ 

Me: On a better note, I may check for more and maybe you can join. I won’t guarantee anything, though. 

[William karate-chops air again.] 

William: WOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: I won’t count on it, though, and yeah, stay tuned to the next episode! : D 

o.O.o 

End chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, only not as crazy, and more, I’ve forgotten half of the first movie and some bits of the latter — the visuals in the latter was awesome and yes, it’s recommended! Even though it’s not Karate Kid :-(


	95. Birthdays, Celebrations, and Tributes(Irish Version)(or, Celebrations At the Sissol House)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A very belated happy birthday to Oscar Wilde and Deric McGivers xD! Sorry. And to make up, this chapter is for you :-)

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Mark Carwardine(throwing confetti): HAPPY B-DAY, DERIC! 

Deric(CallOfCthulhu/callofcthulhu): Aw thank you 

Stefan Mickisch(also throwing confetti): ALSO, DON’T FORGET GRACEY MADE YA A GUEST CHARACTER, ALONG WITH OSCAR, WHO SHARES YOUR BIRTHDAY DATE! WOO 

Deric(slightly sarcastic): Can’t wait. 

[I get out of my room because of their shouting.] 

Me(finally smiling again): Why, hi, Deric, and yes, happy birthday to you! 

Mark(karate-chopping air): CAN WE GET PASTA TODAY? 

Stefan(to Deric): Here’s someone scarily out of character. 

[I rub my temples because of a headache coming up.] 

Me: Maybe. 

[Oscar Wilde pops up.] 

Oscar: NO WAY, POTATO DISHES ALL ALONG PEOPLE! TOPPIN’. 

[Deric and I exchange a glance.] 

Me: Brilliant, even HE’s OOC. 

Derik: Any more of you? 

Stefan(karate-chopping air as well): NO WAY! WE BANNED STEPHEN FROM JOINING BECAUSE! 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened.] 

[*Time skip. Yes, we’re making pasta, since our Italian guests are barging in my house.] 

Andrea Bocelli(singing): HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, DERIK — HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~ 

[Violinist Maurizio Sciarretta and flutist Andrea Griminelli are throwing confetti again, and balloons rain down.] 

Derik: That’s too kind of you! 

[I look away because they’re behaving too mushily.] 

Maurizio(pausing his throws of confetti): So nothing for Oscar? That’s sad. 

Andrea G(shouting): DARN IT! MAURIZIO, I BLAME YOU, NOW I’M DEPRESSED! 

[I hold my head because of my massive headache from their shouting.] 

Me(to everyone): We’re celebrating for everyone, OK? Oscar’s getting some cupcakes, a la some Outsider fan fiction. 

Maurizio(smiling): Awww~ 

[*Time skip. After lunch, Derik and Andrea G wants to make the cupcakes.] 

Derik: PLEASE? 

Andrea G(echoing): PLEASE? 

Andrea B: OK, you bake them, and Gracey and I’ll watch. 

Maurizio(licking on some ice cream he just conjured up): And don’t eat them right away, because according to Gracey, we’re having party tonight. 

[PAUSE] 

Everyone(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOOO PARTAY TONIGHT! 

Me: I have ZERO guarantees, so don’t keep your hopes up! 

Them: AW~ 

[*Time skip. Now it’s afternoon and Derik and I are going to go buy some cookies because I’m running out of cookie mix(blame Stefan and company because they ate it all) and Maurizio and the Andreas are going to go for a walk.] 

[They’re listening to an audiobook of Catcher In the Rye.] 

Derik(to me): Surprising they like that. 

Me: … 

[We go our separate ways.] 

[Andrea G and company.] 

Maurizio(over-enthusiastically, as usual): We’re going straight to the park and back! (WOO) 

Andrea B(deadpan): And don’t forget the Halloween stuff that keeps happening here. 

Andrea G(throwing himself off and clinging onto Maurizio): ANDREA, THAT’S FREAKIN’ CREEPY, YA HEAR? 

[PAUSE] 

Maurizio(to no one in particular): Now I know what Gracey thinks of you guys. 

[They go to the park.] 

[Park is very darkish and creepy.] 

Andrea B(smugly): At least I have my enhanced senses. 

Andrea G: Right. 

[They walk on.] 

Andrea B: At least no Outsider characters here. 

[Actor Ralph Macchio appears out of thin air.] 

Maurizio, Andrea B, Andrea G(terrified because they thought it was some ghost guy): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH~ 

Andrea G: SERIOUSLY? 

Andrea B: Told you, the Social characters are way braver than us. 

Maurizio: And rightfully so. 

[Back with Derik and me.] 

[We’re in a shop.] 

Derik: Thought you’d like to make Shlomo Mintz and Gil Shaham join you? 

Me: This time, no. 

[We pick some cookies to go.] 

Derik(Maurizio voice): Don’t eat all of them, will ya? 

Me: … 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is everything prior to the… well… party.] 

[Back to my house.] 

Derik: So why’s Stephen not here? 

Me: He’s temporarily banned because I say so. 

Derik: AW 

Maurizio(sipping on some hot chocolate): ‘AW’ is right. 

Derik: ? 

Andrea B: I kind of think they’re fond of each other. 

Andrea G(grinning): Ooh, slash comin’! 

[Oscar appears in extreme flamboyant wear.] 

Andrea G(to me): My eyes… 

Oscar(with a flourish): LET THE PARTAY START! 

[Party starts.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is about it, and yes, the party was exhausting, since Mark and company weren’t there xD. Ah, well…] 

[*Still, stay tuned to the next episode!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 95

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, only not as strange. Also, walking in some park at night really do make you feel like you’re on the East side in Outsiders.


	96. Karate and Catering and Whatnot(or, Time With A Karate Group)(Commission)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy birthday, William Zabka! :-D This is what happens when he turns… 53~ 
> 
> A/N 2: And yes, if you’re wondering, this is kind of a commission, and yes, the adventure that happened a day ago will be posted later on!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room. Things are going weird because of some birthday event happening soon.] 

William Zabka(shouting): BIRTHDAY TIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEE~ 

Stephen Fry: Now you’d better be quiet before Gracey comes along. 

Ralph Macchio: Then you have NO idea of what happens behind the scenes of Cobra Kai. 

Stephen: ? 

Ralph: Never mind! 

[I come out of the kitchen because I’m sizzling sausages with Stefan Mickisch.] 

Me(smiling): And yes, happy birthday to you. 

Ralph: Aawww~ 

Stephen: Graceyyyyy~ 

[William smiles back.] 

William: Thanks so much. 

[Cut to: Stephen and Ralph.] 

Ralph(smug): Jealous? Thought you didn’t like females. 

Stephen(snappishly): What gave you the idea I’m jealous? 

William: You are, just admit it! 

Me: PEOPLE! 

[They stop bickering.] 

Me: OK, so since it’s your special day, Will, you’re going to be a guest star for today, and the others can join in. 

William(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOOO GUEST STARRING! 

Me: And we may or may not be having pasta because Stefan said so. 

[Ralph jumps up and karate-chops air as well.] 

Ralph: YA-HOO! Quick question, Gracey: will we be having gelato with whipped cream and pizzas and whatnot? Or will we be having sausages and German beer today? Or maybe we can have pretzels and maybe go to Pauläner to celebrate? 

Me(slightly exasperated): We’ll be having… uh… I have to decide. 

William(shouting): DECIDE NOW! DECIDE NOW! DECIDE NOW! 

Ralph(tapping on him): Are your all right? 

[Martin Kove appears out of thin air.] 

Martin: Of course not. *to me* Sensei Kreese at your service. 

[Ralph and I roll our eyes at each other.] 

Me: I believe only the cast of Cobra Kai are… like… invited? 

Martin: No way. 

Ralph, William: YES way. 

[They are about to karate-chop each other, as usual.] 

[I interfere.] 

Me(sternly): No karate allowed, PLEASE. 

Martin(to William and Ralph): You’re lucky this time, you little twerps. 

[I make him disappear because it’s getting too crowded.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, time skip to noon, when Ralph wants to take William to Little Italy.] 

Will(mock-whining): Unfortunately Gracey’s not joinin’. 

Ralph: … 

Me(smiling): I have Sean Kanan, Martin, and Thomas Ian Griffiths here today to keep us company, with insane amounts of karate. 

Stephen: So now she’s referee. 

Ralph, William: Whaaaaaaat~ 

[I orb them away.] 

Me: Just leave already. 

[I go to the kitchen to make noodles.] 

[Actor Martin Kove and his minions appear and ambush me in the kitchen.] 

Me(holding up my hands): OK, just wanting to make some lunch. 

Sean: You didn’t tell those two? 

Martin: Brilliant. 

Thomas(jumping up and karate-chopping air): I KNOW RIGHT 

Me: Unless you three want to watch, I’m making pasta. 

Them: … 

[They go outside.] 

[*Time skip. We’re partying and Martin and Stephen are playfully karate-chopping each other and wrestling on the floor.] 

Me(taking a bite of cupcake singer Maria Callas bought for William): This is the life! 

[*NOTE: The rest of us are watching The Heist, and Sean, William, and Thomas are all cuddled with Ralph like puppies.] 

Stefan(whispering to me): This is the life only if you didn’t allow them to be here. 

Me(completely comfy): No need. 

Stefan: ? 

Me: This is the party we needed. 

o.O.o 

End chapter 96

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened, and yes, happy belated birthday to William Zabka! WOO~ 
> 
> A/N 4: Ha, I hoped everyone is out of character enough. And yes, Martin, Sean and Thomas I. Griffiths are a three-some in this.


	97. Alpine Adventures PRT 3(or, Scotland Revisited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the chapter that is supposed to be chapter 95, but I got a commission, or rather, a request, for something else. So here, this is the alpine adventure! 
> 
> A/N 2: Kourtsloo wanted me to include the Cobra Kai cast, so I did, and yes, it’s extremely crazy, so read on!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: I’ve an announcement again! OK, so today, we’re going to have an alpine adventure with environmentalist Mark Carwardine, the Cobra Kai cast, actor Stephen Fry, and pianist Stefan Mickisch. 

[Actors Martin Kove, Ralph Macchio, William Zabka, Sean Kanan, and Thomas Ian Griffiths wave at pretend audience, so does Stefan and Mark.] 

Me: And what’s better, our alpine adventure is going to be in Scotland. 

[Mark and William jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Them: WOOOOOOOOOO! SCOTLAND! 

Martin(exasperated already): Can you two please let her finish? 

William(mock-whining): But we’re excited. 

Martin: … 

[I ignore them.] 

Me: …so we’re taking the train to Edinburg… I think. 

[Before they can cheer, I orb everyone to the train station in London.] 

[London train station, or rather, King’s Cross.] 

Me(with a flourish): WELCOME TO LONDON! 

Thomas(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[We get on the TGV.] 

[As we get to our seats: Martin, Sean, William; Ralph, Thomas, Me; Stefan, Mark, Stephen; Stefan and his cronies, singer-songwriter Andrea Bocelli and violinist Daniel Hope, does the safety skit.] 

Stefan(in train conductor uniform): Welcome to London Hauptbahnhof. I’m your captain, Stefan Mickisch. 

Martin(unimpressed): Fresh. 

[Thomas cracks up at that.] 

[Stefan and his cronies ignores that.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’m not writing about what happened during the skit, so re-read chapter 65 to get a feel of it.] 

[Skit ends.] 

Thomas(shouting): THAT WAS AWESOME! 

Stefan(after making Daniel and Andrea disappear): Thank you and have a safe journey. 

Andrea, Daniel(before disappearing): Thanks and have a safe journey. 

[They disappear officially.] 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll just skip to the part where we finally arrive in Manchester.] 

[We stop at Manchester train station.] 

Martin: Does riding trains give y’all a feel of the Outsiders, since we’re going to the countryside? 

Sean: ? 

Me: Yes. 

William: No. 

Me: Yes. 

William: NO! 

Me: YES! 

Martin(to Thomas): What did I tell you? 

[At the other corner, Stefan and Stephen, as well as Mark, are playing cards and shouting as well.] 

Stefan(slamming his Hearts on the table): EIGHTS! 

Mark(also slamming his cards, Aces, on the table): 10S! 

Stephen(leaning back and closing his eyes): Be quiet, will ya? 

Stefan, Mark: NO WAY, WE’RE JUST ABOUT TO GET IN THE SPIRIT! 

[Thomas stands up and goes over to their side.] 

Thomas(with intrigue): YOU’RE PLAYIN’ CARDS AS WELL? 

Stefan(throwing his arms in the air): HELL YA! 

Me(also standing up): Language, Stefan! 

Stefan(whining): But you don’t ‘language’! 

[Martin and Sean are about to collapse onto the floor laughing their heads off.] 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy. We arrive in Edinburg.] 

[Martin and I are in some food shop because the others requested it.] 

[We go to Caffè Bene.] 

Ralph(clinging onto me Andrea Bocelli style): CAN I JOIN, PLEASE, CAN I, CAN I, CAN I? 

Martin: Zzzzzzzzzz… 

[PAUSE] 

Martin(firmly): NO WAY. Gracey and I are going. C’mon, Gracey. 

[He drags me away.] 

[In Caffè Bene.] 

Me: I can kind of understand — he’s Italian, no? 

Martin: Yes, and extremely annoying. Italians are like that. 

Me: Righto. 

[We get some sandwiches and some pies.] 

Martin(sneakily): Don’t tell the others. 

Me: Won’t dream of it. 

[We go back to the place others are waiting.] 

[*Time skip. We’re in the reserve.] 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOUR TOUR GUIDE MARK CARWARDINE WILL BE GUIDING YA ALLLLLL THE WAY TILL WE LEAVE, SO BE PREPARED, D’ACCORDO? 

Martin(conjuring up a cone): ALSO, GRACEY SAID THAT I’LL BE GUIDING SOME OTHERS, SO HURRY UP, SLOWPOKES! 

[I rub my temples because of their shouting before we even started.] 

Me(eating a sandwich): OK, so Martin, you guide Ralph, William, and the rest of your clan; Mark, you guide me, Stefan, and Stephen. All even. 

Martin: 0_o 

[PAUSE] 

Martin(jumping up and karate-chopping air): AWESOME! NOW LISTEN UP *he stops dancing and raises his cone* SEAN AND THOMAS TOGETHER, AND RALPH AND WILLIAM TOGETHER! BRILLIANT. GRAZIE, GRACEY! 

Me(holding my head with only one hand because of my massive migraine before we even started): You’re welcome, Martin. 

[Martin drags his entourage towards one slope.] 

Me(smiling): I kind of like matchmaker!Martin. 

Mark(jumping up and punching air): WOOOOOOOOOOOOO RALPH/WILLIAM IS CANON IN THIS STORY? PLEASE SAY YES, GRACEY, ‘CAUSE DANIEL LARUSSO/JOHNNY LAWRENCE IS MY LIFE AND I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH! I MEAN, THE CHARACTERS BICKER SOOOOOOOOOO OFTEN YOU COULDN’T HELP BUT THINK THERE’S SOMETHIN’ GON’ ON THERE! 

Me(sighing in exasperation): Why do I think you should stop hanging out with Stefan? 

[Stephen collapses into laughing because he remembers the in-joke.] 

Stefan(tearing up): NOW THAT’S NICE, GRACEY! *he storms away* 

[*Time skip. We start climbing and I apologize to Stefan.] 

Me: Really, Stefan, sorry about that. 

Stefan: … 

Stephen(looking up): Martin and the others are up there already. 

[Said group are waving at us very obnoxiously.] 

[Mark ignores them.] 

Mark(shouting): WE HAVE TO BE EVEN BETTER! SO IGNORE THEM, EVEN WHEN THEY TRY KARATE AT YOU! 

[Meanwhile at the other group.] 

Martin(in tour guide wear): I told you, better follow me. If I wasn’t a karate expert or actor, then I may just be an alpine guide. 

William(sarcastic): Sure. 

Sean: He won’t be hated by those people who typecast us. 

[PAUSE] 

Ralph: I thought he wasn’t typecast? 

[Everyone sigh in exasperation at that one.] 

Thomas: We all are. *he jumps up and karate-chops air* WOOOOOOO COBRA KAI FTW! 

Everyone else: 0_o 

[*Time skip. Thomas wants to play photographer and he wants me and Ralph to be his models.] 

Me(speechless): Great, I knew it, I shouldn’t even stop here to take a break. 

Thomas(pleading): PLEEEEEEEEEAAAASE? 

[Ralph and I pose.] 

[William’s eyes narrow at us when Thomas says to pretend we’re a couple.] 

[Martin grins at us.] 

Martin(beaming): I KNEW IT! 

William(frustrated): WHAT? 

Martin(smirking): You and Ralph had something going on between you ever since the first Karate Kid movie! 

[Sean smiles and Thomas also gets distracted as they start hissing like snakes.] 

Them(with too-knowing smiles): Ohohoh… 

[I leave them because they’re acting overly OOC.] 

[*Time skip. Because I’m lazy, I’ll just write about what happened when we finally got down from the mountains.] 

[Martin and Mark are in a strange alliance for some reason.] 

Thomas(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOO MORE ALLIANCES! MARTIN, THAT IS AWESOME! NOW, D’YA THINK WE CAN ENTER IN LAST CHANCE TO SEE? 

Martin: Unless you want to be like LaRusso later on. 

Ralph(deadpan): Hilarious. 

Thomas: I KNOW RIGHT 

Ralph: Do you even understand sarcastic? 

Sean(breaking them up): Now, now, no karate, no fighting, alright? 

[We leave.] 

[*Time skip. We see some animals being hostage in cages after buying kwas, which is making everyone high as kites.] 

Ralph: AW WHYYYYY~ 

Martin(shouting): BECAUSE! 

Me(dragging them along): OK, OK, I’ll explain soon, alright? 

Ralph(clinging onto me Andrea Bocelli style again): NOT ALRIGHT! GRACEY, I NEED EXPLANATION! 

[I half-ignore him.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kinda it, and you can imagine what was the explanation — just make it as cheesy as possible.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 97

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: This actually happened, only not as weird. Also, yes, I did see some animals being hostage — aka they were caught and released, and caught again. 
> 
> A/N 4: A happier note — I get to see an actual hedgehog! *AAWW CUUUUTE~*


	98. Museum Visits PRT 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This happened recently, and was strange and random, so enjoy *roll-eyes*

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: So I hope y’all’re ready for Halloween coming soon. 

[My guests, actor Stephen Fry, pianist Stefan Mickisch, and environmentalist Mark Carwardine are about to celebrate when some others arrive, uninvited.] 

Willian Zabka and Martin Kove(in skeleton costumes and in VERY creepy voices): Hhhhhhheeeere’s Martin and William givin’ ya a gooooo-oood creepy Halloween announcement! No need to thank us, though. 

Me, Stephen, Stefan, Mark: 0_o 

[PAUSE] 

Me: You two are not supposed to be here now. 

William(upset): AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW~ 

[Martin drags him back.] 

Me: Thanks. And you two may be the Cobra Society during the party. 

[William jumps up and karate-chops air.] 

William: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO PARTAY TIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEEEE! 

Martin: Sorry to break it to you but it’s still days later. 

Me: Right, so… see ya! *I make them disappear* 

[I turn to the others.] 

Me: So that’s what karate will get you to. 

Mark(whining): AW WHY SHOULD WE NOT HAVE LESSONS! 

Me: … 

Stefan: Because you’re an environmentalist, mister, sorry to break it to ya. 

Stephen: Also, that’s the Heist. 

[I ignore their karate-themed chat.] 

Me: So I’ve an announcement — we’re going to our third and maybe final museum visit, I have ZERO guarantees, though. 

[Mark jumps up and karate-chop air, William Zabka style.] 

Mark: WOOOOOOOOOO! FINALLY! NO MORE MUSEUM VISITS AND IT’S ALMOST HALLOWEEN SO CAN WE PUH-LEASE READ SCARY STORIES AND MAYBE GO TO HAUNTED HOUSES TO HAVE AN INVESTIGATION? AND GUESS WHAT ELSE? MAYBE WE CAN WATCH LEONARD NIMOY’S SHOW OF PARANORMAL HAPPENIN’S! OOOOOOOH YEAH, OF COURSE WE CAN! YES WAY YES SIR. 

Me(closing my eyes because): No way no sir. 

Mark(pleadingly): PUH-LEASE, GRACEY, WE’VE BEEN GOOD ALLLLLLLL THE WAY TILL NOW, HAVEN’T WE, STEFAN AND STEPHEN! 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Can you not drag them in this? 

Mark: PLEASE! 

Me: Fine, you can, but don’t come running to me when you get overly scared. 

[We leave and go to central London.] 

[*The exhibit at Buckingham Palace is about karate; and as usual, Mark is over-enthusiastic.] 

Mark(suddenly dressed in karate gear): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S SENSEI MARK CARWARDINE, AT YOUR SERVICE! 

[I rub my temples because of a headache.] 

Stefan(looking around): Fair enough, but I still like Outsiders better. 

Me: Can both of you be quiet? I don’t want the Karate Kid cast to get here, and this is the only way I can prevent it. 

[We see the exhibit.] 

[We decide to spread out. Mark and Stefan, and Stephen and me.] 

[Stephen and my group.] 

Me: I swear, this should stop. *I nod towards Mark pretending to be some karate teacher and trying to get Stefan do moves* 

Stephen(smiling at me): You know how enthusiastic those two are. 

Me(folding my arms): I am not amused. 

[Stefan and Mark’s corner.] 

[Mark is boxing.] 

Stefan: … 

Mark: PLEASE, STEFAN, JOIN IN? 

Stefan: You’re way out of character today and look at Gracey and Stephen. 

[Mark looks over at me and Stephen and waves at us. I roll my eyes at him.] 

Mark(in broken Japanese accent): Ya know Sensei Carwardine doesn’t really approve of you disturbing his practice, do ya? 

[I go over to them.] 

Me: One more of this and you’ll trigger some unwanted company. 

[Mark recoils over-dramatically.] 

Mark(shouting on top of his voice): WILL WE ATTRACT SKELETONS OR WILL WE ATTRACT GHOSTS, GRACEY? OR MAYBE SENSEI CAVALLE’S GHOST? OR MAYBE — 

[I interrupt.] 

Me(hissing): You-know-who! 

Mark, Stefan: ? 

Me: Just… just follow Stephen and me. 

[Stefan leans close to Mark.] 

Stefan(whispering): Instead of Wagner and Me. 

Mark(hollering): I KNOW RIGHT! 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened at the museum visit.] 

[We’re going to lunch.] 

Mark(in karate instructor voice, to me): Since we’re all karate experts, we’ve to have Japanese cuisine. What d’you say, fellow expert? 

Me: I say we go to… Home Food Cooking? 

Mark(clinging onto me Andrea Bocelli style): AW WHYYYYYYYY, GRACEY! 

Me(trying to yank myself away from Mark’s iron grip): Otherwise would you like to go to… that restaurant we went to in Chapter 82? 

[Mark suddenly is wearing a black karate outfit, along with a bandana to match.] 

Mark(jumping up and karate-chopping air): OF COURSE LET’S REVISIT CHAPTER 82! THAT WAS ONE OF THE ONLY MOMENTS WHEN WE COULD BE WITH MR. FRY’S NAMESAKE! WOO~ 

Stefan(to me): I think we’d better go to Home Food Cooking instead. 

Stephen: Maybe? 

Mark: OF COURSE NOT, STEPHENS! 

[I shake my head and lead them to Home Food Cooking, owing Mark a trip to that restaurant we went to in chp. 82.] 

[At Home Food Cooking.] 

[Mark’s karate outfit is back to white, so is his bandana.] 

Mark(sulking): Now I’m depressed. 

Stefan: … 

Stephen: … 

Me: Fine, I owe you one. 

[Mark smiles very smug at both Stephens.] 

[The Stephens smile very smug right back.] 

Me: Or maybe not. 

All: GRACEYYYYYYY~ 

[We go to Home Food Cooking.] 

[At HFC.] 

Mark(dressed in samurai gear): WHAT HO, GRACEY, STEPHEN, AND STEFAN! THIS IS SAMURAI SENSEI MARK CARWARDINE AT YOUR SERVICE! 

[Actors Martin Kove, Sean Kanan, and William Zabka materialize behind him.] 

Me: … 

Stephen(deadpan): One more of this and we’re not going to Horror Stories Building, Mark, that’s a warning. 

Mark: You’re evil. *to his minions* CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGEEEEEE~ 

[Martin, Sean, and William charge at us and tickle us relentlessly, because they’re conditioned by Mark, I think.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’ve ordered and we’re eating.] 

Me(to Mark, who is back in his karate outfit — white from head to toe, except for the belt, of course): OK, no more Home Food Cooking for you. 

[Mark flings his arms around Stefan and cries his eyes out.] 

Stefan(overwhelmed): Thanks, Gracey. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is basically what happened at HFC.] 

[We go to Horror Stories Building because everyone is in their Halloween spirit.] 

Me: OK, the word is quiet here, just as a reminder. 

Stefan: We know. 

Stephen: Of course. 

Mark(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOOOO HORROR STORIES! WE WANT TO BE SO SCARED WE COULDN’T SLEEP FOR A WEEK, GRACEY, SO CHOP CHOP, LET’S GO! 

[We go.] 

[Actor Jeffrey Combs is the story-teller.] 

Jeffrey(in his eeriest voice): Welcome to Horror Stories Building! 

[Stefan and Mark jump up and punch air.] 

Stefan(hollering): AWESOME! 

Mark(also hollering): I KNOW RIGHT 

Jeffery: … 

[*Time skip. We start.] 

[HPL stories is in.] 

Jeffrey(breaking character): A spoiler if you haven’t read At the Mountains of Madness — it’s kinda the inspiration for the Alien movies. 

Me(smiling): Brilliant. Yes, I’ve read it. 

[Jeffery smiles back.] 

[Mark jumps up and karate-chops air.] 

Mark(shouting): WOOOOOOOOOOOO~ AND GUESS WHAT ELSE, PEOPLE? TENTACLES AND WHATNOT ARE BASICALLY A STAPLE IN HPL’S WORKS, BECAUSE! 

Stefan(deadpan): Quiet voices, Mark. 

[Stephen sniggers behind his hand and my arm.] 

Jeffery(deadpan): Hilarious. 

[He continues the stories.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened.] 

[We leave after the story telling and we go to Starbucks, because Stephen and I are really freaked out, and Stefan and Mark are not even frightened.] 

Me(checking that there’s no tentacle monster behind me): OK, let’s go. 

[Mark and Stefan jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Them: WOOOOOOOO FINALLY, GRACEY! 

[We go in and order snacks and coffee.] 

Me: Good luck sleeping tonight, because. 

Stephen(finally smiling again): Guess what else, everyone — there’s this new swim pool opening in RADA and almost everyone’s invited. 

Me(deadpan): Brilliant, can’t wait. 

[Mark and Stefan jump up and karate-chop air again.] 

Mark(shouting): HURRAY, HURRAY! NEW SWIM POOL SO WE DON’T HAVE TO GO TO GRACEY’S PLACE ALL THE TIME! WILL WE BE PLAYING WATER POLO OR WILL WE BE MEETIN’ OTHER STUDENTS? MAYBE WE’LL EVEN BE DOING SOME SCUBA DIVIN’? ALSO, DON’T FORGET SOME CGI LAST CHANCE TO SEE! 

Stefan: THERE’S A FREAKIN’ SWIM POOL AT RADA, STEPHEN? OK, NOW MOST DEFINITELY LEONARD AND COMPANY ARE COMIN’! CAN’T WAIT! ALSO, WHEN’RE WE GOIN’? 

Stephen(exasperated): I think tomorrow or the next day. 

Mark(pleadingly): PLEASE SAY TONIGHT, ‘CAUSE I DUNNO IF I CAN WAIT ANY LONGER! HOW ‘BOUT LATER TONIGHT, HEY? 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): No way. We’ll be back late. 

Stefan(shouting): TOMORROW! DEFINITELY TOMORROW! 

[Stephen and I exchange exasperated looks.] 

Me: Tomorrow. 

Stefan(jumping up and karate-chopping air, almost knocking me out cold): YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY~ 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is all, so stay tuned to the next episode! Swimming time again! :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 98

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and no, the exhibit isn’t about karate, thanks no thanks. 
> 
> A/N 3: I did go to some library that same day and had some coffee and snacks, though, but don’t get your hopes up! This isn’t the last museum visit! *evil laughter*


	99. Swimming Pool Renovations Visit(or, A Bit of Macchio, Carwardine, Zabka, and Etc)(Special Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! I don’t know, but if you want, I might write another sequel to this on-going story — with the Karate Kid cast. Still, enjoy this chapter because it kinda hints at it!

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK. Noon.] 

[Actors Martin Kove(whom you might know from both the Karate Kid trilogy and the Cagney and Lacey television show) and William Zabka wants me to renovate some karate arena in an area of my house, next to the theater.] 

Me: Right, and don’t tell Mark, because he’s over-enthusiastic about this. 

Martin(self-satisfied): Of course not. So are you renovating this part? 

William(pleading): PUH-LEASE? 

Martin: In-door voices, please. 

William(shouting and ignoring my pleas): NO WAY! GRACEY, WE NEED THIS, WHEN WE’RE GUEST STARS! EVEN WHEN YOU’RE MOVIN’ TO BAYREUTH WE NEED THIS SINCE WE MAY BE TAKIN’ THIS PLACE AS OUR OWN! 

[I hold my head because of a headache caused by Will’s shouting.] 

Me: The renovation is in the question, but you guys staying here… well… 

Martin: We… need this, temporarily. ‘

William: Definitely. 

[I look around.] 

Me: OK, what designs would you two like for the arena to have? Or is it a dojo. 

Martin: Arena. 

William(hollering): NO, DOJO! 

Martin(also raising his voice): ARENA, BECAUSE I SAID SO! SO BACK OFF, WILLIAM! 

William(shouting): YES WAY, A DOJO BECAUSE! 

Martin: NO WAY! 

William: YES WAY! 

Martin: NO WAY! 

William: YES WAY! 

Me(yelling above them): OK! I’LL GO ASK THE OTHERS. And meanwhile, please decide what you want to have. 

[PAUSE] 

[William and Martin glare at each other, neither backing off.] 

[I leave them.] 

[Back in my house.] 

Mark Carwardine(shouting): WHAT HO, GRACEY, CAN WE GO SWIMMING NOW? IT’S RADA, I TELL YOU! 

Stephen Fry: … 

Stefan Mickisch: … 

Me: OK, we ARE going there soon, until Martin and William decide if they want a karate dojo so we could practice and train, or if they want an arena, so there could be matches. 

[Mark beams at me.] 

Mark(karate-chopping air): OF COURSE DOJO! WE COULD FIGHT EACH OTHER AND PRACTICE AND LEARN NEW MOVES! ALSO, WE COULD FORM SOCIETIES! I SAY I’M THE LEADER OF THE DRAGON SOCIETY! WOOO~ SENSEI MARK CARWARDINE AT YOUR SERVICE! 

Stephen(after looking exasperated at Mark for some time): Right, Mark and them want a dojo, so dojo it is. 

Stefan(jumping up as well): NO WAY, HOW ‘BOUT AN ARENA ‘CAUSE RALPH MACCHIO VS MARTIN KOVE IS STILL YET TO COMPETE! ALSO, RALPH MACCHIO VS THOMAS IAN GRIFFITH AS WELL AS SEAN KANAN! WE NEED THAT, SO ARENA IT IS! 

[I rub my temples because I’m severely having a headache.] 

Me: Fine, so tomorrow I guess Sean, Martin, Ralph, William, and Thomas are coming with me to shop for karate gear. 

[Mark and Stefan high-five each other.] 

Mark: WE CAN’T WAIT! PLEASE DO, GRACEY! THAT’LL BE AWESOME! 

Stefan: WOOOOOOOOOOO~ KARATE CLASSES! FINALLY! 

[*Time skip. Since I’m lazy, I’ll be telling you what happened when we all went swimming at the new pool in RADA.] 

[At RADA. Gym.] 

Me: OK, Martin, Ralph, and William, I’ve news. So yes, we’re renovating the auditorium next to the theater into two. One part will be a dojo, another part will be an arena, so there can be matches between you guys. 

[William jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

William: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ I AM SO CREAMIN’ YOU TWO, MARTIN AND RALPH, JUST YOU WAIT! JOHNNY LAWRENCE FTW! 

Me(smiling): No one is creaming anyone. Karate is a sport supposed to be fun and… well… yeah. Just make sure you don’t kill each other, alright? 

[Martin agrees and Ralph turns to William.] 

Ralph(smugly): No, everyone knows that Daniel LaRusso is the actual karate kid, sorry to break it to you. 

William(smugly): Sorry, just you wait for the action. 

Martin(to me): Let’s go to the pool and leave them bickering like a married couple. 

[We go to the changing rooms. Males to theirs, and females to theirs.] 

[*Time skip. Now we’re swimming, or rather, some of us are taking tests, so a short time skip. We’re swimming normally until William decides to dunk me and Ralph underwater.] 

Ralph, Me: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH — BLUBLUBLUB~ 

[Martin, Stefan, Stephen, and Mark are having trouble not laughing their heads off.] 

Martin(punching air): RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! SHOW THEM, WILL! NO MERCYYYYY~ 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Stefan(shouting): YEAH! UNDERWATER WRESTLING FTW! 

[I resurface and Ralph and I revenge on Will.] 

Mark, Martin, Stefan, Stephen(cheering): WOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[The life-guards are irritated at us making a racket.] 

Random life-guard(holding up a cone): IN-DOOR VOICES, PLEASE. ANNOUNCEMENT: EVERYONE SPEAK IN IN-DOOR VOICES, PLEASE, THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is what happened, and it’s sadly the end of another episode! Don’t forget to stay tuned to the next one, because I’m taking the original karate kid cast to go shopping for karate gear. :-D] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 99

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and yes, I went to swim in a new swim pool, and everything was better than I expected : )


	100. Shopping For Karate Gear(or, HI-YAAAAAA~)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Privet, everyone! This is William Zabka for your A/N because Gracey, the author, said so. Actually, no, she didn’t say so and this is sneaky of me. So this is what happened yesterday. No more spoilers because Martin and the others are with me in Gracey’s study, and she’s still talking to the renovators on making one of her auditoriums near her mansion into a karate arena as well as a real-life Cobra Kai dojo. HOW AWESOME IS THAT, I ASK YOU? 
> 
> A/N 2: Hi and this is Martin, aka Sensei Kreese(for Karate Kid fans) and Victor Isbecki(for C & L fans)! : D. Right, before Bill can ruin the moment, I suggest you to read on to what happened yesterday — no spoilers, sorry!

(Gracey, aka theChaplinfangirl, POV) 

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Actor Stephen Fry and I are arguing because he wants to go to the Country Museum in London and at the same time, I have to go karate-gear shopping with the KK original cast.] 

Me(exasperated): Please, just let us go. Mark and Stefan wants the arena and frankly, that’s what we’re getting. 

[Door crashes open and Mark Carwardine barges in, over-excited.] 

Mark(shouting): GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT? THOSE COBRA GUYS ARE PRACTICING AND I’M MIND-BLOWN BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY ONLY GOT CRASH COURSES! C’MON, PEOPLE, LET’S GO WATCH THEM! 

[Stephen and I exchange glances.] 

Me: Right, I’d better go, just in case they forget our agenda. 

Stephen: NO, Gracey, we have to go to the museum. 

Me(firmly): WHATEVER. 

[I leave in a huff.] 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(after some silence): Exactly why were you two yelling at each other? 

Stephen: She wants to go shopping with the new guests and I’m telling her we have to catch the next exhibit! 

Mark: AW, you can see it next time, even when it’s almost Halloween and said exhibit may end way soon. 

[Cut to: My second auditorium, which is used as a gym and tennis court at the same time. Actors Martin Kove and William Zabka are arguing like me and Stephen.] 

Ralph Macchio(to no one in particular): I am not involved. 

[I interrupt their session.] 

Me: OK, OK, this’ll be a karate arena and dojo soon enough! We may’ve to wait till after Halloween, though. 

William(complaining): AAAAAAWWWWWWWWW~ 

Martin(beaming): RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! SO LET’S GO SHOP FOR SUPPLIES! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH~ 

[I hold my head because I’m suffering from another headache since my argument with Stephen.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you how did shopping for karate supplies go. But first, we’ve to go to the London Centre of Performing Arts to check for more musical theater stuff because Stephen said so.] 

[At LCoPA.] 

Me(looking up at posters): OK, so Aida is showing these days? 

[William appears lightning fast next to me.] 

William: No Outsiders? 

[Martin appears lightning fast on my other side.] 

Martin(delighted): William, all through this I thought I was the only one who wants an Outsiders musical! *they hug after I get out of the middle* 

Me: You two stay here and I’ll go see if there’s any tickets for some Verdi or Wagner or Puccini musical screening. And/or performances. 

[I go and assign Martin to look after William and the others.] 

[After I leave.] 

Ralph: No way, there won’t be any musical for Outsiders. Since how can anyone sing after Johnny perishes? 

[William looks wide-eyed at him.] 

William(incredulous): Johnny dies? 

Martin: Don’t start, you two. 

William(upset): If so, explain Cobra Kai. 

Ralph(exasperated): ANOTHER Johnny. Johnny Cade, not Lawrence!   
[William looks relieved at Martin.] 

William: Thank Judah. 

[Martin rolls his eyes.] 

Martin: Whatever. 

[And that is what I come back to.] 

Me: No Outsiders musical, sorry. Also, unfortunately no Verdi musical. 

Everyone else: … 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just tell you what happened when we went to the plaza.] 

[At the Plaza.] 

Me(with a flourish): Welcome to the Plaza! Where Stephen, me, Stefan, and Mark loves to go shopping in, other than MarketPlace and The Mall. 

William(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOO-HOO! LET’S GO, GRACEY! LET’S GO SHOP FOR KARATE SUPPLIES ‘CAUSE MARTIN AND I ARE DESPERATE TO CREAM RALPHIE AND SEAN AND THOMAS! 

Thomas Ian Griffith(deadpan): Thought we’re not REAL Cobra Kai members? 

Sean(grinning): Oh yeah? Don’t be so sure, Will! 

Ralph(also deadpan): Thought we’re not supposed to be creaming anyone? 

[William ignores them.] 

William(still shouting): WE’LL BE SWEEPIN’ LEGS AND ALL THAT! SO HOW AWESOME IS THAT, GRACEY? COMMENTS? 

Me: … 

[*Short time skip because I’m lazy. I take them to Hyatt first because we need lunch.] 

[At Hyatt.] 

Thomas(jumping up and karate-chopping air): HOLY BONSAI TREES WITH NO MORE LEAVES THANKS TO PAT AND RALPH, THIS PLACE IS AMAZIN’! 

William(also shouting): I KNOW RIGHT 

Martin(to me): I hate to be the more sensible one between them. 

Sean(smirking): And don’t forget what happened when we went to the alpine adventure. 

[I ignore them and go to the front desk with Ralph to see what we want for lunch.] 

Ralph: So what’d you like? 

Me: OK, a secret: Stephen and the others love it here, and I’m taking you guys here. They’ll hate me, so don’t tell them, alright? 

Ralph: Wouldn’t dream of it. 

[We pick pasta salad(for me) and sandwiches(for Ralph).] 

Me: And we’re having coffee and stuff later in Starbucks. 

[Martin’s ears perk up.] 

Martin(incredulous): Really? 

Me: I won’t count on it. 

Martin: Pity. 

[I nod.] 

[We all order our lunches and we go to the tables.] 

Me: No more round tables so Ralph and me, and you four together. Cobras together, snakes forever. 

[Ralph cracks up at that one.] 

Sean(jumping up and karate-chopping air): I KNEW IT! GRACEY, THAT IS AN AWESOME MOTTO FOR THE COBRA KAI GROUP! HECK KNOWS HOW KREESE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. 

Martin: I don’t think he still has any more morals, since he wanted to hurt Daniel LaRusso badly. Sure, he’d think of that if he’s still… well… innocent and empathetic, which is basically ages ago. 

[We have lunch.] 

[Thomas decide to play photographer again.] 

Camera: SNAP! 

[Ralph and I both look up.] 

Me(to Thomas): Sorry to break it to you, we’re not… dating. Course not. 

Ralph: Definitely not. 

Thomas(upset): Now I’m hurt. 

Me: Don’t be. I already have an actor I really adore — Stephen, for now, at least. 

[The others get way distracted.] 

William(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOO! GRACEY AND STEPHEN FRY IS TOGETHER? BRILLIANT. GUESS WHAT, FELLOW KARATE EXPERTS? I’VE BEEN DREAMIN’ OF A THREE-SOME BETWEEN STEPHEN, GRACEY, AND ELLIOTT FOR AGES! 

Ralph: That’s just disturbing. 

Me(to William): Sorry to break it to you but it’ll never happen. In this story, maybe, but never in real life. 

Sean(defending Will): Not IRL — you three have to form a three-some in this story! 

[I stand up very frustrated.] 

Me: OK, no desserts for you three. 

[I glare at Thomas, William, and Sean.] 

[*Time skip. We’re at Fila, looking through the latest karate gear.] 

[William is bashing a BoBo doll while wearing a gold karate outfit.] 

William(finishing his abuse on the poor doll): How do I look? 

Martin: As if you’re a member of the Dragon society. 

[PAUSE] 

Martin(holding up a cone): HEY EVERYONE! HOW ‘BOUT IF JOHNNY LAWRENCE DOESN’T AGREE TO COBRA KAI, KREESE EXILES HIM TO THE DRAGON SOCIETY? A HEIST/COBRA KAI/KARATE KID CROSS-OVER? 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): In-door voices, please! 

Ralph(beaming): BRAVISSIMO! 

Thomas(to me): Extremely ‘bravissimo’, no? 

Sean(to Thomas): I know right. Even the Cobras think Italians are like Nope. 

Me: I’m not from there so don’t expect me to judge. 

[Since I’m lazy, let’s skip to the part where we’ve to look for stuff to put in the dojo/arena.] 

[In pretend dojo.] 

[William appears in black karate-gear.] 

William(jumping up and karate-chopping air): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S SENSEI ZABKA AT YOUR SERVICE! TODAY, WE’RE LEARNING ‘STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY’! WOO 

Martin: … 

Sean: … 

Me: … 

Ralph: … 

Thomas: … 

William: Comments? 

[We defrost.] 

Me(after Will forcing me into a white karate outfit): Nope, definitely not. 

Sean(jumping up and karate-chopping air as well): AND DON’T FORGET WAX ON WAX OFF! WOOOOOO~ 

Thomas(also jumping up and karate-chopping air): CRAAAAANE KICK! 

Me(to no one in particular): This is just getting crazy. 

[I leave them and go to see supplies.] 

[Meanwhile when I’m gone.] 

William(stopping his ‘fight’ with Sean): Where’s Gracey at? 

Sean: She’s outta here. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is what happened, so stay tuned to the next episode! Also, next episode we’re watching another movie on nature, so expect Mark Carwardine and his cronies here.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 3: Buongiorno, dear readers! This is Ralph Macchio for your 3rd A/N! This actually happened, and so did the argument : D 
> 
> A/N 4: Since they’re renovating the second auditorium… we’ve to be there, so now we get to follow Gracey and her cronies’ via satellite! Still, hope you’ll enjoy the next episode, ciao!


	101. Swimming and Movie Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hallo, readers! This is Sensei Martin Kove for your first A/N! A notice: Gracey didn’t go swimming with her cronies because she had to help renovate the arena, so… yeah, read on!

(theChaplinfangirl, aka Gracey, POV) 

[Afternoon. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Auditorium No. 2. Mark Carwardine and Stefan Mickisch, along with actor Stephen Fry, all want to go swimming and since I’m not giving an exact answer, they follow me to the second auditorium at my house.] 

Me: OK, because I’ve to continue planning this with those karate actors, I won’t be joining you. 

Stephen: AW 

Mark(grinning): Still, you’ve to construct this place with workers and without your author powers? 

Me: I’ve to know their plans. Now you can leave! 

[Stefan and Stephen leave. Mark stays behind.] 

[I go into the auditorium, where actors Sean Kanan and William Zabka are already discussing about plans.] 

Mark: Also, don’t forget, you’ve to see the latest Last Chance to See episode of Savin’ the Peregrine Falcons. 

Me(half-ignoring him): Right, with you and Douglas. 

[Novelist and amateur environmentalist Douglas Adams appears.] 

Douglas(karate-chopping air and wearing a karate outfit): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S DOUGLAS ADAMS AT YOUR SERVICE! 

[By some magic occurrence, William and Sean doesn’t even acknowledge us.] 

Douglas(shouting): HEY EVERYONE! GUESS WHAT, SEEMS LIKE GRACEY IS RENOVATING THIS PLACE INTO SOME CONVENTION CENTER? 

Me(rubbing my temples because of a headache): No, karate arena and dojo. 

[Douglas jumps up and punches air in glee.] 

Douglas: HURRAY! HURRAY FOR KARATE! ARE WE WATCHIN’ KARATE KID WHILE PRACTICING, OR ARE WE JOININ’ IN THE LATEST TELEVISION SHOW HOSTED BY RALPH MACCHIO AND WILLIAM ZABKA?! 

Mark: Unfortunately, it’s more like some kind of… well… I don’t know. The next generation/original cross-over. 

[I nod and make Douglas and Mark get out.] 

Me: I’ve to continue planning out how we want the place to look. Like a REAL karate dojo and arena, or like the dojo and arena out of the original movies. 

Douglas(shouting): REAL ONE! PLEASE, GRACEY, WE NEED IT! ALSO WE NEED TO SEE WILLIAM ZABKA ACCIDENTALLY KICKING RALPH MACCHIO AGAIN! WOO~ 

Mark(upset): Who’s side are you on? 

Douglas: Both? Cobra Kai — Johnny. Karate Kid… um… neutral. 

Me(sarcastically): Sure, now go on! I’ll see you soon! 

[I orb them away and re-enter the place.] 

William Zabka(excited): Was that Douglas Adams? 

Sean Kanan: The one who followed Mark Carwardine like a puppy while on nature hikes? 

William(smiling): Love that visual. 

[I sigh in exasperation.] 

Me: Kind of. 

William: They’re my favorite pair. Not Stephen Fry/Mark Carwardine, no thanks. 

[PAUSE] 

Me: So, discussed with the others on how you want this to be planned out? 

[Sean gets way excited.] 

Sean(shouting): OF COOOOOOOOURSE, GRACEY! YOU CAN TRUST US. SO IT’S BASICALLY COBRA KAI IRL. 

Me(to myself): So Douglas was right. 

William(also getting over-excited): OTHERWISE HOW’D YOU EXPECT HIM AND I TO CREAM RALPH AND MARTIN? 

Me: I thought there’s no creaming allowed. Also, don’t forget Thomas is a real expert. 

Sean: So is Martin. 

[William jumps up and punches air.] 

William: CAN’T WAIT FOR THOMAS IAN GRIFFITH VS MARTIN KOVE! THAT’S EGG-ZACTLY WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW WE’VE BEEN WAITIN’ FOR! 

[I roll my eyes.] 

Me: Sure. So, you two coming to see the movie? 

William: Outsiders version? 

Me: ? 

William: As if we’re the characters? 

Sean(to William): You’d need Ralph and Matt Dillon for that. 

William: Sweet. They’re in. 

Me: No they’re not. 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just time skip to when I’ve to go to the movie theater, again.] 

Me: Movies again. 

William: AW 

Sean: We’ll be seeing you soon. Good luck, though. 

Me: I’d need it. 

[I leave.] 

[*Time skip. At movie theater.] 

Me: So what’s the movie about? 

Mark(karate-chopping air): ON FALCONS, GRACEY! TRUST ME YOU’LL LIKE IT. 

Me(to Douglas): I’m a karate expert if that’s not his catchphrase. 

Douglas(jumping up and karate-chopping air as well): WOOOOOOOOO! FELLOW EXPERT! NEVER FORGET, THERE’S NO FEAR IN THIS DOJO. JUST REMEMBER TO STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY! GEDDIT?! 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(to me): I TOLD YOU DOUGLAS COULD GIVE MARTIN A RUN FOR HIS MONEY, DIN’T I! 

Me(holding my head because I’m suffering from another mega-headache): Sure, sure, let’s just watch the movie. 

[We watch the movie.] 

[Because I’m lazy, I’m making a time skip. Now we’re done and we’re finally back to my house.] 

[My house.] 

Me: I’M BACK! 

[A plastic trophy flies past me.] 

Martin Kove(shouting his head off): SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT THE TROPHY SHOULD BELONG TO GRACEY, BECAUSE SHE’S THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY, WILLIAM, AND NO, RALPH DOESN’T GET HIS EITHER, SINCE PAT ISN’T HERE ANYMORE! 

[I pick the trophy up and go to the living quarters.] 

Me: OK, who, in you three, forgot to close the door? 

Ralph Macchio(to Martin): You see? 

William(also to Martin): As if poof!, we’re getting the arena. 

[Martin ignores them.] 

Martin(to me): Both of them. 

Ralph, William: NO WAY! 

Martin: YES WAY! 

[PAUSE] 

Me: So where’re the others? 

Martin: Disappeared. 

William: Out of thin air. 

Ralph: Like CO2 

Me: … 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is all, so stay tuned to the next episode!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened. The movie was really nice and complete with cavity-inducing fluff and family feels. 
> 
> A/N 3: We’re almost at the end of Complete and Utter Ignorance, and this is in the 100 chapter range, yay! An early happy Halloween to all the readers, wherever you’re from.


	102. A Musical Screening(or, Operatica et Musicales)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Welcome back to Complete and Utter Ignorance! This happened on the day before yesterday, so… yeah, and I swear, it’s weird.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Living room.] 

Me: So today, we’re seeing another musical screening, this time by someone named… um… Gondolini. 

Stephen Fry: ? 

Mark Carwardine: ? 

Stefan Mickisch: ? 

[My fellow guests, actors Martin Kove, Ralph Macchio, Thomas Ian Griffith, William Zabka, and Sean Kanan stop their karate-chops against each other.] 

Martin: ? 

William: ? 

Ralph: ?… Gondolini? 

Sean: ? 

Thomas: WHAT? 

[PAUSE] 

Me: Yeah, and no, it’s not what we expected. Also, it’s called ‘No plot and proud of it’ and ‘Plot? What plot?’ 

Ralph(smug, Stephen Fry style): Also, I’ve heard it’s been performed at Comedy Central of France. 

Stefan(deadpan): Awesome. 

Mark: I know right. 

Me: So, Martin and company has to stay back here because they need to renovate the arena/dojo, remember? So it’s just us three. 

[All of a sudden, with a deafening bang, violinists Maurizio Sciarretta, Zakhar Bron, and Jascha Heifetz appear.] 

Maurizio, Zakhar, Jascha(shouting): HEEEEEEEEEEERE’S MAURIZIO, ZAKHAR, AND JASCHA, AT YOUR SERVICE! 

Maurizio: So I’ll be your guide through the musical. Actually, Gracey, it’s by Cilea. 

Me: Cilea? 

Zakhar: SÌ! And trust me you’ll like it! 

Martin(deadpan): Wasn’t that Mark Carwardine’s catchphrase? 

[PAUSE] 

Mark(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOO MARK CARWARDINE CATCHPHRASES! WE LOVE THEM, DON’T WE? 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): So we’re going this afternoon. 

Martin(beaming): And I’ll be the leader of the renovation! Better make Pat come here and help out, will ya? 

Me: Of course. Now go, chop chop! 

Martin, Sean, Ralph, William, Thomas(shouting and doing a karate salute): YES SENSEI! 

[They disappear.] 

[PAUSE] 

Me: So this is what has been happening around here. Before Halloween. 

Maurizio(with dawning realization): IT’S ALMOST HALLOWEEN, ZAKHAR, THAT MEANS WE’RE MAIN CHARACTERS SOON! 

Zakhar(rolling his eyes): Yahoo. 

[Jascha nearly dies laughing.] 

Mark(to me): So they're guests? 

Me: Right. 

Stephen: AW 

Me: No ifs, ands, or buts, guys. Your turn on being the main characters is almost over, sorry to break it to you. 

[Stefan cries his eyes out.] 

Stephen: Not you! You’re still the main character, the ones who’s supposed to be crying is Mark and me! 

Jascha(whispering to Zakhar): Instead of Wagner and Me. 

[They snigger behind their hands.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, I’ll just time skip to the afternoon, in case of boring you.] 

[Afternoon.] 

[My second auditorium.] 

Me: So Martin, I’ll be going soon! Hope the renovation is great, because a message — y’all’re gon’ be recurring around… post-Halloween. 

[William and Ralph gets over-excited.] 

Them(karate-chopping air): YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~ 

Sean(upset): Why them? 

Thomas: I second that? 

Me: OK, you guys may all be recurring before I go to Bayreuth, deal? 

[Thomas and Sean hug each other.] 

Them(shouting): DEAL! 

Martin(to me): You shouldn’t’ve done that. Now I’ve to suffer. 

Me: At least you’re not with Stephen and Mark. 

Martin: Fortunately. 

[We say good-bye and I leave.] 

[After I’m gone.] 

Sean: Am I the only one who wishes she would’ve taken us to the musical as well? 

Ralph(upset): There goes my hope to go to musical theater. 

William: Sorry to break it to you but operatic musicals are louder than explosions. Watch this. 

[He makes the Three and Andrea Bocelli appear.] 

The Three(curtiously): So what can we do for y’all? 

William: How ‘bout — 

Martin(interrupting): OK, we get your point. Now, we’re supposed to be planning out blue-prints. *to the Three and Andrea* Thanks for being here, goodbye! 

The Three: AAAAAWWWWW~ 

José: Why can’t we try karate? 

[Martin face-palms.] 

Andrea(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRANE KICK! 

Martin(raising his voice): I SAID, GOODBYE, TRIO AND MR. BOCELLI!! YOU’RE NO LONGER NEEDED HERE, UNLESS YOU GUYS CAN BE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS?!? 

[They disappear.] 

Martin: That was a close one. Also, William, d’you have to? 

William: I had to show them how fortunate they are — Gracey’ll be hard of hearing when she comes back. 

[Scene change. London Centre for the Performing Arts.] 

Me(with a flourish): We’re here! 

Mark(jumping up and karate-chopping air): HURRAY! HURRAY! WE’RE HERE! WE’RE HERE! CAN WE SEE SOME WAGNER MUSICALS AS WELL AS VERDI, PUCCINI, ETC MUSICALS AS WELL? 

Me: Sorry, but no. 

[We go check in.] 

[*Time skip. We go to the operatic auditorium.] 

[Inside the auditorium.] 

Me: No shouting here, because. 

[Mark ignores me and shouts anyway.] 

Mark: NO WAY, GRACEY, WE’D HAVE TO BE OPERATIC ACTORS HERE, SO WE HAVE TO SHOUT! 

Stefan(his eyes going biggish and wide-ish): THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! IT’S WAY TOO MUCH LIKE THE WAGNER THEATER BACK HOME IN GERMANY! WOO~ 

Me(to Stephen): So much for quiet voices. 

[Stephen ignores me.] 

Stephen(shouting as well): I KNOW RIGHT, STEFAN! THIS PLACE IS LIKE THE MARINSKY AS WELL AS THE WAGNER OPERA HOUSE! OH HOW I MISS BAYREUTH. 

[*Short time skip. We watch the musical. I’m not writing it all here because of how lame and weird it is, as usual, since operatic musicals are all like that.] 

[*Time skip again. We’re now discussing where to have dinner, while the others(re: Maurizio, Zakahr, and Jascha, as well as Stefan, are making fun of fictional!Maurizio and our-guest!Maurizio.] 

Mark(clinging onto me Andrea Bocelli style): Can we go to Leann’s, please, Gracey? 

[Stefan stops tormenting Maurizio — Mr. Sciarretta, that is.] 

Stefan: HOW ‘BOUT LET’S GET BEIGNETS? 

Stephen(also getting distracted): YAHOOOOOOOOO~ 

[I hold my head because of a massive headache from both the musical and their shouting.] 

Me: Beignets. 

Stefan(jumps up and karate-chop air): YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY~ 

[He glomps me.] 

[We go to beignets place.] 

[At beignets place.] 

Stefan(shouting): WE’RE HERE! DANKESCHÖN, GRACEY, I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH. 

Maurizio: Can we have OCs named Gracey and Stefan? 

Stephen(firmly): NO WAY. 

Maurizio(shouting back): YES WAY! YES WAY YES SIR. 

Me(cutting in before Stephen can reply): We’re not being OCs, sorry to break it to you. 

[Stephen and Maurizio exchange Ralph Macchio approved smug looks.] 

[Since I’m lazy, time skip. We’re back to my house.] 

[My house, back in Norwich.] 

Me: I’m back! 

Martin(with a flourish): Welcome back! 

Me: Kinda brought back some beignets, take-out, that is. 

Martin: Brill. I’ll go tell the others. 

[He goes.] 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is all. See ya till the next episode! A kind of angsty one, so beware.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 102

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: This actually happened, and yes, the performance was crazy weird.


	103. Swimming Shenanigans(or, Sci-Fi and What Could Have Happened)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Prepare for some sci-fi angstiness! Also, this is what happens when all of us read this story on CP(creepy-pasta) about some extra-terrestrial making the narrator kill them and I get emotional, along with other readers I know. 
> 
> A/N 2: The story should really get more comments! It was amazing and so… moving, especially the ending. Still, without further ado, enjoy this chapter! This one is the third to last chapter because it’s almost Halloween! Yay~ 
> 
> A/N 3: Also, this is a short chapter.

[Afternoon. My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Master bedroom.] 

Stefan Mickisch(happily): Finally it’s almost Halloween and I’m about to become a main character! Woo 

Mark Carwardine(sarcastically): Awesome. 

Stephen Fry(smiling): I know right. 

Mark(to no one in particular): Some people just cannot understand sarcastic. 

Stefan: Right, and with Gracey being overly depressed… things’re just getting strange. 

[PAUSE] 

Stephen: I’d better go check on her. 

[He leaves.] 

[Scene change. My study. I am almost crying my eyes out because of a story that was too… well… depressing for my taste, but I cannot stop reading it.] 

[Oscar Wilde appears.] 

Oscar(deadpan): I suggest you to stop sobbing your heart out and act normal because Mr. Fry is coming. 

Me(wiping my eyes): Yes. 

[I force the story out of my head and act normal.] 

[Door opens and Stephen walks in. Oscar disappears.] 

Me(still typing on some of my stories): OK, what d’you need? 

Stephen(concerned): Are you alright? 

Me(looking up at last): Of course, why not? 

Stephen: … 

[Mark appears with a loud bang, so does Stefan.] 

Mark(karate-chopping air): CHEER UP, GRACEY! WE’RE GON’ SWIMMIN’ WITH THE COBRA KAI GANG TODAY, AREN’T WE? 

[I face-palm myself. How can I forget?] 

Me: Yes. And no, not everyone’s coming, also, we’re going to RADA again. 

[Mark hugs Stephen.] 

Mark: YAHOOOOO~ 

[*Time skip. We’re at the swim pool.] 

Ralph Macchio: Fine, you owe me some plum juice! 

William Zabka: Me too. 

Mark(shouting): ME THREE! 

[I ignore them and checks in.] 

Me: Fine, unless you behave. 

Ralph(looking at William): Right, behave, Bill. 

William: NO, YOU BEHAVE! 

Martin Kove(to me): Sometimes I hate to be the more sensible one between those two. 

Me: Of course. 

[We go change.] 

[*Short time skip. We’re at the pool.] 

[Mark is wearing swim trunks, flippers, goggles, snorkel snout, swim ring, and a lei around his neck.] 

Mark(waving his arms): OVER HERE, GRACEY AND GANG! SWIM TIIIIIIIME, WOOO~ 

[He jumps in.] 

[We all get in afterwards.] 

[We swim.] 

Me: OK, everyone indoor voices, please. 

Mark(still shouting): BUT MARK HERE IS OVER-EXCITED, SO HIS VOICE KEEPS ON STAYING LOUD! HEY EVERYONE! GRACEY’S INVITING US SWIMMING EV’RY THURSDAY AND MONDAY FROM NOW ON, AND HOW AWESOME IS THAT, I ASK YOU?! 

[*Since I’m lazy, just review the latest swim episodes to get an image of what happened.] 

[*Time skip. We’re having dinner. Or rather, Ralph and William and I are having dinner, served to us by actor Pat Morita, who is a guest today as well.] 

Me(upon receiving my food): Thanks. 

Pat: No probs. 

[William jumps up and punch air.] 

William(shouting): WOOO WE’RE HAVIN’ CHINESE TONIGHT? METHINKS THIS IS MORE THAN INTERESTIN’ SINCE IT’S IN RADA! 

Ralph(deadpan): I regret suggesting you to watch some Shakespeare screenings, Will. 

Me: As if he’s the only one speaking Shakespearean slang. 

[We eat.] 

[I go to buy us some pear juice and some orange juice.] 

Me: So you both want pear juice? 

[Both Ralph and William jump up and karate-chop air.] 

Ralph(shouting, typical Italian fashion): WOO! PEAR JUICE! YES FOR ME, GRAZIE! 

William: AND I’M TAKIN’ ORANGE JUICE! WOOOOOOOO~ 

Me: What’s bothering me is that you two are already high. 

William: Ever heard of euphoria? 

[I leave them.] 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, another time skip. We’re now on the way back to my house. On train back to Norwich.] 

[Ralph keeps giggling because he’s high on sugar from the pear juice.] 

Me(to no one in particular): Remind me to never give them sugary juices anymore. 

Ralph(cracking up again): WAY TMI, GRACEY! 

Me: Shush, you. 

[William jumps up and karate-chop air, nearly smashing me into the window.] 

William(throwing his arms in the air): WWOOOOOOOOOOO~ PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WE NEED MORE, GRACEY, AND NEXT TIME, OK? ALSO, WE MAY BE TAKIN’ CHINESE AGAIN? 

Ralph: NO, ITALIAN! 

William: CHINESE! ‘CAUSE I SAID SO, THAT’S WHY! 

Ralph: ITALIAN, ‘CAUSE I SAID SO AS WELL! 

[I rub my temples because of a massive headache from their screaming.] 

Me(exasperated): Are you two really arguing about this? 

Ralph, William(in unison): YES!/NO! 

Me: We’re most possibly taking Chinese, but a trip to Little Italy isn't out of the question either. 

[Ralph shoots Bill a smug look, and is reciprocated.] 

William(giving Ralph the silent treatment): Italians. 

Ralph(to me): Czechs. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is all. Very random, I know, but yes, this is really everything.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 103

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: This actually happened, and was the first time I kind of had a sugar overdose xD.


	104. A Trip to Little Belgium(or, Tintin and Company Revisited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy Halloween(Oct. 31)! xD 
> 
> A/N 2: Don’t worry, this chapter is short, so we’ll be moving on in no time! Well, this is what happens when I make Hergé, or rather, Georges Remi, appear in my stories, so welcome him! :D 
> 
> A/N 3: Also, I have Peyo and Halay here as well. So yeah.

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Comicists Halay, Peyo, and Hergé are here, as guests, so are my original guests, actor Stephen Fry, environmentalist Mark Carwardine, and pianist Stefan Mickisch.] 

Mark(draped in a sheet): THIS IS HALLOWEEN, THIS IS HALLOWEEN: HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN etc. 

Hergé, Peyo, Halay: … 

Me(wearing a witch’s hat): Welcome to our spell-bounding parlor, gentlemen! My name’s Gracey and I’m the author of this story. 

Halay(smiling): Wonderful! I’m Stefan van Stansen, the creator of the Tolkien Verne series! WOO~ 

Hergé(announcing like an announcer): And I’m Hergé, aka Georges Remi. I’m the creator of the Tintin universe! 

Peyo(also announcing): And I’m Peyo, aka Pierre Culliford! I’m the creator of the adorable smurfs. AWW 

[I smile at them.] 

Me: How about I make your characters come to life right now? 

[Hergé jumps up and karate-chop air, as he’s shown multiple times in his comics.] 

Hergé: WOOOOOOOOOO! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S TINTIN AND CAPTAIN HADDOCK, AT YOUR SERVICE, YEAH! 

Peyo(also shouting and throwing his arms in the air): HURRAY! THE SMURFS! SO ADORABLE! *major heart eyes* 

Halay(in sea captain voice): AYE! BRINGITON! 

[Characters Raisa Remi, Gionna Mantovani, Tolkien Verne, some smurfs, and Tintin and Capt. Haddock, as well as Prof. Calculus and the Thompsons, all appear. Also, don’t forget Tin’s little white dog!] 

[Raisa and Tolkien are first to introduce everyone.] 

Raisa(smiling): I’m Raisa Remi and this is my best friend, Gionna Mantovani, along with my seafaring husband, Tolkien, and… *she scoops up Smurfette and Papa Smurf* some smurfs. They’re adorable. 

[Peyo smiles very smug at the others.] 

Tintin(also smiling): OK, y’all may already know us — I’m Tintin, journalist for the Little Twentieth, along with my best friends the Thom(p)sons, and Prof. Calculus. 

Cap. Haddock: We jus’… wait, is this Norwich? 

Me: Yes, you’re in the UK. 

[Tintin jumps up and punches air, Mark Carwardine style.] 

Tintin: WOOOOOOOOOO UNITED KINGDOM HERE WE COME AGAIN! 

Raisa: UK? 

Gionna: I KNOW RIGHT 

Me(clapping my loud hands together): OK! So y’all’re comin’ with us to see the exhibit, also dine with us in Leann’s, because. 

[Tintin and Raisa high-five each other.] 

Tintin, Raisa(in unison): AWESOME! 

Mark(whining): Really, Gracey, with those characters? 

Me(to him privately): The characters are leaving — the smurfs and Raisa and company because this exhibit is Georges’s. 

[Mark jumps up and punches air as well.] 

Mark: WOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO~ 

[*Time skip. We’re at Leann’s.] 

Cap. Haddock(shouting): THUNDERIN’ TYPHOONS, TINTIN, THIS IS CRAZY! 

Tintin: Brilliant. I love crazy, captain, and yes, seems like she’s in hang of things way better. 

Cap. Haddock: Hope Casteroili won’t be here. 

Me: Of course not. 

[I pick Snowy up and we go in.] 

Raisa(looking around): This is like that time when Gionna and I went to Mongolia. 

Tintin: You’re too lucky. 

Raisa: No way. We didn’t live as you thought — it was almost like camping, though. 

[As they bicker, Hergé, Peyo, and Halay go upstairs with me into the foyer.] 

Hergé: D’you think we’d find some… well… souvenirs? 

Me: Maybe. 

[Hergé hugs Peyo.] 

Peyo: 0_o 

[*Since I’m lazy, a time skip. We’re now eating after ordering food. The characters are all away except for Tintin and company.] 

[Peyo sees the stage.] 

Peyo(shouting): GUESS WHAT, PEOPLE! THERE’S A STAGE! 

[Halay beams at everyone as Hergé runs over.] 

Hergé(from stage): If I didn’t become a comic book artist, I may just become a rock star or operatic singer like Bianca — EVERYONE’ll scream for my autograph and stuff! 

[I roll my eyes.] 

Me: Can we just have lunch in peace? 

Cap. Haddock(to me): Nothin’s peaceful ‘round Tin, lassie, sorry. 

[*Time skip again. We’re at the museum in Little Belgium.] 

[Mark spots a chocolate shop.] 

Mark(shouting at me): GRACEY, GRACEY, WE NEED CHOCOLATE TOMORROW ‘CAUSE OF HALLOWEEN! 

Stephen: Righto. 

Stefan(also pleading): PLEEEEEEEASE? 

Me(holding my head because of a massive headache): Unless everyone behaves. 

[I put Snowy down and draw a circle around him, so no one’ll harm him and cause some canon-divergence in the Tintin universe.] 

Me: Now Snowy, no dogs allowed in the museum. We’ll be back so soon your head’ll spin, alright? 

[Snowy lies down and yaps at me gently.] 

Me: Sorry, but this is Real Life. 

[We go inside.] 

[I had to reassure Tin about Snowy’s safety countless times and Mark and Co isn’t helping.] 

Me(after my nth reassurance that sounded more fake than normal): Now let’s go. 

[We go to the exhibit.] 

[At exhibit.] 

Hergé(over-enthusiastically): WELCOME TO MY PARLOUR, GENTLEMEN AND GENTLEWOMAN! THIS EXHIBIT IS ABOUT HOW I FINALLY GOT THE IDEA OF TINTIN AND HIS CRAZY ADVENTURES THAT YOU ENJOYED ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE WAY TILL ALPH-ART! SO FOLLOW YOUR GUIDE, GEORGES REMI, AND LET’S GO! 

[I hold my head because of a massive headache.] 

Me: Next time I’m so getting caffeine before this. 

[We’re separate because.] 

Mark(upset): Now I’m betrayed. I kept thinking Halay created Tintin and later did a spin-off of Tolkien. 

Stephen: Tolkien Verne is completely different. The only similarities are that they go on adventures. Raisa doesn’t have pets, but Tintin does. 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy. We’re seeing some cross-overs that should most definitely happen.] 

Me: Tintin and the Smurf Invasion? 

[Tintin appears lightning fast next to me.] 

Tintin(grinning): Right, and this is fan-work, because Peyo and Hergé are said to be enemies. Kind of like Rastapopoulos and me. 

Me: … 

Cap. Haddock(looking at another cross-over work): Blisterin’ barnacles, Tintin, LOOK AT THIS ONE. 

[We look at another one.] 

Me(smiling): Right, a Tintin and Tolkien Verne cross-over. 

[Mark appears lightning fast next to me as well.] 

Mark: Unfortunately this didn’t happen. 

Stefan: This should. 

[*OK, since I’m lazy, this is all, and see you next time in the last episode of Complete and Utter Ignorance!] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 104

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: This actually happened, only not as nuts. The only thing that’s super unnerving is that both KayEUndercover’s Partner and I were suffering from caffeine withdrawals xD.


	105. Halloween Fun(or, Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yay, finally, this is the end of Complete and Utter Ignorance! Hope you enjoyed everything, from randomness to weirdness Stephen, Mark, Stefan, and I experienced. 
> 
> A/N 2: There IS a sequel, because Ravenevermore asked for it! So, the craziness continues! : D Still, please enjoy our final adventure before saying good-bye : )

[My house in Norwich, Norfolk, UK.] 

[Second auditorium of my house, next to the theater.] 

William Zabka: Welcome to the last episode of Complete and Utter Ignorance! I’m William Zabka and yes, Ralph and I’re doin’ some haunted house thing this evenin’! WOO 

Ralph Macchio: Sure, but first, story-telling with Jeffery Combs is in, so is partying with Edgar Allan Poe and H.P.Lovecraft. Crazy, I know. 

William: So today, I don’t think Gracey’s gonna make us renovate this place. 

Ralph: OK, OK, we get the picture. 

Martin Kove(shouting, as usual): CUT! 

[My temporary guests, actors Martin Kove, Ralph Macchio, and William Zabka are doing a Fry and Laurie parody of Halloween, to my distaste.] 

Martin: I thought you didn’t want 4th wall breaking material? 

Ralph: In fact, we want some. 

[I enter the auditorium.] 

Me: Right, happy Halloween to all. 

[William suddenly appears in skeleton wear, a la Karate Kid PRT 1.] 

William: I think I’m certain I’m continuing Johnny Lawrence’s costume this year. 

[Martin rolls his eyes and I smile.] 

Me: Right, but not everyone’s dressing up. Only some. Also, yes, this place can be a haunted house, or rather, haunted auditorium. 

[William jumps up and karate-chop air.] 

William: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ 

Martin: Haunted auditorium? 

Ralph: A la Edgar Allan Poe stories? 

Me: Kind of, also, everyone’s invited to some haunted restaurant for lunch! 

[Martin smirks at his companions.] 

Martin: And I’ll be the one to find out the truth. 

Ralph: No way you’re not, Mr. Isbecki. 

Martin(still smug): Oh yes I am. Yes way yes sir. 

Me(interrupting): Fine, I just got to go and tel the others, so… yeah, be prepared. 

[I leave them.] 

[In my house.] 

[Wagner and Saints-Saëns are both playing, and actor Stephen Fry and environmentalist Mark Carwardine are glaring at each other. Mark is about to grow horns if he keeps that up.] 

[I turn the music off and they both turn their attentions to me.] 

Stephen(irked): WHAT WAS THAT FOR, GRACEY! 

Mark(also shouting, but at Stephen): AT LEAST SHE ENDED MY SUFFERING THROUGH YOUR OBNOXIOUS WAGNER OBSESSION! I CAN NOT, WITH A CAPITAL, BOLD N, STAND WAGNER, YOU HEAR ME? 

[Richard Wagner appears, dressed as Stephen Fry circa Jeeves and Wooster.] 

Richard(holding a tray of cocktail): Now I’m hurt, sir. 

Me: Ah, so you’re Jeeves. 

Richard(nearly smiles at me): Right you are, miss. Now what would y’all like to drink? 

Mark(grumbling): Your strongest liquor, maybe vodka William Zabka brought from his native Czech Republic? 

[Richard nods and moves his hand over the cocktail glass, and some vodka appear.] 

Me: Brilliant — sorcerer!Jeeves. 

[P.G.Wodehouse appears.] 

Pelham(shouting): HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S P.G.WODEHOUSE AT YOUR SERVICE! 

[I hold my head because of a massive headache.] 

Me: Sorry, Plum, but you’re not needed. 

[I make both him and Richard disappear, after taking the cocktail.] 

[*Time skip because I’m lazy, we’re now on the way to Friday’s in Little US. I’m not going into details because we kept listening to Phantom of the Opera, which prompted almost everyone to sing along.] 

[After we arrive.] 

Me: OK, I’m having second thoughts. 

Stephen(shouting): NO WAY! YOU’RE ‘FRAID OF SOME GHOSTIES? 

William: Really? 

Me(to Stephen): OK, you officially need help. 

Stephen: AW 

[We go.] 

[There’s plenty of weird stuff inside. Hanging from the ceiling, next to the chairs, and waitors dressed up.] 

Me(smiling): Oh, so that’s the grim reaper. 

Grim Reaper: Weeelcooooome~ 

Everyone else(screaming their heads off): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH~ 

[We go to our seats.] 

[Round table: Ralph, me, Stephen, Stefan. Mark, Martin, Sean, Thomas.] 

Sean: Oh c’mon, we’re cobras. 

Thomas(jumping up and karate-chopping air): WOOOOOOOOOO COBRA KAI FTW! 

[I order as they shout in glee.] 

[*Time skip. We’re eating.] 

Me(to myself): Brilliant. A half-pound ribeye so juicy and red it might not’ve been cooked at all, mashed potatoes with waaaaay too much butter, butter sauce… what could be better? 

Ralph: Pasta, that’s what. 

Mark(screaming when he looked at Ralph finally): AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH NO WAY, NO MAFIA, PLEASE! 

[*I almost forgot to tell you — Ralph is dressed as Men In Black, and both me and Mark noticed it way late.] 

Me(to myself, as usual): Brilliant, we’ve some snakes, MIB… what else? 

[*Time skip again. We’re having desserts.] 

[I’m eating a mocha-flavoured ice cream cake, Ralph and Stephen are both having a brownie with ice cream on top, melting all over said brownie; and the others are having Oreo cookie mixed ice cream sundaes.] 

Me: Don’t you guys get sugar over-dose. 

Mark: No waaaaaaaay, we won’t! 

[*Since I’m lazy, we’ll just time skip to when we’re having the party, just as William described in the opening.] 

[Back at my house.] 

Me: Story-telling is first, then maybe we’d get to see some scary films and whatnot. 

Jeffery Combs: How ‘bout Re-Animator? 

Mark(throwing his arms in the air): WOO-HOOOOOOO~ 

[I prepare the movie and everyone starts talking.] 

Jeffrey(announcing to all my guests): So I’m the story-teller, along with writers Edgar Allan Poe and H.P.Lovecraft. 

H.P.Lovecraft: Right. 

Edgar: Awesome, no? 

Me: Can we just watch the movie, please? 

[We watch the movie.] 

[Some others are over at the so-called ‘haunted house’, which was basically just some decorations and darkness and whatnot, without animatronics.] 

[The part about the cat.] 

Jeffery: OK, I actually kinda regret this part. 

Mark(to the screen): SAY WHAT? 

Stefan: I told you Herbert killed him, and Daniel just didn’t want to interrogate him. 

Jeffery: So they do have something between them! 

[Howard gives him a look.] 

Howard: No they don’t. 

Jeffery: Yes they do. 

[Daniel LaRusso appears.] 

Daniel: Whaaaaaat? 

Howard(irritated): Not you, Daniel Cain, aka the narrator, according to the director. 

[Herbert West appears.] 

Herbert(taking out a syringe): Riiiiiiight, I am Herbert West Re-animator, and this is our *he makes Daniel Cain appear* story. 

[*Since I’m lazy, this is kind of it, because the haunted house thing went out of hand, and it is too cliché to write.] 

o.O.o 

End chapter 105

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2: Some of this actually happened, only ended in arguments and whatnot, so here’s more silent treatment : ( 
> 
> A/N 3: Still, hope you enjoyed the whole crazy adventures, and have a SPOOK-tacular Halloween and a GOOD NIGHT/MORNING/AFTERNOON wherever you are!


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